I guess, in a sense, SSBattousai, you are sort of picky, since you're
"inclined to be with people, yet [you] find no one you want to be
with." But then again, that can be seen as you jst simply trying to find
your niche or clique while you're in college.
Do not change yourself in any sort of matter, as you'd feel unhappy with
yourself even more afterwards. I'm thinking you should searching for those kind
of people you want to be around me. Who knows? They could be sitting right next
to you in class.
Quote by SSBattousaiIts definately a
reoccuring problem for me, I'm end up feeling lonely most of the time, its
affecting me.
I usually try fixing things myself, doing stuff myself, on my own, but lately,
its getting to me, I feel more inclined to be with people, yet I find no one I
like to be with. My sister says I'm too selective with friends, I find I have
many friends, but none of them are true. I'm definately out there in school
activities, representatives of many things, but in the end, I don't feel
changed. Often at times, I find myself being totally disgusted with humans.... I
don't know what's going on or what phase I'm going through, but I need to pass
uni, and I'm in a really difficult program which requires alot of studying,
which means more alone time, and more lamenating about life.
How do I solve this?
Do I have to delude myself? Change my morals? My ethics? Find a random
girlfriend, I'll probably end up hurting? I can't resort to anything lately, and
I usually solve things on my own...
Its damaging me thats what i know, and I can't find out the reason. Someone
mentioned the cause may be from a past experience, I don't recall it. Or rather,
I can't.
Help =(
I know how you feel, I was too lonely in uni for about 2 years. It was very
depressing for me and once I'd even thought of suicide cause I couldn't take it
anymore, cause no one really wanted to talk to me or be my friends.
But don't fear there's help, go see your uni counsellor and tell them about your
situation. They'll be more than willing to provide you with solutions for your
problems.
Believe me I've been there and still going there now (this time it's for a
different problem) and I was surprised to find out they have these things called
"Social Groups" where people like us who are suffering from the same
problems get together and do fun stuff together. It's a good way to make friends
with people you can relate to and that understand what you're going
through.
So yeah, ask the counsellor to recommend you to some social groups, there are
all kinds of social groups for people who are suffering from different
problems.
And also heard of something called Toastmasters?
If not, it's a social club where you can improve your communication skills,
learn how to speak in public without nervousness and learn how to speak in
different ways for different situations (e.g. Job interview). Fun for everybody,
express yourself in ways you desire and tell people about your interests
.
Toastmasters is all over the world and competitions are held around every 6
months, from district to International! Trophies and awards are up for grabs!
Free food during the event!
Also, when you join up you get manuals that teach you how to prepare different
types of speeches, and by completing a certain number of speeches you get what
they call a Compitent Toastmaster's Award and also a letter to your employer, so
employers actually take what you'd achieved in toastmasters seriously! So it's
good for your job prospects!
Oh, did I mention, you can come as a guest to see how it is, and you can come
back as many times as you want.
It's also a positive and friendly environment, where the people there make you
feel welcome
Well in my opinion, people who are always alone usually choose to be for some
reason.
If one is like me you like to be alone. I prefer to always be alone myself.
There are some people who are loners.
I'm always alone I don't have any friends. And I don't have Internet friends
either because there are a lot of crazies on the web. I'm only replying to this
post to get my opinion out.
When I was in school I never could make friends because I always went of by
myself
and never talked to anybody. People my age are way to immature so I don't
bother.
People my age also want to get you to do things you don't want you to do such as
boozing it up, having sex with every tom. dick or harry that walks infront of
you they meet and do whatever illegal narcotic.
Another Reason?
I've been hurt to many times that I will NEVER TRUST AGAIN!
Quote by Nasiki
If one is like me you like to be alone. I prefer to always be alone myself.
There are some people who are loners.
I'm always alone I don't have any friends. And I don't have Internet friends
either because there are a lot of crazies on the web. I'm only replying to this
post to get my opinion out.
When I was in school I never could make friends because I always went of by
myself
and never talked to anybody. People my age are way to immature so I don't
bother.
People my age also want to get you to do things you don't want you to do such as
boozing it up, having sex with every tom. dick or harry that walks infront of
you they meet and do whatever illegal narcotic.
Another Reason?
I've been hurt to many times that I will NEVER TRUST
AGAIN!
I have to say that you about summed me up. that is almost exactly how I feel.
but I'm also extremly shy so just talking to someone I don't know is really
hard.
So I find it much easier to just not bother and a lot less troubling to be with
people.
Quote by SSBattousaiIts definately a
reoccuring problem for me, I'm end up feeling lonely most of the time, its
affecting me.
I usually try fixing things myself, doing stuff myself, on my own, but lately,
its getting to me, I feel more inclined to be with people, yet I find no one I
like to be with. My sister says I'm too selective with friends, I find I have
many friends, but none of them are true. I'm definately out there in school
activities, representatives of many things, but in the end, I don't feel
changed. Often at times, I find myself being totally disgusted with humans.... I
don't know what's going on or what phase I'm going through, but I need to pass
uni, and I'm in a really difficult program which requires alot of studying,
which means more alone time, and more lamenating about life.
How do I solve this?
Do I have to delude myself? Change my morals? My ethics? Find a random
girlfriend, I'll probably end up hurting? I can't resort to anything lately, and
I usually solve things on my own...
Its damaging me thats what i know, and I can't find out the reason. Someone
mentioned the cause may be from a past experience, I don't recall it. Or rather,
I can't.
Help =(
I know how you feel, I was too lonely in uni for about 2 years. It was very
depressing for me and once I'd even thought of suicide cause I couldn't take it
anymore, cause no one really wanted to talk to me or be my friends.
But don't fear there's help, go see your uni counsellor and tell them about your
situation. They'll be more than willing to provide you with solutions for your
problems.
Believe me I've been there and still going there now (this time it's for a
different problem) and I was surprised to find out they have these things called
"Social Groups" where people like us who are suffering from the same
problems get together and do fun stuff together. It's a good way to make friends
with people you can relate to and that understand what you're going
through.
So yeah, ask the counsellor to recommend you to some social groups, there are
all kinds of social groups for people who are suffering from different
problems.
And also heard of something called Toastmasters?
If not, it's a social club where you can improve your communication skills,
learn how to speak in public without nervousness and learn how to speak in
different ways for different situations (e.g. Job interview). Fun for everybody,
express yourself in ways you desire and tell people about your interests
.
Toastmasters is all over the world and competitions are held around every 6
months, from district to International! Trophies and awards are up for grabs!
Free food during the event!
Also, when you join up you get manuals that teach you how to prepare different
types of speeches, and by completing a certain number of speeches you get what
they call a Compitent Toastmaster's Award and also a letter to your employer, so
employers actually take what you'd achieved in toastmasters seriously! So it's
good for your job prospects!
Oh, did I mention, you can come as a guest to see how it is, and you can come
back as many times as you want.
It's also a positive and friendly environment, where the people there make you
feel welcome
Anyways, I hope my advice helps SSBattousai.
It's hard, to even go to a counsellor, if I could, then I probably wouldn't need
counseling, right? I can't... I won't, go to counseling, it'll definately make
it worse.
Tell me how would it make things worse? You're just assuming it would.
Come on man, you gotta at least give it a try, cause if you do nothing, nothing
will change, but if you at least try something might change maybe even for the
better. I'd say give it a go, cause you really don't have anything to lose, only
stuff to gain
There are some things that you prefer to do when you're alone, in my case, I
need to stay alone to draw (I'm not very talented though), to work on the
computer, and many more things, but most important, to think about certain
things you want to keep inside of you.... That's what I think
mmm... I used to be lonely, like for 7 years... that was because I got to be in
a school when people hate the people who are different to them (I was there for
5 years...), and since I am chinese and live in Chile (South America), I was
always being rejected, and when I had to work in groups, I had the worst part of
all... that made me very lonely, because I knew if I was with people they were
going to hurt me badly... and then changed school (one of the best things of my
life, I think), where people were very open and friendly. It took me a while to
have friends, talk with people... and see, now I am not lonely any more and I am
not that shy and stuff... so if you are a lonely person but you hate being
lonely, try to make more friends, be more open...
hope that helps a bit
I find I got to better understand and live with myself to avoid being alone
(laughs). The outside world is beautiful, much better than the world I built
inside my head. Today I'm grateful and truly smile. It brings people.
no it's not that they (us in my case) don't know how to react, maybe partly but
not completely, for my part i really don't like having to deal with people, the
only friends i have are those that approached me and of whom i approved. If they
hadn't i'd be friendless.
Well, i love being alone, and i really don't want a girlfriend, after all, those
types of friendships usually end in tears, i'd rather rely on myself and avoid
those hassles, i have a circle of supposed friends, and we hang out a lot, but
even so i get lonely sometimes, not to the point of depression, but i like being
a lone wolf, haha
I'd also found out that sometimes it could be a "disorder" we might be
having that's causing our loneliness. So in other words it's not completely our
fault for not being to socially interact properly.
I recently found out that I have something called "Asperger's
Disorder". What is it? "It is the result of dysfunction of certain
parts of the brain and nervous system. The dysfunction significantly impairs the
way individuals relate to other people, process information, and make sense of
their environment.
Individuals with Aspergerâ??s disorder show:
-marked impairments in social andcommunication skills,
-have unusually strong and narrow interests
-may behave in inflexible and repetitive ways.
Many individuals also experience:
-sensory sensitivities (e.g. problems with touch, taste,
or smell)
-fine and gross motor difficulties (e.g. clumsy and poorly coordinated
movements and unusual postures)."
Factors identified as potential causes of Aspergerâ??s
disorder include:
â?¢ genetic factors (family/hereditary links)
â?¢ prenatal factors (e.g. exposure to viral and
bacterial
diseases)
â?¢ physical trauma (e.g. birth injury)
Aspergerâ??s disorder is not caused by the way a child is
parented.
Because varying developmental, neurological and
genetic factors are considered to contribute to
Aspergerâ??s disorder, individuals vary greatly in their
presentation.
So in other words, the reason we find difficulty in social interaction is
because we don't know how and misinterpret situations, and this could be caused
by Asperger's disorder. But we shouldn't fully blame it on our skills, it's
cause we're born with or have the disorder.
But don't worry I only knew cause I've got assessed by my counsellor and
psychologist, and from the information they gathered from me they concluded that
I have Asperger's Disorder.
And they are offering help to me, recommending me to some social groups with
people who have a similar disorder that I have.
Hmmmmmm, I think I might put this also in a seperate thread.
So I hope guys, maybe this might answer why we find it hard to socially
interact.
For many lonliness is a type of safety, if you aren't trusting anybody then you
can't be used. I do it myself , but I can tell you its NOT because I want to be
lonely, but because I want to be safe. I hate being lonely, but I like being
safe so sometimes I choose to be alone, wrongly or not, over being with others.
There are lots of reasons. Maybe it's not that they don't like to be lonely but
it's hard to open up sometimes. Probably they keep to themselves because due to
past experiences they don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone else. Maybe they
don't trust people very easily and view everyone as the same type of people.
They probably consider themselves alone and that no one understands them so they
don't want anyone to get involved in their lives. Maybe they don't want to get
involved in those problems you ocassionally would get in friendship or
relationships. It's not they don't like you, they might think you're the same as
everyone else. Maybe, they're bored of the world and is annoyed at everything. I
don't think they enjoy the loneliness, they just don't enjoy the company, I
guess they pretty much have a bad impression of it from something. They can't
see the bright side of it I guess. Take your time with them, the more you try to
get them to talk to you or tell you stuff, they'll definitely think you're like
everyone else without even knowing who you really are. Helpful?
All people who consider themselves lonely react to different things, I don't
know every individual's mind and what they want from the others, but I doubt
that will work so quickly. It is hard to change after all. I guess there are
times when I feel lonely, even with the people around me, even though I know
that most of them have gone through alot of suffering, I still can't tell them
about things that I feel and think because it feels as if they won't be able to
make me better with just words and actions. Even though I do feel lonely, I
don't know what exactly would make me feel better. But aren't there lots of
forms of loneliness? I don't feel sad though. I think there's someone for
everyone.
Yeah it's hard to trust people these days especially when they get betrayed a
lot. But I see it as this way. People that understand how you feel and have
suffered are less likely to betray you cause it'll be pretty stupid of them to
do so.
Well at least you're not alone anymore if you're around people that understand
you and you can comfort each other that way.
And yeah I guess this thread is pretty broad in defining loneliness. Guess I
should have been more specific, but oh well.
Well, you're talking to someone who is depressed, they don't see any value out
of having a conversation with thm, and they think you migt aend up teasing them
for something they said.
But lonely people only pretend they like to be lonely, they convince it to
themselves, because they don't know how to not be lonely so they want to be
happy how they are.
I believe there is a difference between wanting to be alone (you like it; you
want it; you hate/dislike people) and regular social avoidance (you fear people
(hate rejection) or that you are depressed about something and you withdraw into
yourself looking for answers to the question(s) of how and why the horrible
thing happened.)
All can become serious problems and can difficult to deal with.
Sometimes people like being alone. Its quiet, noone else to deal with, no other
problems but my own to deal with, I'm more focused when I'm by
myself....e.t.c.
Sometimes people don't like other people because of how they've been hurt in the
past by someone close or they are easily offended all the time and just can't
stand people anymore. There are people who sometimes make the wrong friends
(over and over again in my case) and you get hurt alot, which makes you believe
that there are no *nice/good* people out in the world anymore (which isn't true,
otherwise noone would reply with any constructive or polite posts to your
thread).
There are people who are just afraid that noone will like them (rejection),
their self esteem is low and they may believe that they don't deserve friends,
which isn't true. (I believe that everyone has the ability of making friends,
its the people whp they interact with who are the ones who can be the
problem.)
There are sometimes people who have lost someone or feel as if all hope is lost
because of some reason (death of someone, lack of social interactions, e.t.c.).
People who are like this need to have someone to talk to (counciling of some
sort). This is really hard to deal with alone. Its really difficult to deal with
this kind of lonliness by yourself. Seek any and all council (spiritual, family,
school, internet, professional). IT HELPS!
I know I've posted a lot, but I believe if I can help just one person, then I've
made a difference... I know it might sound cheesy or weird, but it makes me feel
better to know that there are other people who understand how I feel about
things and I believe that NOONE IS TRUELY ALONE. EVER. Just because someone
didn't experience the exact came thing you did to make you lonely, doesn't mean
that they can't be sympathetic and try to understand what you are going
through.
Also, I also saw in a previous post and thought I might say...
Asperger's Disorder (or syndrome) is a type of autism. My nephew has it. They
say Einstein had it too... Both (my nephew and Einstein) had problems with
socializing and with their ability to express themselves entirely or just
verbally in general (social withdrawl). My nephew, got a lot better focused when
he stopped drinking milk (there's something with him not being able to process
it biologically speaking and it caused his brain to malfunction into him not
being able to express himself and it had cause him to socially withdraw.)
If people would somehow get together and were able to tell people how they feel
without worry or frustration, the world would be easier and more
friendly...
Good luck and know that someone cares... even about people they may not know and
have never met...
Quote by yothsothgoth
I know I've posted a lot, but I believe if I can help just one person, then I've
made a difference... I know it might sound cheesy or weird, but it makes me feel
better to know that there are other people who understand how I feel about
things and I believe that NOONE IS TRUELY ALONE. EVER.
You did, you helped me and probably others as well. You're completely right as
to why people want to be lonely and lol you manage to cover all the topics of
loneliness. I dunno, it's just sometimes hard trying not to being lonely,
especially when I go to sleep at night and feel lonely in my room.
Quote: Just because someone didn't
experience the exact came thing you did to make you lonely, doesn't mean that
they can't be sympathetic and try to understand what you are going through.
Thats the thing they can't understand cause they've never been through it
themselves. They think it's easy to get over but it's not as simple as that. But
I guess if they try to understand and emphasise as you said, thats fair
enough.
Quote:
Also, I also saw in a previous post and thought I might say...
Asperger's Disorder (or syndrome) is a type of autism. My nephew has it. They
say Einstein had it too... Both (my nephew and Einstein) had problems with
socializing and with their ability to express themselves entirely or just
verbally in general (social withdrawl). My nephew, got a lot better focused when
he stopped drinking milk (there's something with him not being able to process
it biologically speaking and it caused his brain to malfunction into him not
being able to express himself and it had cause him to socially withdraw.)
Thank you, it's good to find someone that knows about Asperger's Disorder and
has an understanding of it. And good to hear that you're nephew is doing well.
And good that you put a high profile person, and both those people can help
inspire people that have Asperger's Disorder can achieve great things Can
I ask you a favour and post this section into my other thread?
Quote: If people would somehow get
together and were able to tell people how they feel without worry or
frustration, the world would be easier and more friendly...
Yeah I believe that us people with similar problems should get together and
conquer our problems together and be there for emotional support as well
Quote: Good luck and know that
someone cares... even about people they may not know and have never
met...
Exactly right, you have to be in the right environment and with the right
people. I didn't know there were social groups for people that had Asperger's
like I do.
I believe that nothing in this world is ever "easy". If you want
something, you have to want it enough to work for it. I also believe that it
even means working on your relationship with yourself, not just with others. You
have to like youself and "get along" with yourself before you can
really get along with other people (at least, that's what worked for me).
I used to hate myself...for various reasons...including a personal loss (death
of a loved one). I wanted to be alone; I hated myself, God, and everyone else. I
was so angry at the world and everyone in it, that I became blind to the fact
that, * yes, the world has problems, but it's people like me, who hate everyone
else because of a personal vendetta against myself, and my assumption that
everyone else was evil and were horrible,* that I had forgotten all the nice
things in the world and the wonderful people that had happened to me in my life.
It took me about 4 years to realize how miserible I had made myself and how
jaded my perception of the world had become.
There are always support groups for people dealing with all kinds of issues
(religious, school, internet or toll free numbers). You just may have to look
around. I personally didn't use one, but if I had found help I might have felt
better a lot sooner.
I'm glad that you got something out of my post. I was really worried that
something would've been taken wrong. I just tell people what I think and what I
know from experience. If
someone doesn't agree, its ok. Opinions are just that, opinions. I was hoping
that I could help you or at least let everyone know that there really are *nice*
people *if I can sorta call myself that* out there who seriously care, and want
others to enjoy their lives and feel better about themselves. Whatever you've
been though, I want people to know that there are other who've been there too...
and have come back from the edge.
There's life, hope, and love out there.
Sometimes you've just got to ask and see what happens.
If you want to repost anything I've said, you are most welcome to. I'm
just happy that I could make someone's day brighter, even for second... life is
too short to not enjoy it while you can, especially with the people you love.
I guess, in a sense, SSBattousai, you are sort of picky, since you're "inclined to be with people, yet [you] find no one you want to be with." But then again, that can be seen as you jst simply trying to find your niche or clique while you're in college.
Do not change yourself in any sort of matter, as you'd feel unhappy with yourself even more afterwards. I'm thinking you should searching for those kind of people you want to be around me. Who knows? They could be sitting right next to you in class.
I know how you feel, I was too lonely in uni for about 2 years. It was very depressing for me and once I'd even thought of suicide cause I couldn't take it anymore, cause no one really wanted to talk to me or be my friends.
But don't fear there's help, go see your uni counsellor and tell them about your situation. They'll be more than willing to provide you with solutions for your problems.
Believe me I've been there and still going there now (this time it's for a different problem) and I was surprised to find out they have these things called "Social Groups" where people like us who are suffering from the same problems get together and do fun stuff together. It's a good way to make friends with people you can relate to and that understand what you're going through.
So yeah, ask the counsellor to recommend you to some social groups, there are all kinds of social groups for people who are suffering from different problems.
And also heard of something called Toastmasters?
If not, it's a social club where you can improve your communication skills, learn how to speak in public without nervousness and learn how to speak in different ways for different situations (e.g. Job interview). Fun for everybody, express yourself in ways you desire and tell people about your interests .
Toastmasters is all over the world and competitions are held around every 6 months, from district to International! Trophies and awards are up for grabs! Free food during the event!
Also, when you join up you get manuals that teach you how to prepare different types of speeches, and by completing a certain number of speeches you get what they call a Compitent Toastmaster's Award and also a letter to your employer, so employers actually take what you'd achieved in toastmasters seriously! So it's good for your job prospects!
Oh, did I mention, you can come as a guest to see how it is, and you can come back as many times as you want.
It's also a positive and friendly environment, where the people there make you feel welcome
Anyways, I hope my advice helps SSBattousai.
Well in my opinion, people who are always alone usually choose to be for some reason.
If one is like me you like to be alone. I prefer to always be alone myself.
There are some people who are loners.
I'm always alone I don't have any friends. And I don't have Internet friends either because there are a lot of crazies on the web. I'm only replying to this post to get my opinion out.
When I was in school I never could make friends because I always went of by myself
and never talked to anybody. People my age are way to immature so I don't bother.
People my age also want to get you to do things you don't want you to do such as boozing it up, having sex with every tom. dick or harry that walks infront of you they meet and do whatever illegal narcotic.
Another Reason?
I've been hurt to many times that I will NEVER TRUST AGAIN!
I have to say that you about summed me up. that is almost exactly how I feel. but I'm also extremly shy so just talking to someone I don't know is really hard.
So I find it much easier to just not bother and a lot less troubling to be with people.
Because lonely people doesn't know what to say to the other,so they prefer to keep silent.They also afraid of being hurt or hurt somebody...
Or they just to shy to talk with the other.
I can say this because I'm the one...Yah.
It's hard, to even go to a counsellor, if I could, then I probably wouldn't need counseling, right? I can't... I won't, go to counseling, it'll definately make it worse.
Tell me how would it make things worse? You're just assuming it would.
Come on man, you gotta at least give it a try, cause if you do nothing, nothing will change, but if you at least try something might change maybe even for the better. I'd say give it a go, cause you really don't have anything to lose, only stuff to gain
There are some things that you prefer to do when you're alone, in my case, I need to stay alone to draw (I'm not very talented though), to work on the computer, and many more things, but most important, to think about certain things you want to keep inside of you.... That's what I think
Because there are too much anoying people in the world
mmm... I used to be lonely, like for 7 years... that was because I got to be in a school when people hate the people who are different to them (I was there for 5 years...), and since I am chinese and live in Chile (South America), I was always being rejected, and when I had to work in groups, I had the worst part of all... that made me very lonely, because I knew if I was with people they were going to hurt me badly... and then changed school (one of the best things of my life, I think), where people were very open and friendly. It took me a while to have friends, talk with people... and see, now I am not lonely any more and I am not that shy and stuff... so if you are a lonely person but you hate being lonely, try to make more friends, be more open...
hope that helps a bit
I find I got to better understand and live with myself to avoid being alone (laughs). The outside world is beautiful, much better than the world I built inside my head. Today I'm grateful and truly smile. It brings people.
no it's not that they (us in my case) don't know how to react, maybe partly but not completely, for my part i really don't like having to deal with people, the only friends i have are those that approached me and of whom i approved. If they hadn't i'd be friendless.
Well, i love being alone, and i really don't want a girlfriend, after all, those types of friendships usually end in tears, i'd rather rely on myself and avoid those hassles, i have a circle of supposed friends, and we hang out a lot, but even so i get lonely sometimes, not to the point of depression, but i like being a lone wolf, haha
Thanks guys for your feedback.
I'd also found out that sometimes it could be a "disorder" we might be having that's causing our loneliness. So in other words it's not completely our fault for not being to socially interact properly.
I recently found out that I have something called "Asperger's Disorder". What is it? "It is the result of dysfunction of certain parts of the brain and nervous system. The dysfunction significantly impairs the way individuals relate to other people, process information, and make sense of their environment.
Individuals with Aspergerâ??s disorder show:
-marked impairments in social andcommunication skills,
-have unusually strong and narrow interests
-may behave in inflexible and repetitive ways.
Many individuals also experience:
-sensory sensitivities (e.g. problems with touch, taste,
or smell)
-fine and gross motor difficulties (e.g. clumsy and poorly coordinated
movements and unusual postures)."
Factors identified as potential causes of Aspergerâ??s
disorder include:
â?¢ genetic factors (family/hereditary links)
â?¢ prenatal factors (e.g. exposure to viral and bacterial
diseases)
â?¢ physical trauma (e.g. birth injury)
Aspergerâ??s disorder is not caused by the way a child is
parented.
Because varying developmental, neurological and
genetic factors are considered to contribute to
Aspergerâ??s disorder, individuals vary greatly in their
presentation.
Read more about it on: http://www.aspect.org.au/publications/AspergersDisorder.pdf
So in other words, the reason we find difficulty in social interaction is because we don't know how and misinterpret situations, and this could be caused by Asperger's disorder. But we shouldn't fully blame it on our skills, it's cause we're born with or have the disorder.
But don't worry I only knew cause I've got assessed by my counsellor and psychologist, and from the information they gathered from me they concluded that I have Asperger's Disorder.
And they are offering help to me, recommending me to some social groups with people who have a similar disorder that I have.
Hmmmmmm, I think I might put this also in a seperate thread.
So I hope guys, maybe this might answer why we find it hard to socially interact.
For many lonliness is a type of safety, if you aren't trusting anybody then you can't be used. I do it myself , but I can tell you its NOT because I want to be lonely, but because I want to be safe. I hate being lonely, but I like being safe so sometimes I choose to be alone, wrongly or not, over being with others.
There are lots of reasons. Maybe it's not that they don't like to be lonely but it's hard to open up sometimes. Probably they keep to themselves because due to past experiences they don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone else. Maybe they don't trust people very easily and view everyone as the same type of people. They probably consider themselves alone and that no one understands them so they don't want anyone to get involved in their lives. Maybe they don't want to get involved in those problems you ocassionally would get in friendship or relationships. It's not they don't like you, they might think you're the same as everyone else. Maybe, they're bored of the world and is annoyed at everything. I don't think they enjoy the loneliness, they just don't enjoy the company, I guess they pretty much have a bad impression of it from something. They can't see the bright side of it I guess. Take your time with them, the more you try to get them to talk to you or tell you stuff, they'll definitely think you're like everyone else without even knowing who you really are. Helpful?
So you're saying that we should keep trying to talk to the lonely people so they'll feel welcome?
All people who consider themselves lonely react to different things, I don't know every individual's mind and what they want from the others, but I doubt that will work so quickly. It is hard to change after all. I guess there are times when I feel lonely, even with the people around me, even though I know that most of them have gone through alot of suffering, I still can't tell them about things that I feel and think because it feels as if they won't be able to make me better with just words and actions. Even though I do feel lonely, I don't know what exactly would make me feel better. But aren't there lots of forms of loneliness? I don't feel sad though. I think there's someone for everyone.
Yeah it's hard to trust people these days especially when they get betrayed a lot. But I see it as this way. People that understand how you feel and have suffered are less likely to betray you cause it'll be pretty stupid of them to do so.
Well at least you're not alone anymore if you're around people that understand you and you can comfort each other that way.
And yeah I guess this thread is pretty broad in defining loneliness. Guess I should have been more specific, but oh well.
Well, you're talking to someone who is depressed, they don't see any value out of having a conversation with thm, and they think you migt aend up teasing them for something they said.
But lonely people only pretend they like to be lonely, they convince it to themselves, because they don't know how to not be lonely so they want to be happy how they are.
I believe there is a difference between wanting to be alone (you like it; you want it; you hate/dislike people) and regular social avoidance (you fear people (hate rejection) or that you are depressed about something and you withdraw into yourself looking for answers to the question(s) of how and why the horrible thing happened.)
All can become serious problems and can difficult to deal with.
Sometimes people like being alone. Its quiet, noone else to deal with, no other problems but my own to deal with, I'm more focused when I'm by myself....e.t.c.
Sometimes people don't like other people because of how they've been hurt in the past by someone close or they are easily offended all the time and just can't stand people anymore. There are people who sometimes make the wrong friends (over and over again in my case) and you get hurt alot, which makes you believe that there are no *nice/good* people out in the world anymore (which isn't true, otherwise noone would reply with any constructive or polite posts to your thread).
There are people who are just afraid that noone will like them (rejection), their self esteem is low and they may believe that they don't deserve friends, which isn't true. (I believe that everyone has the ability of making friends, its the people whp they interact with who are the ones who can be the problem.)
There are sometimes people who have lost someone or feel as if all hope is lost because of some reason (death of someone, lack of social interactions, e.t.c.). People who are like this need to have someone to talk to (counciling of some sort). This is really hard to deal with alone. Its really difficult to deal with this kind of lonliness by yourself. Seek any and all council (spiritual, family, school, internet, professional). IT HELPS!
I know I've posted a lot, but I believe if I can help just one person, then I've made a difference... I know it might sound cheesy or weird, but it makes me feel better to know that there are other people who understand how I feel about things and I believe that NOONE IS TRUELY ALONE. EVER. Just because someone didn't experience the exact came thing you did to make you lonely, doesn't mean that they can't be sympathetic and try to understand what you are going through.
Also, I also saw in a previous post and thought I might say...
Asperger's Disorder (or syndrome) is a type of autism. My nephew has it. They say Einstein had it too... Both (my nephew and Einstein) had problems with socializing and with their ability to express themselves entirely or just verbally in general (social withdrawl). My nephew, got a lot better focused when he stopped drinking milk (there's something with him not being able to process it biologically speaking and it caused his brain to malfunction into him not being able to express himself and it had cause him to socially withdraw.)
If people would somehow get together and were able to tell people how they feel without worry or frustration, the world would be easier and more friendly...
Good luck and know that someone cares... even about people they may not know and have never met...
Sometimes it's fun to be alone LOL
Although probably people are having a bad day or somethin
You did, you helped me and probably others as well. You're completely right as to why people want to be lonely and lol you manage to cover all the topics of loneliness. I dunno, it's just sometimes hard trying not to being lonely, especially when I go to sleep at night and feel lonely in my room.
Thats the thing they can't understand cause they've never been through it themselves. They think it's easy to get over but it's not as simple as that. But I guess if they try to understand and emphasise as you said, thats fair enough.
Thank you, it's good to find someone that knows about Asperger's Disorder and has an understanding of it. And good to hear that you're nephew is doing well. And good that you put a high profile person, and both those people can help inspire people that have Asperger's Disorder can achieve great things
Can
I ask you a favour and post this section into my other thread?
Yeah I believe that us people with similar problems should get together and conquer our problems together and be there for emotional support as well
Exactly right, you have to be in the right environment and with the right people. I didn't know there were social groups for people that had Asperger's like I do.
I believe that nothing in this world is ever "easy". If you want something, you have to want it enough to work for it. I also believe that it even means working on your relationship with yourself, not just with others. You have to like youself and "get along" with yourself before you can really get along with other people (at least, that's what worked for me).
I used to hate myself...for various reasons...including a personal loss (death of a loved one). I wanted to be alone; I hated myself, God, and everyone else. I was so angry at the world and everyone in it, that I became blind to the fact that, * yes, the world has problems, but it's people like me, who hate everyone else because of a personal vendetta against myself, and my assumption that everyone else was evil and were horrible,* that I had forgotten all the nice things in the world and the wonderful people that had happened to me in my life. It took me about 4 years to realize how miserible I had made myself and how jaded my perception of the world had become.
There are always support groups for people dealing with all kinds of issues (religious, school, internet or toll free numbers). You just may have to look around. I personally didn't use one, but if I had found help I might have felt better a lot sooner.
I'm glad that you got something out of my post. I was really worried that something would've been taken wrong. I just tell people what I think and what I know from experience.
If
someone doesn't agree, its ok. Opinions are just that, opinions. I was hoping
that I could help you or at least let everyone know that there really are *nice*
people *if I can sorta call myself that* out there who seriously care, and want
others to enjoy their lives and feel better about themselves. Whatever you've
been though, I want people to know that there are other who've been there too...
and have come back from the edge.
There's life, hope, and love out there.
Sometimes you've just got to ask and see what happens.
If you want to repost anything I've said, you are most welcome to.
I'm
just happy that I could make someone's day brighter, even for second... life is
too short to not enjoy it while you can, especially with the people you love.