Last year, there were these three men working on a skyscraper. They were on
their lunch break.
The first guy took out his lunch and said angrily: "Bleh! If I ever get
another bologna sandwich again, I'll jump off this skyscraper!"
The second guy took out his lunch and said angrily: "Bleh! If I ever get
another peanut butter and jelly sandwich again, I'll jump off this skyscraper,
too!"
The third guy took out his lunch and said angrily: "Bleh! If I ever get
another tuna sandwich again, I'll also jump off this skyscraper!"
So the next day at work, the three men took out their lunches in
madness.
The first guy complained: "Ugh! Bologna again!" And he jumped off the
skyscraper. SPLAT! And he died.
The second guy complained: "Ugh! Peanut butter and jelly again!" And
he also jumped off the skyscraper. SPLAT! And also died.
The third guy complained: "Ugh! Tuna again!" Then he also jumped off
the skyscraper. SPLAT! He too, died.
The next day at the three men's funerals, their wifes gathered up in
sadness.
The first guy's wife cried: *sniffle* "He...He could of just told me to
make him something different!"
The second guy's wife cried: *sob* "Yeah! He could of offered me to make
him a different kind of sandwich!"
The third guy's wife cried: *sigh* "I know! He could simply request to me,
but I...I don't get it, he makes his own lunch!"
I know, so lame.
It's an old joke my dad taught me. Enjoy! (Sorry it's so bad!)
Top 8 Morons of
2006 [Part 2] Now remember, this IS REAL!
#2 WITH
A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS
Police in Oakland CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had
barricaded himself inside of his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters,
officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line,
shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up!"
Top 8 Morons of
2006 [Part 3] Now remember, this IS REAL!
#3 What
was plan B? ? ?
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him
to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper
proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
Top 8 Morons of
2006 [Part 3] Now remember, this IS REAL!
#3 What
was plan B? ? ?
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him
to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper
proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
Ha ha, thanks! Just wait until you here the 5th and 8th!
Alright, here we go, number 4.
Top 8 Morons of
2006 [Part 4] Now remember, this IS REAL!
#4 The
Getaway!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the
cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk
and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and
grabbed him.
Halfway to the GRAND FINALLY! Mwahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!
Now guess what, it is time for, you guessed it, #5!
Top 8 Morons of
2006 [Part 5] Now remember, this IS REAL!
#5 Did
I say that? ? ?
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't
control himself during a lineup. When the detectives asked each man in the
lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all of your money or I will
shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!".
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State
Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself,
"This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his
lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the
front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand,
I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the
problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you
should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to
other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the
speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit
proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her
that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit
embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her
error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car
ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this
whole time." the officer asks."Oh, they'll be alright in a minute
officer. We just got off Route 119."
Up by Lake Itzokold, it was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that
visibility was almost zero when Lena got off work. She made her way to her car
and wondered how she was going to make it home.
She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She
remembered a friend's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard, she should
wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck
in a snow drift. This made Lena feel much better and sure enough in a little
while, a snow plow went by, and she started to follow it. As she followed the
snow plow, she was feeling very smug as they continued, and she was not having
any problem with the blizzard conditions.
After quite sometime had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow
stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled her to roll
down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right, as
she had been following him for a long time.
She said that she was fine and told him of the advice she'd received to follow a
snow plow when caught in a blizzard.
The driver replied that it was OK with him, and she could continue if she
wanted...but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to
Kmart next.
There was a bat, and dusk had fallen.
All of the families flew out of the cave and into the setting sun in search of a
victim.
One particular bat was really hungry. Just then, he spotted a dog.
He said, "please, can I have some blood? I'm really hungry, and I'm
practically starving, and I drink blood, and it won't, hurt, and, oh PLEEEZ can
I have some of yours?"
"No!"
The bat flew off whimpering. Pretty soon, he spotted a donkey. The craved bat
swooped down and started to lick at the skin of his hind leg.
"Heeey! Whaddya think you're doing?!"
"I'm STARVING thirsty, and I wanted some blood, and it doesn't hurt, and I
really am hungry, and I just want a small lick, and can I PLEEEEEEEEZ have some
of yours?"
"No!"
"but-but-"
"NO!
The bat flies off, whimpering. He spots another bat, flying towards him with
blood smeared all over his face.
"BLOOD! WHERE"D YA GET IT? HOW"D YA DO IT? WHAT HAPPENED? CAN I
HAVE SOME?!?"
"Chill! Chill." said the other bat.
"okey, I'm calm now. WHERE"S THE BLOOD!?"
The other bat said, "Do you see that tree over there?"
"YA! YES! RIGHT THERE!"
Top 8 Morons of
2006 [Part 6] Now remember, this IS REAL!
#6 Are
we communicating? ? ?
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first
child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is
her husband!"
Quote by DarkSerge2000Alright now!
Time for round 6! WOOT
WOOT!
Top 8 Morons of
2006 [Part 6] Now remember, this IS REAL!
#6 Are
we communicating? ? ?
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first
child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is
her husband!"
Top 8 Morons
of 2006 [Part 7] Now remember, this IS REAL!
#7 Not
the sharpest tool in the shed!
In Modesto CA, Steven Richard King was for trying to hold up a Bank of America
branch without a weapon. King used a finger and a thumb to simulate a gun.
Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
(Hellooooooooo! ! !)
Next time, the FINALLY of my mini joke series, #8 THE GRAND FINALLY. Now this one takes the cake!
Believe me!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The.
The Who?
That's a Good Band.
Last year, there were these three men working on a skyscraper. They were on their lunch break.
The first guy took out his lunch and said angrily: "Bleh! If I ever get another bologna sandwich again, I'll jump off this skyscraper!"
The second guy took out his lunch and said angrily: "Bleh! If I ever get another peanut butter and jelly sandwich again, I'll jump off this skyscraper, too!"
The third guy took out his lunch and said angrily: "Bleh! If I ever get another tuna sandwich again, I'll also jump off this skyscraper!"
So the next day at work, the three men took out their lunches in madness.
The first guy complained: "Ugh! Bologna again!" And he jumped off the skyscraper. SPLAT! And he died.
The second guy complained: "Ugh! Peanut butter and jelly again!" And he also jumped off the skyscraper. SPLAT! And also died.
The third guy complained: "Ugh! Tuna again!" Then he also jumped off the skyscraper. SPLAT! He too, died.
The next day at the three men's funerals, their wifes gathered up in sadness.
The first guy's wife cried: *sniffle* "He...He could of just told me to make him something different!"
The second guy's wife cried: *sob* "Yeah! He could of offered me to make him a different kind of sandwich!"
The third guy's wife cried: *sigh* "I know! He could simply request to me, but I...I don't get it, he makes his own lunch!"
I know, so lame.
Heh heh heh, nice one!
Alright, the continuation of my mini joke series.
Top 8 Morons of 2006 [Part 2] Now remember, this IS REAL!
#2 WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS
Police in Oakland CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside of his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up!"
Okay, blonde joke:
How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
...
I'll tell ya later.
How did the gunman pull that off?
merged: 11-13-2007 ~ 02:41am
Actually, don't answer that.
Alright, round three.
The continuation of my mini joke series.
Top 8 Morons of 2006 [Part 3] Now remember, this IS REAL!
#3 What was plan B? ? ?
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
You have some really good jokes!
^ funny!
Ha ha, thanks! Just wait until you here the 5th and 8th!
Alright, here we go, number 4.
Top 8 Morons of 2006 [Part 4] Now remember, this IS REAL!
#4 The Getaway!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
Halfway to the GRAND FINALLY! Mwahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!
^
he should've just gotten a job instead.
merged: 11-22-2007 ~ 09:18am
A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO
standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.
"Listen," said the CEO "this is important and my secretary has left. Can
you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted
the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the
machine. "I'll need two copies"
Oops! LOL
Nice one! *applause*
Now guess what, it is time for, you guessed it, #5!
Top 8 Morons of 2006 [Part 5] Now remember, this IS REAL!
#5 Did I say that? ? ?
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When the detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all of your money or I will shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!".
Whoops!
Yargh lad, that was funny.
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks."Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
? Huh?
I got one...
Girl: Let's play hide and seek! If you find me, I'll give you a long, hot kiss.
Boy: And if I can't find you-
Girl: I'll be hiding behind the piano...
Up by Lake Itzokold, it was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when Lena got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.
She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She remembered a friend's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard, she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made Lena feel much better and sure enough in a little while, a snow plow went by, and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow, she was feeling very smug as they continued, and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.
After quite sometime had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right, as she had been following him for a long time.
She said that she was fine and told him of the advice she'd received to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.
The driver replied that it was OK with him, and she could continue if she wanted...but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Kmart next.
HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH
My next post is coming...
There was a bat, and dusk had fallen.
All of the families flew out of the cave and into the setting sun in search of a victim.
One particular bat was really hungry. Just then, he spotted a dog.
He said, "please, can I have some blood? I'm really hungry, and I'm practically starving, and I drink blood, and it won't, hurt, and, oh PLEEEZ can I have some of yours?"
"No!"
The bat flew off whimpering. Pretty soon, he spotted a donkey. The craved bat swooped down and started to lick at the skin of his hind leg.
"Heeey! Whaddya think you're doing?!"
"I'm STARVING thirsty, and I wanted some blood, and it doesn't hurt, and I really am hungry, and I just want a small lick, and can I PLEEEEEEEEZ have some of yours?"
"No!"
"but-but-"
"NO!
The bat flies off, whimpering. He spots another bat, flying towards him with blood smeared all over his face.
"BLOOD! WHERE"D YA GET IT? HOW"D YA DO IT? WHAT HAPPENED? CAN I HAVE SOME?!?"
"Chill! Chill." said the other bat.
"okey, I'm calm now. WHERE"S THE BLOOD!?"
The other bat said, "Do you see that tree over there?"
"YA! YES! RIGHT THERE!"
"well I didn't"
I don't get it. Me must be stupid.
Alright now! Time for round 6!
WOOT
WOOT!
Top 8 Morons of 2006 [Part 6] Now remember, this IS REAL!
#6 Are we communicating? ? ?
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
Two more until the GRAND FINALLY! ! !
Stay
tuned!
ROTFLMAO
!HAHAHA! Amazign jokes!
Well, I guess I'll go ahead and post number 7!
Top 8 Morons of 2006 [Part 7] Now remember, this IS REAL!
#7 Not the sharpest tool in the shed!
In Modesto CA, Steven Richard King was for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a finger and a thumb to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
(Hellooooooooo! ! !)
Next time, the FINALLY of my mini joke series, #8 THE GRAND FINALLY. Now this one takes the cake!
Believe me!
Tell Us, NOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!