Pretty cool...well...quite amazing actually, but...I dislike how u repeat
certain words in close proximity to each other like:
Quote: But behind this jovial world, another matter is going on beyond one's eye.
While people watch jovial
clowns
-AND-
Quote: Mal'Errione finally motioned Nina to stay back. He then motioned the end of his blade handle
___________________________________________
oO and you use the word "Konsho" which I wouldn't understand if u
didn't describe it yet its "Captain" instead of "Taicho".
The Captain thingy is fine but I really wouldn't have understood Konsho
___________________________________________
Hey...umm don't take this the wrong way, k? Pls dun think that I'm here to
critize you and make it seem like you suck liddat...
merged: 12-31-2007 ~ 03:04pm
Oh...umm...Ryoku's appearance is that of Ian Nottingham from the Witchblade
comic book series
dude, great intro... i know, i havnt been on in ages but i havnt had a chance.
happy new year
merged: 01-01-2008 ~ 01:21pm
Charity Island, Lake Huron -A.D. 9,877
Another perfect day in Michigan, a soft breeze rustling through the trees of
Charity Island, Sail boats out on the lake despite the fierce storm that had hit
the night before. Only one thing was amiss: the wrecked boat washed up on the
shore of Charity Island, it had been caught in the storm the night before, there
were no survivors. Yet strangely, a lone figure was groggily moving away from
the wreck. This figure was peculiar in the fact that at his chest hung the Chain
of Fate, though he did not know what it signified, other eyes surly did.
Watching from the nearby trees, something uncoiled from a branch; a big
something. It should have been a snake; however it was much to long to be a
snake native to Michigan. It should have been a snake; except it had something
resembling a stinger on its tail. And it couldnât have been a snake
because its face was a large grinning skull. The Hollow thought of how long it
had been since it had had a truly good meal, as it came to rest on the dusty
ground it thought about how to strike. Finally it just decided to just rush the
poor soul. Moving with a speed that defied the things size, the Hollow burst out
of the trees and onto the sandy beach closing its jaws over the surprised
soulâs head. Except that when the jaws closed shut, it was on empty air.
âMy, my, getting faster are we?â a voice suddenly sounded a
short way down the beach. The Hollow raised its head and looked; standing maybe
20 feet away stood an old man in a black kimono with a white Haori draped over
it loosely was standing between the Hollow and its meal which had mysteriously
teleported away.
The man looked to be, by human standards; an old man in his mid- late 80s with
the silver grey hair to match, yet was incredibly fit, standing strait and
proud. âyou know, I havenât cleared out this island in way to
long,â said the old man with a voice that hinted at a humorous man with
a strong pride and more than enough intelligence to know when to get serious. As
if in answer to the mans statement, dozens of Hollows suddenly appeared out of
the trees. The man simply grinned and drew a Katana that hung at his side,
swinging the katana in a horizontal angle to his right he said âShatter,
Scatter Oni Daichi.â
At these words the air exploded with reiatsu, the handle of the katana suddenly
lengthened to a length of 6 1/2 and the blade suddenly darkened to the black
color of obsidian.
Suddenly the man was gone! The snake Hollow looked around wildly, looking for
the source of this delectable reiatsu. âthis is a little overboard for
only a few dozen Hollows I know but its been too long since I had a good work
out.â The man said from behind the snake Hollow as the creature split in
half from its head to the tip of its tail. The man then did a quick series of
Flash Steps and then returned to the soul that he had seconds before saved from
the Hollow, his weapon returning to its original form.
The other Hollows then exploded in blood, their bodies cut fully in
half.
âwell thenâ said the old man, âI guess its time to send
you off huh?â
The younger soul looked puzzled, âSend offâ, what did that mean?
And who was this old man? And what on earth were all those things?! All these
thoughts bounced around in the souls mind, but he was just to stunned by what he
had just seen. The old man smiled in understanding at the look on the
soulâs face.
âwhere are my manners?! I havenât introduced myself
yet!â the old man cried. With a deep bow that was just a little
over-dramatic he said âmy name is Karasu: Captain of the 8th division of
the Gotei 15. it is a pleasure to have saved you todayâ
âand now its time to send you off,â said Karasu. And without a
moments hesitation, placed the pommel of his Katana on the startled
soulâs forehead. As the soul lifted off to Soul Society, Karasu looked
off into the horizon as the sun rose steadily into the air.
âToday is gonna be a good dayâ
merged: 01-01-2008 ~ 01:22pm
this is so annoying, it dosnt do quotes right
"It does do quotes, and this is a fanfic written by shinshinovi alone not a
RPG...the RPG will be create by myslef (unless some1 beats me to it) after the
fic is done."
This is the fanfic version. Wait until this is finished, then chaos850 will then
proceed with the RPG.
I'd like to request condor-san to save the text he wrote for now, and keep it.
Don't worry, the fanfic shall only have 30++ episodes.
And yes, please do remember that all who joined (including me! YEBAH~) are but
supporting characters. The hero of the story is a girl, dudes, a hot one, and
her name is Sairenji Nina.
Quote by shinshinovi-Our Fanfic takes
place 2,700 years after the Hueco Mundo arc, and Aizen (yeah, him!) is
dead.
Quote by shinshinovi7,000 years ago, a war erupted between Hollows and
Shinigami. In fact, on this war, the hybrids are born.
Quote by shinshinoviManhattan, New York City, U.S.A. - A.D.
9,877
If the Hueco Mundo arc take place like..."now", 2007/08, the fic
should take place in 4707 AD (2.7k years after 2007) but in your actual fic, u
put the date 9877 which is 5,170 years later... Also, in ur first
"chapter", u stated a war between Hollows and Shinigami erupted 7k
years b4 the main storyline...that would be the year 9007... also, is this war
the Hougyoku war or just another war later on? Isn't the Hougyoku war happening
"right now", during the Hueco Mundo arc?
Pls either correct your dates or explain.
Also, some additions/changes to Ryoku's berserker mode:
- Aside from pain and people, fatigue is also ignored while Ryoku is in his
berserker mode.
- While in this mode, anything in his way would simply be thrown aside or be
destroyed.
Oh, yeah, sorry `bout the timeline confusion.
The fanfic takes places 7,000 years later, and we're in a futuristic setting.
Really sorry. Some confusion, but yeah, I intended to make it somehow like 2.8k
years, but after realising the Ban Kai attribute (1,000 years to materialize,
another 1,000 years to achieve, and another 1,000 years to master it), it would
be insane since almost all slots on the Captains have been replaced. Yeah, Ryoku
and Errione are progidy kids, but how about the others?
This also makes Errione and Ryoku 6,000++ years or somethin`, while Byakuya
would be about 10k years old. :3
So, I decided to make it a bit, realistic. Really sorry. ^^;;
Back to the word board.
========================
"My name is Sairenji
Nina".
"Whew! That was troublesome, isn't it?" Mal'Errione blurted out while
checking out if he fits good in his Gigai*. He then looked at Nina, whose hands
are plucked behind her back. She just smiled, as she continued
thinking.
"Well, I am the 15th Division's
Vice-Captain of Soul Society, which has been tasked to become 'bookmans' for
other divisions. We record certain events we see for archiving at Soul Society's
Historical Records. Commonly, a Vice-Captain assigned to the 15th Division takes
care of their own record, I was thrown at the 12th Division, since my Captain,
Amakusa Kazuki, died while fighting off some powerful pseudo-Arrancars. And to
be honest, I like it here."
"Well," Errione continued, "shall we go now? Spiky's gotta be
fuming around now." Waving his hand to their front, Errione started
walking. Nina followed, while silently watching her superior walk.
"Supposedly, Captain Shinshinovi
Mal'Errione is the chief of Soul Society's technology bureau. So, my first
impression was he's like Mayuri Kurotsuchi or Isshin Forbesii*, dimwits who
never give a damn about anything but themselves and their demonic technological
crap, but I was mistaken. This captain is..."
"WHOAAAAA! LOOK AT THOSE LOVELY BELLES! w00t~! w00t~!" her captain
suddenly blurted, while 'watching' 3 schoolgirls walking just 10 meters away
from them. She looked, and she sighed. School uniforms these days are so, well,
enticing, you'll really know who's sexy or not. And her captain obviously sees
those girls as sexy, and who would not? Pink blouse that is so short, the girl's
navels are revealed, with the flat abdomens strutting proudly along with their
long, round thighs. Their lower clothing is a linen-silk-like panties, with a
futuristic belt adorned with laces, and leg warmers covering their legs up to an
inch above the thigh. Their skin are pinkish white, and obviously smooth n`
silky. And their faces are cute, so is their hair. Hooray for perverts!, Nina
thought, as she glanced at her superior, whose 'eyes' are currently glued at the
girls' butts swaying. She sighed, as she continued her litany.
"...an obvious
pervert."
The girls then switched to the next block, and her superior's face turned from
happy to someone who lost the lottery a billion times. He sighed, and then he
continued strutting. Nina can't help but to giggle. Mal'Errione looked behind,
and said, "Oh, c'mon, I'm not a perv or somethin`, okay? Sheesh." He
then scratched his head, and walked again. But, fate, as it seems wants to test
his honesty, and he utterly failed. He whistled again, as he saw more
schoolgirls (and boys) walking towards the said block, more propably where their
school is. Nina just slapped her forehead, as she continued talking to
herself.
"He's always like that. He would always
say 'I'm not a pervert' a hundred times or so, and he always breaks those words
of his. He always says that he merely admires the anatomy of the human body, and
as a male, he would surely prefer females for he is not gay. Well, he does not
need to prove it, he is indeed a man, perverted, that is. I even caught him one
time peeking at my quarters while I was changing my clothes. He got a black-eye
for his efforts. Imagine that, his vice-captain, able to do something as to give
him a beating. I am starting to wonder if the rumors are true about
him."
She then looked at him again, but this time, focused at his eyes, again,
closed.
"And I am also curious about those eyes of
his. It's always closed, and yet he moves around as if he is able to see. Well,
I am more than certain that he is able to see even if those eyes are closed, but
what's behind those eyelids? No one knows, although the captain of the 11th
Division claims that he knows what's behind it, but he would keep mum. I would
not try to dare ask him directly, he might just chop my head off. Well, no one
dares a Kenpachi, well, as it seems, my captain is an exception. Looks like they
are buddies or something."
Nina then came to halt, when Mal'Errione stopped at an ice-cream vendor. He
bought 2 cones, but the other one had 4 scoops more than the other. He then gave
it to Nina while saying "Cool yer head, `k?" She flinched, but thanked
him, and started eating her ice-cream. He also started eating while moving
forward, while ignoring the vendor's call about his change. He waved his hand,
an obvious sign that the money is his, period. The vendor smiled, while thanking
them profusely. And why not? Errione gave a thousand dollar bill, and their
transaction is nothing worth but 3 dollars.
Nina smiled to herself, as she ate her ice-cream, still pondering about her
superior.
"But behind that annoying behavior of his,
I have nothing but praises for this man. Aside from being a pervert, he's
extremely kind. I proved to myself that he is undeniably a genius, for there are
times that I can't comprehend his words, nor how his inventions work. And unlike
former 12th division captains, he never experimented on living beings, only at
things that would surely improve Soul Society's crusade against the Remnants and
Hollows. You would never hear him order me something heavy, he would do it
himself. Even his former vice-captain, Ukitake-san, told me about it. A lot of
shinigami always sends request to the 1st Division for transfer, but to no
avail. He's so popular, you would think you're nothing but an ant. But he always
says no, no, and no, but his actions innocently says yes. Sincere, caring, and
cool, who would not like him?"
Her train of thought was suddenly interrupted when Mal'Errione said "We're
here". She found themselves infront an internet cafe. Finishing off her
ice-cream, she asked for orders.
"Go and rent a computer or whatever, but stay inside. I'll talk to
Spiky."
She nodded. They went inside the cafe, and a black guy greeted them. Mal'Errione
waved his hat, said hello, and the black guy smiled and said, "Oh, if it
isn't Erri-boy! How you doin`, dude?" while hugging the
captain-in-human-disguise.
Errione whispered something, patted his back, motioned his finger at Nina, and
walked past the customer line, inside the employee's door. She smiled
sheepishly, but before she can introduce herself, she found the black guy's
hands in front of her, inviting her to a handshake. She took and shook it, as
the man introduced himself as Reggie, and ushered her to a special slot. She
thanked him, as the guy moved away. Reggie said he'll bring some tea, which
surprised her, since it's her favorite drink. She smiled sweetly, as she focused
her eyes on her computer monitor.
"I hope I'll stay in this division
forever."
What she never knew, that one day, her purpose will be known.
And her preferred environment shall be shattered until her eyes swell in
tears.
---------------------------------------------- Chapter I-A: Collective Thoughts
----------------------------------------------
Mal'Errione walked past the employees who ignored him, as he opened a door right
beside him. Looking if no one is curious, he went inside, which revealed a
bedroom, with a bookshelf glued neatly on the wall. He took a book, and the
bookshelf made a rotation, revealing a secret door. He went in, closed the
secret door, and made his way down a flight of stairs.
Beneath the stairs, a shinigami is waiting for him.
merged: 01-04-2008 ~ 12:11am
@Gigai - A materialized outer shell made of condensed spiritual particle
equipped on a dead, human body. Enables a Shinigami to move freely on Earth, as
well as to be able to interact with the living. It also serves as a charger for
battered shinigami souls.
@@Isshin Forbesii - Kurotsuchi Mayuri's replacement as 12th Division Captain
before Shinshinovi. Died on an experiment with himself.
Ban Kai takes 1,000 years to materialize, another 1,000 years to achieve, and
yet another 1,000 years to master? I thought 10 yrs of training would already
result in masterment (is that a word?) of Ban Kai?
merged: 01-04-2008 ~ 03:40pm
Dude...why are u writing in present tense...it feels so...weird...
normally stories are written in past tense...
merged: 01-04-2008 ~ 03:51pm
Quote by shinshinovi
but the other one had 4 scoops more than the other.
"but one had 4 scoops more than the other," would have been a better
way to phrase that.
Quote by shinshinoviHe also started
eating while moving forward, while ignoring the vendor's call about his change.
"He also started eating as he continued moving forward, ignoring the
vendor's call about his change," would 'sound' nicer.
Quote by shinshinovi
He waved his hand, an obvious sign that the money is his, period. The vendor
smiled, while thanking them profusely. And why not? Errione gave a thousand
dollar bill, and their transaction is nothing worth but 3
dollars.
I wrote that piece in past tense because it's semi-narrated by none other than
the heroine. You should have noticed that.
Anyways, Ryoku is 2 years older than Errione. So, we should make him 6k+ years
old. And regarding the Ban Kai, mastery in 10 years is only possible for persons
born with immense spiritual energy, like Byakuya.
merged: 01-04-2008 ~ 08:55pm
And yeah, why did you not mentioned about 'me' being a pervert? *evul grin
>D*
It's 'are'. Remember, present tense. Currently happening in front of her.
Your math is insanely good. I'm pwned. @__@;;
Nah, I'm not a pervert. Check my gallery, have'nt done anything preverted in my
whole life. Well, I am about to submit a Ragnarok Online-F.Wizard artwork, and I
slightly modified her clothing. Well, it's still clean fun, but not
perverted.
The reason why I made Errione that way (note: I am making a graphic novel, and
the Errione on that graphic novel is waaaaaayyy toooo different from the Errione
in this Fanfic ) is because iRL, I have a hard time on a female character's anatomy,
propably because I have been drawing boys 3 years ago until now. Well, I think
I'm done looking at girls, since I think I finally got a grip on them.
The computer blinked at her as she blinked back at it. Over and over and over
again. For it seems that Nina blanked out. It's been 2 hours since her superior
went inside the employee's section of the net cafe she's in., and there is no
reason for her to to get bored to death.
She switched, only to see Mal'Errione peeking at her breasts. Unable to utter
anything for a moment, both stared at each other. From pale to a pinkish blush,
both had their faces painted with an undeniably expression: From Mal'Errione,
shock, from Nina, anger.
2 secs later, Reggie was looking at Mal'Errione, who's face is splattered on the
sidewalk pavement, with shattered glass and metal panes scattered all over him.
The patrons of the said shop can't say anything, for their jaws are gaping wide
at the spectacular strenght Nina demonstrated. Nina, on the other hand, is
clutching her hands, which had swollen from the attack she gave her superior,
which clearly
states the obvious difference between their strenghts. And yet...
"You okay?" Reggie can only blurt out such words, as he helped Errione
get up on his feet. Errione's eyes are on a swirl, obviously shaken by what his
sub-ordinate did. He collected himself, dusted off the dirt and glass that got
stuck on his pants, and looked at Nina. Another staring match ensued, with Nina
still blushing.
But before the two can speak a word, Mal'Errione's cellphone rang. Dugging it
out from his pocket, he started talking on it, while Nina profusely apologised
to Reggie. Reggie did not mind, as he merely asked her to help him clean up the
mess. But Mal'Errione suddenly said, "Sorry dude, I'll pay for the damages
AND the labor, but we're being called."
Reggie nodded in agreement, as Nina, again, apologised. Mal'Errione can't helpt
but to laugh, forcing Nina to give Errione another 'direct approach.' They left,
Nina still yakking on Errione's bad behavior. Reggie can only smile, while his
customers still haven't recovered from the spectacle. For he knew, those 2 shall
disappear anew.
Back to Soul Society.
------------------------------------
1st Division Infirmary, Hall of Captains, Soul
Society.
"WHERE THE F*** IS THAT SUNUVABITZ?!" A rugged-looking captain snarled
at the shinigami sweeping at the hall, his facial features giving out chills at
the poor low-levels. A cross, followed by a single slash below, enclosed in a
diamond-shaped emblem behind his torn, ragamuff-like Haori, reveals his position
as the 11th Division Captain. As how his snarl explains his attitude, so does
his shinigami clothing. Torn, torn, torn. His face is torn, torn, and torn. And
the poor shinigamis who, for no whatsoever reason, concurred his wrath, are
torn, torn torn, and shaking in fear. Why not?
A Kenpachi is always a Kenpachi. And the notoriety of his acquired name shall,
and will, always send chills down to the spine of souls who only wanted to eat
pork for dinner.
Ryoku Kenpachi went on shouting, ignoring the pleas of his fellow captains, who
have different expressions painted on their faces, but their minds also speaks
the same: Where is that
bastard?
"Enough." A calm, yet demanding voice attracted the captains'
attention. Kenpachi also stopped, as he looked upon the man who bestowed
authority on them. He looked back at him, and it was over. In a few moments, all
of the captains are now lined up. Pleased with his authority, the gray-haired
man coughed. Fixing his royal scarf, Kuchiki Byakuya then spoke anew, "I
believe we can now begin. Isn't it, Captain Shinshinovi?"
Everyone looked at the front door, where Errione is standing, his hands at the
back of his head, scratching it, while wearing an apologetic face. He then said,
"Sorry guys, but you see, there's an old lady who asked for directions
and-"
"STOP LYING, FOR GOD'S SAKE!",
the captains chorused in frustration, including Byakuya himself. Errione, his
smile in obvious mischief, can't say any more words. He looked at all the
captains, one by one, observing their features anew.
Kuchiki Byakuya, the current Commander-General of the 15 Protection Squad, has
indeed, an air of authority and respect. His face alone intimidates, not on
fear, but on respect. His royal scarf, neatly tucked on his neck, dangled softly
behind him. Now sporting a ponytail, his appearance alone exalted him above the
rest of the Captains.
Ryoku Kenpachi is the complete opposite. Remembering one of the movies he had
watched back on Earth, the man who currently holds the title, 'Kenpachi',
reminded him of Ian Nottingham from Witchblade. Torn, torn, torn, with a mouth
that automatically converts itself into a snarl whenever he is pissed off.
I dunno. Just trying to help him improve I guess. Also, if I were the one
writing, I would welcome all criticisms as long as they're not personal or rude.
DUDE... that was awesome.... LOL
btw sorry i wasn't on for a LONGtime so yup
that was cool
Pretty cool...well...quite amazing actually, but...I dislike how u repeat certain words in close proximity to each other like:
-AND-
___________________________________________
oO and you use the word "Konsho" which I wouldn't understand if u didn't describe it yet its "Captain" instead of "Taicho". The Captain thingy is fine but I really wouldn't have understood Konsho
___________________________________________
Hey...umm don't take this the wrong way, k? Pls dun think that I'm here to critize you and make it seem like you suck liddat...
merged: 12-31-2007 ~ 03:04pm
Oh...umm...Ryoku's appearance is that of Ian Nottingham from the Witchblade comic book series
Well, regarding some repetitions, I can't avoid `em. If I'll try to play with words, harmonic sync will be lost, and may confuse some readers.
merged: 12-31-2007 ~ 09:35pm
Besides, it would be bad if I used the same word over and over. I believe my choice of words is good.
dude, great intro... i know, i havnt been on in ages but i havnt had a chance. happy new year
merged: 01-01-2008 ~ 01:21pm
Charity Island, Lake Huron -A.D. 9,877
Another perfect day in Michigan, a soft breeze rustling through the trees of Charity Island, Sail boats out on the lake despite the fierce storm that had hit the night before. Only one thing was amiss: the wrecked boat washed up on the shore of Charity Island, it had been caught in the storm the night before, there were no survivors. Yet strangely, a lone figure was groggily moving away from the wreck. This figure was peculiar in the fact that at his chest hung the Chain of Fate, though he did not know what it signified, other eyes surly did. Watching from the nearby trees, something uncoiled from a branch; a big something. It should have been a snake; however it was much to long to be a snake native to Michigan. It should have been a snake; except it had something resembling a stinger on its tail. And it couldnât have been a snake because its face was a large grinning skull. The Hollow thought of how long it had been since it had had a truly good meal, as it came to rest on the dusty ground it thought about how to strike. Finally it just decided to just rush the poor soul. Moving with a speed that defied the things size, the Hollow burst out of the trees and onto the sandy beach closing its jaws over the surprised soulâs head. Except that when the jaws closed shut, it was on empty air.
âMy, my, getting faster are we?â a voice suddenly sounded a short way down the beach. The Hollow raised its head and looked; standing maybe 20 feet away stood an old man in a black kimono with a white Haori draped over it loosely was standing between the Hollow and its meal which had mysteriously teleported away.
The man looked to be, by human standards; an old man in his mid- late 80s with the silver grey hair to match, yet was incredibly fit, standing strait and proud. âyou know, I havenât cleared out this island in way to long,â said the old man with a voice that hinted at a humorous man with a strong pride and more than enough intelligence to know when to get serious. As if in answer to the mans statement, dozens of Hollows suddenly appeared out of the trees. The man simply grinned and drew a Katana that hung at his side, swinging the katana in a horizontal angle to his right he said âShatter, Scatter Oni Daichi.â
At these words the air exploded with reiatsu, the handle of the katana suddenly lengthened to a length of 6 1/2 and the blade suddenly darkened to the black color of obsidian.
Suddenly the man was gone! The snake Hollow looked around wildly, looking for the source of this delectable reiatsu. âthis is a little overboard for only a few dozen Hollows I know but its been too long since I had a good work out.â The man said from behind the snake Hollow as the creature split in half from its head to the tip of its tail. The man then did a quick series of Flash Steps and then returned to the soul that he had seconds before saved from the Hollow, his weapon returning to its original form.
The other Hollows then exploded in blood, their bodies cut fully in half.
âwell thenâ said the old man, âI guess its time to send you off huh?â
The younger soul looked puzzled, âSend offâ, what did that mean? And who was this old man? And what on earth were all those things?! All these thoughts bounced around in the souls mind, but he was just to stunned by what he had just seen. The old man smiled in understanding at the look on the soulâs face.
âwhere are my manners?! I havenât introduced myself yet!â the old man cried. With a deep bow that was just a little over-dramatic he said âmy name is Karasu: Captain of the 8th division of the Gotei 15. it is a pleasure to have saved you todayâ
âand now its time to send you off,â said Karasu. And without a moments hesitation, placed the pommel of his Katana on the startled soulâs forehead. As the soul lifted off to Soul Society, Karasu looked off into the horizon as the sun rose steadily into the air.
âToday is gonna be a good dayâ
merged: 01-01-2008 ~ 01:22pm
this is so annoying, it dosnt do quotes right
"It does do quotes, and this is a fanfic written by shinshinovi alone not a RPG...the RPG will be create by myslef (unless some1 beats me to it) after the fic is done."
This is the fanfic version. Wait until this is finished, then chaos850 will then proceed with the RPG.
I'd like to request condor-san to save the text he wrote for now, and keep it. Don't worry, the fanfic shall only have 30++ episodes.
And yes, please do remember that all who joined (including me! YEBAH~) are but supporting characters. The hero of the story is a girl, dudes, a hot one, and her name is Sairenji Nina.
LOL ^_^
i appologize for misunderstanding
i'll keep my story till the RPG
If the Hueco Mundo arc take place like..."now", 2007/08, the fic should take place in 4707 AD (2.7k years after 2007) but in your actual fic, u put the date 9877 which is 5,170 years later... Also, in ur first "chapter", u stated a war between Hollows and Shinigami erupted 7k years b4 the main storyline...that would be the year 9007... also, is this war the Hougyoku war or just another war later on? Isn't the Hougyoku war happening "right now", during the Hueco Mundo arc?
Pls either correct your dates or explain.
Also, some additions/changes to Ryoku's berserker mode:
- Aside from pain and people, fatigue is also ignored while Ryoku is in his berserker mode.
- While in this mode, anything in his way would simply be thrown aside or be destroyed.
Author's Notebook
Oh, yeah, sorry `bout the timeline confusion.
The fanfic takes places 7,000 years later, and we're in a futuristic setting. Really sorry. Some confusion, but yeah, I intended to make it somehow like 2.8k years, but after realising the Ban Kai attribute (1,000 years to materialize, another 1,000 years to achieve, and another 1,000 years to master it), it would be insane since almost all slots on the Captains have been replaced. Yeah, Ryoku and Errione are progidy kids, but how about the others?
This also makes Errione and Ryoku 6,000++ years or somethin`, while Byakuya would be about 10k years old. :3
So, I decided to make it a bit, realistic. Really sorry. ^^;;
Back to the word board.
========================
"My name is Sairenji Nina".
"Whew! That was troublesome, isn't it?" Mal'Errione blurted out while checking out if he fits good in his Gigai*. He then looked at Nina, whose hands are plucked behind her back. She just smiled, as she continued thinking.
"Well, I am the 15th Division's Vice-Captain of Soul Society, which has been tasked to become 'bookmans' for other divisions. We record certain events we see for archiving at Soul Society's Historical Records. Commonly, a Vice-Captain assigned to the 15th Division takes care of their own record, I was thrown at the 12th Division, since my Captain, Amakusa Kazuki, died while fighting off some powerful pseudo-Arrancars. And to be honest, I like it here."
"Well," Errione continued, "shall we go now? Spiky's gotta be fuming around now." Waving his hand to their front, Errione started walking. Nina followed, while silently watching her superior walk.
"Supposedly, Captain Shinshinovi Mal'Errione is the chief of Soul Society's technology bureau. So, my first impression was he's like Mayuri Kurotsuchi or Isshin Forbesii*, dimwits who never give a damn about anything but themselves and their demonic technological crap, but I was mistaken. This captain is..."
"WHOAAAAA! LOOK AT THOSE LOVELY BELLES! w00t~! w00t~!" her captain suddenly blurted, while 'watching' 3 schoolgirls walking just 10 meters away from them. She looked, and she sighed. School uniforms these days are so, well, enticing, you'll really know who's sexy or not. And her captain obviously sees those girls as sexy, and who would not? Pink blouse that is so short, the girl's navels are revealed, with the flat abdomens strutting proudly along with their long, round thighs. Their lower clothing is a linen-silk-like panties, with a futuristic belt adorned with laces, and leg warmers covering their legs up to an inch above the thigh. Their skin are pinkish white, and obviously smooth n` silky. And their faces are cute, so is their hair. Hooray for perverts!, Nina thought, as she glanced at her superior, whose 'eyes' are currently glued at the girls' butts swaying. She sighed, as she continued her litany.
"...an obvious pervert."
The girls then switched to the next block, and her superior's face turned from happy to someone who lost the lottery a billion times. He sighed, and then he continued strutting. Nina can't help but to giggle. Mal'Errione looked behind, and said, "Oh, c'mon, I'm not a perv or somethin`, okay? Sheesh." He then scratched his head, and walked again. But, fate, as it seems wants to test his honesty, and he utterly failed. He whistled again, as he saw more schoolgirls (and boys) walking towards the said block, more propably where their school is. Nina just slapped her forehead, as she continued talking to herself.
"He's always like that. He would always say 'I'm not a pervert' a hundred times or so, and he always breaks those words of his. He always says that he merely admires the anatomy of the human body, and as a male, he would surely prefer females for he is not gay. Well, he does not need to prove it, he is indeed a man, perverted, that is. I even caught him one time peeking at my quarters while I was changing my clothes. He got a black-eye for his efforts. Imagine that, his vice-captain, able to do something as to give him a beating. I am starting to wonder if the rumors are true about him."
She then looked at him again, but this time, focused at his eyes, again, closed.
"And I am also curious about those eyes of his. It's always closed, and yet he moves around as if he is able to see. Well, I am more than certain that he is able to see even if those eyes are closed, but what's behind those eyelids? No one knows, although the captain of the 11th Division claims that he knows what's behind it, but he would keep mum. I would not try to dare ask him directly, he might just chop my head off. Well, no one dares a Kenpachi, well, as it seems, my captain is an exception. Looks like they are buddies or something."
Nina then came to halt, when Mal'Errione stopped at an ice-cream vendor. He bought 2 cones, but the other one had 4 scoops more than the other. He then gave it to Nina while saying "Cool yer head, `k?" She flinched, but thanked him, and started eating her ice-cream. He also started eating while moving forward, while ignoring the vendor's call about his change. He waved his hand, an obvious sign that the money is his, period. The vendor smiled, while thanking them profusely. And why not? Errione gave a thousand dollar bill, and their transaction is nothing worth but 3 dollars.
Nina smiled to herself, as she ate her ice-cream, still pondering about her superior.
"But behind that annoying behavior of his, I have nothing but praises for this man. Aside from being a pervert, he's extremely kind. I proved to myself that he is undeniably a genius, for there are times that I can't comprehend his words, nor how his inventions work. And unlike former 12th division captains, he never experimented on living beings, only at things that would surely improve Soul Society's crusade against the Remnants and Hollows. You would never hear him order me something heavy, he would do it himself. Even his former vice-captain, Ukitake-san, told me about it. A lot of shinigami always sends request to the 1st Division for transfer, but to no avail. He's so popular, you would think you're nothing but an ant. But he always says no, no, and no, but his actions innocently says yes. Sincere, caring, and cool, who would not like him?"
Her train of thought was suddenly interrupted when Mal'Errione said "We're here". She found themselves infront an internet cafe. Finishing off her ice-cream, she asked for orders.
"Go and rent a computer or whatever, but stay inside. I'll talk to Spiky."
She nodded. They went inside the cafe, and a black guy greeted them. Mal'Errione waved his hat, said hello, and the black guy smiled and said, "Oh, if it isn't Erri-boy! How you doin`, dude?" while hugging the captain-in-human-disguise.
Errione whispered something, patted his back, motioned his finger at Nina, and walked past the customer line, inside the employee's door. She smiled sheepishly, but before she can introduce herself, she found the black guy's hands in front of her, inviting her to a handshake. She took and shook it, as the man introduced himself as Reggie, and ushered her to a special slot. She thanked him, as the guy moved away. Reggie said he'll bring some tea, which surprised her, since it's her favorite drink. She smiled sweetly, as she focused her eyes on her computer monitor.
"I hope I'll stay in this division forever."
What she never knew, that one day, her purpose will be known.
And her preferred environment shall be shattered until her eyes swell in tears.
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Chapter I-A: Collective Thoughts
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Mal'Errione walked past the employees who ignored him, as he opened a door right beside him. Looking if no one is curious, he went inside, which revealed a bedroom, with a bookshelf glued neatly on the wall. He took a book, and the bookshelf made a rotation, revealing a secret door. He went in, closed the secret door, and made his way down a flight of stairs.
Beneath the stairs, a shinigami is waiting for him.
merged: 01-04-2008 ~ 12:11am
@Gigai - A materialized outer shell made of condensed spiritual particle equipped on a dead, human body. Enables a Shinigami to move freely on Earth, as well as to be able to interact with the living. It also serves as a charger for battered shinigami souls.
@@Isshin Forbesii - Kurotsuchi Mayuri's replacement as 12th Division Captain before Shinshinovi. Died on an experiment with himself.
Ryoku is 4,983 yrs old
_______________________
Ban Kai takes 1,000 years to materialize, another 1,000 years to achieve, and yet another 1,000 years to master? I thought 10 yrs of training would already result in masterment (is that a word?) of Ban Kai?
merged: 01-04-2008 ~ 03:40pm
normally stories are written in past tense...
Dude...why are u writing in present tense...it feels so...weird...
merged: 01-04-2008 ~ 03:51pm
"but one had 4 scoops more than the other," would have been a better way to phrase that.
"He also started eating as he continued moving forward, ignoring the vendor's call about his change," would 'sound' nicer.
ROFL
Also, why do u use ` instead of ' ?
I wrote that piece in past tense because it's semi-narrated by none other than the heroine. You should have noticed that.
Anyways, Ryoku is 2 years older than Errione. So, we should make him 6k+ years old. And regarding the Ban Kai, mastery in 10 years is only possible for persons born with immense spiritual energy, like Byakuya.
merged: 01-04-2008 ~ 08:55pm
And yeah, why did you not mentioned about 'me' being a pervert? *evul grin >D*
umm...no...
was this a mistake? cos it should be were.
______________________________________
Ryoku is THREE years old than Errione.
I stated that Ryoku was 683 yrs old when the fic was annouced to to take place 2.7k yrs after the war.
Soo...if the fic is now 7k yrs after the war, that would mean 4.3k (7k-2.7k) yrs should be added to 683 and it would give 4983 ;D
I am speechless...
It's 'are'. Remember, present tense. Currently happening in front of her.
Your math is insanely good. I'm pwned. @__@;;
Nah, I'm not a pervert. Check my gallery, have'nt done anything preverted in my whole life. Well, I am about to submit a Ragnarok Online-F.Wizard artwork, and I slightly modified her clothing. Well, it's still clean fun, but not perverted.
The reason why I made Errione that way (note: I am making a graphic novel, and the Errione on that graphic novel is waaaaaayyy toooo different from the Errione in this Fanfic
) is because iRL, I have a hard time on a female character's anatomy,
propably because I have been drawing boys 3 years ago until now. Well, I think
I'm done looking at girls, since I think I finally got a grip on them. 
ARE plucked (plucked is past tense, are is present, "were plucked" is better) but smilED, lookED, continuED?
Everything NOT in Italics should be in past tense since ONLY the Italic part is Nina's first person narration.
The computer blinked at her as she blinked back at it. Over and over and over again. For it seems that Nina blanked out. It's been 2 hours since her superior went inside the employee's section of the net cafe she's in., and there is no reason for her to to get bored to death.
She switched, only to see Mal'Errione peeking at her breasts. Unable to utter anything for a moment, both stared at each other. From pale to a pinkish blush, both had their faces painted with an undeniably expression: From Mal'Errione, shock, from Nina, anger.
2 secs later, Reggie was looking at Mal'Errione, who's face is splattered on the sidewalk pavement, with shattered glass and metal panes scattered all over him. The patrons of the said shop can't say anything, for their jaws are gaping wide at the spectacular strenght Nina demonstrated. Nina, on the other hand, is clutching her hands, which had swollen from the attack she gave her superior, which clearly
states the obvious difference between their strenghts. And yet...
"You okay?" Reggie can only blurt out such words, as he helped Errione get up on his feet. Errione's eyes are on a swirl, obviously shaken by what his sub-ordinate did. He collected himself, dusted off the dirt and glass that got stuck on his pants, and looked at Nina. Another staring match ensued, with Nina still blushing.
But before the two can speak a word, Mal'Errione's cellphone rang. Dugging it out from his pocket, he started talking on it, while Nina profusely apologised to Reggie. Reggie did not mind, as he merely asked her to help him clean up the mess. But Mal'Errione suddenly said, "Sorry dude, I'll pay for the damages AND the labor, but we're being called."
Reggie nodded in agreement, as Nina, again, apologised. Mal'Errione can't helpt but to laugh, forcing Nina to give Errione another 'direct approach.' They left, Nina still yakking on Errione's bad behavior. Reggie can only smile, while his customers still haven't recovered from the spectacle. For he knew, those 2 shall disappear anew.
Back to Soul Society.
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1st Division Infirmary, Hall of Captains, Soul Society.
"WHERE THE F*** IS THAT SUNUVABITZ?!" A rugged-looking captain snarled at the shinigami sweeping at the hall, his facial features giving out chills at the poor low-levels. A cross, followed by a single slash below, enclosed in a diamond-shaped emblem behind his torn, ragamuff-like Haori, reveals his position as the 11th Division Captain. As how his snarl explains his attitude, so does his shinigami clothing. Torn, torn, torn. His face is torn, torn, and torn. And the poor shinigamis who, for no whatsoever reason, concurred his wrath, are torn, torn torn, and shaking in fear. Why not?
A Kenpachi is always a Kenpachi. And the notoriety of his acquired name shall, and will, always send chills down to the spine of souls who only wanted to eat pork for dinner.
Ryoku Kenpachi went on shouting, ignoring the pleas of his fellow captains, who have different expressions painted on their faces, but their minds also speaks the same: Where is that bastard?
"Enough." A calm, yet demanding voice attracted the captains' attention. Kenpachi also stopped, as he looked upon the man who bestowed authority on them. He looked back at him, and it was over. In a few moments, all of the captains are now lined up. Pleased with his authority, the gray-haired man coughed. Fixing his royal scarf, Kuchiki Byakuya then spoke anew, "I believe we can now begin. Isn't it, Captain Shinshinovi?"
Everyone looked at the front door, where Errione is standing, his hands at the back of his head, scratching it, while wearing an apologetic face. He then said, "Sorry guys, but you see, there's an old lady who asked for directions and-"
"STOP LYING, FOR GOD'S SAKE!", the captains chorused in frustration, including Byakuya himself. Errione, his smile in obvious mischief, can't say any more words. He looked at all the captains, one by one, observing their features anew.
Kuchiki Byakuya, the current Commander-General of the 15 Protection Squad, has indeed, an air of authority and respect. His face alone intimidates, not on fear, but on respect. His royal scarf, neatly tucked on his neck, dangled softly behind him. Now sporting a ponytail, his appearance alone exalted him above the rest of the Captains.
Ryoku Kenpachi is the complete opposite. Remembering one of the movies he had watched back on Earth, the man who currently holds the title, 'Kenpachi', reminded him of Ian Nottingham from Witchblade. Torn, torn, torn, with a mouth that automatically converts itself into a snarl whenever he is pissed off.
-to be continued.-
as she blinked back at it
U understand the movie would be like over 7k years old?
I see u have no idea how Ian looks like, eh?
here's a pic: http://www.chaoticworks.com/ian/nottie28v.jpg
@ Chaos
you are such a critic on Shinshinovi's writing... i guese thats a good thing, but i'm just wondering why?
*Corrected.
-Notice: Update will be in 2 Days. Kinda busy.-
hhehehehe.. that s pretty nice...
@sasori07:
I dunno. Just trying to help him improve I guess. Also, if I were the one writing, I would welcome all criticisms as long as they're not personal or rude.
ok sorry bout that comment, it just kinna came up
merged: 01-10-2008 ~ 10:25pm
@ chaos
BTW nice pic
Good comment you deserve admin status
How the heck did you get banned dude?