I know the question seems very confusing so I will explain. I have an
ex-boyfriend. He and I are still friends but we really didn't talk very often.
Around my birthday (march 11 ) He
called and offered to take me out to eat. Ever since then it appears that he is
trying to re-kindle something. I am not putting signs out there that I want
something more than friendship, in fact I have told him that I like the fact
that we are "Just Friends." What do I need to do/say to make him
realize that its over and it will never start again?
Most guys won't stop... how long ago was it? You could get with another person
or wait for him to like someone else and it should be over... the only other way
of getting the point across is to "take a break" from eachother...
pretty much anything you say or do will hurt him, so I suggest patience as the
cure.
I...am not the kind to give advice, but...I can make a small observation...
It...sounds as if he did not consider moving on to another...it...seems as
though he is still dedicated, somehow...
...I know one thing to be fact...Truth and Reconciliation is the answer to all
things past and returned...
I...hope what I posted was helpful...
<sighs>Guys are crazy, what can I say? Well, I've never broken up with
anyone in my life (Kind of helps to get a date ...),
but still, I'm a guy and I'm still crazy. But as a matter of fact, he's a good
friend I take it and although I don't know your situation rather thoroughly
(Mmm...I hate to sound like a snob, but I'm tired, working on an essay and
didn't really get that much from your post...apologies...). But from what I see,
the guy seems a bit naive. You've spoken to him and said you're over. What did
he say?
Also, as a side note, perhaps patience will work, maybe not. Some people do have
the determination to keep trying endlessly. Time heals many things. This may not
be one of them.
Also, if I don't seem too nosey, I wonder if you could give details about your
break up? If you don't want that as public info (Don't know how it hurts, unless
he's on here also, but whatever...) Just PM me. If you don't trust me, I don't
hold anything against you or your sense of security.
But even if you don't this is a small and
possibly solution. Try hurting him slightly? I mean, don't over do it. You don't
want to sacrifice your friendship with him. I mean, maybe the cold shoulder for
a few days (3 at most I'm guessing...depending on his determination, maybe even
five...)? No matter how you go about it, I agree with XavierCrow in this case.
You will hurt him. There is no way out of it. If you didn't then, he's
definitely stranger than most...maybe not, maybe I'm the strange one...?
Ah I didn't know March 11 was your birthday, happy birthday Kumiko, sorry it is
late.
As for your problem, I would suggest you sit down with him and talk about your
feelings. Now as a guy, I know he won't give in to you so easily because I
believe he is still seeing you as his gf and he still has feelings for you. You
need to make sure you are in a neutral ground when you talk to him, don't feel
sorry for him and broke down and start to let his behavior slide. You need to
make it clear, and you need to make sure he listens. I know I do this
sometimes, when my gf talks to me about unplesant things from a guy's
perspective, I will let it flew by me. So you need to do this talk more than one
time, because you need to be consistent in what you say to him. Can't let him
see you break in your plea, because he would use any excuse to think you want
him back. So never give in.
Now if you still want to remain friends with him, tried to make the relationship
feels like a sibling theme. When you guys hang out, it is good to bring some
friends along as well, make it more a group thing rather than just you and him.
Of course you guys can do stuff together, but you should define the boundary in
what you will tolerate, because if he suggests something you don't like, just
walk away, don't feel sorry and give in. I know you have a very kind heart for
people, but you need to look after yourself too. Good luck with your current
situation. If you want someone to talk, as always just pm me.
March 11...I'll...remember that...
I guess...since it is late, I could say congratulations on achievment of level
11, Kumiko...since...your level is the same day of your birthday...
...um, why...did I just say that? *sigh* ...another colossal failure...
Quote by ChaosbladeAlso, if I don't
seem too nosey, I wonder if you could give details about your break up? If you
don't want that as public info (Don't know how it hurts, unless he's on here
also, but whatever...) Just PM me. If you don't trust me, I don't hold anything
against you or your sense of security.
No Chaosblade I don't mind talking about it. Actually I found him sleeping with
another girl. No I am not lying, I actually found him with another girl. Yes
we are still friends but b/c of that I would never want to be his gf again. We
can be friends (actually I am friends with a few of my old bfs).
Thank you Mordin and Visis for the birthday wishes.
Quote by Kumiko-HActually I found him
sleeping with another girl. No I am not lying, I actually found him with another
girl.
And he still wants to be your bf...?
Well he maintains that nothing happened and used the ever popular line "Its
not what it looks like." BS yes I know. I didn't believe it so I let go.
I didn't cry because that would cause me to care.
Quote by Kumiko-HActually I found him
sleeping with
another girl. No I am not lying, I actually found him with another
girl.
And he still wants to be your bf...?
Well he maintains that nothing happened and used the ever popular line
"Its not what it looks like." BS yes I know. I didn't believe it so
I
let go. I didn't cry because that would cause me to care.
Wow, what a jerk this guy is, I can't believe he would still think he has a shot
with you, he needs to get his behind kick. You
are way too kind to still be his friend, you derserve better Kumiko, forgive me
for that outburst.
Quote by Kumiko-H[Well he maintains that
nothing happened and used the ever popular line
"Its not what it looks like." BS yes I know. I didn't believe it so
I
let go. I didn't cry because that would cause me to
care.
**Smacks her head in shame**
One advice I'd like to give on anyone who has a partner in life - If you catch
them red-handed, once a cheater, always a cheater. That's my input on this one -
even if you do cheat and claim that you've changed to a better person and
learned your ways, heck no. One shot is all it takes - I'd drop that guy in an
instant if I were you.
And he admits nothing is wrong? Wow - what kind of a stuck up guy is he? I'm
definitely feeling sorry for you already. It's people like them that should...
you get the story here. How can people evidently ignore a mistake like that?
Strange there.
Well, given the situation and circumstances, I agree with Mordin...you are
indeed way too kind to still be his friend.
And one more thing, why would you care...? If you did, you would show you still
wanted to date him and would cause him to try harder, which will and trust me on
this, get annoying. Apologies on the rude tone I may be using, but if you were
going to cry, does that mean you wanted to care...?
I...can see that you are in quite a poignant contention, Kumiko...let me
say...that whoever is to blame...for putting you through unhappiness...will not
go unnoticed.
I cannot...let such things slide...I don't want you to be unhappy...so...I
suggest letting him know...how you feel...about being 'just friends'...he may
indignantly reject the theory at first...but keep in touch...and he will likely
calm down soon after...and will interact with you...like...a brother...
Umm...Visis...? We covered that solution already. In fact, I've run out of
possible solutions to give her...I don't even think knowing about her break up
proccess would help me come up with something now.
Happy birthday Kumiko! ...Although I guess I am late...
...i think you're just going to have to break his heart. Probably the most
clear way is something like Sure, we can go and do something, just so long as
you understand I have no romantic interest in you. (How's that for suddle?
...ok... Not so suddle.) ...But that's from the my perspective. ....It might
be a bad idea...
A friend of mine was in the same situation and... well... we argued because I
couldn't understand her decision to remain freinds with the person who betrayed
her heart... guess I still don't. If I were in that situation again... I'd have
to kick his ass!
He's not worth the air you breath, let alone your heart to play with again. To
be honest... I say, say it like it is. If he get's hurt, it's his own bad
karma... it's not your fault he betrayed
you and you shouldn't have to put up with his shit... he's lucky to have your
company at all... he should just keep his mouth shut and move on. Hasn't anyone
said this to him?! Oh, and happy birthday... erm... bad topic to say that I
guess!
haha.. this is a question i needed to ask as well
but my situation is completely different
any way .. you caught him sleeping with another girl and you can still be so
kind..
you are an amazingly tolerant woman to be considering his feelings so..
if it were me i'd suggest u lead him on and then drop his as$ in the gutter ..
pay back is a bitch and so am i
but if you are more peaceful at heart i'd suggest you just stop seeing him,
break off contact.. its probably the softest way to give him the hint (if he's
that smart) that u dont really want to see him but you are giving him the grace
to back out quietly with more of his pride intact
or you could just be blatantly blunt and tell him your feelings. since he didnt
really consider yours why should you consider his?
i am not a expert but if he is trying to revive those wonderfuls days with you
and you dont want it ,just tell him ,probably he is going to understand later
but if you still feel something try again ,but another metod is find another
boyfriend and forgot that guy ,i dont know but is just my opinion ,you have the
last decision.by the way you birhtday was is march 11 .damn why i did not say
happy birthday ,gom,en ne ,i wish you luck in you lovevly life*hugs*
First I just want to say that he and I are not together. It took me a minute to
become his friend and it seemed as if he understood that I only wanted to be a
friend. Nothing extra.
Quote by MordinWow, what a jerk this guy
is, I can't believe he would still think he has a shot with you, he needs to get
his behind kick. You are way too kind to still be his friend, you derserve
better Kumiko, forgive me for that outburst.
Its okay Mordin, I had much more to say when I saw him. Let's just say that I
lost my kind side for more than a minute. And yes he was/and can still be a
jerk. His the kind of guy that doesn't realize he's done something wrong until
the roles are reversed.
Quote by CelessaOne advice I'd like to
give on anyone who has a partner in life - If you catch them red-handed, once a
cheater, always a cheater. .
Celessa I couldn't agree with you more. That's why were are not in a
relationship. I don't care what kind of cheating it is, be it physical (as it
is in this case), verbal (blatant flirting), or mental (those outrageous
daydreams we sometimes have are not appropriate when in a relationship). So I
am not trying to continue a relationship I am trying to maintain a friendship,
although that is becoming impossible.
i think that I know what I have to do. Its been in the back of my head since I
started realizing that his intentions were beyond friendship. Thanks to
everyone who has replied. Your input has been very helpful. Thank you!!!
Of course, it seems msot girls opt for the larger, newer model of a boyfriend in
these cases. ....I'm not sure if I like that thought or not. ..It seems to
work... ...But then you may have a bigger, newer problem... ....Or
something...
Quote by Archer79Of course, it seems
msot girls opt for the larger, newer model of a boyfriend in these cases.
....I'm not sure if I like that thought or not. ..It seems to work... ...But
then you may have a bigger, newer problem... ....Or
something...
I'm not quite sure I understand your post. I don't want him as a boyfriend. He
is a butt!!! I would rather have someone who is nice, honest, trustworthy,
loving, funny. But it takes time to find that so I am single. I hope
"he" finds me one day so that I don't have to go through this
situation ever, ever again.
I know the question seems very confusing so I will explain. I have an ex-boyfriend. He and I are still friends but we really didn't talk very often. Around my birthday (march 11
) He
called and offered to take me out to eat. Ever since then it appears that he is
trying to re-kindle something. I am not putting signs out there that I want
something more than friendship, in fact I have told him that I like the fact
that we are "Just Friends." What do I need to do/say to make him
realize that its over and it will never start again?
Most guys won't stop... how long ago was it? You could get with another person or wait for him to like someone else and it should be over... the only other way of getting the point across is to "take a break" from eachother... pretty much anything you say or do will hurt him, so I suggest patience as the cure.
I...am not the kind to give advice, but...I can make a small observation...
It...sounds as if he did not consider moving on to another...it...seems as though he is still dedicated, somehow...
...I know one thing to be fact...Truth and Reconciliation is the answer to all things past and returned...
I...hope what I posted was helpful...
<sighs>Guys are crazy, what can I say? Well, I've never broken up with anyone in my life (Kind of helps to get a date
...),
but still, I'm a guy and I'm still crazy. But as a matter of fact, he's a good
friend I take it and although I don't know your situation rather thoroughly
(Mmm...I hate to sound like a snob, but I'm tired, working on an essay and
didn't really get that much from your post...apologies...). But from what I see,
the guy seems a bit naive. You've spoken to him and said you're over. What did
he say?
Also, as a side note, perhaps patience will work, maybe not. Some people do have the determination to keep trying endlessly. Time heals many things. This may not be one of them.
Also, if I don't seem too nosey, I wonder if you could give details about your break up? If you don't want that as public info (Don't know how it hurts, unless he's on here also, but whatever...) Just PM me. If you don't trust me, I don't hold anything against you or your sense of security.
But even if you don't this is a small and possibly solution. Try hurting him slightly? I mean, don't over do it. You don't want to sacrifice your friendship with him. I mean, maybe the cold shoulder for a few days (3 at most I'm guessing...depending on his determination, maybe even five...)? No matter how you go about it, I agree with XavierCrow in this case. You will hurt him. There is no way out of it. If you didn't then, he's definitely stranger than most...maybe not, maybe I'm the strange one...?
Ah I didn't know March 11 was your birthday, happy birthday Kumiko, sorry it is late.
As for your problem, I would suggest you sit down with him and talk about your feelings. Now as a guy, I know he won't give in to you so easily because I believe he is still seeing you as his gf and he still has feelings for you. You need to make sure you are in a neutral ground when you talk to him, don't feel sorry for him and broke down and start to let his behavior slide. You need to make it clear, and you need to make sure he listens. I know I do this sometimes, when my gf talks to me about unplesant things from a guy's perspective,
I will let it flew by me. So you need to do this talk more than one
time, because you need to be consistent in what you say to him. Can't let him
see you break in your plea, because he would use any excuse to think you want
him back. So never give in.
Now if you still want to remain friends with him, tried to make the relationship feels like a sibling theme. When you guys hang out, it is good to bring some friends along as well, make it more a group thing rather than just you and him. Of course you guys can do stuff together, but you should define the boundary in what you will tolerate, because if he suggests something you don't like, just walk away, don't feel sorry and give in. I know you have a very kind heart for people, but you need to look after yourself too. Good luck with your current situation. If you want someone to talk, as always just pm me.
March 11...I'll...remember that...
I guess...since it is late, I could say congratulations on achievment of level 11, Kumiko...since...your level is the same day of your birthday...
...um, why...did I just say that? *sigh* ...another colossal failure...
No Chaosblade I don't mind talking about it. Actually I found him sleeping with another girl. No I am not lying, I actually found him with another girl. Yes we are still friends but b/c of that I would never want to be his gf again. We can be friends (actually I am friends with a few of my old bfs).
Thank you Mordin and Visis for the birthday wishes.
And he still wants to be your bf...?
Well he maintains that nothing happened and used the ever popular line "Its not what it looks like." BS yes I know. I didn't believe it so I let go. I didn't cry because that would cause me to care.
Wow, what a jerk this guy is, I can't believe he would still think he has a shot with you, he needs to get his behind kick.
**Smacks her head in shame**
One advice I'd like to give on anyone who has a partner in life - If you catch them red-handed, once a cheater, always a cheater. That's my input on this one - even if you do cheat and claim that you've changed to a better person and learned your ways, heck no. One shot is all it takes - I'd drop that guy in an instant if I were you.
And he admits nothing is wrong? Wow - what kind of a stuck up guy is he? I'm definitely feeling sorry for you already. It's people like them that should... you get the story here. How can people evidently ignore a mistake like that? Strange there.
Well, given the situation and circumstances, I agree with Mordin...you are indeed way too kind to still be his friend.
And one more thing, why would you care...? If you did, you would show you still wanted to date him and would cause him to try harder, which will and trust me on this, get annoying. Apologies on the rude tone I may be using, but if you were going to cry, does that mean you wanted to care...?
I...can see that you are in quite a poignant contention, Kumiko...let me say...that whoever is to blame...for putting you through unhappiness...will not go unnoticed.
I cannot...let such things slide...I don't want you to be unhappy...so...I suggest letting him know...how you feel...about being 'just friends'...he may indignantly reject the theory at first...but keep in touch...and he will likely calm down soon after...and will interact with you...like...a brother...
Umm...Visis...? We covered that solution already. In fact, I've run out of possible solutions to give her...I don't even think knowing about her break up proccess would help me come up with something now.
Happy birthday Kumiko! ...Although I guess I am late...
...i think you're just going to have to break his heart. Probably the most clear way is something like Sure, we can go and do something, just so long as you understand I have no romantic interest in you. (How's that for suddle? ...ok... Not so suddle.) ...But that's from the my perspective. ....It might be a bad idea...
A friend of mine was in the same situation and... well... we argued because I couldn't understand her decision to remain freinds with the person who betrayed her heart... guess I still don't. If I were in that situation again... I'd have to kick his ass!
He's not worth the air you breath, let alone your heart to play with again. To
be honest... I say, say it like it is. If he get's hurt, it's his own bad
karma... it's not your fault he betrayed
you and you shouldn't have to put up with his shit... he's lucky to have your
company at all... he should just keep his mouth shut and move on. Hasn't anyone
said this to him?! Oh, and happy birthday... erm... bad topic to say that I
guess! 
i think you shouldn't go out with him too much. He might take it like you're encouraging him and make things very awkward.
haha.. this is a question i needed to ask as well
but my situation is completely different
any way .. you caught him sleeping with another girl and you can still be so kind..
you are an amazingly tolerant woman to be considering his feelings so..
if it were me i'd suggest u lead him on and then drop his as$ in the gutter .. pay back is a bitch and so am i
but if you are more peaceful at heart i'd suggest you just stop seeing him, break off contact.. its probably the softest way to give him the hint (if he's that smart) that u dont really want to see him but you are giving him the grace to back out quietly with more of his pride intact
or you could just be blatantly blunt and tell him your feelings. since he didnt really consider yours why should you consider his?
i am not a expert but if he is trying to revive those wonderfuls days with you and you dont want it ,just tell him ,probably he is going to understand later but if you still feel something try again ,but another metod is find another boyfriend and forgot that guy ,i dont know but is just my opinion ,you have the last decision.by the way you birhtday was is march 11 .damn why i did not say happy birthday ,gom,en ne ,i wish you luck in you lovevly life*hugs*
First I just want to say that he and I are not together. It took me a minute to become his friend and it seemed as if he understood that I only wanted to be a friend. Nothing extra.
Its okay Mordin, I had much more to say when I saw him. Let's just say that I lost my kind side for more than a minute. And yes he was/and can still be a jerk. His the kind of guy that doesn't realize he's done something wrong until the roles are reversed.
Celessa I couldn't agree with you more. That's why were are not in a relationship. I don't care what kind of cheating it is, be it physical (as it is in this case), verbal (blatant flirting), or mental (those outrageous daydreams we sometimes have are not appropriate when in a relationship). So I am not trying to continue a relationship I am trying to maintain a friendship, although that is becoming impossible.
i think that I know what I have to do. Its been in the back of my head since I started realizing that his intentions were beyond friendship. Thanks to everyone who has replied. Your input has been very helpful. Thank you!!!
Of course, it seems msot girls opt for the larger, newer model of a boyfriend in these cases. ....I'm not sure if I like that thought or not. ..It seems to work... ...But then you may have a bigger, newer problem... ....Or something...
I'm not quite sure I understand your post. I don't want him as a boyfriend. He is a butt!!! I would rather have someone who is nice, honest, trustworthy, loving, funny. But it takes time to find that so I am single. I hope "he" finds me one day so that I don't have to go through this situation ever, ever again.