True friendship can not be forced. I've had this kind of situation. A
"friend" of mine talks to me about his problems. That nobody talks to
him, and if someone does, is just to talk about computers. Like anybody that he
knows including me, that looks for him just do so to ask him a favor. And in
short his telling me to help him solve his problem and this involves calling him
to just say hi, but in my opinion that has to come from the heart. What do you
think?
I think you're absolutely right. True friendship has to be earned. I don't think
a strong friendship is made by forcing one's way into someone's heart. Baby
steps, yo.
I think true love cannot be forced, friendship, i dont know... Well, you cant
force someone to be your friend if they dont want too, but I think that if you
just accept someone and he/she accepts you than you can be true friends, anyone
can be your true friend, you just need to get to know them.. i think...
I agree with you. You can get to know him and try to befriend him, but
friendship (like love) can't be forced. If you don't like him, you don't like
him, even if you try to be his friend.
Trying is all you can do. If it works, good for you both. If not, well, maybe
you could help him...if you want to...
Yeah I totally agree with you guys, but im afraid I didn't put the right topic
for this and I'm gonna tell you why. This "friend" of mine could
really have other eyes for me and I don't. That is a major problem cause I
don't want him to think that I like him, and I'm afraid that if I become a
closer friend, he might tell me his real feelings. Again thanks all for your
responses, you all are so kawaii ^^
What a strange question... 1st of all, do both of you get along well?? Do you
want to make friend with him/her?
I think making friends need no requirement. Just that both party must be willing
to accept each other's company. If not don't bother even starting a friendship,
it won't work out.
This is a strange question, and im sorry about that. This friend of mine we
have a weird friendship so it's kind of hard to explain. But I think there are
different kinds of levels of friendship, why? b/c the more closer you are to
another person it just means that there is a lot of trust. And one can not be
asking for that, but rather let the time do the job.
Quote by kaleidogirlThis is a strange
question, and im sorry about that. This friend of
mine we have a weird friendship so it's kind of hard to explain. But I
think there are different kinds of levels of friendship, why? b/c the
more closer you are to another person it just means that there is a lot
of trust. And one can not be asking for that, but rather let the time
do the job.
well yea.......there are many levels of friendship but hey......even if there
are weirdness ....you're still talking to each other and that friend hasnt done
anything wrong rite??so isnt the fact that you're talking normally already a
prove of friendship .....its just a matter of where they stand or how close they
are to you right??
Ok, I hope that what I say now helps understand better. His a friend (who has
more feelings than just a friend) and tells me his problems of feeling unwanted.
He tells me hoping that I will look for him more, by calling him to talk about
anything. The problem is that I don't want to do that cause I'm afraid he might
fall in love with me.
Come on..... the problem is right in front of yours and his face. If ppl just
asks him for computer probs, then he's a nerd. If he says that he's not, then
he's a liar. There's a difference between "caring to be social" and
"doesn't care to be social", his choice.
For example, I might have better luck than him. Ppl talk to me, and i talk to
them... but the thing is, I couldn't care less to be social. I don't like
conversations, i don't like to talk much in reality, too much trouble and effort
in doing so.
So the thing is, if ppl won't talk to your friend, he comes to you instead? So
you can compensate for all the ppl that doesn't talk to him. If ppl won't talk
to him, he's got a lifetime to change the way he is, it's as easy as that.
Besides, tell your buddy that he needs more self-esteem and all he can do is
being himself.
yo man
you need to tell him now that you don't like him or do something. otherwise he
will think that you like him. the next move is he gonna ask you on a date. so
you better tell him. i fyou don't tell him now he think you like him too cuz you
didn't say anything when he come on to you.
if you tell him you don't like him. he definitely get hurt but it was truth,
and he will get over you . you have to be straight, don't hold back said what on
your mind.
As you said he needs more self-esteem and he can't expect me to compensate for
all the people.
Moreoever, is not right he might not be aware, but it makes me feel bad, a bad
friend. And I'm not a bad friend. But this is how my level of trust levels up
with him, they less he likes me as more than a friend the more I can actually
treat him as a friend.
Edit
As to answer your comment: thedarkness
I haven't told him I don't like him. But I hang around with him telling him the
types of guys I like which is obviously with the intention to let him know I'm
not interested in him, otherwise I would never talk to him of other guys.
Friendship has to be earned obvously..There's no way you can force a friendship
between each and other person..It would be too cruel on them..More or less I
think you two should just be friends and watch out for each other..I mean if you
are just asking him for favors...It's more like talking to a complete stranger
but then again you do know him and so you can bring other people to meet up with
him...Friends is a good thing..You need them in life..You can't be complete
without them since friends they tend to help you go to the direction which is
right well most friends...Just be by his side as a friend..Doesn't matter if you
aren't into him...It still doesn't hurt.
but you see that the point when a guy like you he don't want to here anything.
he just want to hear your voices. if you continous this you might never tell
him. that you don't like him. the more you talk to him the more you fell sorry
for him. and words just can't come out. you walk right on his trapped. he set up
quite good.
Quote by kaleidogirlYour words bring
light to this shadowy problem.
As you said he needs more self-esteem and he can't expect me to compensate for
all the people.
Moreoever, is not right he might not be aware, but it makes me feel bad, a bad
friend. And I'm not a bad friend. But this is how my level of trust levels up
with him, they less he likes me as more than a friend the more I can actually
treat him as a friend.
EditAs to answer your comment: thedarkness
I haven't told him I don't like him. But I hang around with him telling him the
types of guys I like which is obviously with the intention to let him know I'm
not interested in him, otherwise I would never talk to him of other guys.
Quote by FateDecidesFriendship has to
be earned obvously..There's no way you can force a friendship between each and
other person..It would be too cruel on them..More or less I think you two should
just be friends and watch out for each other..I mean if you are just asking him
for favors...It's more like talking to a complete stranger but then again you do
know him and so you can bring other people to meet up with him...Friends is a
good thing..You need them in life..You can't be complete without them since
friends they tend to help you go to the direction which is right well most
friends...Just be by his side as a friend..Doesn't matter if you aren't into
him...It still doesn't hurt.
I'm planning to show him other friends of mine that he doesn't know about and
that way he will see that not everybody looks for him just to ask him something,
but to actually spend time with him. I don't want to be that close to him, as a
friend cause I'm sure he can fall in love with me. But if I'm with my friends I
won't doubt to spend time with him, as long as my friends are there. In other
words I'm not gonna spend time with him alone ^^
Here's two great advices and taglines that i found from some game and audioslave
(don't mind them coming from games or a band).
1. "Who you are is not always who you will
become." - Fable
By this i mean, your friend can change, why make it anymore complicated? If he
doesn't like who he is now, then tell him to learn to live life and be more
optimistic or whatever. Anyway, here i'm telling you to tell him this and that,
but the thing is, he's the only one that can change himself. You don't need to
be trying so hard to gain his trust or whatever, don't lie to yourself. Because
what's happening to your buddy also includes you unless you do something about
it. But trust me, the net isn't the best place to be searching for
solutions.
2. "Be yourself is all that you can
do." - Audioslave
That's self-explanatory. I'm not gonna tell you to be egoistical..... Or maybe i
am. Be yourself and do things for yourself. You don't always need to help
others. Maybe in time, he'll see you more as a friend than a girlfriend. See...
let's set this example; When people needs help with computers, they go to your
guy buddy. It's the same for you. It seems that when people needs help with
their life, they go to you. Same scenario, different outcome.
Well I know the net ain't the best source. But I haven't created lots of
threads here lately. It sounds cruel, but I'm just trying to be who I really
am.
Secondly, I never saw it that way ,
when you say people do ask me favors too, the difference is I don't go around
complaining, which is exacly what I told him when he started telling me his
problems. And I don't see favors as a burden either, it makes me happy to help
others and make them happy.
And is not my fault people go asking him favors and not trying to be his friend,
which is how he made me feel, as if it was my fault.
So, in short thanks for the advise and thanks all of you who participated in my
very second thread I created, here on MT.
Quote by kaleidogirlAnd I don't see
favors as a burden either, it makes me happy to help others and make them
happy.
Keep this in mind. Sometimes when you think you've made another person happy,
the other person might not be as happy as you wish him/her to
be.´
Quote by kaleidogirlAnd is not my
fault people go asking him favors and not trying to be his friend, which is how
he made me feel, as if it was my fault.
Exactemundo! Think about yourself as well
But nice chatting with ya, interesting conversation as well. Not bad for a
second thread.
Of course true friendship can't be forced! You have to earn someones respect,
and it would be good to have the same intrsts also. There is no way you can
force a true friendship, maybe a fake one that will never last, but a true on
never!
yeah but it's rather difficult when everybody does actually go to him for
something or what not... but then he shouldn't say that... because i know
friends that ask me for things... not because of what I have... but because they
know they can rely on me... showing that I'm their true friend through
actions... if the occasion comes up that you feel that you're being used...
think twice... overlook all the times... including every detail... because it
might be more than just asking a favor... it might be stating that because
you're that close of a friend to me... it's okay if I were to ask you this
favor... if you have a problem complying to the favor because you feel like
you're being used... what kind of person are you saying about yourself? *sigh*
people fail to see what others really see... just because they don't say they
care or worry or you know... even say "i love you" to a friend to
another doesn't mean that they don't... sometimes... meanings are conveyed
through actions only... and you must observe that... cuz words are easy to
say... but actions say it much clearer and louder
I dont really know about what I should be saying here but all I can say is that
I simply and truly agree that friendship can never be forced. Friendship is
something that is earned and yea, it comes from the heart.
True friendship can not be forced. I've had this kind of situation. A "friend" of mine talks to me about his problems. That nobody talks to him, and if someone does, is just to talk about computers. Like anybody that he knows including me, that looks for him just do so to ask him a favor. And in short his telling me to help him solve his problem and this involves calling him to just say hi, but in my opinion that has to come from the heart. What do you think?
I think you're absolutely right. True friendship has to be earned. I don't think a strong friendship is made by forcing one's way into someone's heart. Baby steps, yo.
I think true love cannot be forced, friendship, i dont know... Well, you cant force someone to be your friend if they dont want too, but I think that if you just accept someone and he/she accepts you than you can be true friends, anyone can be your true friend, you just need to get to know them.. i think...
You should decide by yourself if you want a friendship with a person! Forced friendships are no friendships!
I agree with you. You can get to know him and try to befriend him, but friendship (like love) can't be forced. If you don't like him, you don't like him, even if you try to be his friend.
Trying is all you can do. If it works, good for you both. If not, well, maybe you could help him...if you want to...
Yeah I totally agree with you guys, but im afraid I didn't put the right topic for this and I'm gonna tell you why. This "friend" of mine could really have other eyes for me and I don't. That is a major problem cause I don't want him to think that I like him, and I'm afraid that if I become a closer friend, he might tell me his real feelings. Again thanks all for your responses, you all are so kawaii ^^
What a strange question... 1st of all, do both of you get along well?? Do you want to make friend with him/her?
I think making friends need no requirement. Just that both party must be willing to accept each other's company. If not don't bother even starting a friendship, it won't work out.
This is a strange question, and im sorry about that. This friend of mine we have a weird friendship so it's kind of hard to explain. But I think there are different kinds of levels of friendship, why? b/c the more closer you are to another person it just means that there is a lot of trust. And one can not be asking for that, but rather let the time do the job.
well yea.......there are many levels of friendship but hey......even if there are weirdness ....you're still talking to each other and that friend hasnt done anything wrong rite??so isnt the fact that you're talking normally already a prove of friendship .....its just a matter of where they stand or how close they are to you right??
Ok, I hope that what I say now helps understand better. His a friend (who has more feelings than just a friend) and tells me his problems of feeling unwanted. He tells me hoping that I will look for him more, by calling him to talk about anything. The problem is that I don't want to do that cause I'm afraid he might fall in love with me.
Come on..... the problem is right in front of yours and his face. If ppl just asks him for computer probs, then he's a nerd. If he says that he's not, then he's a liar. There's a difference between "caring to be social" and "doesn't care to be social", his choice.
For example, I might have better luck than him. Ppl talk to me, and i talk to them... but the thing is, I couldn't care less to be social. I don't like conversations, i don't like to talk much in reality, too much trouble and effort in doing so.
So the thing is, if ppl won't talk to your friend, he comes to you instead? So you can compensate for all the ppl that doesn't talk to him. If ppl won't talk to him, he's got a lifetime to change the way he is, it's as easy as that. Besides, tell your buddy that he needs more self-esteem and all he can do is being himself.
yo man
you need to tell him now that you don't like him or do something. otherwise he will think that you like him. the next move is he gonna ask you on a date. so you better tell him. i fyou don't tell him now he think you like him too cuz you didn't say anything when he come on to you.
if you tell him you don't like him. he definitely get hurt but it was truth, and he will get over you . you have to be straight, don't hold back said what on your mind.
Your words bring light to this shadowy problem.
As you said he needs more self-esteem and he can't expect me to compensate for all the people.
Moreoever, is not right he might not be aware, but it makes me feel bad, a bad friend. And I'm not a bad friend. But this is how my level of trust levels up with him, they less he likes me as more than a friend the more I can actually treat him as a friend.
Edit
As to answer your comment: thedarkness
I haven't told him I don't like him. But I hang around with him telling him the types of guys I like which is obviously with the intention to let him know I'm not interested in him, otherwise I would never talk to him of other guys.
Friendship has to be earned obvously..There's no way you can force a friendship between each and other person..It would be too cruel on them..More or less I think you two should just be friends and watch out for each other..I mean if you are just asking him for favors...It's more like talking to a complete stranger but then again you do know him and so you can bring other people to meet up with him...Friends is a good thing..You need them in life..You can't be complete without them since friends they tend to help you go to the direction which is right well most friends...Just be by his side as a friend..Doesn't matter if you aren't into him...It still doesn't hurt.
but you see that the point when a guy like you he don't want to here anything. he just want to hear your voices. if you continous this you might never tell him. that you don't like him. the more you talk to him the more you fell sorry for him. and words just can't come out. you walk right on his trapped. he set up quite good.
I'm planning to show him other friends of mine that he doesn't know about and that way he will see that not everybody looks for him just to ask him something, but to actually spend time with him. I don't want to be that close to him, as a friend cause I'm sure he can fall in love with me. But if I'm with my friends I won't doubt to spend time with him, as long as my friends are there. In other words I'm not gonna spend time with him alone ^^
Here's two great advices and taglines that i found from some game and audioslave (don't mind them coming from games or a band).
1. "Who you are is not always who you will become." - Fable
By this i mean, your friend can change, why make it anymore complicated? If he doesn't like who he is now, then tell him to learn to live life and be more optimistic or whatever. Anyway, here i'm telling you to tell him this and that, but the thing is, he's the only one that can change himself. You don't need to be trying so hard to gain his trust or whatever, don't lie to yourself. Because what's happening to your buddy also includes you unless you do something about it. But trust me, the net isn't the best place to be searching for solutions.
2. "Be yourself is all that you can do." - Audioslave
That's self-explanatory. I'm not gonna tell you to be egoistical..... Or maybe i am. Be yourself and do things for yourself. You don't always need to help others. Maybe in time, he'll see you more as a friend than a girlfriend. See... let's set this example; When people needs help with computers, they go to your guy buddy. It's the same for you. It seems that when people needs help with their life, they go to you. Same scenario, different outcome.
Well I know the net ain't the best source. But I haven't created lots of threads here lately. It sounds cruel, but I'm just trying to be who I really am.
Secondly, I never saw it that way
,
when you say people do ask me favors too, the difference is I don't go around
complaining, which is exacly what I told him when he started telling me his
problems. And I don't see favors as a burden either, it makes me happy to help
others and make them happy.
And is not my fault people go asking him favors and not trying to be his friend, which is how he made me feel, as if it was my fault.
So, in short thanks for the advise and thanks all of you who participated in my very second thread I created, here on MT.
Keep this in mind. Sometimes when you think you've made another person happy, the other person might not be as happy as you wish him/her to be.´
Exactemundo! Think about yourself as well
But nice chatting with ya, interesting conversation as well. Not bad for a second thread.
i agree wehit you if you want to be firend be firend if not dont forced it is a bit of how you feel about this person i think
Of course true friendship can't be forced! You have to earn someones respect, and it would be good to have the same intrsts also. There is no way you can force a true friendship, maybe a fake one that will never last, but a true on never!
yeah but it's rather difficult when everybody does actually go to him for something or what not... but then he shouldn't say that... because i know friends that ask me for things... not because of what I have... but because they know they can rely on me... showing that I'm their true friend through actions... if the occasion comes up that you feel that you're being used... think twice... overlook all the times... including every detail... because it might be more than just asking a favor... it might be stating that because you're that close of a friend to me... it's okay if I were to ask you this favor... if you have a problem complying to the favor because you feel like you're being used... what kind of person are you saying about yourself? *sigh* people fail to see what others really see... just because they don't say they care or worry or you know... even say "i love you" to a friend to another doesn't mean that they don't... sometimes... meanings are conveyed through actions only... and you must observe that... cuz words are easy to say... but actions say it much clearer and louder
I dont really know about what I should be saying here but all I can say is that I simply and truly agree that friendship can never be forced. Friendship is something that is earned and yea, it comes from the heart.
friendship must not be given lightly