The other day my sister visited us with her family - husband and two boys, 7 and
10 years old. When I was talking with the older one, the subject became knights
and swords, and he told me his father also had a short sword hanging from the
wall. I knew that, alright. He continued that his father had found it, and I
answered that was not true. Then my sister glared at me and hissed at me
"He DID find it!".
Truth is, a few years ago some drunken idiot who had it in his car (don't ask me
why) took it out and attacked my brother-in-law with it, who took it from him
and just kept it. Everyone in my family knows that, yet the story my nephews get
to hear is that "he found it".
Parents obviously want their children to always tell them the truth, so it's
their duty to make this work both ways, because I think you are not worthy of
the truth if you lie to the person you expect to trust you, even if it's
something like this. Because it may start as really unimportant lies, but where
to stop? One may get accustomed to the comfortable way of just not telling kids
the truth when it's something one doesn't like.
little white lies really never hurt anyone. i think its ok to lie to your kids,
as long as it is not at the expense of anyone elses feelings... lies are ok also
when you want to spare someones feelings... i'm not saying that you should
always lie to your kids in these kinds of situations... constantly lying to a
kid is going to be detrimental to his upbringing... but you cant really expect
to raise a child without ever having to tell a lie
i think that your sister and her husband were just trying to protect their kids.
because if i know anything about kids, if your sister told them the truth, all
there'd be would be more questions and things could get complicated. at some
point when they're older, maybe your sister will end up telling them the
truth.
like xaznxpepsixboix-san said, little white lies never hurt anyone. especially
when you're dealing with kids who may not be mature enought to handle the truth.
I think it is the parents' responsibility to protect their children from
potentially unhealthy information if they're not ready for it. In this case,
telling the kids about the true origins of the short sword really isn't
something tactful. In my opinion it seems like at that age when children still
have ways to go before maturity there really is no need for them to know, and
they probably shouldn't know something like that about their father and the kind
of world we live in.
'Lies' only become a problem if parents habitually resort to them for whatever
reason other than for protective ones. And though it sounds unfair, children
really should have no reason to lie, whereas adults sometimes do..
On the topic of protecting children, censoring reality does not make it right.
Being honest and guiding children to uphold that by setting clear boundaries and
an example is what most parents do not comprehend, nor are most wise enough to
realize the mistake of censorship after a lifetime.
Expected something more controversial, like the s-e-x word.
Sorry if that came out wrong, but you shouldn't be worried about that particular
case. In general, I think parents (and grown ups) can evade telling the truth if
they don't want to mislead or openly lie to their kids. At that age I don't
think it really matters, they'll soon forget or if the truth slips in they'll
hardly notice it. Anyway, your brother-in-law did find that sword - he found it
on that guy that wanted to attack him.
IF however you lie to your kids to keep them away from clubs or other friends,
then your'e digging your own grave. I they find out that you lied to them about
something that's important to them they'll never forgive or listen to you
again.
Think of yourelf in the childs position - what did you know at that age, and
what influence would the truth have had on you. Kids today are a lot more
exposed to the real world than a few years ago and you just have to balance the
truth with possible consequences. But a total lie is not recommende. When they
grow up, let them think you silly or even unknowledgable (if you evaded
questions or clamed ignorance) than a total lier.
I don't think they are THAT concerned about protecting their children's
childhood, because they also let them sometimes watch movies that are rated 16+
or even worse. Not brutal ones, but movies that are really disturbing like Blair
Witch Project or The Ring, and they didn't complained when I continued playing
Silent Hill while their kids were in the room and watched.
They know enough about the "evil world" to know WHY exactly they
shouldn't enter a stranger's car. They are not stupid or naive, at least
compared to other kids their ages. When I was their age, I knew less about the
world than they do now. I was, to be honest, naive.
How I see it, their parents only wanted to avoid uncomfortable questions because
they didn't want to have to explain it in detail. Lying out of lazyness is in my
eyes also a bad thing, just like lying to manipulate them, because it breaks a
limit. It's not just as bad as that, but isn't it just the first step to lying
to get them to do what you want them to?
I was lied at too, perhaps that's why I don't like it. I was for example told
that I was taking an IQ test, but in reality it was a test to check why I was so
unconcentrated at school, if perhaps I had a mental disorder. That was in second
grade, and I wasn't told the truth until after I turned 20. Guess how much that
hurt to learn. By the way, I was not mentally ill, just bored. They could have
asked.
No, it's never alright to lie to your children. Because if you do, they will
hire someone to smear poop all over your walls. South Park taught us this; this
shouldn't be an issue.
Two of my cousins have parents that are exactly like that. They're very
overprotective, and don't tell their kids the truth about a lot of things. For
example:
My grandfather was in line at Home Depot, and one man was being extremely rude
and was cutting people. My grandpa told him politely to please wait his turn
like everyone else, but the man flew into a rage and started shouting about how
he was going to get his son to come after my grandpa.
In the parking lot, the man approached my grandpa and pretended to apologize to
him. While he distracted my grandpa, his son (who was a huge, burly construction
worker) snuck up behind him and punched him in the side of the face, shattering
his jaw and knocking his teeth out.
Thankfully, the two men got scared when they saw how badly they had hurt him,
and they left without doing anything else. My grandpa recovered after many
months of pain and anguish.
Now, after all of this, my parents had the decency to tell my siblings and I the
truth. (As young children, we lost our naivety, so we would have known if they
were lying to us, anyway.) But my cousins were told that my grandpa "fell
down and hit his face on a piece of wood". This happened five years ago,
and they still don't know the truth. I think that this is a very bad thing to
do, because their children will grow up and find out that the world is a very
different place that what they thought it was- it isn't all happy and fun and
caring.
Therefore I think that it is inexcusable to lie to your children. They have the
right to know the truth- after all, the truth will find it's way out sooner or
later.
I finally got my parents to stop lying to me and tell me the truth about things.
My grandmother is terminally ill with cancer, and my parents wouldn't tell me
what was going on, they'd just tell me what the doctor said, which is a bunch of
lies and medical bullshit.
I'm 18, okay, and I'm finally learning the truth about my family after being
lied to for so long. How do you think it feels to learn that everything you were
ever told is a lie?
Tell your nephews the truth, and if your sister and brother-in-law dispute it,
have other family members back you up. Tell your sister that if she doesn't tell
the truth, her boys will end up telling lies like she does.
With CHILDREN (don't like the word - kids, try to avoid it as much as I can) it
is best to avoid telling lies as ALL lies can cause harm - harm to everything
and everyone including the developement of the child's personality and attitude.
Truth is relative anyways. You know the saying- bring 10 witnesses to the stand
and by the time you're done questioning them you'll hear that the hit and run
car was red, blue, beige, silver, and lime green. Bar fight? some will say the
guy who won started it, some will say the guy who lost did, some will say it was
the loser's girlfriend, or the winner's, and one will claim it was secret agents
who were really after HIM.
And everyone will beleive they're telling the truth. Well, most of them anyhow
haha.
My point? That even if you think everyone "deserves" to know the
truth, who's to say what's really True, with the capital T, without a videotape?
In light of that, i think it's fine to make something up if it makes life more
fun, or bearable. BUT: (and this is important) Just so long as they aren't lies
that will mess up a person's view of the world. That's the line you have to
watch out for.
Oh that kind of lie... well I think it's ok to not shock the children... well
that's a little better to say that he found the sword than "someone tried
to injure/kill me with this sword". For serious stuff, they should be told
the truth later when they are "ready".
But telling the truth, the whole truth just for the sake of saying it isn't
necesserely good.
sometimes its best to lie to protect peoples feelings. the only time when its
wrong to lie is when it is selfish and only benefits the lier and most probably
makes things worse an cause injustice
Instead of lying to your children it would be better to find a way to explain
the situation to them in order that they understand it. But most of the times
some themes are not suited for children, then one must to decide if it will be
better for the kid not to know the things for the moment and wait till the child
grow a little bit up.
Well, lying is no way to consistently raise a child to me. Being open and honest
with a child can be what makes parent-child relationships so trustworthy and
such. Besides, it doesn't feel right to have thought/believed/acted on so much
of something all your life, and it was a lie the whole time.
In this case, if the "It's too shocking a story to tell... For your sakes,
I can't say anything just yet" way works, then maybe they should just have
avoid the matter altogether instead of lying about the entire thing. At least it
wouldn't be a lie (heck, it won't even be close to a lie), and there would be
more openness (so I think) over the situation. Then, when the 2 grow up and find
out, they won't be impacted over the fact that they believed for part of their
lives in a lie. Unless the 2 boys would have wanted the complete honest truth
and were ready for it, the matter shouldn't have come up.
Overall, lying is not the way to go in almost all cases, and it can be an almost
completely unforgiveable thing for some people. Then again, this is only my
opinion.
Quote by unicorn2006I think it is the
parents' responsibility to protect their children from potentially unhealthy
information if they're not ready for it. In this case, telling the kids about
the true origins of the short sword really isn't something tactful. In my
opinion it seems like at that age when children still have ways to go before
maturity there really is no need for them to know, and they probably shouldn't
know something like that about their father and the kind of world we live
in.
'Lies' only become a problem if parents habitually resort to them for whatever
reason other than for protective ones. And though it sounds unfair, children
really should have no reason to lie, whereas adults sometimes
do..
first who's to say what is unhealthy? and for how long
must they be protected? they will learn about it someday, rather they should.
although the world has many bad things in it, it is part of the world. you must
take the good with the bad. i don't think any age it "to young" to
know about anything. if there old enough to ask and understand about something,
i think they are old enough to learn about it, no matter how bad the parents
think it is. better they lean at young why it is bad, than later from someone
else, who might explain it wrong. as for lie. it's wrong to do it. it makes no
sence for a parent to lie and tell there kids not to, considering most parents
are still kids to someone. i know a few parents who lie to there parents and
when the kid asks why, they try to explain it to make it sound diffrent from
when they do it, when it's the same.
Seeing as I can't lie, (actually, my mother sometimes gets mad at me coz' I'm
sometimes way too honest to her taste o_O), lying to kids is a big no-no for
me... but I can understand why some parents do it, though I don't think I quite
agree with it.
I've been lied to by my mom, and one of her lies was extremely hurtful to me,
she told me for a whole week that my dog (and by the, my dog was like the little
brother I never had) was well and in shape when in fact, she had him put to
death because half of his body was paralysed... She did this when I was 18 years
old! As if I couldn't take the truth! Sure I would have been sad, but now I was
just really upset, and really got mad at her, and now, everytime she has some
bad news to tell me, she reminds me how I told her to always tell me the truth
<.<
Anyways, to make a long rant short, I think kids are smart enough to understand
truth and should not be lied to, especially when the matter is serious, but I
also think sometimes there is a need for some censorship. Not lies, but avoiding
to give out some details, and I think this is what your sister really did.
hm-mh! little white lies are okay...and you don't really want to expose someone
as small as 7 to something like that. sorta like letting your kid believe in
santa claus. and who knows, maybe he does exsist! XP
I think the idea of becoming an adult is that you are finally ready to be given
the truth. Trust is built on truth but it has to be about important things. The
intention is the key. A lie can protect a young person (very young people may
have nightmares after hearing of the knife attack). Alternately, the lie can be
totally deceitful and this is obviously just plain wrong.
The other day my sister visited us with her family - husband and two boys, 7 and 10 years old. When I was talking with the older one, the subject became knights and swords, and he told me his father also had a short sword hanging from the wall. I knew that, alright. He continued that his father had found it, and I answered that was not true. Then my sister glared at me and hissed at me "He DID find it!".
Truth is, a few years ago some drunken idiot who had it in his car (don't ask me why) took it out and attacked my brother-in-law with it, who took it from him and just kept it. Everyone in my family knows that, yet the story my nephews get to hear is that "he found it".
Parents obviously want their children to always tell them the truth, so it's their duty to make this work both ways, because I think you are not worthy of the truth if you lie to the person you expect to trust you, even if it's something like this. Because it may start as really unimportant lies, but where to stop? One may get accustomed to the comfortable way of just not telling kids the truth when it's something one doesn't like.
How do you think of this?
little white lies really never hurt anyone. i think its ok to lie to your kids, as long as it is not at the expense of anyone elses feelings... lies are ok also when you want to spare someones feelings... i'm not saying that you should always lie to your kids in these kinds of situations... constantly lying to a kid is going to be detrimental to his upbringing... but you cant really expect to raise a child without ever having to tell a lie
i think that your sister and her husband were just trying to protect their kids. because if i know anything about kids, if your sister told them the truth, all there'd be would be more questions and things could get complicated. at some point when they're older, maybe your sister will end up telling them the truth.
like xaznxpepsixboix-san said, little white lies never hurt anyone. especially when you're dealing with kids who may not be mature enought to handle the truth.
I think it is the parents' responsibility to protect their children from potentially unhealthy information if they're not ready for it. In this case, telling the kids about the true origins of the short sword really isn't something tactful. In my opinion it seems like at that age when children still have ways to go before maturity there really is no need for them to know, and they probably shouldn't know something like that about their father and the kind of world we live in.
'Lies' only become a problem if parents habitually resort to them for whatever reason other than for protective ones. And though it sounds unfair, children really should have no reason to lie, whereas adults sometimes do..
On the topic of protecting children, censoring reality does not make it right. Being honest and guiding children to uphold that by setting clear boundaries and an example is what most parents do not comprehend, nor are most wise enough to realize the mistake of censorship after a lifetime.
Who knows, it isn't like adults know that much
Expected something more controversial, like the s-e-x word.
Sorry if that came out wrong, but you shouldn't be worried about that particular case. In general, I think parents (and grown ups) can evade telling the truth if they don't want to mislead or openly lie to their kids. At that age I don't think it really matters, they'll soon forget or if the truth slips in they'll hardly notice it. Anyway, your brother-in-law did find that sword - he found it on that guy that wanted to attack him.
IF however you lie to your kids to keep them away from clubs or other friends, then your'e digging your own grave. I they find out that you lied to them about something that's important to them they'll never forgive or listen to you again.
Think of yourelf in the childs position - what did you know at that age, and what influence would the truth have had on you. Kids today are a lot more exposed to the real world than a few years ago and you just have to balance the truth with possible consequences. But a total lie is not recommende. When they grow up, let them think you silly or even unknowledgable (if you evaded questions or clamed ignorance) than a total lier.
I don't think they are THAT concerned about protecting their children's childhood, because they also let them sometimes watch movies that are rated 16+ or even worse. Not brutal ones, but movies that are really disturbing like Blair Witch Project or The Ring, and they didn't complained when I continued playing Silent Hill while their kids were in the room and watched.
They know enough about the "evil world" to know WHY exactly they shouldn't enter a stranger's car. They are not stupid or naive, at least compared to other kids their ages. When I was their age, I knew less about the world than they do now. I was, to be honest, naive.
How I see it, their parents only wanted to avoid uncomfortable questions because they didn't want to have to explain it in detail. Lying out of lazyness is in my eyes also a bad thing, just like lying to manipulate them, because it breaks a limit. It's not just as bad as that, but isn't it just the first step to lying to get them to do what you want them to?
I was lied at too, perhaps that's why I don't like it. I was for example told that I was taking an IQ test, but in reality it was a test to check why I was so unconcentrated at school, if perhaps I had a mental disorder. That was in second grade, and I wasn't told the truth until after I turned 20. Guess how much that hurt to learn. By the way, I was not mentally ill, just bored. They could have asked.
No, it's never alright to lie to your children. Because if you do, they will hire someone to smear poop all over your walls. South Park taught us this; this shouldn't be an issue.
Two of my cousins have parents that are exactly like that. They're very overprotective, and don't tell their kids the truth about a lot of things. For example:
My grandfather was in line at Home Depot, and one man was being extremely rude and was cutting people. My grandpa told him politely to please wait his turn like everyone else, but the man flew into a rage and started shouting about how he was going to get his son to come after my grandpa.
In the parking lot, the man approached my grandpa and pretended to apologize to him. While he distracted my grandpa, his son (who was a huge, burly construction worker) snuck up behind him and punched him in the side of the face, shattering his jaw and knocking his teeth out.
Thankfully, the two men got scared when they saw how badly they had hurt him, and they left without doing anything else. My grandpa recovered after many months of pain and anguish.
Now, after all of this, my parents had the decency to tell my siblings and I the truth. (As young children, we lost our naivety, so we would have known if they were lying to us, anyway.) But my cousins were told that my grandpa "fell down and hit his face on a piece of wood". This happened five years ago, and they still don't know the truth. I think that this is a very bad thing to do, because their children will grow up and find out that the world is a very different place that what they thought it was- it isn't all happy and fun and caring.
Therefore I think that it is inexcusable to lie to your children. They have the right to know the truth- after all, the truth will find it's way out sooner or later.
I finally got my parents to stop lying to me and tell me the truth about things. My grandmother is terminally ill with cancer, and my parents wouldn't tell me what was going on, they'd just tell me what the doctor said, which is a bunch of lies and medical bullshit.
I'm 18, okay, and I'm finally learning the truth about my family after being lied to for so long. How do you think it feels to learn that everything you were ever told is a lie?
Tell your nephews the truth, and if your sister and brother-in-law dispute it, have other family members back you up. Tell your sister that if she doesn't tell the truth, her boys will end up telling lies like she does.
With CHILDREN (don't like the word - kids, try to avoid it as much as I can) it is best to avoid telling lies as ALL lies can cause harm - harm to everything and everyone including the developement of the child's personality and attitude.
There isn't much else to say.
Truth is relative anyways. You know the saying- bring 10 witnesses to the stand and by the time you're done questioning them you'll hear that the hit and run car was red, blue, beige, silver, and lime green. Bar fight? some will say the guy who won started it, some will say the guy who lost did, some will say it was the loser's girlfriend, or the winner's, and one will claim it was secret agents who were really after HIM.
And everyone will beleive they're telling the truth. Well, most of them anyhow haha.
My point? That even if you think everyone "deserves" to know the truth, who's to say what's really True, with the capital T, without a videotape? In light of that, i think it's fine to make something up if it makes life more fun, or bearable. BUT: (and this is important) Just so long as they aren't lies that will mess up a person's view of the world. That's the line you have to watch out for.
Oh that kind of lie... well I think it's ok to not shock the children... well that's a little better to say that he found the sword than "someone tried to injure/kill me with this sword". For serious stuff, they should be told the truth later when they are "ready".
But telling the truth, the whole truth just for the sake of saying it isn't necesserely good.
sometimes its best to lie to protect peoples feelings. the only time when its wrong to lie is when it is selfish and only benefits the lier and most probably makes things worse an cause injustice
Instead of lying to your children it would be better to find a way to explain the situation to them in order that they understand it. But most of the times some themes are not suited for children, then one must to decide if it will be better for the kid not to know the things for the moment and wait till the child grow a little bit up.
Dunno i prefer to be honest. No point hiding the truth. You still got to look at yourself in the mirror.
Well, lying is no way to consistently raise a child to me. Being open and honest with a child can be what makes parent-child relationships so trustworthy and such. Besides, it doesn't feel right to have thought/believed/acted on so much of something all your life, and it was a lie the whole time.
In this case, if the "It's too shocking a story to tell... For your sakes, I can't say anything just yet" way works, then maybe they should just have avoid the matter altogether instead of lying about the entire thing. At least it wouldn't be a lie (heck, it won't even be close to a lie), and there would be more openness (so I think) over the situation. Then, when the 2 grow up and find out, they won't be impacted over the fact that they believed for part of their lives in a lie. Unless the 2 boys would have wanted the complete honest truth and were ready for it, the matter shouldn't have come up.
Overall, lying is not the way to go in almost all cases, and it can be an almost completely unforgiveable thing for some people. Then again, this is only my opinion.
first who's to say what is unhealthy? and for how long must they be protected? they will learn about it someday, rather they should. although the world has many bad things in it, it is part of the world. you must take the good with the bad. i don't think any age it "to young" to know about anything. if there old enough to ask and understand about something, i think they are old enough to learn about it, no matter how bad the parents think it is. better they lean at young why it is bad, than later from someone else, who might explain it wrong. as for lie. it's wrong to do it. it makes no sence for a parent to lie and tell there kids not to, considering most parents are still kids to someone. i know a few parents who lie to there parents and when the kid asks why, they try to explain it to make it sound diffrent from when they do it, when it's the same.
Lieing to your child... hmmm Depends on what state you are in. "Fathers" want to be cool to their kids.
Seeing as I can't lie, (actually, my mother sometimes gets mad at me coz' I'm sometimes way too honest to her taste o_O), lying to kids is a big no-no for me... but I can understand why some parents do it, though I don't think I quite agree with it.
I've been lied to by my mom, and one of her lies was extremely hurtful to me, she told me for a whole week that my dog (and by the, my dog was like the little brother I never had) was well and in shape when in fact, she had him put to death because half of his body was paralysed... She did this when I was 18 years old! As if I couldn't take the truth! Sure I would have been sad, but now I was just really upset, and really got mad at her, and now, everytime she has some bad news to tell me, she reminds me how I told her to always tell me the truth <.<
Anyways, to make a long rant short, I think kids are smart enough to understand truth and should not be lied to, especially when the matter is serious, but I also think sometimes there is a need for some censorship. Not lies, but avoiding to give out some details, and I think this is what your sister really did.
it depends on the kids sometimes you have to hide somethings but still it is best to be truthful so your kids get to bleieve to not lie.
hm-mh! little white lies are okay...and you don't really want to expose someone as small as 7 to something like that. sorta like letting your kid believe in santa claus. and who knows, maybe he does exsist! XP
I think the idea of becoming an adult is that you are finally ready to be given the truth. Trust is built on truth but it has to be about important things. The intention is the key. A lie can protect a young person (very young people may have nightmares after hearing of the knife attack). Alternately, the lie can be totally deceitful and this is obviously just plain wrong.