hmm...not bad but I can't really feel cold..lol
kidding, not bad, quite good...^^

Hey Dark! This last poem, Upon my December is really great! The circle of life uh? Yup that's definitely a part of our life! But when I read it, I just could feel the fresh air coming from the wind that announces the arrival of winter! (uhm yeah, winter is my favorite season!) and I just LOVE Christmas time, it's so magic... I may seem a little bit (a lot?!?) childish, but that's how I see it! There is still a child in my heart! YAY for your wonderful poem, you should try to put yourself in a new state when you write your poem... like, HOPE! But I understand that it isn't always easy, but don't get discouraged by life! Just believe in all the good that can happen to you, focus on it and it will happen! Live without fear! (okay okay, I am over reacting here or what? lol! See, your poem has a great effect on me, I'm getting optimistic!)

I'll stop that now before you get scared lol! Again, keep up the good work and keep expressing yourself through them! Bye bye!

Quote by ZetmanHehe i love December too . . . i was born on the December too. At 27th od the December . . . and i love this month . . . The cold of winter makes me feel alive . . .
. . . i love your poem . . .

thanks again man It sucks in a way too that it's so close to Christmas because you get screwed with presents... Happybirthday and Marry Christmas... Mine birthday is 5 days before Christmas...

Quote by ShokuI should've composed all my poems together in one thread.

It's not too late to do it yet if you want too. Though thanks for replying to my thread...

Quote by Milkiyohmm...not bad but I can't really feel cold..lol
kidding, not bad, quite good...^^

i can understand... somepeople don't like the cold at all. I rather it be cold then too hot to be honest. Thanks for replying agian ^_^

Quote by RhiyaLynnHey Dark! This last poem, Upon my December is really great! The circle of life uh? Yup that's definitely a part of our life! But when I read it, I just could feel the fresh air coming from the wind that announces the arrival of winter! (uhm yeah, winter is my favorite season!) and I just LOVE Christmas time, it's so magic... I may seem a little bit (a lot?!?) childish, but that's how I see it! There is still a child in my heart! YAY for your wonderful poem, you should try to put yourself in a new state when you write your poem... like, HOPE! But I understand that it isn't always easy, but don't get discouraged by life! Just believe in all the good that can happen to you, focus on it and it will happen! Live without fear! (okay okay, I am over reacting here or what? lol! See, your poem has a great effect on me, I'm getting optimistic!)

I'll stop that now before you get scared lol! Again, keep up the good work and keep expressing yourself through them! Bye bye!

Dam! I forgot to mention the fresh air as well but I guess you get the picture ^_^ I know you like the winter and it was one of the reason I wrote it because i share the same interested as you did and wanted to express it in words in my poem. And it's always good to be a child at heart because then... no matter how old you get... in you heart you would still feel forever young. Anyway, I'll take your advice about hope in my next poem in a way at lease... i will write one later that has more to do with it. And thanks for all the nice things you said and the advice you give... I'll try not to be too discourage... ok? and I'm glad my poem effect you thanks for the inspirations the most... it's means alot to me when people say such nice things. ^_^

Well, I thought I take another direction about writing my poems... I give it alittle hope toward what I believe... this next poem is kind of religious in some ways but try not to take me too seriously when it's just my opinion and what I want to believe...

~ As One ~

A part of me wish
If there is a god
That he exist
In all of our hearts

Always knowing
What we have done
To justify the person
That we become

For in our hearts we know
What we done wrong
As one, he will also
For he's with us all along

For through our eyes he sees
Everyday that we lived
Always testing you and me
As one he will forgive

So follow your heart
And have faith in your fellow man
Though not all hearts beat the same
As one he will understand

For he will always guide us
As a father guide a son
Never once did he denied us
For he trust our hearts as one

Nice one too . . . and nice thought about God . . . not everybody see it in that way . . . i like this one too Darksavior . . . and keep follow your heart . . .

whoa...really nice poem of god, exactly what I think..lol
good work!^^

Your meter is very good. The best I've seen on this site. Especially in "Regardless". It sometimes gets a bit too repetitive in other poems like "with or without you". And you occasionaly go monosylabic for two lines in a row. I don't know if it's done for effect or not, but it doesn't sound that good. I like the sound of "confused" the most, but it doesn't really have much to say. But I'm a big fan of alliteration, assonance and adjunctio, so I still like it.

I think it's time for you to start using more advanced rhetorical devices, deeper subject matter, and more complex metaphors.

Quote by ZetmanNice one too . . . and nice thought about God . . . not everybody see it in that way . . . i like this one too Darksavior . . . and keep follow your heart . . .

Hey nice to know you understand man ^^ thanks for always replying as well...

Quote by Milkiyowhoa...really nice poem of god, exactly what I think..lol
good work!^^

Hey! that's cool that you agree with me... I thought I was the only one. Thanks for replying and the nice comment ^_^

Quote by MeLikePieYour meter is very good. The best I've seen on this site. Especially in "Regardless". It sometimes gets a bit too repetitive in other poems like "with or without you". And you occasionaly go monosylabic for two lines in a row. I don't know if it's done for effect or not, but it doesn't sound that good. I like the sound of "confused" the most, but it doesn't really have much to say. But I'm a big fan of alliteration, assonance and adjunctio, so I still like it.

I think it's time for you to start using more advanced rhetorical devices, deeper subject matter, and more complex metaphors.

I guss I got a critic on me ^_^ I don't mind that you didn't see the other one as being repetitive. Regardless, thanks for replying and giving your honest opinion. I'll try to do something different but I wouldn't be following my heart. I need to feel it in order to write a good poem...

Well, sorry for the late reply... I was busy friday I decided to write a poem with a little more meaning... I hope you guys/girls understand what I'm saying because if you don't... just ask me...

~ Uniform of Lies ~

What are you suggesting?
By expressing... a person defines?
A uniform that you are dress in
Claiming rebellion, when rebellion is in the mind

We are hypocrite in our action
Without a care we can't be save
Using image as an attraction
From the cradle to the grave

As shallow as we are in coming of age
We masquerade what we display
We follow the path in life as a stage
Like actors in a passion play

Though the life we live misleading
As the truth is within our scars
Bound and broken and slowly bleeding
Exposed to see the person we are

Do you know what I am saying?
Life is not what you intend it to be
Secretly we all are praying
Hoping for more then what was meant to be...

yup...this poem holds a lot of truths...nice one..really portrays what there is in life, a really meaningful poem..keep it up!

Ahhh Man! You have speak the trouth . . . what value has a life without care . . . so keep acting and pray for more . . .
A master piece . . . as always my friend.

Quote by Milkiyoyup...this poem holds a lot of truths...nice one..really portrays what there is in life, a really meaningful poem..keep it up!

I will as long as you or anybody replied to my thread ^_^ thanks again!

Quote by ZetmanAhhh Man! You have speak the trouth . . . what value has a life without care . . . so keep acting and pray for more . . .
A master piece . . . as always my friend.

thanks for replying man but you got some message mix up but it's cool I don't expect every to see what I was trying to say from word to word...

Well, I'm kind of fresh out of ideas so I decided to post this up I wrote awhile ago... (yes it's another depressing poem... what's new I know it's also short too)

~ The right to Bleed ~

My desire, my needs
The right to bleed
The rush of pain
The cuts in my vein
Hurts at first
Though I suffered worst
As all faded to black
I won't be coming back
You can't save me
From what death gave me
Forgive me friend if you don't agreed
Though in the end it's my right to bleed

erm...the middle part sounds nice but the last part is a bit weird..still a good poem anyway^^

Very nice poem as always . . . keep up the good work.

december here is not on winter but its on summer lol..its opposite in where you live in..but that doesnt really matter..wow i like december cuz of christmas ^^ and also the end of the school year..excellent poem! antother poem to add...thanks again for letting me collect your poems! domu arigatoo!

merged: 11-24-2005 ~ 02:41pm
woops havent seen the two other poems..~as one~ wow you talked about god ^0^ nice one! this poem lightened up my mood! thank you!..
~Uniform of lies~ i totally agree wif you on this one.."hypocrite on our own actions"..aha i gotta admit i do this sumtimes..as they all say, life is never fair..
~the right to bleed~ bleed? aww it is your right to bleed but we will all be sad..*sniffs* a very very good poem although sad(you know me...i dunt really like poems)
all your poems have the ability to make the readers feel emotions, strong ones....
i luv your poems!^0^

Hi Kenada, so sorry for not leaving any comment for your poem. I was online for few minutes last time and i didnt get the chance to write anything. Anyway, I pmed you about ~ Uniform of Lies ~. Its a great poem, one of your best work because it speaks the truth..
~ The right to Bleed ~: interesting poem, it is our life and we have the right to end it..so I agree with every words you said..

Quote by Milkiyoerm...the middle part sounds nice but the last part is a bit weird..still a good poem anyway^^

I know it's alittle weird but thanks for giving your honest opinion about it ^^ I'll try not to go that direction again... (note- I'll try "lol)

Quote by ZetmanVery nice poem as always . . . keep up the good work.

Thanks again man!

Quote by kawaiikiyomidecember here is not on winter but its on summer lol..its opposite in where you live in..but that doesnt really matter..wow i like december cuz of christmas ^^ and also the end of the school year..excellent poem! antother poem to add...thanks again for letting me collect your poems! domu arigatoo!

merged: 11-24-2005 ~ 02:41pm
woops havent seen the two other poems..~as one~ wow you talked about god ^0^ nice one! this poem lightened up my mood! thank you!..
~Uniform of lies~ i totally agree wif you on this one.."hypocrite on our own actions"..aha i gotta admit i do this sumtimes..as they all say, life is never fair..
~the right to bleed~ bleed? aww it is your right to bleed but we will all be sad..*sniffs* a very very good poem although sad(you know me...i dunt really like poems)
all your poems have the ability to make the readers feel emotions, strong ones....
i luv your poems!^0^

december doesn't snow? That's weird but I understand I guess... If I ever miss snow? I'll visit your neck of the woods ^^ and about "As one" I thought you would like it to be honest... Though I don't really believe as much as I should or want too. I believe it in some ways that I can't really explain because all my life I feel as someone is always watching out for me ^^ nice to know you agree with me in "Uniform of Lies" though that poem has so meaning toward I was trying say... and as always thanks for replying Lara and don't worry about the other dark poem because it's just a thought then what I believe I would do

Quote by melonbrustHi Kenada, so sorry for not leaving any comment for your poem. I was online for few minutes last time and i didnt get the chance to write anything. Anyway, I pmed you about ~ Uniform of Lies ~. Its a great poem, one of your best work because it speaks the truth..
~ The right to Bleed ~: interesting poem, it is our life and we have the right to end it..so I agree with every words you said..

Thanks MB ^^ and no need to be sorry... I believe it's better late then never ^^, your opinion, is a good one as well and I believe you have a good understanding of what I'm trying most of the time. Thanks again ^^

Well, this is the last poem for the week because I'm not going to be around in the next couple of days (till Monday) I'm leaving in a few hours, so I just though I'll thank everyone and leave with this poem and I believe defines me as person that doesn't really lie what so ever. It's not like my other poems that rhymes in order... but I thought I do something different... Dam! it's 4 am and I don't think I'm going to sleep "lol" I need to cook Turkey today in a few hours. I know it's alittle late but Happy Thanks giving everyone.

~ Without lies ~

I always know when you lie to me
though I always played the fool
for in your eyes I can see right through you
though I rather that you'll
be honest to me as I am to you

For I rather tell you the truth
then have you live with a lie
for in the end it's up to you
We can pretend if you wanted too
though then again, it's my point of view

I always knew the best in you
and always give you the best of me
without lies, I promise you
as I'm always am honest to you
so why you denied the truth I seek
to only a degree of honesty

Without lies, will we fall apart?
I remain unchange to always follow my heart
I wish one day you'll feel the same
to resist the path of deceive
to once again live for what you believe
within your heart, for the truth... is all we got...

~ Without lies ~: seems like youre talking to someone, someone close to you..
but I agree with what youre saying kenada. Most of the time we find it easier to tell lies than the truth for many reasons but like you said, in the end, the truth is all that matter

lol! Yeah, it feels like you are talking to someone . . . anyway, your poem is very good, as always, the truth . . . to say the truth or a lie . . . what a dilemma . . i guess it is more easy to tell lies . . . but for how long you will be able to lie . . . and what its really matters in the end . . .

hmm...quite good^^
really deep as usual, keep it up!
I like the first few parts^^

Hey Savior!
Didn`t have much time the last weeks but didn`t forget about your poems. The last one ("without lies") makes me think a lot of my own life and things going on so I can relate to that again. But all the other poems you actually wrote are also very deep. And I got to say thanks for that one:
"As shallow as we are in coming of age
We masquerade what we display
We follow the path in life as a stage
Like actors in a passion play"
It`s a brilliant expression to me. Good job, keep it up;-)

Quote by melonbrust~ Without lies ~: seems like youre talking to someone, someone close to you..
but I agree with what youre saying kenada. Most of the time we find it easier to tell lies than the truth for many reasons but like you said, in the end, the truth is all that matter

You're pretty right about that but I was hoping that you guys/girls can relate. I'm pretty sure everybody played a fool once just to see in the end would the person be honest to you... Thanks for replying MB

Quote by Zetmanlol! Yeah, it feels like you are talking to someone . . . anyway, your poem is very good, as always, the truth . . . to say the truth or a lie . . . what a dilemma . . i guess it is more easy to tell lies . . . but for how long you will be able to lie . . . and what its really matters in the end . . .

Yeah I was talking about someone I know but most of my poems in someways I hope you guys/girls can relate like I mention... Ever heard the term... "Oh what tangle web we weave, when first we practice to deceive" I just trying to say like so meaning has said the truth will set you free. though I know you understand me... so thanks for replying as always

Quote by Milkiyohmm...quite good^^
really deep as usual, keep it up!
I like the first few parts^^

Thanks Milkiyo ^^ I thought it was a pretty weird poem in a way my self

Quote by 13mdHey Savior!
Didn`t have much time the last weeks but didn`t forget about your poems. The last one ("without lies") makes me think a lot of my own life and things going on so I can relate to that again. But all the other poems you actually wrote are also very deep. And I got to say thanks for that one:
"As shallow as we are in coming of age
We masquerade what we display
We follow the path in life as a stage
Like actors in a passion play"
It`s a brilliant expression to me. Good job, keep it up;-)

Hey 13md! It's been a while but I understand... I did miss you thought s about my poems because you always seems to have a good idea about what I was trying to say... Not saying that everyone else doesn't but you get the picture... and it seems like you again understand and can relate to "Without lies" and the line you wrote has one of the deepest meaning in "Uniform of Lies" it's one of my favorite as well. Thanks for replying and I hope I get more of your comments sooner or later again.

Well, it was along week and I'm pretty fresh out of ideas for the moment. But I wrote this awhile back and decided to post it up... The poem is about blind love...

~ Kiss from the Darkness ~

I came across
The Darkness kiss
And I was lost
To its abyss... How could I resist?

Like so many other before me
I fall the same within these flames
So I reminisce, as parts of me miss
I'm lost to you without a name

Have I change?
Have the absence of love has blind me so
When love is a game, you became...
Someone I don't even know

Are my eyes even open?
Though inside I am broken
A kiss from the darkness I came upon
Love... a broken record... and this is my song

Now I feel so incomplete
The day's replays, the moment repeats
The words you say has cut me deep
And left these scars for me to keep
To remind me of what was not meant to be
And left unwind to only you I see

I never wish though heart consist
To question love for what it is
To love and lost and not dismiss
And seal forever within a kiss

~ As One ~ : Uhm religious subject uh? That's still a good poem, do you really see it this way?
~ Uniform of Lies ~ : Yes, I guess I'm a little bit like your poem describes it! But for me it's more wearing masks! (but less and less since some time now )
~ The right to Bleed ~ : brrrrrr... another depressing poem... gosh you've been hurt bad... there, a big *hug*! Wish I can do something...!
~ Without lies ~ : ahah you know what I think about lies! (do you? :P) anyway I like it very much, I wish everyone act like that! I've got the right to dream lol!;)
~ Kiss from the Darkness ~ : Love is a pretty intense and a deep subject when you felt it once... but still I try to take it as a positive thing eheh even if it's not always that great! Your words describe it well!

Keep up the great work Dark!

~ Kiss from the Darkness ~: when you feel the pain of a broken heart, thats when you know that you are really in love. Isnt that what youre trying to say kenada?
love hurts, yet we are all still looking for it..

whoa..kiss from the darkness sounds like it's really realistic and true..yeah..u described it well, not bad^^

merged: 11-29-2005 ~ 09:17pm
whoa..kiss from the darkness sounds like it's really realistic and true..yeah..u described it well, not bad^^

Quote by RhiyaLynn~ As One ~ : Uhm religious subject uh? That's still a good poem, do you really see it this way?
~ Uniform of Lies ~ : Yes, I guess I'm a little bit like your poem describes it! But for me it's more wearing masks! (but less and less since some time now )
~ The right to Bleed ~ : brrrrrr... another depressing poem... gosh you've been hurt bad... there, a big *hug*! Wish I can do something...!
~ Without lies ~ : ahah you know what I think about lies! (do you? :P) anyway I like it very much, I wish everyone act like that! I've got the right to dream lol!;)
~ Kiss from the Darkness ~ : Love is a pretty intense and a deep subject when you felt it once... but still I try to take it as a positive thing eheh even if it's not always that great! Your words describe it well!

Keep up the great work Dark!

Thanks Lynn ^^ and to reply to what you ask or comment on... "As One" I do believe that in someways because god is always with us. But I don't really believe in god but my heart doesn't deny that someone like him could or might exist... "Uniform of lies" I guess everyone wear a mask to not show who or how their are so people don't use it against them... "The right to Bleed" Thanks for the hug "*hugs back* it's just a thought though "Without lies" I know how you feel and the truth is you gave me the idea from your thread and if you don't remember... I use the line I wrote in your thread in it... (I rather tell you the truth then have you live with a lie) and I feel the same about it... and "Kiss from the Darkness" I know what you mean but sometimes... I don't know... is it worth it? Anyway, Thanks again Lynn and I miss seeing you around so welcome back ^^

Quote by melonbrust~ Kiss from the Darkness ~: when you feel the pain of a broken heart, thats when you know that you are really in love. Isnt that what youre trying to say kenada?
love hurts, yet we are all still looking for it..

Thanks Deeana ^^ though if that's how you want to see it I guess it's ok with me I do agree with what you said in the last line though but I was trying to say that everyone was blindly in love at once in there life time... The Darkness Kiss (Darkness represent Blind and kiss represent love) but thanks for replying as always and every poem has a different in others points of view... so it's nice of you to think positive... Thanks again...

Quote by Milkiyowhoa..kiss from the darkness sounds like it's really realistic and true..yeah..u described it well, not bad^^

I glad you understand me and thanks for comment on my poems again and again.

Well, the next poem is dedicated to someone I just meet (Deeana) and would like to share with others... I hope she doesn't kill me because I don't know if it's ok with her yet... but I'll removed it if she does...

~ Significant others ~

We justify our action
Toward what we believe is right
With a fatal attraction
In views that's out of sight

What cause and effect will soon reflect
The binding that holds us together
Know not regret the person we met
Of ones significant others

Out of our minds or we're just blind
For the hope of love, we take the chance
Lost and confuse and so we use
And fall victim of my chemical romance

A matter of the heart that's been criticize
So I judge not for I realize
That love needs not to apologize

For it's just a story of life and lovers
That came across you and I
As for my significant others
In my heart you'll never die