Stepping outside
into the chilled night air
Exhaling at the coldness
my breath icing instantly

The snow still falling
blanketing the ground in white
as ice crystals begin to form
on everything

The coldness begins to seep thru
my wool coat
the wind picks up
and blows the snow every which way

I continue to walk
in the up coming storm
as the feeling begins
to fade from my limbs

Then storm becomes a blizzard
as my teeth begin to chatter
the heat leaving my body
as i fall to my knees

The snow falling fast and heavy
covering my legs and hands
my heart rate slowing
as the last of the heat leaves my body

Crystals begin to form
on my coat and hat
as the snow finishes covering me up

Heart now frozen and hard
no longer able to love
my lips no longer warm and inviting
my eyes clouded and empty
Never to be loved again

critique but please be gentle

Sounds sad... Well, its a nice piece of work!

Wow this is a really good poem. This poem is very descriptive. I can almost feel the coldness of the snow. Great job!

It's a long beautiful poem I really like it! as usual your words are really well chosen and the vocabulary is perfect! the metaphoric phrases are pretty cool too!
keep up the great work Blotus!

It's so beautiful...........*_*
So depressing and sounds so dark!
Just the way I like poems
I think you have a chance of being a poet
I am so impressed and believe me, you can't impress me easily. I don't really laugh and jokes, or say delicious when it's not. Don't "give up" with the poems!

Nice job. It is a tale of winter the world over. All of those traveling in Winter's beauty only to be lost in Winter's mystery. My only suggestion is that you change sep to seep in the third stanza. It took me a minute to figure out what you what you were after.

A really nice poem...It is also very sad...

very good poem good job keep it up;)

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not bad other then that I will keep my mouth shut

Nice, real nice damn i like that........Looks like i'm a fan of u poetry keep it up.............=)

nice poem Blk! ^^ great...and sad too ^^ keep it up ^^

It's rather sad, as many people have already said. It was very descriptive, on the whole, it was a good poem.

yef... very sad indeed... but it's really is some piece of work, great job.

I can feel the cold but it's a bit shortened on some parts

so sadT_____T<tears of sadness. i luv it^^

its good i just hope it not a reflection of ur life

Nice, the poem is mostly held together on the imagery (or story). but as usual, I can always find a problem. This time, it's with the last line, " Never to be loved again". This is just false, someone can still love you even though your dead or not sexually attractive anymore. I really don't know if this is suppost to be a poem about how time slowly destroys your outer beauty, or just a tragic story about girl who died in a blizzard. I'll give you the benefit of the douth, and assume the former because that would mean you added symbolism. Good job.

OMG how do poems come to you soooooooo easily?!
but my speciality is stories and im working on one now. Uploaad in summer hols

sad poem sis....

so sad ....so very sad nicely done though

Wish I could write this well

I was out for long time... but if i can say surely a thing, it's that you always compose nice nice poem...
thanx for sharing them with us !
love and hugs honey...

How about this instead:

Quote: Crystals begin to form
on my coat and hat
as the snow consumes me

Death, that takes away our ability to be loved. (b/c you're not amoung the living)