Ever cheated on bf or gf?

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Mordin

Mordin

The Wise One

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I know this couple, and both of them are my friends, we knew each other like 6 years. I saw one of them make out with someone they shouldn't, and that person confide in me not to reveal such secret. Now I am in bind, I don't know what to do, every time I see that couple together I get a very sick feeling and guilt for the one that didn't know. I don't know if I am doing the right thing, because this couple has been with each other as long as I knew them, they are serious in setting a date on engagment already. I don't want to break up something like that, and that person told me it was a mistake, and that it won't happen again. What do you guys think I should do, or you could choose answer the question on the topic as well. :)

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  • Feb 07, 2005

Celessa

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Celessa

Okaerinasai - Welcome Home

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I would ask this person to personally tell her what he did wrong - if he really wants to be all honest with her.

I'm going to admit, it's tough to be in your kind of shoes at that sort of position. I mean, if the guy really thinks she's the right one - tell him as a friend if it won't hurt at all and ask him to tell her and confess to her that one-time mistake, or more - who knows. I hope he'll agree, and I hope she'll understand. It's better to tell and let it out than keep it a burden for so long.

As to cheating - definitely a no-no. In my part. I'd never forgive a cheater, ever.
Then again, people's opinions change if you ask me.

I never had one of those relationships before - never will for a long time to come. But yes, there will come a time when you are tempted to think otherwise, that the truth has to be told. Anyways, thanks for asking Mordin. I hope this doesn't lead you to any trouble of any sort. Tell him what he thinks and try to convince him to lay it all out on the table for his expected-future-to-wife to hear - it's probably the better for the both anyways, when their relationship is now as strong as ever. If he truthfully wants to confess to her, to show that he really loves her and cares for her - if he's that ready, of course, then tell him to go for it here. She'll understand, hopefully.

The stronger their relationship is throughout the tests of life, the better they will know that they are there, truly for each other.

"No matter where you go, no matter how tough life may be, just remember that always in your heart, you will still be loved."

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tiantito

tiantito

-[D]-

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well if the person told you that it wont happen again i think he meant it and you should not tell the other person but if you really care about the other person you should tell him/her and if they really want to get married or something i think they will work it out

for me the worst thing ive done in cheating is to give little goodbye kiss [im not the cheating kind of guy] how lame isnt it!!! anyway i really love my girlfriend

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thelunarmage

thelunarmage

I'm getting too old for this...

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Mordin that's a horrible position to be in and that friend of yours should not be putting you in such a difficult situation, especially since it's making you feel so guilty when you see your two friends together. Although I've never been in such a situation my advice would be this:

I think you should talk to the friend who has put you in this position one-on-one and tell them how you're feeling. Urge them to be honest to their partner as others have already said because if it truly is harmless they should have nothing to worry about and the love shared between them should be strong enough to work through this.

Hope this helps. PM me if you have any more questions as I'd like to help you out as a third-party sounding board if it'll help. :)

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  • Feb 07, 2005

Archer79

Nerdly Ghost

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Celessa presumed it's a *him* ?

Well.. ...That's no good. If they're ready to tie the knot and become a family, this person's got to be serious. ...If it is a guy, his wife won't be all sexy and hot in her third trimester, and just won't be in the mood for lovin' every night. ....If he can't hold it together now, this won't be a marriage, it'll be a farce. ...If it was a girl doing it... ...Well... It spells marital doom either way. ...And I hope kids don't get involved. :(

...It's really not your place to say anything to the other party. I know I kinda caused my ex to heat up with me. We didn't make out. ...But it was too close. She told her B/F, and all three of us had to deal with it. ...And now she's got a stronger bond with him than ever before. ...But I think the person that did it needs to be honest about it. If you can't be honest with your (soon-to-be) spouse, than you're in big, big trouble. ..I don't think you should say anything to the other party unless the party you witnessed doesn't come forward with the truth. ...If the secret is still there, it's something you'll have to decide on your own. :-o ...I'll be glad I don't have to make that decision.

  • Feb 07, 2005
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Never cheated. But I have been the cheatee.

If you think your one friend is really telling the truth it might be worth giving them a second chance. But if it went any firther than kissing, the other person has a right to know.

  • Feb 07, 2005

Aplos

Aplos

Meow-mix

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Please stop referring to the person who did the cheating as a he. Sorry, just had to say that since Mordin didn't specify if it was the the guy cheating. And as far as I know, could be wrong, but women statistically cheat more on men.

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Lit0Tammy

Lit0Tammy

dude :D

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Quote by AplosPlease stop referring to the person who did the cheating as a he. Sorry, just had to say that since Mordin didn't specify if it was the the guy cheating. And as far as I know, could be wrong, but women statistically cheat more on men.

Is that really true? :/ I'd think guys are more likely to cheat on their g.f

I for one would never even think about cheating on my b.f, I'd break it off before I do anything.

Aplos

Aplos

Meow-mix

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Believe me...I thought it was pretty weird too but I guess that's why stereotyping is plain bad. Anyways...you have a tough one in your hands Mordin. I wish I could help but I pretty much know nothing about relationships...friendships even.

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I think... if they're thinking about getting engaged/have already gotten engaged... and it's true that the person said they wouldn't cheat again... well. -_- How to say? Ehm.. I think all secrets would eventually come out between two people that close. So they will be honest in their own time. I think that's what I was trying to say. >_< Still, Mord, please don't feel guilty or anything! It's a bad position to be in, yes. But if that person says it won't happen again, you should rest assured that it won't. And if it does, well... then it'd be something to tell - and it'd be that person's fault for throwing away such a long relationship. Anyways, I agree with archer and lunar.

Um. XD About the topic's question, though. <-hasn't had a bf to break up with... I don't know why I even clicked on the thread. :nya:

And for the record, as opposed to Celessea, I was more inclined to assume that it was the girl cheating. ^_^' Eeps.

randomspace

randomspace

Why are you here anyway?

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people here have said some good things.
Honestly if someone cheats on anouther , they should be honest with the other person, if your in a committed relationship then it is necassary to be faithful to each other and there should be little good reason for anyone to keep such secrets.

Honestly if someone wants to cheat then they don't need to be in a relationship. If they want to cheat, why would they be in a relationship, if they have cheated during a current relationship, they need to tell there significant other and deal with whatever problems, be it will or commitment, or whatever reason good or bad.

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  • Feb 07, 2005
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Thelunar mage has the best advice. Talk to the cheater about the event and how it makes you feel.

When it comes down to it, it's not your place to tell the cheatee what happened; that's for those two to resolve. But you can put pressure on the cheater to talk about it with the cheatee.

It sucks to have to keep a confidence that hurts someone else, but again it's not your place to break that confidence.

Perhaps the cheater will ask you to break the news to the cheatee; that might help, as you would be an intermediary and can help defuse the initial pain. But don't undertake this yourself without the cheater's permission. Neither one will trust you again -- the cheater for breaking a confidence, the cheatee for not telling about the incident sooner.

  • Feb 07, 2005
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You should get your friend who cheated to tell the other or just tell that person yourself. If there's an explanation, it's better to explain than have them find out for themselves. Honesty is important in relationships. You shouldn't lie about insignificant things because they shouldn't matter, and you shouldn't lie important things because the other person has the right to know. Withholding important information is just as bad as lying.
And I refuse to cheat, assist in cheating, or be the one another is cheating with in relationships.

  • Feb 08, 2005

cereshe22

cereshe22

goddess

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yes because im hurt thats why i just enjoyed myself had commited with more than one relationship. <_<

  • Feb 08, 2005

Summoner

Lotosypherine

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I don't make relations so there is no possibility I cheat on them.

n>1

  • Feb 08, 2005

Archer79

Nerdly Ghost

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So... ...Do we get to know what happened?

  • Feb 09, 2005

Mordin

Mordin

The Wise One

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An update to my situation:

I meet with that person (let's called that person A, I don't want to create a gender sterotype on cheating) on wed, the couples invited me to a social dinner. It didn't go very well as I had hope. It took me couple of days to get some perspective on what happen. Because I was so damn angry before, now I can write more rationally on what happen. I went to the apartment they resided in and I didn't get a chance to talk to A when B(the person who got cheated) intercept me for some questioning. At first, I thought B wanted some help on preparing the food, but B ended up asking me a lot of question. It seems A skip a date with B on the date that A cheated on B, and A made up a elaborate story involving me to cover A's skin. A never told me about that, and I was perplex when B start asking me question about that day. It took me some quick wits to just not make a mess. B was suspecting something, because I could feel it. A put me a hell of a spot, because A just put me in middle of a potential doemstic dispute. I was very angry and ashame that I have lied to B again. :angry:

After dinner, I got a chance to talk to A alone. All A did was thanking me on protecting the secret. It just seems like A wants this secret to remaind a secret forever. I was tired of covering for A, so I tried to talk A to confess to B. A just reacted negatively to any suggestion I made, and I was very close to snap my anger. I have never been so angry in my entire life. A wouldn't change A's position, and the lies is going to snowball on A someday. A is taking me along on the fall, and I can't believe someone I called a friend to be this selfish. Of course after couple of days of thought, I put the whole context in a very reasonable terms, because I would have use many other word choice that wouldn't be permited in the forum. ;) I walked out on A after the talk because I was very close to the edge in sanity, and I also avoided looking a B in the eyes because I think B knew something was up, and B suspected I know something about it. I think I should stop involve myself on their problems anymore. I feel very bad for B. I warned A, if A ever use me to lie again, I would tell B and forsaken the 6 years of friendship we have. I guess life has way too many bumps for people to handle. :)

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  • Feb 11, 2005

Keitaro08

Keitaro08

Always o_Oing

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no, never OX !

And I hope they didn't , too ^_^' !

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Archer79

Nerdly Ghost

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I'm sorry things went that way Mordin. I doubt this will make you feel any better, but maybe A and B aren't meant to be... It's really stinky that A put you in that situation. Esp. since you (unknowingly) became the alibi.

It's kinda cool that B can tell something's up with A though. :)

  • Feb 15, 2005
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Well, A clearly has problems. If A is trying to implicate you in the lies to B, time to distance yourself from A.

If B puts the question to you directly, I'd say go ahead and discuss the problem with B. A needs to learn about the consequences of lying, and you are under no obligation to keep A's secrets now.

  • Feb 16, 2005
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I could understand A making a mistake they deeply regreted and asking you to keep it a secret.
To implicate you is one of the biggest no-nos I can think of completely unforgivable.
If it was me I could have let the secret slide if I believed they were sincere about it being a mistake.
No way would I let it slide if they tried to USE me as an alibi.

  • Feb 21, 2005

Kumiko-H

Kumiko-H

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I have always felt that a relationship built on lies will never stand up to time. Maybe you shouldn't say anything but you should tell the one who cheated that they are starting their relationship down a road of turmoil. I have always told guys that I am involved with that if they cheat, call me to let me know the relationship is over. I wont get mad, I just need to know that he has already ended the relationship. To me cheating ends your relationship even if you never say something about it. I see marriage as a endless commitment between two people. If these two marry and the other finds out of the others infidelity, it complexes the marriage. Respect is lost and no one wins.

To answer the threads question, no I have never cheated, but I have been cheated on. It sucks but I deal well with harsh situations.

Good luck Mordin. Hopefully everything will work out for the best.

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  • Feb 27, 2005

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