Inner conflict

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tecnophreak

tecnophreak

retired user

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before I start my depressed rant of understanding, MODS, is there a way t hat we can get a forum for this kind of thing? i just don't want to bother the others.

if anyone truly reads this whole thing, i truly thank you. wit all my heart.

The delicacy of the mind is an imperative thing to keep im mind at all times. like all creatures,
humans tend to take in his/her surroundings continuously, a survival trait that most likely
will never dissappear. what is so terribly sad about this, is a single action---eye contact, body pose
, even a single word can confuse and detrail a train of thought, a feeling, a purpose or anything for that matter
in a person, allowing for the true identity of the intent to be ever-clouded.

Art is an exception here though, for the artist, if skillful enough, can express the intent
and/or feeling, etc with music, picture, etc. although this may be an exception, the EXCACT intent cannot
be truly known in the same way as opposed from the original source. the point of this that all words and actions have lost thier meaning to me. I am numb. noone can truly know how one feels/thinks, etc
"I love you" is a mere statment intended for a response. the only one who can truly know what i am, how i feel, and everything that is me, is the lord. I have my times of depression/happiness, but this is the truth that i speak. the world before us is a facade much like the matrix, but in a bigger way than we can ever imagine. I can only hope that i am proven wrong someday...Until then, I am a walking dream.

I do not write this out of self-pity, depression, or negativity, I only realize what is really composed of the sentient life that is humanity. you felling me yet? most likely not.in a purely objective view, suppose you say to someone that ypu are around them all the time, but don't talk too much. what d oyou think they would percieve you as? instead of going into examples I will simply say this: "we, as humans, take pure advantage of the life that we have. we don't care how others feel, what they are doing, etc, and if you are polite, they think you wnat something." ok, i can see that. but why think that all the time?
the meaning of sadness has no bearing on the overwhelming pit that is my life. can god fill that pit? can i live up to his grace? i can try. and i will.

but i am starting to think that i was put on this world to teach others. and in respect omy persona, never have a soulmate in this life. whatever my purpose, my disposition, my life, i will live it to the fullest in jesus' name. one final question: why in the HELL does DC talk make me depressed?????? maybe becuase they sound so happy talking about someone they love....before i confuse further, i shall leave.

now you see why my walls are dark...

EDIT: oh, and btw, this has been a fairly good day.

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  • Feb 16, 2005

skysong

skysong

~SMS~

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Uh....i don't know why DC Talk makes you depressed, I actually like their music, and I sincerely hope they get back together some day...
Don't give up tecno! If you really believe in God, then you know he has a purpose for you and you alone! You can't say for sure you will 'never have a soulmate in this life', maybe you just haven't met them yet. Love is not just a statement meant for a response, but saying I love you is a statement meant to portray an emotion. Sure its hard many times to really portray emotions with mere words, and it takes more than that most of the time anyways.
These are just some of my thoughts after reading this, and yes I read the whole thing ;) I don't know if this was the response you were looking for, but I took a stab at it anyway...

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  • Feb 16, 2005

OracleAngel

Retired Moderator

OracleAngel

-... de lovbot-

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Art for me is something to get on with the past, to erase the pain and torment our minds conjure up each day....more like a drug for me but now its mostly a lesson for enlightenment. Words say that we express deep in ourselves, (even though i have lost some understanding on how people see my art and wonder if they actually read it...or maybe im just wasting my time writng with all my heart knowing that less people will actually comment about it ) but i still do. Words are just words said my our mouths, the rest is up to our other senses which pick it up...!

i know where your getting at and i have tasted the fruits of my depression and self hate...never has it tasted so sweet, maybe sweet enough to even be the best damn artist this world has to offer but still im in my journeyman stage.What i have learnt from depression is that once you give and give it takes away the fabric of your perception with both reality and imagination, i cant say its a good thing because i space out at times where i dont think im existing nor do i belong in this world. I have been evolving, evolving to a state where i dont know where i begin or end in this life....No one can answer the questions we ask or why it has to be this way....we ourselves have that sort of power in our lives, we just have to have a little faith and trust in God! Sometimes his plan works for us and we just play along with it until our ascendant to the next life.

All i know is that i came to this world to Help others get on with their lives in anyway possible either be talking with them, drawing a picture for them or even sacrificing my own life just for them to live....it doesnt matter if you believe there isnt someone for you because thats just makes more people search rather than just wait for it to hit them over the head. "God gives me strength so i may help others...." isnt that God's real purpose for us?

Now you know that i have mixed moody feelings when it comes to making walls....dont necessarily dwell in the darkest and lightest of things, I am neither in heaven nor hell but in limbo if paople say that when stuck in the middle....for my journey is still long... >_>

Whos DC? Dernier Cri? o_o

SilentMasamune

SilentMasamune

I'm all washed up. . .

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Art is expressive. By submitting dark walls, you are giving a message to the other members that you still need to come out into the light. But, you are sometimes misunderstood. Darkness still looms inside, and you aren't really able to convey your greatest feelings.

Some of the walls I make express happiness, while other walls I make are dark and gloomy, an expression of contempt. It all depends on what you currently feel or what you have felt in the past.

I hope that made sense. :)

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  • Feb 16, 2005

SamuraiHaruko

SamuraiHaruko

Butterfly

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Art for me....it's an escape from reality...I hate my life and I seem to live in this fantasy I created...it's hard for me to decide what things are real and what aren't....The things I draw such a happy person....I feel depressed. I mean it's not really how I feel but it helps me feel better. I think art, for me, is only for me..if other ppl like it then I'm glad, but there's always deep meanings in my pictures... I find it hard to imagin that I'm alone basically on my piece of paper, kinda like a waste, hence my sig lol Lifes rough, so eat a pickel....there I go again...

I think art has created me to be like this because well I seem to make a joke out of everything....lol One day I'll actually draw how I feel since I seem to draw the opposite of what I feel....it's kinda odd...i get my self so confused...in fac I'n confused rigth!....

What was I talking about again????

See now there's a separate from Idiot from moron....I have no idea whatt hat difference is but i seem to find it in my art...I know I can do better.....and I end this with

Art is FOOD

Magically Delicious, yo.

artgeek12

artgeek12

the curious Art Fox

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whoops! Double post. Read below.....

Artgeek12 - Proud member of NewWaveProject!
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Organizer of the Olympiad Project, where everyone one is needed and welcome!

artgeek12

artgeek12

the curious Art Fox

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-WARNING-
Long rant that may be incoherent and non-senseacle. Proceed at your own risk of being enlightened. :)

Interesting post. Although being young in the grand scheme of things, I have experience enough things to grasp a wide variation of emotions and states of mind. Being an enlightened artist (in my own sense of the word) I have learned to observe, deconstruct, analyse and mimic. This not only applies to art but to life in general. That is why many of my friends don't understand why, if I am so knowledgable, I'm not more successful.

I've come to terms with my limitations, my flaws, my goals and how they relate to others in society. In the words of my co-worker, "I don't giive a damn!" The only thing we can control is ourselves. There is no way around this, it is a fundamental truth. We can influence but not control. Being one of my "truths" I decided long ago to do the things I want my way. Granted, it has brought me pain, poverty, extreme heartache, and many other things I still wouldn't do anything differently (ok, maybe a few things) because going through all those things, good and bad, have shaped me and lead me to where I am suppose to be in the future.

You should have seen me in high school, tecno. Although I always had a smile on my face and was friendly to people, I had this dark side that would scare people. I never did anything to anyone or myself but my thoughts were clouded by the confusion of adolescence. Even up to college...the length of time that people go through this period is different but the reasons are usually very similar. It's an internal quest to forge an identity for yourself. No light without dark. How do you truly know the darkness having never known the light? In my own life I have walked the median looking to both sides observing and understanding. It isn't even the result that matters but the actual effort.

i don't think that an artist necessarily need to be skilled in order to touch another's soul. Being a student of art, I have seens works ranging from cave drawings to conceptual art and let me tell you, many of them I think totally suck if you were to talk about skill. Others I have seen suck at skill but shine because of the concept or idea. To some artists (especially in popart) it was the meaning, not the work itself. You should really read the essays that some of these artist wrote regarding the movement they were part of. I think it would be surprisingly enlightening for you (although they were more artists that writers...man they can't explain anything!)

Human, by nature, are selfish. It is a self defence mechanism that is built into our systems. Although there by default, it can be overriden by willpower. Don't have willpower? Have lots but nothing changed? That would be your fault (nothing directed personally). My parents are from two different religeous BG's and I have therefore come to my own "faith". Religeon is that driving force that makes people wake up and continue with their life. No one wants to believe that there is no purpose to our lives. That is what faith is for. To drive us. Faith can be anything though. I want to enjoy life and everything in it. If doing so kills me faster (for me, there is a reason I say this) then so be it. My "faith" is me. I believe in me and my abilities and therefore I wake up thinking, "what am I going to do today" not worrying about others.....to an extent. Being that this is my thinking process you'd think I was a total ass. I can be, but am not. Ask my friends and you'll know that I am one of the nicest, most considerate and almost "normal" guy you've ever met. That's only because I decided I wanted to be that person.

For me, life is about 5 main things; Art, Women, Food, Family and Knowledge (in no particular order.) My good friends are like family so that's in there too. I've found my things....continue pushing through and become your own light in this "ugly and beautiful world" (had to throw in an anime reference :) )

Artgeek12 - Proud member of NewWaveProject!
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Hmm..

I am not too aware of my surroundings. I walk through my days in a sort of ignorant bliss, due to make lack of observation. Whenever I think about deep thoughts, they are quickly fought back by more pleasant things such as what next fun thing I should do.

Basically, I escape from reality, and I intend to do so for the rest of my life. If all works well, I will die the happiest man who ever lived.

  • Feb 21, 2005

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