What should I do? I really have no clue..

page 1 of 2 1 2 Next » 34 total items

tareren

tareren

||Teh Panda Queen||

Cancel

I need your opinion about this...
I have a very very close friend that I care so much about.. you can say that she's my bestest friend in the whole world..I've known her for quite sometime, and now we lived in different countries.
Not long ago she decided to pursue her studies in UK, and here's the problem...
Few weeks before she actually went to UK, a guy, X, is attracted to her and started flirting and everything else until... she finally fell for him too..
Few months ago she went UK to study in the university, but sadly, after a few months, she cannot bear being so far away with X and decided to come back to her home country to see X and decided what to do with her life, whether she is going to keep studying in UK, or to go back to her home country and pursue her study there instead.
After being back home for a month, she then decided to stay there and not going back to UK at all, throwing away all her chances and opportunities, and a quite large sums of money that her parents already paid for her studies.
I would not mind so much if the guy is worth it.. the thing is, I really do not think that he worths all her effort and sacrifices. X is not someone whom you would call an exemplary boyfriend. I could not elaborate further for this matter, just take my word for it. I would not say that he is very horrible, but he does not worth that much sacrifices.
Furthermore, I am afraid that she would not last long with X, what if he is not her true love or something like that? They may break up in few months time, it is very possible.. what if they do not love each other, only some short term crush?
So, then, what should I do? Should I say something to her? I tried to advise her already, but she still stand with her decision. Should I try to reverse her decision or let it as it is? I am afraid to force her to go back to UK because she was really really sad at that time and even cried everyday as she missed him so much.... I have no clue.. Help!!!

Signature
	Image

fireflywishes

Retired Moderator, Linguistics

fireflywishes

Calgon, take me away~!

Cancel

this is tough. it seems like you've already tried talking to her. but that's really all you can do (well besides putting her in a burlap sack and forcibly dragging her back to UK. j/k!) i know it's tough to sit back and watch her throw her life away, but sometimes the only way we learn is to make mistakes. i've had a friend who was in the position of your friend... but i've also had a friend who is treating his gf like sh**. if you interfere, you risk losing her as a friend. so all you can do is just tell her that she shouldn't throw her future away for a guy. (frankly, they're not worth it! XP )

there's a group on here where u can also get help called Assistance Coalescence.

Signature Image

calisqo

calisqo

::RERAITO::

Cancel

Xd we need Dr. Phill XD

to My opinion.... alright
I think u should leave them alone. Afterall love is blind xd
u probably care a bit too much there , after all she's your bestest friend right, I kinda understand how u prob think. And i think it's alright to care about someone u respect as a best friend.

But interfering probably will only make the matter bit to complicated. Then she would prob go into the wrong thinking about u (after all girls tend to think more about jealousy issues , although u know your intention is good). would you risk your friendship over that?

At least you've talked with her about your opinion, and i think it's already good enough of you as her friend. just hope she'll find the truth for herself without sacraficing too much of her future

Good luck.

SilentMasamune

SilentMasamune

I'm all washed up. . .

Cancel

If the other guy is not worth it for the girl, you're going to have to stand up and tell her that what she is doing is wrong. Throwing away money for another guy is really unnecessary. It's just one person, but I think she'll understand what she did wrong eventually. After all, there are no lessons in victory, but there are 1000 lessons in defeat.

Signature Image
Support Limerock Cafe - full feature forum and gallery

  • Feb 24, 2005

tareren

tareren

||Teh Panda Queen||

Cancel

I really think she's throwing her future away... but I am not sure what to do... she knows that i am against her decision..

Signature
	Image

bloodphoenix

bloodphoenix

Shadowflame

Cancel

You need to show her that you actually care about her future and her happiness instead of just showing that you dissaprove of this jackass(whoever he is)you need to show her the fact that she is pointlessly wasting a good opportunity for an education and also you should make her check if she really does actually love this person try and make her think about it deeply

Time is wriitten on the wind Fate is not carved in sheets of stone these are the words that I have heard~gasaraki
I lie in darkness because darkness lies in me

  • Feb 24, 2005

XavierCrow

From Angel to Vigilante

Cancel

I don't know... but it seems to me that if their relationship was going to be strong and last, then her boyfriend should've moved over to the U.K. to be with her and support her in her life. It seems that she's in one of those "I'll do anything for that guy" situation and you can plainly see that it's not working out well for her. If there's anything I've learnt about women is that they don't want their friends in their love-business. I think it's rather heartless of them, but they can't help it. XP Talk to her about what she wants for her future and what will happen if she stays home, allow her to come to her own conclusions and that way she'll be stuck her desicion and you're still her friend, better than ever. Hope this helps, cause the situation sucks! -_-

In the end, all there is, is what exists and what we believe or perceive is true... and there's no distinctions between the two.
- Myself

  • Feb 25, 2005

tareren

tareren

||Teh Panda Queen||

Cancel

I tried telling her the consequences and reasoning and every other advantages or disadvantage and stuffs, she said she knew all that but she like him too much.. Thing is, I think this is the first time she ever like a guy this much and that is what made her so stubborn about not going back.
That;s why I said that the guy is not worth it, he is not even willing to move to UK, and he is few years older than her (just finished uni).. yeah, this sucks...

Signature
	Image

Cancel

Ok, this might sound a bit harsh, but I think you will have to butt-out on this one. You did everything you could've done as a friend already. She should just appreciate that. But if she's that stubborn and doesn't change her decision, you don't have much of a choice but to respect that. That's what I do with my friends. I give them my opinion, but in the end its their lives. Unless they do drugs or something, I won't be meddling with them and respect their choices.

Be Free and Masturbate

  • Feb 25, 2005

XavierCrow

From Angel to Vigilante

Cancel

Well, then there's nothing further you can really do. You're obviously a good friend, otherwise you wouldn't be asking an entire community for help and I really hope she respects you for being that friend. You can only sit back and hope something good comes of all this. Maybe they'll be happy together and live on a rainbow, or maybe they'll break up and she'll come crashing down to earth. If the latter happens then she'll be looking for a friend and maybe she'll get her life back on track, doing what she wants to do. I hope she doesn't get angry with you... your loyalty is to her, not her boyfriend and hopefully she'll see that as a good thing. Good luck, anyway. Hope we're helping.

In the end, all there is, is what exists and what we believe or perceive is true... and there's no distinctions between the two.
- Myself

  • Feb 25, 2005

tareren

tareren

||Teh Panda Queen||

Cancel

I hope she won't read this.. else she'll be angry cos I publish her problem to the public.. sigh.. I tried asking different friends of mine as well, and they also do not know what to do..
Thanks for all the suggestions you guys have given me ^^

Signature
	Image

tareren

tareren

||Teh Panda Queen||

Cancel

I hope she won't read this.. else she'll be angry cos I publish her problem to the public.. sigh.. I tried asking different friends of mine as well, and they also do not know what to do..
Thanks for all the suggestions you guys have given me ^^

Signature
	Image

hykyit

hykyit

- Softie -

Cancel

Well.... This all seemed soo familiar to me.. Happened to two of my best friends... Well, except that their girlfriends are really nice...

One of my friend whose studying in Aus had to work part-time to buy an air-ticket for his gf who is studying in India and believe me, that costs a lot... Another of my friend's gf chose not to study in Australia because she wanted to be with my friend...

Well, from our point of view they might be stupid but...you're the only one who knows how much your relationship is worth rite? So i think you've already did your best by caring for them..Now the only thing you can do is to show your support to your good friend...She will really need it in this period...I wish you and your friend good luck then~

I just cant stop talking~ XD

Cancel

what are u waiting for dude? you should stop her seeing this guy if u "care" about her so much, which i believe you do. dude, those loves that starts with flirts last like few little years or months, and her future worth MORE since her parent's efforts are in there and this may ruin her life, which will cost her several TENS of years. gosh man, why didn't u ask her out before? best friends know each other well, so they know how other feel in diff situation. that's what best friends are for, and she should really hear you if she is your best friend.. i mean, she shouldn't just give a quick thought about a advice of her future from a best friend. man, if i had a best friend like you did and someone tried to flirt on her and mess her "future" life, i would kick the "#$^%#@!%" out of him. i think you should get her back and confess to her lol... and wait until she returns. oh yeah, write some letters too.. it's really good to write letters to each other about their life or problems and help each other out, because that really means a lot to girls~ (that's what true love is for~)

Cancel

what are u waiting for dude? you should stop her seeing this guy if u "care" about her so much, which i believe you do. dude, those loves that starts with flirts last like few little years or months, and her future worth MORE since her parent's efforts are in there and this may ruin her life, which will cost her several TENS of years. gosh man, why didn't u ask her out before? best friends know each other well, so they know how other feel in diff situation. that's what best friends are for, and she should really hear you if she is your best friend.. i mean, she shouldn't just give a quick thought about a advice of her future from a best friend. man, if i had a best friend like you did and someone tried to flirt on her and mess her "future" life, i would kick the "#$^%#@!%" out of him. i think you should get her back and confess to her lol... and wait until she returns. oh yeah, write some letters too.. it's really good to write letters to each other about their life or problems and help each other out, because that really means a lot to girls~ (that's what true love is for~)

Cancel

Quote by hahajungwhat are u waiting for dude? you should stop her seeing this guy if u "care" about her so much, which i believe you do. dude, those loves that starts with flirts last like few little years or months, and her future worth MORE since her parent's efforts are in there and this may ruin her life, which will cost her several TENS of years. gosh man, why didn't u ask her out before? best friends know each other well, so they know how other feel in diff situation. that's what best friends are for, and she should really hear you if she is your best friend.. i mean, she shouldn't just give a quick thought about a advice of her future from a best friend. man, if i had a best friend like you did and someone tried to flirt on her and mess her "future" life, i would kick the "#$^%#@!%" out of him. i think you should get her back and confess to her lol... and wait until she returns. oh yeah, write some letters too.. it's really good to write letters to each other about their life or problems and help each other out, because that really means a lot to girls~ (that's what true love is for~)

Although I'm not sure, I don't think Tareren mentioned anywhere that he has a crush on or is in love with his friend. The only thing he mentions is that she's wasting her education becuz of her new bf, thats all.

Be Free and Masturbate

  • Feb 27, 2005

ejwcobra

ejwcobra

Master Hacker

Cancel

i would say time makes the heart grow fonder... it should at least, talk to her about going back to the UK and her studies, and have the two of them chat via internet.

Think deeply of simple things.

Cancel

lol.. sry.. i guess i went overboard... about that love thing.. dunno why but i thought that he liked the girl or something.... and sry for the double posting, my internet had some problem and i thought it didn't send at the first click because it didn't move... so anyways, sry for the double posting and the going over the line thingy....
anyways, Tarern, just curius, but do u go to angelette.com?

tareren

tareren

||Teh Panda Queen||

Cancel

"gosh man, why didn't u ask her out before?" quote from hahajung

Erm, hahajung..its not that I LOVE my best fren tt way.. yup.. i care about her as a friend ^^
dutchforce is right.. and btw dutchforce, am a gal ^^

and as i have mentioned, i cannot bear to see her being so sad either, and i know she count in my opinion as well when she made her decision, and that was what made me restrain meself from actually trying really really hard to stop her...i think i will try to persuade her once again since there is still little hope that she will go back to UK to study now, before that little hope is lost .... >.< sighhhhhh...

Thanks everybody ^^

Signature
	Image

XavierCrow

From Angel to Vigilante

Cancel

lol, I gotta laugh at how everyone thought you were a dude. I think it's the name and the situation combined, but I thought it at first too. Apologies from us all. ^_^' Either way, it doesn't matter whether you're a girl or guy or in love with her or not. Our points still remain the same. One way or another this will work out, but it will take time. Just remember that she's not friends with us, she's friends with you and you must only listen to yourself at the end of the day. It's easy for us to comment, but we're not in the situation... things may be very different for you.

In the end, all there is, is what exists and what we believe or perceive is true... and there's no distinctions between the two.
- Myself

  • Mar 01, 2005

smilebit

smilebit

aristocat

Cancel

shoot the guy, then she'll have no reason to stay. no really, just joshing, oh i feel like such a bad person now. oh well. it really is her decision on this matter. it is cool that you care about her deeply and want the best for her, but it is up to her, it is her life. sorry. oh well.

Signature
	Image

tareren

tareren

||Teh Panda Queen||

Cancel

Hmm.. maybe i should change my name to cuter one... with chan behind LOL XD
Ah, once again I thanked you all for replying and giving advises.. Maybe I will tell you what the result is once I sort this out ^^ Thank youuuuuuu OX
Erm, those who still have advices are welcome to post them :)

Signature
	Image

XavierCrow

From Angel to Vigilante

Cancel

Quote by tarerenHmm.. maybe i should change my name to cuter one... with chan behind
LOL XD Ah, once again I thanked you all for replying and giving
advises.. Maybe I will tell you what the result is once I sort this out

Lol, we'd have to get used to you all over again! I'm having preminitions of "Chad-chan" or something just to spite us. XP I'm intigued now, why'd you choose the name Tareren? I don't know a lot about names, but it seems original.

Ah, getting off the point again! ^_^'

Yeah, please let us know, even if just a little. I think this'll end up as a "well, it sucks because _______ , but it's okay" type situation... (forgive my pesimism) but whatever happens, let us know and be happy....?

In the end, all there is, is what exists and what we believe or perceive is true... and there's no distinctions between the two.
- Myself

  • Mar 01, 2005

tareren

tareren

||Teh Panda Queen||

Cancel

Hmmm.. as a matter of fact I also think so.... LOL, though I really really hope the situation would turn out to the best....
Hm, about your question (digress digress digress XD), its the combi of my name and my fave cartoon character which is tarepanda ^^ (guess whats my real name hehe)
[img]z:\Images\tarepandastuck.gif[/img]

Signature
	Image

page 1 of 2 1 2 Next » 34 total items

Back to Love, Friends & Family | Active Threads | Forum Index

Only members can post replies, please register.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Read more.