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Would you forgive him/her?

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tareren

tareren

||Teh Panda Queen||

Let say you have a boyfriend/girlfriend (bf/gf)..
One day you found out that he had been cheating behind your back.. the thing is, what he/she had done cannot exactly be called cheating, cause all he/she had done is flirting with other girls/guys (note the plural form), maybe go for a date or two.. but no physical touch, no kissing no anything... Would you forgive him/her when you found out about this?

Another problem.. what if this happened to your close friend and you knew it (that he/she flirts with practically everyone around) but your friend does not have any knowledge AT ALL...
Would you tell your friend?

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Ayamael

Ayamael

yumemitai

hum.. no touching? i'd probably forgive and forget... once... but i don't know if i'd keep on doing that forever...

if it were my friend, i'd probably try to tell him/her... depending on the situation... but yeah, i prefer being honest than keeping those kind of secrets to myself...

So long as her heart is mine Im okay with it

Mishikaiya

Mishikaiya

The Black Goddess

I agree with Ayamael. I would only forgive and forget once. I sure don't want to be fooled like that all the time.

As for my friend. I'd tell them. I'd be really careful about how I mentioned it though.

"Hello world, suck the life from my voice and breathe it back into yourselves"

if no touching, id probably (eventually) forgive him/her. id still be pissed, though, for a while. and if there was any actual touching going on, then id find it harder, especially if you had to hear it from someone else. id definitely be more inclined to dump them if they never actually told true - hearing it from someone else like what happened with me once is it - i draw the line at that.

destati

Yuusha-Oh

It wouldn't be instant break up, but I would definitely try to resolve the issue. Cheating on me in a relationship is something that I am very strongly against. Like Ayamael said, maybe once is forgiveable, but after that, no way. If she had a problem with me and wanted to see other people, I would want her to just come out and say it. Less pain that way.

And yes, I would definitely tell my friend. Letting it go would just make it more painful when they eventually do find out.

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CyanideBlizzard

Retired Moderator

CyanideBlizzard

Margarita Time!

This person shouldn't be in a relationship.

I actually had a discussion with my girlfriend about that and we both strongly hate cheaters. There is no excuse for it. If your gonna be committed to someone then at least you can be honest with them. I hate people who give the excuse " I didn't want to hurt you" B.S. If you didn't want to hurt the person don't cheat on them.

Though... If the person still had love and they were willing to work it out, I would. But if they don't care or do it again, its not worth wasting your time with someone that can't learn. They can fool around until they feel like trying to have a relationship.

Yes I am rather harsh, I don't think cheating is necessary, nor is lying about it.

EDIT -
In comment to yours, give them proof that they've been cheated on, introduce them to the person that they've been cheating on. That'll wake someone up. I feel sorry for that person for being so loyal in to believe that they would never be cheated on. I'd hate to be that person when they find out the harsh reality of life.

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tareren

tareren

||Teh Panda Queen||

Hm.... what if your friend do not believe you when you told him/her and turned against you instead cos he/she thinks that you are lying?

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Yoh

Yoh

Yoh The Great!

To forgive that person? don't think so, about telling a friend, I would tell him, if he doesn't want to believe me, well that isn't my fault. :nya:

Earn money reading e-mails here

Quote by tarerenHm.... what if your friend do not believe you when you told him/her and
turned against you instead cos he/she thinks that you are lying?

Well, at least it will be on his/her mind when you tell them.. You can't do anything about that.. except tell him/her that you're just trying to look out for them.

As for the whole situation, it's important that the boyfriend/girlfriend who is flirting with other people knows that this is unacceptable. Sometimes, all it takes is a conversation about expectations.

SealedSorrow

SealedSorrow

Happiness

I would forgive this person... no matter what she didnt come in close physical contact (maybe its just their style)...

Telling a friend no... That will be the person's decision no matter how he/she may want to know

Wont you let me see what Real Happiness Trully is...
Because if this is Happiness then I want more...
I know its selfish...
But have you ever felt so much Pain...
When will you understand that the why sun dont shine through my window...
And when will you understand that I am not really what I seem...
And When will you understand I been Wishing for you to be Happy Forever...

XavierCrow

From Angel to Vigilante

No, I'm late! XP Hmm... perhaps forgiving eventaully... it really depends on how close our relationship was. I don't believe I would trust her not to do anything after knowing... if you've been through worse then you're liable to forgive them out of contrast, but it shouldn't really happen. I would tell my friend, of course... if he/she has been flirting with everyone then everyone knows it... if everyone else knows then it's only fair to tell your friend. Let them decide for themselves whether or not they want to be with the kind of person who'd do that. Flirting is one thing, but dating is another... kinda constitutes seeing other people. If he/she is dating other people, then it's possible they have their doubts about the relationship. As for the turning against you thing, it would only really happen if that person was really into her bf/gf and trusted them explicitly. If they get mad, then it proves that they don't want to be with that kind of person. If the friend eventually see's it themselves then he/she will probably calm down and apologise for acting that way, but you'd have to keep your cool in the whole situation and understand why they might lash out at you. Hypothetically speaking of course... ^_^'

In the end, all there is, is what exists and what we believe or perceive is true... and there's no distinctions between the two.
- Myself

fooblued

fooblued

British Fetishist

Quote by CyanideBlizzardThis person shouldn't be in a relatioship.

I completely aggree. When people receive a responsibility as huge as anothers emotions, they should honor it. If that person puts themselves first over something as silly as flirting and dates, then they are probably always going to be placing their own pleasure over the other person's. I've been there, over and over. They don't change, at least they don't change until they relize that they will die alone if they don't make some personal sacrafices for a greater gain in the end. But, unfortunately, if you forgive them once they will think they can plead, cry and fake their way out of any circumstance no matter how hurtful it is to the first party. Sometimes you have to cut your losses and walk away. I'm sorry to say it never gets easier.

This signature violates the signature guidelines, thus it has been removed.

fooblued

fooblued

British Fetishist

eek double post.

This signature violates the signature guidelines, thus it has been removed.

Well...If it was only going out for a coffee or something...and they didn't have physical contacs...I wouldn't evan consider it as cheating...
I would tell my friend about it...he/she sure knows his/her gf/bf the best and can tell weather he/ she considers it to be cheating or not...

Essie

Essie

Windows 98 Lover

I have been in a relationship w/ a girl for 2 years now. We go to college together every morning and go to church together most sundays.

I laugh and joke with other girls in my classes or those who I work with, but that's not exactly cheating. I pick and tease, or just talk to other girls more like a brother than a partner. It all depends on the person, I suppose.

Windows X P Home Edition, Firefox,, Mcafee, and DOS (via DOSBox). The four girls who make up my computer. *wuv*

hykyit

hykyit

- Softie -

Oh my....You really got a lot of tough situations you know? Haha~

Seems like I've experienced soo much.... This happened to me too... Except in my situation, the person flirting around is not my gf but... The one i like... So i have no rights in saying anything to her... She's free to do as she like you know? But she's doing it without her realizing it... The way she was made many people fall for her because they misunderstood her... Erm.. Maybe including me?

Well, i dont have a solution for this... If he/she dont believe it, there's really nothing much you can do... Just hope that he/she will realize it sooner or later... Again, good luck to your friend....

I just cant stop talking~ XD

Distortion

Distortion

Bwahahaha!

I really don't think forgiving anyone is out of the question, but to add some of my personal advice and opinion to this, I was in a relationship just like this, I was crazy about this girl and she flirted with almost anything in sight, I knew about it and didn't think much of it, the problem was that this is pretty much a hint that the person wants to move on or does not think of you the way you think of them, my advice is it's time to move on and forget this relationship, it will be easier this way then the other way, I know that.

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Remember kids! Violence cures cancer!
"You're liquefied, betch!", Frylock.

DarkChronos

DarkChronos

The Wicked One This Way Comes

Quote by tarerenLet say you have a boyfriend/girlfriend (bf/gf)..
One day you found out that he had been cheating behind your back.. the
thing is, what he/she had done cannot exactly be called cheating, cause
all he/she had done is flirting with other girls/guys (note the plural
form), maybe go for a date or two.. but no physical touch, no kissing
no anything... Would you forgive him/her when you found out about this?

i dont see the problem there :S

human being was not made to stay all its life a side of just 1 single person, i dont see the problem with flirting(without touch or anything, as you posted), the problem begin when she step foward, from a game to something a bit serious, in that case... HELL RISE IN ME AND I leave NO puppet WITH head!!!!

tareren

tareren

||Teh Panda Queen||

Hm, the thing is, Essie, it is not that he only did what you did, as in talking and chatting, I would not call that flirting.. And this is not seen only by me.. but by many other friends who also thinks that what he did is definitely flirting..
And we are brought up in Asian culture, there is no need to be touching to consider it cheating (by some ppl of course, not all).. Anyway, I just want your opinion ^^ and thanks for giving them,...
Btw, my friend is really really into her bf, she even said that she would not know what to do if he left her...

Quote by hykyitOh my....You really got a lot of tough situations you know? Haha~

Yeah, I know, and this is not as if I made up all this problems.. all these really happened to my friends.. While the other problems (in the other thread) related to my best friend, this happened to one of my close friend in high school (which I still see from times to times).. :sweat:

Life sure is difficult XP guess am kinda lucky these problems did not happen to me.. if not I would already be in a state of panic T.T

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XavierCrow

From Angel to Vigilante

Well, what do your other friends think about it? Sometimes, when people are serious about someone, it scares them. They don't know what they should do... they like/love their partner but can't deal with the thought of "forever". It may be that he's scared of commitment. Some people can have very strange relationships that by all means shouldn't exist but do. There are people who share their partners with others to keep the relationship going! (Which I think is insane!!!) Some people take things much more relaxed than others and don't mind their partner flirting and don't feel threatened. I would, but I'm as serious as they come when relationships are involved. What's the guy like? Would you forsee him cheating or anything? Either way, it's not fair that your friend should have to go through this... and unfortunately, I think she may begin to. She doesn't know it yet, but it's only a matter of time. I guess the question is, how would you rather her find out?

In the end, all there is, is what exists and what we believe or perceive is true... and there's no distinctions between the two.
- Myself

hykyit

hykyit

- Softie -

Quote by tarerenYeah, I know, and this is not as if I made up all this problems.. all these really happened to my friends.. While the other problems (in the other thread) related to my best friend, this happened to one of my close friend in high school (which I still see from times to times).. :sweat:

Life sure is difficult XP guess am kinda lucky these problems did not happen to me.. if not I would already be in a state of panic T.T

Well, this can only mean you have a lot of friends!! Haha~ Or maybe you're too caring~ Hmmm... Even though these problems didnt happen to you, but it happens around the people you know.. So i guess you still can't be too happy.. Hahahaha~ Again.. I wish you and your friend good luck~!! See ya! ^^

I just cant stop talking~ XD

well if it just flirting and no physical contact then its fine ...

it' a bit funny that you mention this, just this morning i saw my friend gf flirting with some other guy, after that i tell him about what i saw. he totally went beserk....

'advice' don't ever tell your friend that his gf is flirting with some other guy x_x

XavierCrow

From Angel to Vigilante

Quote by lanxxwell if it just flirting and no physical contact then its fine ...
it' a bit funny that you mention this, just this morning i saw my
friend gf flirting with some other guy, after that i tell him about
what i saw. he totally went beserk.... 'advice' don't ever tell your
friend that his gf is flirting with some other guy x_x

Man, that sucks Lanxx... however, I'm not sure about your advice. In most situations, people say, "Stay out of it, noe of your business" and / or "It'll only be taken out on you!" etc., but if I were in that situation, I would want to know if my GF was doing that. Personally, if everyone else knew and didn't tell me, not only would I feel like a loser, but also I'd be unsure how much I could really trust my friends. You become someone's friend for a reason, and there's a lot of honour in friendship... I'd feel it my duty to tell them, out of sheer honour, but hey, that's just me.

In the end, all there is, is what exists and what we believe or perceive is true... and there's no distinctions between the two.
- Myself

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