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everyday death

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comprogrammer

comprogrammer

Changing in the Light

have you ever felt suicidal? just wanting everyday to end you life cause you knew it would hurt less to just end it all. december 29, 2004 i tried to kill myself. i had grown cold and lonely. almost as though my soul was broken. like i was an empty shell walking about aimlessly, just going through the motions of everyday life. i was going to crash my car into a tree at 90. i don't really remember what exactly stopped me from doing it that night. i remember a bunch of things though that had a hand in it. i started to think about my mom and how i would kill her too. then i thought about what would happen to my soul seeing as how i wasn't really on good terms with god. once i finnally figured i couldn't do it. i desided to run away from home. i drove 128 miles and then desided i had to turn around because i had no place to sleep. and nothing to eat, plus i was running low on cash. when i got home i realized that i had no place to go to. and that no matter where i ran the same problems would follow me there. so i started seeing a phychologist and i still see him to this day. i haven't tried to kill myself again yet, i remember one thing someone told me. "it takes a strong man to kill himself but it takes an even stronger man to go on even though he knows that life will get harder."

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babyck

babyck

>*|*< c o f f e e & t e a >*|*<

i've felt that way before too...even though i didnt really think about how to do it...i just felt like life's not worth living anymore and that all i wanted is to die...i never thought of running away from home before because of all the reasons that have already been stated by you~ but you know what?i admire the person that told you that phrase...i'm sure it's the truth and there's always someone there to guide you through! (knowing it or not...) so...NEVER GIVE UP! :D

SealedSorrow

SealedSorrow

Happiness

Quote by comprogrammerhave you ever felt suicidal? just wanting everyday to end you life cause you knew it would hurt less to just end it all. december 29, 2004 i tried to kill myself. i had grown cold and lonely. almost as though my soul was broken. like i was an empty shell walking about aimlessly, just going through the motions of everyday life. i was going to crash my car into a tree at 90. i don't really remember what exactly stopped me from doing it that night. i remember a bunch of things though that had a hand in it. i started to think about my mom and how i would kill her too. then i thought about what would happen to my soul seeing as how i wasn't really on good terms with god. once i finnally figured i couldn't do it. i desided to run away from home. i drove 128 miles and then desided i had to turn around because i had no place to sleep. and nothing to eat, plus i was running low on cash. when i got home i realized that i had no place to go to. and that no matter where i ran the same problems would follow me there. so i started seeing a phychologist and i still see him to this day. i haven't tried to kill myself again yet, i remember one thing someone told me. "it takes a strong man to kill himself but it takes an even stronger man to go on even though he knows that life will get harder."

True it takes a strong man to kill himself but a stronger man to live through his life even though it may get tough...

Why waste your life on a sucidal death, why not try save someone by putting your own at risk~

True I felt the same way before and understand life is full of pain... But if you live through it and know you conquered those obstacles thats memorable at heart forever~

Wont you let me see what Real Happiness Trully is...
Because if this is Happiness then I want more...
I know its selfish...
But have you ever felt so much Pain...
When will you understand that the why sun dont shine through my window...
And when will you understand that I am not really what I seem...
And When will you understand I been Wishing for you to be Happy Forever...

OracleAngel

Retired Moderator

OracleAngel

-... de lovbot-

Ive endured the same way as you did but in a different way...Ive thought of killing myself and people in 100000 ways as possible but never in my life have i tried taking it...no matter how much i did i always returned to myself and just started to do an art theraphy which is the best thing to do when in a crisis and all my anger, hate, depression, sorrow and lost love was struck in there and never bothered me since....Accumulated a disorder where i had an "Over Compulsive Drawing Disorder" where i drew almost every waking moment i had a chance to do so.

Through the pains in my life ive evolved from Depression, Hate, Burden, Sorrow, Escapism, Loneliness,Enlightenment, Silence, Regret and now im in the point of Sadness where i have found out that it is the main focus in my whole life. But as i look back at the past ive never been so stronger than i was before and its great...pursuing my dreams as an artist and helping people at the same time gets me going everyday now....even though ive never found the love ive always wanted but tis there somewhere in the midst of people, just have to wait and see.

Killing thyself is something not to look for in life, better yet its something you shouldnt think about because if you do then it only means one thing: YOU GAVE UP !!! and death has won on your own life....something ive learned from the inner demons which haunt me everyday but these things are in us....you just have to ask the right questions to echo a positive and straight forward answer. ^_^

Radetzky

Lord Master of all that is Chibi

I find it best to sleep on some matters. I have never woken up the same. I believe that most suicides are a product of momentary loss of judgment. In order to find out how you really feel you must change the moment. No problem is impossible, no injustice is unforgivable. Take the time to think it out and you emerge a better person.

What does it mean to be saved?
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When the world knocks you down, steals your wallet and spits in your eye; get up, dust yourself off and then round-house kick the world in the face. It's very top-heavy, it'll go right over.

my opinions is ....

i used to think that maybe it was better for me to just leave this world ... when i have some prblems, but then i realized ... the hardest things to do is not to kill yourself or suicide. but, it was to keep alive and continue to living so you would make yourself better than before ....

just my opinion ...

thelunarmage

thelunarmage

I'm getting too old for this...

I've only ever been brought to that point once and I'm sure glad that I managed to get out the other side of it. I too am seeing a counsellor at the moment, for issues that are secondary to my single moment of desperation, so I hope it goes well for you. That saying was inspirational whoever gave it to you. I think I've heard similar before, and I know my friends are wholly supportive and amazed that I keep battling on regardless of how difficult I perceive my life to be. Comprogrammer I commend you on moving forward and hope that this community will be a place of refuge where you can get extra support when you need it. If you ever need to rant to someone, feel free to PM me. I'm more than happy to listen and offer any thoughts on the subject. Keep well and keep persevering, I'm sure that in the end it'll be worth it, because at the very least you're worth it. :)

Phantom: You alone can make my song take flight! It's over now, the music of the night! - The Phantom of the Opera

Proud member of: Oldsters |MegatokyoFC | GameThreadSociety | Goddess-Fanclub | Dub-Lovers-Group | ChrnoCrusade | MT-Singles-Club | Minitokyo-Australia

Hey comprogrammer. Don't take life so hard o.k.? It can get hard at times but just remember life is a beautiful strugle. Life can get harsh but it's like what you said "it takes a strong man to kill himself but it takes a even stronger man to go on even though that life will get harder." I hope things get better for you.

Hey comprogrammer, take it easy. Everybody's been through hard stuff and I think most of us have given suicide a thought. But you shouldn't do it. There are many things to live for, even though it might not be apparent right now. Don't you want to have kids and grandkids later on? Remember, when you have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain. Take care and I hope things will get better.

Be Free and Masturbate

comprogrammer

comprogrammer

Changing in the Light

i go to the hospital more than most kids go to school, they give me pills and take blood. i mean i pop perscibed pills like they were skittles. to tell you the truth i don't know the real reason as to why i go on anymore. curious i guess.

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