Question concerning relationship

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SilentMasamune

SilentMasamune

I'm all washed up. . .

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Okay. Now most of you know that I'm in love with skysong, member at Minitokyo. The both of us agreed to being ready for any consequences and/or compromises. The problem is that she comes from an entirely different place than I do, and that place is 900 miles away. My mother said that cost and distance are 2 of the biggest factors in this.

Since I'm communicating with skysong on the internet, my mother said that the member could say anything, meaning that what could be said might be false. My mother doesn't agree that I should go some 900 miles away just to be with skysong, and I would be taking a big risk. In her opinion, the internet is where people get their identities stolen and such, which means that my mother thinks mostly negative of the internet. I don't think of the internet as a completely bad place; I think it is a great place to meet many people and have relationships as long as that person can be trusted.

A particular letter I read helped influence my decision: http://www.eharmony.com/singles/servlet/ncw/qanda;jsessionid=44CE3B55B113F01EBB8F53AA45B7C77D.01-1?dispatch=volume05
I agree with the letter so much, but my mother still thinks otherwise and thinks I shouldn't be with skysong. What should I do?

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  • Apr 22, 2005

Keough

Keough

Lockhart

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XD I've been in this situation before. Spent 12months on a LongDistanceRelationship and it was from Texas to Washington so that makes it what +2000miles? XD. Here is one thing i've learn from this wonderful relationship. Distance is only a test to see how far love can travel Or so we thought XD. Sure it sounds corny but in ways it's quite tru even in times in where u r apart the feelin will always be there. In ur case I would just say do what makes u feel good dont let other discourage u by there Opinions just live it as it is and see how thing's go. ^^ that's as much of advice i can give to u both. But it's tru.. The #1 thing in a LDR is Trust

Minato

Minato

...scatter the dream...

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I hate to say this, but...your mother is right in some aspects...who knows if skysong is who she says she is?

Still...if there's some way you can prove your identities to each other...no. This is probably just a fleeting romance...

skysong

skysong

~SMS~

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Quote by MinatoI hate to say this, but...your mother is right in some aspects...who knows if skysong is who she says she is?
Still...if there's some way you can prove your identities to each other...no. This is probably just a fleeting romance...

Well, i am not making anything up when it come to how i feel. I love Mel very much, i trust him completely, which is why i feel we need to be together sometime soon. I know there are bumps along the way, but i feel if we work hard enough, we can have our wishes come true.

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  • Apr 22, 2005

Kachie-chan

Kachie-chan

"Kay-chee-chan"

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I agree with Keough.

Dude, it's your Heart - if you love her, then go for it. :)

There are not many guys (and girls) out there who would be prepared to commit to a Long Distance Relationship. - It's diffucult, but I guess it just depends on the the two people involved.

You seem like a goodun', my friend - I wish you the very best of luck. Best wishes to both of you.

*cough* And I want an Invite to the Wedding *cough* Lol! =^-^= But, nah, seriously, I hope it all works out the way you want it to.

But, try not to be too hard on your mother - it may not seem like it, but she's only caring. Parents always try to watch out for their children, and although we may not always agree with their opinions, like I said, they're just being Parents.

Take it easy, dude. x

  • Apr 22, 2005

Keough

Keough

Lockhart

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Quote by skysong

Quote by MinatoI hate to say this, but...your mother is right in some aspects...who knows if skysong is who she says she is?
Still...if there's some way you can prove your identities to each other...no. This is probably just a fleeting romance...


Well, i am not making anything up when it come to how i feel. I love Mel very much, i trust him completely, which is why i feel we need to be together sometime soon. I know there are bumps along the way, but i feel if we work hard enough, we can have our wishes come true.

^^ it like i said Skysong.

Quote by Keoughdont let other discourage u by there Opinions just live it as it is and see how thing's go

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Q? How do u feel about it in truth? (always go with ur decision because its never wrong cause u always learn somthing usful for the future!!!) Do ur parents choose ur friends?? (I hope not but it is good they suggest things)

Don't let others change ur opinion. I for one held back as long as possible to try not have a relation with this girl I met on a forum. 5 months later couldn't hold back.

actually lets put it this way have u ever had a relation before? If so u should know what ur looking for. I'm looking for a caring person thats also tends not to steal my cash (is rich and had 3 gF that eyed my money when going out) and etc. Now well if she furfills that little love list of yours then go for it!! THough I have one problem with mine but thats small. Even throw in a little test. If ur a chanser like me I threw in a little thing that would force her to break up (still wasn't sure at the time if it was worth it) if she comes back like a day later and says sorry for what I said blablabla u Have a really great Girl/boyfriend! Though remember to repay with somthing nice back like I bought A silver chain and cross which she loves I hear. If u havn't had a relation yet I'll admit u are taking ur chances.

Btw can u afford meeting that person. I live in South africa and she lives in Utah america. I can fly down in October and stay there for half a year easy then go back some other time but can u travel 900miles? well if u can have the relation I say!!!

BTW i hope u have called this person got a photo and know if that person is well male or female depending what u hope it is.

Well good luck and all the best ^^

Drak

Drak

Dragon Child

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The question is pretty hard I must say. I don't know what I'd do in your place, but I'll say this:
Your mother does have a point (sorry Skysong, but I'm not accusing you on lying or anything), so there's always a risk.
On the other hand, I met a lot of great people through internet (some have become my really good friends).
Besides, I've always been a hopeless romantic, so if you'd force me for an answer, I'd probably advise you to give it a shot.
Well, no metter what you decide, I wish you good luck.
Best wishes to you and Skysong.

'This is the story about dragons, magic and people dreams' - Dragonblood.
Current chapter: 12

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well. . . i can´t realy help . .

all i can say is ..

the I-net isn´t as safe as moste think, people can be very different online.
there are ways of checking, you might have already don that :)
video chat, calling . . mailing photo´s. . ect . .

but remember , it might not be what you expect. . . keep that in mind when you diside.
if you want to take a chance .. go, ;) . . try it . .
if you don´t try . . you don´t win :)

but keep in mind that it can turn out a little differnet then you think. .

good luck . . sounds like you need it ;)

  • Apr 22, 2005

CACandy1988

CACandy1988

BOriginal

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Awwwwhhz... it's all so sweet, but it is true that people are different online, i've been talking to a person that i like very much but is halfway around the world and so many things have been said between us that i know he could'nt be lying and he's helped me to become a better person in that aspect, so follow your hearts and knowing that you can truely trust eachother is the most important thing, just try the best you can to make your mother see that okay? Good luck!

"Turn the other cheek too often and you get a razor blade through it" -John Lyndon

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i say your mom is right plus long distant relationships sometimes dont work out because of the fact that it cost money to call and to meet up with them and besides if you do meet up with her she might a completely different person than what she said she was who know she could be a 40 year old person i guess if you could have her send a recent picture of her and see if its been altered or doctored up than you can know the truth

WolfPuppy

WolfPuppy

A pro at the puppy whine

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Ok I can't help that much but i'll try: my opinion is that if your mother goes with you then it might be ok. It's not completely safe to meet anyone off the net in person even if you trust them. But I'm not saying that you shouldn't or couldn't go see skysong it's just that you should probably take your mom along with you. She only cares about you and wants to keep you safe. I hope everything goes as you want it! :D

bbls

bbls

Lazy days...

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wow...you have some difficult decisions to make. your mom is right in some ways, but you can always hook up with the wrong person who you see everyday/face to face...that happens in any kind of situation.

i'm not sure if you were actually planning on moving to where skysong is, but perhaps instead of taking that huge step (cuz moving is a major change), maybe you two can spend the summer together and see how your relationship progresses.

and sometimes you just have to follow your heart cuz you don't want to be asking yourself "what if" later on. and i think a relationship started from the internet is totally viable cuz i know a few friends who met their gf/bf's that way.

i wish you two the best of luck!

Don't worry about tomorrow, don't think about yesterday,
don't live in the future, just make it through today!

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  • Apr 22, 2005

Jyu-Jyu

Jyu-Jyu

*blush*

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hey mel!! well this is coming from experience of long distance relationship -- if you really want to be with each other sometimes distance is the best for you. It makes you miss that person so much more and love that person so much more -- it makes you appreciate them so much more as well -- trust is defnitely a key in long distance relationship -- BUT you do have to try to find a comprimise in at least trying to see each other at least 1 a month or every 2-3 months -- if it means you going to skysong or skysong coming to you or meeting in the middle somewhere -- spend a weekend together and have fun...that's how me and my hubbee did it -- 3 1/2 yrs like that -- and 1 of those 3 1/2 yrs we didnt see each other at all -- it's defnitely about trust -- the only thing about my situation and yours is that i met my hubbee in person first -- and we used cell phones and AIM to communicate oh and emails too ^_^ -- we found a time when it would be best for him and i to talk and every nite we talked for hours during that time -- i hope that things work out for you and skysong -- remember that you both have to put 100% in this relationship if you want it to work -- also a forewarning -- remember that you have to think with your MIND and heart not just your heart/feelings if you want this to work for the both of you -- remember do wat's best for the both of you not just you or not just her...k? if you have any further questions pm me. ^_^

p.s. remember to be honest with each other -- maybe before moving [which is an extreme] you two should meet up first -- ^_^

  • Apr 22, 2005

Kumiko-H

Kumiko-H

Professional reader

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Long distances relationships can be a bit difficult but only if the two involved are not completely committed. If the two of you really feel that it is love drawing you together and nothing else then I do not see it being wrong. Moving to be with each other can bring you to closer in more way than one. I understand how your mother feels. Mine has the same perception of the internet. But sometimes you have to only take your parents opinions as just that - an opinion. Good luck with everything. I wish you well!!!

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  • Apr 22, 2005

Mordin

Mordin

The Wise One

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well you can't gain anything if you don't risk something, I think I have told you this before, you need to make your life yours, your parents just doing their job, but they can't be you, it is up to you whether you want to do it. Everything is hard in life, there is no short cut, but as long as you don't give up, you can have what you want, see it with your own experience, because I don't think you want regrets. I think you and sky are good for each other.

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  • Apr 22, 2005
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I'm currently in a relationship like that myself.
My bf is someone I've never met or seen before.
We only comunicate through the internet at an anime forum.

I'm not sure how things will turn out. To say the complete
truth, I don't think this kind of relationship will last very long.
Friends is okay, but being a couple is different.

I'm only 14. This is my first time having a bf.
I really like him. Even love him.
But I've never met him before.
Plus even though he's in America, he's pretty far from
New York which is where I am.

I'm soooooooooooooooo confused.

  • Apr 22, 2005
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In one part, I think you should let your heart tell you what to do but I do agree that you might need to be careful with who is hanging around the net. I've seen pretty much lots of weird stuff happening around for me to take everything with a grain of salt.
Yet, Mordin said it right...You don't gain anything without trying for it so who knows? Life's too short to be undecided about matters of the heart. Stand or stare elsewhere.

  • Apr 22, 2005

Angel-on-Dragon

Angel-on-Dragon

DarkCrimson's Sex Slave

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Well Mel, I think your mother has a point and it shows that she cares for you.
But sure you know quite well my own situation *lol* I knew my girlfriend DarkCrimson just like you only from the internet... But she was here the last week and comes back on sunday. So you see, that it can work. I really loved her even more, when I met her in real life.
It's a pretty hard decision coz you never know what is waiting for you. It might be the love of your kife (as it was for me) but it might also be someone just making a joke of you (please don't take it personal, Meg, I know, you're not) or maybe something even worse.
In my opinion it would be more unusual if your mother wouldn't worry bout you ^^

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The fact some people still take time to BS online is surreal I tell you. Honestly, I would come online to pause away from my real life outside the net, not to create additional problems or issues for anyone else. With that said Mel, I would still think that it is a decision you would have to weight carefully (Yes, I'm just contradicting myself in a way).

i think life is short and you have to consider what is worth your time and what is not. You love her then go for it, just take this with a smile if it isn't for you or her...

Granted, you might just learn something and try to avoid falling into the trap of "Hmmm I dunno if I should do it next time." (of course you will) but the point here is that life is a game. You bet, you win or lose but you always come out of it with a new perspective.

  • Apr 23, 2005

Minato

Minato

...scatter the dream...

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Quote by skysongWell, i am not making anything up when it come to how i feel. I love
Mel very much, i trust him completely, which is why i feel we need to
be together sometime soon. I know there are bumps along the way, but i
feel if we work hard enough, we can have our wishes come true.

Sentimental, but touching nonetheless...if you two feel as though the other is telling the truth about each other...then you should take that risk, and try to meet each other in person.

...if that fails...then consent to loving each other online.

Mad-Hat

Mad-Hat

Organizer of 4.17 TB

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I can't really say that I have had a long distance relationship, but here's my two cents. If you two really like each other and trust each other, then you should split the cost of meeting up. Maybe not 50-50 just whatever is best for you two. Whether it be bus, airplane, or just driving yourself (driving 900 miles is quite a ways to drive and for me i'd get sleepy which is dangerous).
To me it sounds like mel is the one planning on making the trip so you should find out the cost of travel and decide how to slipt the cost.
I think trusting someone with your money would be a big step in a relationship.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world,
The unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

  • Apr 23, 2005

Kitaan

Retired Moderator

Kitaan

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I say take a chance
lifes full of chances and sometimes if you don't take then you might miss out or just be lonley for the rest of your life O.o I know thats something you don't want Mel so I say go and follow your heart to Skysong ^_^ love can overpower anything ;)

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Long distance relationships are damn hard work but not impossible...being able to trust one another is essential...your mum is obviously concerned about you and doesn't want you to get hurt but what do you want to do?...how determined are you to meet up with Sky?...you can let things slide or not...the choice is yours and yours alone...getting involved with anyone romantically always involves a certain amount of risk....you'll have to think carefully about whatever you decide to do next as a long distance relationship is not a walk in the park but with love and trust on both sides it can be done...on the other hand, if you decide to let things go will you always wonder about what might have been?....

  • Apr 23, 2005

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