Right - Mrchak - this is going to be a BIG post.
"I know also a guy that works with kids and he is a skinhead. You know what skinheads are right? OK"
So we are comparing a skinhead with highly skilled, educated people who actually work with children in their daily life
now?
A really valid comparison indeed.
The people who have written those books are people who work in kindergarten and school and are also extremely skilled
in what they teach. Some of them have done research in observering children in kindergarten and some have done research
through
discussions and interviews with children - of course they know better than YOU - who do not work with children, who dont
have several years in
enviroments with children - who's only experience is his own. Cause you can not put yourself in others experiences
when you dont know all the facts to
their life.
"Facts and reasearch dont have anything to do with real life..."
This is were you fail so miserably it hurts. It has everything to do with real life.
Facts COME OF experiences and observations of things IN the real life - otherwise it would not be known as FACTS, but
merely
presumptions.
So you dont think reserach has anything to do with real life? How do you think we have gotten so far in our day and age?
Namely through researching things and finding out facts.
I am not talking about abused children (hitting kids to a pulp), we are talking about normal children experiencing fear
and anguish through parental control.
If you as a parent can't contain yourself -if you let your kid provokoe you so much that you actually use
force to control your child - than you as a parent have lost control and respect - you have removed yourself from the
responsibility you have as an adult, as
a parental figure, as a rolemodel for your children.
I was not spanked as a child, I was talked to, explained why I should not do this and that.
And it worked like a charm. I respect my parents so much for that.
Knowing why I was not allowed to do stuff, either because it made mom/dad sad
or when the reasons were explained, made me feel safe and I knew the boundaries around me.
They were there for my own good. I never feared being hitted.
If a child kicks me, I will take him with me and put him in a room and say that he will
stay there until he calms down. Thats
what we do in kindergarten - it works perfectly every time. After the kid has calmed down, we camly explain why he can
not go around
kicking people - we appeal to how he would have felt if someone kicked him. Belive me, they get it right away.
Kids are not stupid, they
have the possibility to put themselves in others situations. A 1 year old can feel comfort for other children, a 2 year
old can understand
other childrens perspective.
If you think that Rome was built in a day, you are wrong. It will repeat itself many times, but the more times they
understand, the faster they will stop doing it.
If you as a parent let a child do as he wants too many times - he is will prolly get spoiled.
But there are kids who are uncontroallbly - they need professinonal
help which are provided by different child services.
"Corporal punishment in Europe and in the U.S.
Not one European country legally condones the hitting of schoolchildren, and nowhere is there any discernible movement
within
European teachers' professional associations to repeal the prohibition. Moreover, in Norway, Sweden, Finland,
Denmark, Austria, Cyprus
and Italy, hitting children, even in the home by parents, is not legally permitted. This prohibition is now being
considered
by the governments of several other European countries, and the number of nonhitters will likely increase in the near
future."
"It is the information that all kind of corporal punishment (spanking, hitting, beating) of children by
their parents and teachers is profoundly immoral and dangerous for their future.
They have the right to protest against this humiliation since most of Governments (except the USA and Somalia)
signed the UN Convention that obliged them to protect children's rights.
Today, it is scientifically proven that beating children teaches them violence and
creates fear.
It is also severely humiliating and induces destructive opinions into the brain of future parents.
Above all, it produces their emotional blindness.
Thus, the only reason why parents continue to believe in this misleading message and to beat their children
is the fact that they too were beaten and silenced when they were small children.
They learned this wrong lesson very early, and it is difficult for them to get rid of it.
They believe that children don't suffer because this was what they were told. Thus their sensibility for the
suffering they inflict on them is frozen.
Then, over the following twenty years, I did research on childhood and wrote ten books
to
let people know, that children are born innocent and that they need love, care and protection,
but never violence, to become compassionate adults."
For a long time, I was puzzled by the fact that even very intelligent people could
say children need to be spanked, so that they can better learn at school.
I wondered why it was not obvious to them that you can't learn anything of value in a state of fear.
Scared children learn only to suppress their strongest emotions, like rage and sorrow, to deal with fear, to lie, and to
pretend."
By Alice Miller @ 2000.
Another:
"I've read some of your literature and I felt compelled to respond.
I was spanked as a child and I've paid close attention to the consequences and the effects it has on my parenting.
Spanking should not be confused with abuse. For parents who spank lovingly, and there is such a thing, it is a last
resort to correct.
Some children require more firm discipline than others. Study the effects of adulthood on children raised with no
discipline.
Parents should seek out healthy boundaries to spanking when in question.
I am an advocate for it because I have seen it change disrespect to respect and it can happen quickly.
Children who are loved unconditionally can be spanked and learn from it.
They go on to thank their parents for teaching boundaries and live life not crossing other peoples boundaries.
Spanking is a personal decision and should not be judged by others unless they are willing to do the disciplining for
you.
Spare the Rod Spoil the Child.
Respectfully, T."
Alice Miller responds: To spank a child is a cruel, spiteful, ignoble, mean,
disrespectful and dirty act because it is carried out towards a powerless person who is not allowed
to defend herself / himself nor to escape from the aggressor and his ignorance.
It is also a most destructive act because it damages the brain of the
victims who will repeat their whole lives the lies and feeble mindedness of the King Solomon's
"Spare the rod, spoil the child." Exactly the opposite is true.
The rod spoils the child and leaves lingering effects for a whole life.
Solomon learned his lie from his own parents as you learned it from yours, as your children will learn it from you.
"
This is just ONE of the reserachers - I have LOADS more and could probably write a whole essay on this.
(in fact I have LOL in one of my exams).
If you want more - I can provide more.