Issues with parents

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SilentMasamune

SilentMasamune

I'm all washed up. . .

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My parents and I just got into a huge fight. My mother thinks I'm too young to be worrying about things, and I should be more focused on reaching out to do things or even become things. To be more specific, she's telling me that I should pursue my goals as a graphic designer, but what purpose does it serve to pursue something you don't want to? She's sending me to a school I might not be interested in, and she's making me go to college close to home. I don't want to stay near home to go to college. I want to go out into the distance and be confronted with a change of scenery. I even said that I would be even more responsible. She tells me that I'm still a minor; I hate being called a minor because that makes me just as guilty as many of the other minors who keep doing negative things. She tells me that I need counseling; sure I may need help, but I need good help, help in which I can benefit from and in which I can feel better. I'm only going to tell the counselor the same things I should tell my parents. I'm living life miserably right now, and if I become deprived of all of the things I want to do, then life itself will not be worth living. I would give up everything, although I know that this isn't what I should do. This is how I feel right now.

So, my questions to you:
- Have any of you had this feeling after your parents told you something you didn't want to hear or made you do something you didn't want to do?
- In the end, after doing that something (only if you did it), did you feel any better that you did it, or did it make you feel worse?
- Put yourself in a position in which you're going to college and are living with parents. Would you let them decide where they will send you, or will you decide where to go and your parents must accept it?
- Do you think that after going to college for one year or even graduating from high school, you're more capable of handling yourself, or do you still need, or even want, to be babied by your parents?

I'm also asking for opinions.

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  • May 17, 2005
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man.....no offense or anything but your parents are taking control...sure they love u and they want whaats best for u but i think u should tell them how u feel.

  • May 17, 2005

BossMac

BossMac

BRBFBI

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I'm really sorry to hear that, mel.

I'm an independent person so I can't really advice about your problem. But please remember that you're parents still care for you and want the best for your future.

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RainHybrid

RainHybrid

..::- 1082 -::..

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hey what do u know that exact same thing is happenin to me right now!and im only 13.............
as soon as you start standing up for yourself around them and speaking your mind they want to send you to counciling .........and shes trying to send me to a highschool i dont want to go to and colleges i dont care about.................

- and i can handle myself right now... i m gettin a job next year
i do everything on my own so basically i know how you feel...it sux...................................

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Aa-chan

Aa-chan

AA-CHAN

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- My parents have strong views, but they have never made me do anything that I didn't want to. Well, not to do with my education. There are small things that parents make you do, but that's life.
- I normally feel better knowing that it's over. Annoyingly enough, parents are usually right.
- If you require their financial support, then they should have a say, but I think they should let you have the mjority decision because it's you that has to flourish in your surroundings. Being somewhere you don't want to, doing something you don't want to is counter productive to the extreme.
- Whether or not you're able to handle yourself at that age depends on the person. I know 'minors' that are more capable of handling themsleves than 20 year olds. The majotiry want to grow up and stand on their own two feet, but appreciate that their parents are still there for them to fall back on for help or advice.

Follow AA-CHAN as he teaches English in South Korea and enjoys his K-Pop music fandoms up close!

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ayanechan

ayanechan

- lost existence -

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Quote by melmachine18
So, my questions to you:
- Have any of you had this feeling after your parents told you something you didn't want to hear or made you do something you didn't want to do?


yep, they told me that my spending of time on the computer is a big waste and i only make trash on the computer (refers to wallpapers and website coding etc.)

Quote by melmachine18
- In the end, after doing that something (only if you did it), did you feel any better that you did it, or did it make you feel worse?


i countinue doing it as my hobby since it was really enjoyable to me.. so yea. there are times where they come back and remind me saying that it's trash again but i never gave up.

Quote by melmachine18
- Put yourself in a position in which you're going to college and are living with parents. Would you let them decide where they will send you, or will you decide where to go and your parents must accept it?


as for this situation, i don't have any specific course i'd be interested in. whatever decision they make i'll go for it. it's their money after all :X

Quote by melmachine18
- Do you think that after reaching 18, you're more capable of handling yourself, or do you still need, or even want, to be babied by your parents?


this is rather not very true generally speaking that is. most ppl tend to think that age will grow and at the same time maturity too. but there are many ppl who are actually in need of their parent's guidance. some are too shy to ask for it and others have ego blocking their way.

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crsg

crsg

Artemis

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i know exactly what you mean - over the past 2 years me my parents have been getting into one fight after another. its usually cos my dad is a priest and im a pagan, so huge clash there. so many times its like i respect his religion, but he doesnt and never will respect mine.
and lately we've had another huge fight about work - im 18 and can work wherever i want, so i got work and now they think i shouldnt work at all and should be concentrating only on uni assignments.
still, sometimes i can see it from their point of view - i get really really peed off but i know its cos they do genuinely care about me, so i'll always love them for that.

kiri-chan

kiri-chan

Casual Waller

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my parents have preferences but they don't force me into things that i don't want to do. they're cool like that :)

fabismine

fabismine

Aladdin+Anime

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Well, I've heard some very bad things from my parents, and they did not always like or accept what I did. They are right sometimes, but I still think it's worth making my own mistakes and living my own life, even though I may feel bad afterwards and admit that they were right.
There's a 50% chance of each side being right - I guess you should give yourself a try.
Don't argue with them! Just explain your point of view and try to make them a little more understanding.
Remember: they are your parents and they love you; and they love you so much that they don't even want to imagine the possibility of you suffering or being in trouble far away from your house and their protective wings... Understand that, but try to fly away with your wings, anyway.

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I'm like a shooting star
I've come so far
I can't go back to where I used to be...

SilentMasamune

SilentMasamune

I'm all washed up. . .

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Quote by ayanechanthis is rather not very true generally speaking that is. most ppl tend to think that age will grow and at the same time maturity too. but there are many ppl who are actually in need of their parent's guidance. some are too shy to ask for it and others have ego blocking their way.

Question slightly changed...I think I'm more capable of handling myself these days. My parents already know that I need them because they do not think I can fend for myself. My first year in college has helped me understand what it really means to be on my own with the exception of going to work and paying bills, but I am much more responsible nowadays. Since I learn from the other people around me, I'm influenced in a way in which I shouldn't rely so much on what my parents tell me, although they are the ones who are usually correct since they've experienced it themselves and I'm only hearing the stories.

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  • May 17, 2005

AngelKate

AngelKate

~*Lady Sweetness*~

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I'm sorry your parents are being so controlling. Perhaps you should sit with them and try to talk to them and tell them how you feel. You should be allowed to go to college where you want and pursue the career you want. They may not like it because they might not think that's what's best for you, but they have to respect you too. If you want to go to college far away they should support your decision even if they don't agree with it. But don't argue or yell at them about it, sit them down and talk calmly with them about how you feel.

I'm sorry again they are so controlling. Best of luck in trying to work things out.

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Not really walling much anymore D: Feel free to browse my gallery, though!
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shinobinokuro

shinobinokuro

Boku wa DDR GA SUKI desu

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hrm we've all been there you wont be happy doing things you dun wanna do , if you dont wanna be that then dont work it.....but hey the presures ard but atleast you dont have it like me my parent have hit me several times at once on several days of the week whenever i dont do somethign they want me to do i get the belt yet i smile i shall not let them bring me down all the time yo shouldent either be strong a stick up for you self melmachine18 screw them they can only control your life soo much besides if your ald enough the ta a job then why dont you dont you chose one for your self^_^

left out....................alot heheh ^_^

  • May 17, 2005

kotoko

kotoko

~revived from the dead~

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hmmm.... i'm still young, but i think that i should just do want i want to be, and if my mom/dad was forcing me to take a class that i didn't want, i'd tell them to stop deciding everything for me and that i can take hold of my own responsibilities.. it's not always great to be told what to do by your parents all the time.. especially when you reach college and you think your mature enough to do things on your own decision... but maybe your mom just wanted what she thought was best for you i think she really cares for you, dude... but you should decide on your own if that's what you truly want... and tell her that too... but it's only your decision i'm sure you'll get a great job in the near future with whatever you decide and be successful... and by the way, your wallpapers are really good melmachine18!

KyoFan368

KyoFan368

I'm going to take a...zzzz

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Hey I feel your pain on te what collage you want to go to issue. I was born in Florida and me and my parents moved up here when I was four and the one thing I have always wanted to do is so to collage in florida, but my mom doesn't want me to go to far from home and neither does my dad. he wants to maove back down to florida also but I don't want to go to a collage near home and so then I said that if they did that I would go to california. They don't want me to leave home and my mom has always been a bit clingy. I wish she would stop sometimes I had a change to go to washington D.C. for the presidential inageration and she said the only way I could go is if my dad went aka not happening. I don't care what they say they can hate me forever but if I have to I will go to collage in another state far from them. And my deal is that if I have to pay for my collage them I'm going were ever I want to go.

-The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. ~Helen Keller :D
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Celessa

Retired Moderator

Celessa

Okaerinasai - Welcome Home

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Quote by melmachine18Have any of you had this feeling after your parents told you
something you didn't want to hear or made you do something you didn't
want to do?

Well, my parents aren't neglectful of my choices, and they don't really tell me what to do - however. When I told them I wanted to pursue life and work in a job that I liked rather than just for money sometime down in the near future, they actually accepted my decision and would help pay for part of my education costs as long as I kept on studying, of course.

My father told my mother that eventually when kids grow up, all you can do now is just let them go. Like a butterfly who spreads her wings, I eventually am nearing that phase, but if I do get into some sort of financial trouble, my parents' door is always open to me back home, so I can hopefully manage life by myself. It's not an easy thing, believe me. I'm not worrying to much about that right now.

Quote by melmachine18In the end, after doing that something (only if you did
it), did you feel any better that you did it, or did it make you feel
worse?

Sometimes my parents ask me to do chores, or favors for them. Of course, I did not like it, but I felt that both of them worked hard enough and I hardly see them enough anymore even as it is today, so I do my best to try and help. Of course, I might not be thanked enough as a result, but at least I can be dependable, and a lot of my friends know that too. In the long run, it's a good feeling to have to do something for somebody, because in return, they might stand up for you in unexpected moments. A give-and-take relationship, I suppose. **Snickers**

Quote by melmachine18Put yourself in a position in which you're going to college and are
living with parents. Would you let them decide where they will send
you, or will you decide where to go and your parents must accept it?

I can decide where to go, and my parents can accept it. However, since the university that I go to specializes greatest in the field interest of my choice [and its one of the finest most universities have to offer], I decided to live with my parents for the time being. At least I can stay at home and eat for once. Yaya!

Quote by melmachine18Do you think that after going to college for one year or even
graduating from high school, you're more capable of handling yourself,
or do you still need, or even want, to be babied by your parents?

I don't think I can handle everything myself as of yet. Over time, I will try my best to become independent, but this road is long and hard for me and I have yet to leap over this bridge between teenage life and adulthood. I might handle the responsibilities of this adulthood, but I myself am not willing to give up my freedom for it quite yet. So in a sense, I am not ready, but hopefully I will be in the time to come. I'll be waiting for it, of course.

"No matter where you go, no matter how tough life may be, just remember that always in your heart, you will still be loved."

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Kuzain

eeto...uumo...

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Quote by melmachine18- Have any of you had this feeling after your parents told you something you didn't want to hear or made you do something you didn't want to do?
- In the end, after doing that something (only if you did it), did you feel any better that you did it, or did it make you feel worse?
- Put yourself in a position in which you're going to college and are living with parents. Would you let them decide where they will send you, or will you decide where to go and your parents must accept it?
- Do you think that after going to college for one year or even graduating from high school, you're more capable of handling yourself, or do you still need, or even want, to be babied by your parents?

I usually tried to listen to my parents but ultimately it didn't work out very often and I felt like I wasn't my own person a lot.

I think if your parents are paying for your college and giving you a place to stay, they deserve a say in how their money is spent.

I can't really answer the last one. I moved out in my last year of high school and, while I did okay and things turned out fine, I had a lot of help and a lot of luck and even then it was really hard.

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Osaka-san!

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1º question:
Yes... I have that kinda fights with my folks too... my dad spetially

2º question:
no, I didn't felt any worse... once my dad told me that he didn't wanned me to see a girl anymore... and I said "bite me", and I went, when I came back, my dad had changed the lock of my house, so I slept in my gramps house for a while, but didn't felt I did wrong.

3º question:
ok, I'm in that position, but I decided what to study and where, cuz anyway, Its MY! future, and I'm gonna study for the thing that I'm supposed to do the rest of my life so I can live, and I'm not gonna do something that I don't like

4º question:
college is not school, there, there isn't gonna be some jerk pulling Ur back to make U study, no one is gonna say "go to class", U have to do it by Urself, cuz its Ur future, and U gotta take responsability over it.
Its Ur choise if U decide to go or not, its also the person Ur gonna be the rest of Ur life, so I think that if Ur parents are telling U what to do or where to go, U should tell them if there are the ones that are gonna do Ur job, and when U have one ask them if there are gonna tell U to go there every day, cuz thats what they are doing to U... they're not letting go, and they are harmnig U by doing it, not letting U take the a real decition, teaching U to depend on them... How do they expect U to grow as a person, if they won't let U learn by Urself?!
on my experience, there is only one way to learn life, thats by making mistakes, and learnig from them.

sorry bout the huge post... but I had to say all of that, good luck
un abrazo

  • May 17, 2005

angelrhea

angelrhea

<"Little Hime">

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oh how sad to know this mel. in fact i had been in this situation before. my mom doesn't want my course im taking now in college. its my personal decision to take it. whenever i have problems about my course my mom always blames me with it. she thinks by choosing this one is wrong and everything is accounted to me. she told me that i should have taken this course instead of this one. sometimes it chokes me up to the point that i leave home and spend a week in my relatives. my mom thinks im not capable of things.

once i had this scholarship in college, a school in another city. i like to go there because its a whole new world. but then my mom disagree because she thinks i cant do things on my own without her help. she thinks im helpless without family. so i do feel the same way like you do.

but now my mom changed a bit, she doesn't do the usual stuff of making me sorry about my course but she still doesn't like it i know. but i guess you have your own life to take. its you who will go to college not them right? just weigh everything about your parents decision and your decision. i know that parent knows best but sometimes they are just being possessive. well then take your own leap of faith and let them understand your decision. im sure they will understand.

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  • May 17, 2005

jackie-lyn

jackie-lyn

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Q.1: Hell yeah! My mom especially. That's why I'm not close to her. I'm closer to my dad. Something happened long ago when I told my mom I don't want to do something I don't like. She couldn't accept it at first, but (maybe) due to my rudeness and anger back then (I was young, say 14 or 15), she didn't dare to talk back. Still, she tells me this and that :sweat: Nowadays, I try to stay calm.

Q.2: Most of the time, yes. Just to get rid of the tension. I'm totally GLAD!

Q.3: I'm already in college and it's something I've decided. Yes, I still living with my parents but this is because I do not want to pressurized them, especially in financial issues.

Q.4: I would rather be on my own. Can't depend on my parents all the time. They know it too.

Overall, there are at some points, your parents are right and at times, wrong. They really love you as their child. But then, parents should realise that their children are growing and they need the right guidance from them so that they can move on with their lives in independance. That doesn't mean pampering, overprotecting, "you must do what I say" thing and all (that's too much!). Guidance in the sense that, advising you about life and obstacles faced soon. I still love them, 'cause they're my family, the ones who brought me up.

Considering that we're still young at heart, perhaps we can't forgive our parents on certain matters. When the time comes though, we might walk toward them and thanked them for what they've done to us, (good or bad it doesn't matter) as long as love is still around.

BUT THEN...if your parents always scold you or say something nasty and negative about you or they're just being a hard-head, and then when you're on your own, they start asking you for something, you can forget everything about them if you like (though I honestly think it's not nice, still those kind of parents have issues). :)

Movin'...

Kumiko-H

Kumiko-H

Professional reader

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Quote by melmachine18So, my questions to you:
- Have any of you had this feeling after your parents told you something you didn't want to hear or made you do something you didn't want to do?
- In the end, after doing that something (only if you did it), did you feel any better that you did it, or did it make you feel worse?
- Put yourself in a position in which you're going to college and are living with parents. Would you let them decide where they will send you, or will you decide where to go and your parents must accept it?
- Do you think that after going to college for one year or even graduating from high school, you're more capable of handling yourself, or do you still need, or even want, to be babied by your parents?

Oh my, my, my!!! How many times have I experienced this. To many to count. I am 24 years old and I still have a mother and grandmother who see me as a child. We have had numerous conversations and she has lightened up a bit. My mother would tell me that I had to do this or that and when I was younger I would follow her orders. It would piss me off because I was forced into doing something I didn't want too. I even experienced the college thing you are going through. I ended up winning though. I had to tell her that the school was the best for my career. She finally realized that I was correct. It killed her to see me go but she became used to it. Now as far as the "knowing yourself better after high school" I am not sure about that. I did not really know myself then. I was still under the impressions of my mother and even some of my classmates. I did come closer to knowing who I was after my 1st year of college. I think learning about yourself takes a while but it does become easier and when you are further away from the people that influence you the most. Anyway, I hope that is a little helpful.

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  • May 17, 2005

SilentMasamune

SilentMasamune

I'm all washed up. . .

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Quote by angelrheabut now my mom changed a bit, she doesn't do the usual stuff of making me sorry about my course but she still doesn't like it i know. but i guess you have your own life to take. its you who will go to college not them right? just weigh everything about your parents decision and your decision. i know that parent knows best but sometimes they are just being possessive. well then take your own leap of faith and let them understand your decision. im sure they will understand.

To be precise, my sister, who is almost twice my age, thought that I would be jumping the gun and misunderstanding what consequences there could be. I already know the results of the consequences if they occur in the distance, and I'm prepared to do what it takes to get myself on the right track. It is my decision to go to college, and I feel that it should be my decision to go to the college I want to go to, regardless of what they think about distance, cost, or anything like that. My parents are completely possessive, and they expect me to be similar to them. I already know I'm quite different because the times have changed, especially the way in which we communicate. Therefore, from distant communication, we might choose to go a little further than we might have previously expected, knowing that there may be more risks taken. This may involve going 900 miles as I mentioned before to be with someone, and that is a risk I'm willing to take, even if it means that I have even more responsibilities to fulfill.

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  • May 17, 2005

Shadu

Shadu

Lost Myself

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I can't say I completely understand where you're coming from, because I'd be lying. My mother tells me that I have the choice to make my decisions, but the consequences will fall completely on me. I do think you should be able to make your own choices. I supppose the best thing to do is to come up with a good argument for your reasons. I know I'm starting to sound like a English teacher, but hear me out.

I have a friend who was born into a foreign family. She is VERY restricted to things. For starters, she wasn't allowed to go to her prom (after her father had said that she could at first). This is a normal occurance for her though, unfortunately. Now, after arguing with her father for lying to her about the prom, her parents are debating on letting her go to college and just sending her back to their country to get married. Now, her parents aren't mean, they are trying to do the best for her. They just can't seem to see what she truly wants.

So, I guess the point I'm trying to get across is that you should be able to make your own decisions. If you think you're mature enough and know exactly what you want to do, go for it! I hope that you are able to talk to your mom and do what you need to do.

Okay, so maybe I didn't exactly answer your questions the way you wanted me to, but I hope you do work everything out.

Ciao.

You need only believe. . .

  • May 17, 2005

Chizuku

Chizuku

"simply me..."

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waa~ that's a really sad situation... im sorry... well, heres my opinion/answers:
1. yup... my mom would always tell me to minimize my P.C. hours... and i feel so.............. depressed.... it's almost the only thing i can do with out people bothering me but then... waa~ i sometimes cant understand her... but im not angry... ^_^'
2. after doing what my parents told me to.. i feel kind'a happy because, "atlast! its done" but if they told me something which i would never really do and in the end i did it... i feel like" gosh! how can they made me do it?" im confused.
3.well, i'll decide on my own... besides i can. :) but if they wont let me... then i'll let them realize that i also have a control in my life...
4.after a year in college i might need a lil' help from my parents.... though.. ^^
sorry if my answers didnt help.. :sweat: but i do hope you'll fix your problem...
p.s. as a friend im here if you need someone.. dont forget that...... ^^ take care always.
god bless... XP :pacman: ;)

SilentMasamune

SilentMasamune

I'm all washed up. . .

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Quote by KyoFan368I don't care what they say they can hate me forever but if I have to I
will go to collage in another state far from them. And my deal is that
if I have to pay for my collage them I'm going were ever I want to go.

Half of this is what I intend. All I ask for my parents to do is pay the cost for college. I'll take care of everything else. I even mentioned that I would apply for scholarships so they would get money back. If I'm to ever become independent in the world, I need to learn from my own mistakes. That's why I'm trying to make my own decisions now and prevent my parents from further keeping under their wing. I should be able to go where I feel I can benefit from. My parents have prevented me from doing one of the things that could completely help me out in the future. However, I'm trying to change their beliefs now so I can feel better about myself and how I'm going to react to certain instances in the future.

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  • May 17, 2005

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