Perfectionist parents

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SilentMasamune

SilentMasamune

I'm all washed up. . .

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A continuation of the story...now, I'm thinking that maybe my mother is a perfectionist because she tells me that I shouldn't make the same mistakes she made or what other people she has seen made. It's no wonder why both my parents want me to go to college so close to home because they think that something may happen to me if I go to a college 900 miles away. They want me to be this goody-goody...don't get me wrong though because I am one...who will always go forth despite all the bad things that are happening when I know that there are some bad things that will be blocking my path anyway. I want to learn from my own mistakes, and if I'm only taught about the mistakes that my parents made, I would never experience the consequences for myself; thus, I would be testing myself on how I would deal with the consequences. No path is perfect; therefore, life isn't perfect. Life has its ups and downs, and I wish my mother would further acknowledge that. My parents, as a result, are quite the perfectionists in my opinion. I, as a result, may be a perfectionist because of them because sometimes, I expect the best of things as well, and I don't like errors.

So my questions to you:
- Are you a perfectionist?
- If you have parents, are your parents perfectionists? If so, what do they expect out of you?
- For those of you who still live without sons or daughters, would you want your children to grow up being perfectionists?

I'm open for any other opinions about my situation as well.

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  • May 23, 2005

Kumiko-H

Kumiko-H

Professional reader

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I am not a perfectionist but close to it. I would probably say that I want things to be as good as they possibly can. I do not believe something can be perfect. There is always some room for improvement in everything in our lives. My mom and dad are not perfectionist. Especially my father. I doubt he could do anything right (personal issue there). I do not want my future children to be perfectionist because I do not want them to doubt themselves when something is not perfect. I want my kids to just try their best and I will be happy!

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  • May 23, 2005

asta

asta

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No I'm not a perfectionist but sometimes I become one.
Sort of, but they dont expect too much from me.
No i dont want them to grow as a perfectionist because like what you say nobody's perfect and besides not all i'mperfectionism is bad sometimes we learn from our flaws and because of that we can become a better personby learning from our mistakes ^_^

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skysong

skysong

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Quote by melmachine18 Are you a perfectionist?


umm, in some respects i am a perfectionist. I don't like to have a lot of errors in the things i do, but i also realize nothing is perfect, so sometimes i just shrug and move on. So really, if i am one at all, i'd be an extremely low level perfectionist.

Quote by melmachine18 If you have parents, are your parents perfectionists? If so, what do they expect out of you?


yes, i do have parents XD but no, they really aren't perfectionists...i mean, sure they expect my sisters and i to do well, and they push us to do just that, but they know nothing is perfect...thats probably why i'm not a big perfectionist, they taught me that way...

Quote by melmachine18 For those of you who still live without sons or daughters, would you want your children to grow up being perfectionists?


well...i guess since i'm the way i am..i'd raise them not being perfectionist...i mean, i suppose its also their decision and all, but, i guess i'd want them to do their best, like my parents wanted for me :) but i would also be understanding that nothing is perfect

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  • May 23, 2005

ramchong

ramchong

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Quote by melmachine18
1.- Are you a perfectionist?
2.- If you have parents, are your parents perfectionists? If so, what do they expect out of you?
3.- For those of you who still live without sons or daughters, would you want your children to grow up being perfectionists?

!. Yes i am.... But juz for myself!
2. my parents are quite open minded, so i learn quite a lot becos of their behavior...
3. i have a son who's juz one and half yrs of age... His name is Benjamin... i juz do what my parents did to me... becos i'm sure if you never fell down, you never learn about pain... when you knew the pain, then you know how to protect yourselves...

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streamside

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Quote by melmachine18So my questions to you:
- Are you a perfectionist?


yep... it's in my nature...

Quote by melmachine18- If you have parents, are your parents perfectionists? If so, what do
they expect out of you?


no, my dad's isn't. He just expects me to do my best in everything - yknow, not to get lazy and stuff... and, of course, he expects me to finish my studies and get a decent job.

Quote by melmachine18
- For those of you who still live without sons or daughters, would you
want your children to grow up being perfectionists?


not so sure about that... to each his own... if ever I would have children, they'll have their own personality and I'll accept it - just as anyone of us should...

btw... personality is different from character. okies? lol

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CLAMPchic

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Quote by melmachine18- Are you a perfectionist?

Yep.

Quote by melmachine18- If you have parents, are your parents perfectionists? If so, what do they expect out of you?

Actually...I'm worse than my parents are. I expect the maximum best out of myself, while they just want me to do my best. I'm my own harshest critic by far.

Quote by melmachine18- For those of you who still live without sons or daughters, would you want your children to grow up being perfectionists?

I wouldn' want them to be perfectionists, but I would want them to always do the best they can. Being a perfectionist causes lots of worry and loss of sleep (at least in my case), so I wouldn't wish that on any of my future kids (assuming I have some, of course).

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"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always be what you've always been." ~ Anonymous

  • May 23, 2005

Akaiken

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I'm not a perfectionist but I try hard to make my work good. Well, my parents are perfectionist sometimes but I understand them because that is ofr my sake.

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Kitone

Following My Head

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Perfectionist? Me? No! unless it's something I really want good, like on the piano, 'cause I do RCM exams.

My parents aren't perfectionists, far from it. I get no pressure at all. School's easier this way too; as long as I don't fail and I try as hard as I mentally feel possible or want to take, my parents and I don't care about my grades.

I wouldn't want my children growing up as perfectionists. It'd be too tiring, on everyone. Them, me, people around. I generally find that unless a perfectionist is good at being a perfectionist... he or she might be just as bad as me if I were slipping below my personal requirements of myself.

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  • May 23, 2005
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I, myself, used to be a perfectionist. Always wanting to have each and every detail in my life perfect. I then realised it wasnt perfect at all. I had gone through 7 bad relationships in 5 years>.< it was insane. But then i found someone awesome who i plan to stay with for a long time. My point is, if you stay a perfectionist, you loose site of reality. When you are a perfectionist you only look out for perfect things, but in reality, nothing is perfect. Everything and everyone has their flaws. Its only normal, its balanced, just like ying and yang^.^
My parents...well let me say father....is not a perfectionist. He just does what he feels is right.
And my children...i would not want my children or child to become a perfectionist.

RainOfStars

RainOfStars

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My friends say I am a perfectionist, but I don't think so. There are tons of times when I just get too lazy, and did a pretty lousy job on stuff. I think they say that because I often get too enthusiastic about certain things, and want to make them as good as possible. My parents don't even come near of being a perfectionist. They are do things very simply. However, my dad has always push me to my limits, and want me to do the best I can, which I often don't. I like the trust and confidense that my gives me. i guess I would want my children to be a perfectionist, since they can achieve their limit, and do their best in everything. I would want them to have a life better than mine.

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As far as I know I'm not a perfectionist. Obivously I have the few things that I require well done or perfect, but for most things....I could care less.

  • May 23, 2005

redblitzkrieg

redblitzkrieg

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im not a perfectionist... except for programming cuz its my field and my reputation is there.

but i can tolerate mistakes for everything else..

my mother is perfectionist and she hates messed up rooms.
but i live away from my family for the last 4 years.
so i can let my house looks like a jungle eh!

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Siri

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well my parents used to have a LOT of expectations for me
but i kind of.. showed them... lol =.=;;(flunked)
well i just couldn't keep up
especially since my brother is 100 times smarter than me

in many people's cases (and i also think yours mel) based on what you wrote
i think your parents aren't really perfectionists as such
its natural for your mom to tell you these things because she made those mistakes, or she's seen people make those mistakes
and because she doesn't want you to make them since she cares about you and she thinks that maybe if something she says gets through to you
she could spare you a bit of heart ache later on
and yeah parents being parents won't always come about it in the best way.
i'm sure you know all this. even so i can be impatient and rude to my parents

but its true, no matter how many times they tell us, i know the way i really will learn
is when i make that mistake
and i find out just how damn stupid i was
and i'll know the pain
and i'll never ever do it again because i don't ever want to feel that way again (if i'm smart)

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  • May 23, 2005

bbls

bbls

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i think your mom sounds like she's overprotective of you by not wanting you to get hurt and not wanting you to move away to college. she sounds just like my gramms (she raised me when my parents divorced)...she constantly watched over me, didn't like it when i went out with my friends, made sure i concentrated on my school work above all else, and refused to let me leave this rock to go to school on the mainland, even though i was accepted to a few universities up there...something i regret terribly til this very day. i really hope that somehow you will be able to convince your parents to let you move away so you won't live with the same regret that i have.

Quote by melmachine18So my questions to you:
- Are you a perfectionist?
- If you have parents, are your parents perfectionists? If so, what do they expect out of you?
- For those of you who still live without sons or daughters, would you want your children to grow up being perfectionists?


1. i can be very anal about certain things like my school work or trying to organize things...but i attribute that to me being a virgo... XD
2. i think my gramms and dad are perfectionists in that they wished i was perfect. they always expected me to become a doctor and make a lot of money...but i disappointed them big time because i'm still a student (graduate student, btw) and still not financially independent.
3. if i had kids, i wouldn't want them to be insanely perfectionists...i'd hope they would be very balanced by giving their all and doing their best when trying to accomplish something, but realize at the same time that failure is alright because you can always learn from that.

Don't worry about tomorrow, don't think about yesterday,
don't live in the future, just make it through today!

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  • May 23, 2005

Jyu-Jyu

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depending on what i do -- i may be a perfectionist
my parents aren't perfectionists but do expect a lot out of my oldest bro and i - wants my oldest bro to be a doctor and go back to school, [my brother after him - my parents treat him like the baby and so whatever he does is fine], me - want me to go back to school and become the best daughter-in-law/wife/housewife so that ppl will look at me and say -- she is the best daughter-in-law/wife ever [which i think is a piece of crap b/c i really don't care how ppl i don't even know think about me and also i'm not a girly girl housewife type of person soooo -- oh well for their dreams!! hahahaha] and well for my lil sis she's the baby soooo she can do watever she wants -- [basically me and my oldest bro are stuck being the ones held with high expectations] -- my parents have this thing with reputation -- but i can really care less if it makes me or my hubbee unhappy -- ^_^ -- but i do consider what they say -- which is very important. but anywho's yeah....lol
i don't have any kids -- i'm not gonna control their lives if that's what you mean -- i would like to discuss with them the choices they are making and would like to make. Gotta be open minded about everything ^_^

  • May 23, 2005
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I am most definitely not a perfectionist.
And for the record I think that almost all parents do things like that. They want you to learn from their mistakes that way you don't do such stupid things as they did. But I know subconsciously they already know you'll be making more stupid mistakes anyways.
More or less. My parents are not perfectionists although ...maybe they are a bit... my father always expects a lot from me. He expects me to go to school all day then work the rest of it. Although it is work at home, Graphic design for like 5,6 hours straight is hella boring and tiring. (need excersize!) I think he does this because although he was smart enough to do this when he was my age he never really did. -_-'
Trust me, no I wouldn't want my kids being perfectionists. I've strived my whole life to be on my own and make my own mistakes (with that special someone at least) but I have not been able to. It tears you up inside. I know that. I don't want my kids to go through some junk i've been through. -_-'
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Kiako

Kiako

the shadow

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well first to that what you wrote.
i agree with that what you wrote about life and its ups and downs. and i think that one should learn from his own mistakes, becasue that is the only way one will learn it. because people are different and therefor one can't learn from the mistakes of others.

- well it depends sometimes i am a perfectionist and sometimes i am not,but even if i am i am only for myself.
-my parents aren't perfectionists and they don't expect much from me.

and an opinion about your situation:

Quote by melmachine18It's no wonder why both my parents want me to go to college so close to home because they think that something may happen to me if I go to a college 900 miles away

well all i can say is thinking is't knowing.
and if you want to go to collage 900 miles away you just say "i am going! and end of discussions". becasue at your age you can make decisions yourself, and you have to let them know that.

KyoFan368

KyoFan368

I'm going to take a...zzzz

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I'm not a perfectionist but my parents are too. They don't want me and my sisters to make the same mistakes that they did but the fact is that we already have. I look forward to making mistakes and learning things on my own. I want to go out there and try my hardest not to mess up, but if I do I want to look at it as a learning experiance and have fun with it. You will never get through life all ways looking down you need to bring you head up and smile.^__^ :) :D :pacman:

-The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. ~Helen Keller :D
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Acuni

Acuni

wrapped in night

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a perfectionist for myself^^
that is going to describe me but there is only one problem i am a perfectionist if i am not lazy.
My parents are both a little bit.
but hej if you have to learn from your mistakes than you can tell me what i can learn on the mistake that i a magnet for other people. i am going crazy and my parents are not hellping me much with my problem.

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KamikazeKoga

KamikazeKoga

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Yeah, I'm a perfectionist because my parents had high expectations when I was young. So, my parents were perfectionists, especially my dad, when I was young. However, over time, they eased their expectations, but the damage has been done. They tell me that that they don't expect a lot from me now; however, my expectations are so high now that hearing that does not ease my problems.
When I end up having kids, I'll make sure that I don't do what my parents did. I'll help them by telling them the difference from right and wrong, but I won't put the burden that my parents put on me. I'll make sure that they don't end up like me, a perfectionist.

DarkVirus

DarkVirus

::Nobody::

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For question 1, I am sort of a perfectionist... it would really depend on the situation…

For question 2, my dad is not a perfectionist, but my mom is….she expects me to react really politely on my conversions and lecture on what I must have down, even though she would do the nonperfect way if it happens in situation like mine…

For question 3, I still don’t know….

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biriwilg

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My parents are complete perfectionists. They like to think they're not, but if they're not than their subconcious is pretty good at it for them. One report card, a month ago, had 4 Bs and 4 As. Instead of, you know, saying 'good job' for the As, I get looked at funny for the Bs. Phht. I don't know if I'm being too paranoid at picking this all up, but it bugs me. The fact that I get straight A's anyways, and have about a 4.29 GPA, and they're still not happy. Blah.

equinox01

equinox01

Lost In Darkness

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i am not really a perfectionist until it comes to detail in a peice of my art but mostly it seems like i have ocd
to the other questions , no

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I don' Like myself much
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  • May 24, 2005

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