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"I just want to be friends"

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SilentMasamune

SilentMasamune

I'm all washed up. . .

Looking at a website, I stumbled upon an article for all guys/girls to know if they already have a girl/guy in mind whom they want to be with, but they come across another one who is just as good:
http://www.joelogon.com/platonic/

Now, you have your girlfriend/boyfriend whom you plan to be with in the future, right? You want to be able to keep that girl/guy, but you know it will take quite a bit of time before getting to be with him/her. However, you might come across another girl/guy who looks great and turns you on, but you just want to be friends with her and nothing beyond best friends. This is to ensure that you will keep the relationship you want without having to break up for someone else. But, the question is, is it difficult to break up with the one you love for the new girl/guy? Is it difficult to be just friends, or best friends at most, with the new girl/guy whom you meet?

I'm straightforward in my case, and I wouldn't want to break up. I'm confident that I would have a future knowing that I already have a girlfriend, and I would stick to my girlfriend because I have known her longer and I know so many things about her. I'm sure that if there is a problem, I would work it out with the girl whom I just want to be friends with. Also, I don't like it when a girl is persistent to try to be with me when I already have a girlfriend. That shows that that girl doesn't respect my decision in which I already have a girlfriend, even if she is really nice (for the girls, this could be the same way to you with guys). I don't plan on being with my girlfriend completely until I graduate from college, which hopefully would be in 3 years if all my credits transfer. If I go for the new girl, then I'm going to have to start everything all over again, and that is a very difficult process, especially for someone who is shy, boring, and doesn't talk about much.

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WearyWanderer

WearyWanderer

~Title eh?~ *evil*

I would stick to my girlfriend because I've known her for a loooong time and I don't think I would be interested in any other girl. I plan to be with my girlfriend for as long as I can. Graduating from college is too long for me. I still haven't got out of high school yet XD Now now Mel, I don't you're boring. It's quite fun talking with you :D

ramchong

ramchong

Dirty Old Ninja Master

this situation is very dependable... if someone is young and not really wanna stick to one and only gf/bg, by hunting more exciment and naive... he/she sure will go for new refreshment!!

And if a gal/guy falls into you... i don't think that's irrespecting you... bcos you hav no rights to stop people loving you... ( i know sometimes is quite annoying...) and they do hav their rights to fight fot what they like or who they love to... if you haven'y want to get marry, they still have the chance to fight with... except for married guy/gal! that's illegal and no such MBA allowed in this society *MBA = Married But Available

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white-zero

white-zero

Left this part of the universe.

Well my story is weird. See, me and my girl go waaaay back since we were kids. We really had fun together back there. But then, when we were 7, she had to move abroad while I moved up north. We lost contact ever since.

But then, 12 years later, we met during a social function and it felt weird having her with me. 12 years IS a long time, you know...But after cast away the shyness, we hit it off pretty well. Not as lovers, of course but boy, we had many funny moments together. I'm not a talkative person and she knows that. I tend to ignore things around me while she is the aggressive one. Pestering me around to no end.

There are quite a few guys that interested in her but she just ignore it. I know she's pretty and all but I never look at her as a woman. Then, when she started doing all this negative stuff like drinking, partying day in and out, I realize how important she is to me. I helped her kicked the bad habits and now she's here with me.

I'm working now and the only thing she asked nowadays is;

"When we're gonna get married?"

So yeah, if you have a lover, prepare to commit yourself to it cause you probably won't get another shot at it.

fireflywishes

Retired Moderator, Linguistics

fireflywishes

Calgon, take me away~!

Quote by ramchongthis situation is very dependable... if someone is young and not really wanna stick to one and only gf/bg, by hunting more exciment and naive... he/she sure will go for new refreshment!!

it's true that it depends on the age/maturity level of those involved and whether they're looking for something stable or not. for me personally, if i was happy with my current bf, then of course i'd stay with him. the only reason i would leave him for a new person is if i was miserable with him. little arguements wouldn't count because if i were to break up with him over something like that then it would mean i never really liked him all that much in the first place.

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crewcifix

crewcifix

Christian Boy

i don't really know how to reply on this thread since me have no kinds of stuff yet. =P

Feel the Rain on Your Skin. No One Else can Feel it For You. Only You Can Let it in.
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tareren

tareren

||Teh Panda Queen||

Well, I would say I would stick to my bf, but hey, what if I come to love the new guy ? I mean, it might happened and if thta does happen i might leave my bf for the new guy.. of course i wont be sneaky and not telling my current bf anything, i would break up with him first and all..
As for a guy who stick ard even tho i have bf... well, i couldnt prevent him from doing so, and i might find it annoying aft some point of time, but i will just ignore him while at the same time remind him again and again that i do have a boyfriend already

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kuroimisa

Retired Moderator

kuroimisa

Wizard of Darkness -under a rock

Generally I would stick to whoever I started off in the first place... I think it's rather slack to like disown your boyfriend or girlfriend just because you find someone more attractive... there are cases though where I don't know what's right... sometimes you feel that your partner is a little *errr* and they have flaws... and when you meet somoene new and wonderful and what's more you may even reckon they have something for you, I must say, it is very difficult to keep your mind from wandering...

But I really hate it when people say one thing... then another... and then revert back. THat's what I really hate... you can't tell me you like someone... and then you don't... just to go out withthe first person you were liking in the first palce... -.- Unfortunately there are peopel like that... and I have just come across one recently... so it's not news at all...
*sigh*

But to answer the exact question... yes, it is very difficult to break up with the person, I believe, assuming that you *really* liked your boy or girl in the first palce... if not... then well... hmm... you get my meaning. Like I mean, how would I face him? I can't say to him "hey boy... I'm sorry... we're better suited as friends." ?? I can't.... I'd honestly tell him what happened... but it's so awful to break out the truth like that... something I can't do... that's a personal thing though... I can't say horrible things to people's faces even if I wanted to... I just don't have the heart to...

BUT True love is out there somewhere....
(i think :S)

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DarkBlade-

Dream Hunter

Wellll...i got hit by that first "i just wanna be friends" thing. felt like an idiot for 3 days, moaped around for 2 weeks, being a mean jackarse for 4 days. wasnt all that pleasant. now say in the middle of that short short relationship if i we're to find someone else that i liked, i probably wouldnt have asked that girl out, just because i was happy being with the one i had. but that all went to hell so im pretty much back at square one.

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bbls

bbls

Lazy days...

Quote by melmachine18But, the question is, is it difficult to break up with the one you love for the new girl/guy? Is it difficult to be just friends, or best friends at most, with the new girl/guy whom you meet?


well, i think if you truly loved your bf/gf and were strongly committed to that person, then it should be extrememly difficult to break up with that person for someone else. i think by staying with your current partner instead of breaking up for another person, that would be a testament to the love that you share with your bf/gf even though there would be some attraction to that other person. and i also think firefly makes a good point that the situation would depend on your maturity level and if you're actually committed to a long term relationship.

and how strongly attracted you are to the other person will determine the difficulty in maintaining a friendship with that new person in your life. will s/he be a temptation for you? will that person make your partner feel uncomfortable or even possibly jealous? but i think if a person wants to retain that friendship with that new guy/gal just to have a back up in case s/he leaves the current bf/gf, then i think that may indicate some problems in that person's relationship with the bf/gf.

Don't worry about tomorrow, don't think about yesterday,
don't live in the future, just make it through today!

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Drak

Drak

Dragon Child

Hard question, I must say.
For me, I'd probably stick to my 'old' girlfriend, but it will be hard to just stay friends with that other girl. It's not that I wouldn't be able to do so, it's the fact that I'd find it problematic to hide the fact that I 'like' her.

'This is the story about dragons, magic and people dreams' - Dragonblood.
Current chapter: 12

Barbara

Tomorrow is another day

Um....breaking up is very difficult and it hurts so bad. I've been there before. I definitely don't want to break up with my bf, actually we're thinking about a wedding soon *giggles*
I have many friends who are more attractive than my bf (from the outside) and they know how to make me laugh, how nice ^_^ and I know some of them have feelings for me but I talk with them clearly that I had a bf, I love him and I'm not interested in other guys, if they want to be just friends, that would be great. Then we're really good friends of me and my bf until now. Even my ex-bf still has feelings for me, he came on to me a couple of time and asked me to take him back. I said no but he kept trying to do some nonsense things like meet my current bf and told him to give me up ugr....I went crazy and didn't talk to that guy ever again, not even be friend with him. The same situation happened to bf but slightly different, one girl liked him very much, she called him at home, waited for him at school, she is very beautiful and smart I have to admit that but too much brazen. At first my bf answered her phone calls just to be polite but then he found it very annoying, he told her that he had a gf which is me and didn't want her to call or wait for him anymore, guess what, she kept doing that and even came to me and told me that if I broke up with him then he would be her bf, she said that I was on their way (meant that I was the reason he didn't love her).
If my friends not there with me then she would get a slap on her face for sure.
Well, after all that, I think nothing or noone can come cross us.
Anyway, thanks for the thread so that I can get it out, that's really a relief. I feel great now ^_^ Have a good day :)

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world
- Bill Wilson -

im a pretty strict guy when it comes to my morals, i have alot of respect for females and my girlfriend, i try to trat my girlfriend with how she wants to be treated and make her laugh and be with her as much as possible to show her that i care for her and want to be with her... theres no way id brake up with my girlfriend, for another girl, despite how attractive they are. ^_^ i have alot of friends that are girls though that i talk to alot and my girlfriend gets jealous about it, but i assure her that i wont give any girl the time of day in that sort of way, all of my love and devotion is completely for her, and ive showed her that on countless occasions. Ive been with her for over 2 years and 2 months now and im not gonna let anything or anyone come between us... there have been difficult times when we thought that we just wanted to give up, cause we do argue, as do most couples, but in the end we realise its not worth it, the love that we havem to give up and just move on. =3... hehem she talked about marrying me the other day which was exciting... but i wont do that just yet ^_^ were to young and i told her that we need to think about making it rhough the last year of high school, and university together first ^_^!

Thanks for the cool thread! i enjoyed sharing my post with yas!

Quote by melmachine18Now, you have your girlfriend/boyfriend whom you plan to be with in the future, right? You want to be able to keep that girl/guy, but you know it will take quite a bit of time before getting to be with him/her. However, you might come across another girl/guy who looks great and turns you on, but you just want to be friends with her and nothing beyond best friends. This is to ensure that you will keep the relationship you want without having to break up for someone else. But, the question is, is it difficult to break up with the one you love for the new girl/guy? Is it difficult to be just friends, or best friends at most, with the new girl/guy whom you meet?

... Yes, it's extremely hard to break up with the one you love for another person. If I love that person so much, I'll do everything in my power to be with that person and if we are having problems, I would do my utmost to try and work through those problems rather than just ditching everything and going for somebody outside of my relationship... I've invested a lot in my first relationship. Despite all the problems, we still have love between us... my relationship with this person is a known quantity... I'd be taking a risk to ditch this person for another new girl or boy... If the attraction between the two of us is that strong, the temptation to get involved with that other person would be overwhelming... am I really willing to risk everything I've got right now for this new person... There are no guarantees in this life, if I did throw caution to the wind and got involved with this new person, and it doesn't work out, I'm going to have to live with that decision for the rest of my life... if I'm serious about the relationship I'm in at the moment and are planning to be with them in the future, is breaking up really an option?... Sitting down and working things out with one another is probably the the best thing to do.

As to this second question, this depends upon how strong my first relationship is... If that relationship is strong and is firmly rooted in love, striking up a friendship with this new person should be less problematic for me... If however, if this new relationship is going to start causing me problems with the other one, then yes, it's going to be very difficult if not nigh impossible to be just friends or best friends at most... I just have to sit back and think about what I really want... If this other boy is going to be a big temptation for me, do I really want to go full steam ahead and get involved with him as friends, bearing in mind the threat he might pose to my other relationship... is it worth it?...

Jyu-Jyu

Jyu-Jyu

*blush*

if you truly love your significant other -- stick with them -- b/c i'm sure that they will/do love you just as much as they do -- when u meet someone who turns you on physically/emotionally/mentally i think that you can be good friends with that person and grow to be fond of them and grow to love them = but that love would be a different kinda love than the one you have with ur significant other -- to be honest -- before i got married to my hubbee [when we were dating] i met 1 other person who i totally clicked with and we were totally in-sync with each other -- but we both established our grounds as just being friends b/c we both knew that i would definitely choose my hubbee [bf at the time] over him. and also b/c it would not be fair to my hubbee. My "friend" never kept in touch with me again after i got married [which kinda shows to you that they weren't goin to stick with you in the end] and my hubbee and i had a long distance relationship. but our trust was there that the other person would be faithful. ^_^ now we're happily married and doing things that i've never thought i'd be able to do and yes we do have our bad moments -- but those moments are wat makes our relationship even stronger. just gotta learn from the bad times that come by. ^_^ and enjoy the good times that come by. ^_^ ultimately you end up sticking with each other and grow a really strong bond with one another - so i suggest stick with ur love [bf/gf] ^_^
i'm not sure if it's hard to break up with ur gf/bf [not that i've never done it -- but when i did it -- it was b/c things weren't working out and either he lost interest in me or i lost interest in him and b/c the relationship wasn't truly LOVE -- more of really liking each other] And it's not hard for me to be truthful.

SilentMasamune

SilentMasamune

I'm all washed up. . .

Quote by white-zeroSo yeah, if you have a lover, prepare to commit yourself to it cause you probably won't get another shot at it.

This is exactly what I want to hear. I have a girlfriend now who says that anything is possible in the 3 years that I want to wait for her. She thinks something might happen in between, especially getting a boyfriend, but I don't want her to do that. Thus, it kind of shows the lack of patience, and I mean no offense to anyone who thinks otherwise. I want her to wait until she graduates so she could be with me so she wouldn't have to worry about starting over.

The other guys she comes across could be friends with her, at most best friends, and she could date them or whatever, but I want her to know that I want to be with her. As I said, leaving her would break my heart, and I don't want that to happen. I plan on telling the other girls I come across, or who come across me, that I already have a girlfriend, and I won't change that. I'm ready for this committment so much. I'm eager to have this relationship, but I'm also willing to wait until the both of us graduate from college.

On another note, why break up with the one you truly love for someone else? To me, that's pretty bad because as much time as you spend with your girlfriend/boyfriend and you leave him/her, that would probably lower his/her confidence in which he/she could get another significant other.

Quote by bbls...but i think if a person wants to retain that friendship with that new guy/gal just to have a back up in case s/he leaves the current bf/gf, then i think that may indicate some problems in that person's relationship with the bf/gf.

Another good point in my opinion. I do not plan for a back-up at all. The thought of having a back-up just in case the relationship with the boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't work out is a terrible thought, and I absolutely abhor it because that tells me that I am not not giving it my all, or my girlfriend/boyfriend isn't giving his/her all. If there is uncertainty in a relationship, then there's the possibility that it won't work out in any way. I would try to make things work out as best as I can, even if my girlfriend thinks that something else may happen along the way.

Quote by missy1066...this depends upon how strong my first relationship is... If that relationship is strong and is firmly rooted in love, striking up a friendship with this new person should be less problematic for me... If however, if this new relationship is going to start causing me problems with the other one, then yes, it's going to be very difficult if not nigh impossible to be just friends or best friends at most...

I feel firmly rooted to the relationship I have right now, though it is a long distance relationship. However, as you said, leaving the first relationship for another may just be regretful in the end, and then those phrases would come up - "I would've...", "I should've", or "I could've". Is this really worth it to let someone else get in the way of the one you truly love, and when you think about it in the future, you are more likely to be sad because you have gone over all the groundrules and are ready for what I call the 4 Cs (committment, communication, compromise, and consequence)? No, it's not worth it at all; in fact, those who leave a first relationship are more likely to regret leaving it, as it will stick in their minds for lots of time to come. I don't see a problem with waiting a few years if you're apart from your first significant other to be together in the end.

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xandman

xandman

The King of Hearts

dude, if you can get over your old girl/boy-friend and get together with the new person.... Then i don't think you and the old girl/dude love each other much enough to be spending the future together with each other.

the question is simple, if you love someone much enough, breaking up won't be necessary. As for me, i'd probably cheat with every girl i come across ^_^' Love isn't really my territory :P heh...

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Faylen

Hopeless Romantic

Quote by melmachine18
But, the question is, is it difficult to break up with the one you love for the new girl/guy? Is it difficult to be just friends, or best friends at most, with the new girl/guy whom you meet?

First it is hard to break up with someone even if there is not another person on standby. Breaking up is hard to do especially if you are not breaking up on bad terms but more because you have grown apart. Now if a person is breaking up just because there is another person they are into that is different. First I think this is wrong. When I am in a relationship I only see the person I am with. That person is all there is to me. I am not interested in anyone else. But if this should occur and it is due to the current couple realizing that they are not good together than it should not be different. If the break-up is due to simple attraction to another it can be difficult.

Now I do not totally think that it is difficult to be just friends if the rules for friendship are clearly defined and never crossed by either parties at any time. I have had friends and we have crossed the line and it became awkward. But at the same time I have had friends and we have remained that way although there has been an attraction. Its all about setting boundaries. Hope that is helpful and not to confusing.

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XDarkDestinyX

XDarkDestinyX

Forgotten Dreamer

In all reality the future is still unknown. I wil be blunt or rude as some people would like to call it,. but I'm just stating some things. The future is unknown, so evne if you do think you have a "future" planned or in mind, it's still unknown. Sometimes it's best to roll with the times and try to go where your heart thinks is right. However, if you do break up with you current girlfriend and later want to go back out with her, the chances are slim to going back since you would be the one breaking up with her and wanting her back. The current "fling" with the girl that is interested in you may not work as it's something not "solid" as you don't everything about her like you do with your current girlfriend.

Once again, this may seem rude, but you're young! You still have your whole life to live to make mistakes, fall in love, fall out of it, and it's life. It's not perfect. Best thing to do is just to follow your heart and try to take advice to mind from others, but don't take it hard to the heart. ^.^ I hope I helped in some way~~

KyoFan368

KyoFan368

I'm going to take a...zzzz

I would stick with my original boyfriend because what is the point when everyone is going to hate you in the end. Its no use hurting someone when the one who will be hurt is you!!!!

-The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. ~Helen Keller :D
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I'd stay with HIM til the end.. after all, he was the first to make my heart beat... ;)
And I wouldn't want to hurt him... that'll be like.. a SIN! No no no..
Then maybe I'd just be close friends with that other person rather than let the guy go away... take the chance, right? But I'd still be faithful to my guy.. :)

It's like.. "First love.. never dies ... I just want to say.. that I still love you..." :D

(Just an opinion anyway.. XD)

userpageskindesignssimple-ism vectoryvector-wallerssakura--cb

If I'm really love my old boyfriend, I would go back to him, of course, even if I'm not in love in him very, very much (just much).
But if I would be more in love in the new guy than my old boyfriend....well, that's hard!
Maybe I would then choose the new, but, well, I would definitly be sad for the guy I wouldn't choose, so, yeah, it's hard...

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I'll see you all around, people! :D

Sakura0chan

Sakura0chan

Nihongo o naraitai

Quote by melmachine18I'm straightforward in my case, and I wouldn't want to break up. I'm
confident that I would have a future knowing that I already have a
girlfriend, and I would stick to my girlfriend because I have known her
longer and I know so many things about her. I'm sure that if there is a
problem, I would work it out with the girl whom I just want to be
friends with.


I agree. ^__^ I'll stay with my boyfriend (If I have).. Because I knew him for a long time. And that guy may be good/nice only in the beginning...

Quote by melmachine18Also, I don't like it when a girl is persistent to try to
be with me when I already have a girlfriend. That shows that that girl
doesn't respect my decision in which I already have a girlfriend, even
if she is really nice (for the girls, this could be the same way to you
with guys). I don't plan on being with my girlfriend completely until I
graduate from college, which hopefully would be in 3 years if all my
credits transfer. If I go for the new girl, then I'm going to have to
start everything all over again, and that is a very difficult process,
especially for someone who is shy, boring, and doesn't talk about much.


Yup!! Yup!! I don't like a guy that doesn't respect decisions... If he's really nice then he'll accept my decision..

HUNCHENTOOT - The Common Lisp web server formerly known as TBNL
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I want to be with my bf which I just has recently, hope he thinks the same about me XD
Friends are friends, noone can come between me and my bf, I try my best.

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