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Losing friends..... (name get removed from FL)

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ramchong

ramchong

Dirty Old Ninja Master

Is kind of very hard and upset feeling flooding in me to put up this thread... But is not juz me... quite a lot of friends or member in Mt talking about this issue...

A lots of member getting removed from friendlists...???

And i'm one of them too...

Plzz! Don't think this is a offensive thread... is juz a feeling express for ppl who get removed from friendlist and i wanna know how they feels...?

So plz for whoever post up the feelings one... do not put the name who removed you... !! this is not a thread to point out or scolding ppl... plz respect their decision... they hav their reasons...

I really getting upset so deep... i'm the only son in family, a semi-handicap person... i need friends far more important than myself... so can anyone tell me
1. why you ask ppl to start off a new friendship...?
Mostly i'm the one who ask for it... my reason is simple... In MT everything regarding artwork and wallies... i hope not to miz out any great subs from members in MT...

And is true that when you ask for friendship plz write something on gb board to respect the person you looking for... most of member don't like ppl juz addin their name into other's FL without notice... But the first thing i'm not happy is i'm not getting any reason or explain why i've been removed from the FL... i do required the same thing from them... at least i know what i hav did wrongly or offencing ppl...

Well at least respects and a minimum courtesy required on this i think... may be the reasons get removed are never talk to them..., always juz fav and comment with pointless ideas, members who are no longer active, or accidentally get offenced without notices...

But they never give any chances for you to explain... not like posting ripper wallie you still got 2 more chances after GD warning before getting banned... And the second thing get me really upset is... if above reasons are the reasons... why should we act first in approaching them automatically but not them who never try to maintain the friendship...? i really get confuse if we are the ppl who get removed becos we never start off the topics or get approach to them on the first time/automatically approaching them... So
2. Is really our fault for whom to start off to ask for friendship must automatically look for you, care for you, concerning, you, and worry about you but not the other way goes...? Why? Are the person who ask for friendship, do not deserve the concern or even a greeting from you on first?

And for new member... they even more confuse and too new to MT... some ppl might find it annoying if ask for friendship... plzz do not add them bac... someone will do... Bcos one of the reason above mentioned is "they never talk to you..." but do your try to talk to them before? Besides not everyone can conversed english well... So if someone can't conversed in english well... Should this be one of the reason to get rejected??? (And i'm one of them who's the worst in English...)

Finally .... i really don't want ppl start a argument/fights in this thread... juz express you feelings will do... but i hav a small request... if you really wanna reject or remove ppl from your FL... can at least post a apology or give the reason why we get removed... we may feel more comfortable and know/learn our mistakes... i juz hope nobodies get hard feelings or get hurt from this issue...

thanks for time spent in reading such long post from me...


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celinesm

-- Chibi Ceres --

*hugs*

Don't feel bad. If those people are truly your friends, they wouldn't have just removed you just like that. You've still got other friends - :) I'm still your friend, ne?

I've been here for a while, and I've only a handful of friends, mostly because it takes time to meet new people. I'd rather have a handful of good friends than tons of friends that I won't likely hear/see from after I've added them.

I've been a member of another discussion board for almost 5 years, so you can say I'm pretty well-known there. There's alot of newbies and people I haven't heard/seen from wanting to add me into their lists. To be honest, I didn't add them back because I feel that I should get to know them better first. After getting in touch and such, I'll add them.

Just remember, if so-called friends can't accept you for who you are, they are not friends.

Kurang satu kawan macam tu pun tak apa la. Cari kawan lain yang lebih baik ^^

- Celine

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- Puppies are nature's remedy for feeling unloved...plus numerous other aliments of life -

..::: - Negaraku - :::.. ..::: - Doujinshi-Support-Club - :::..

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blazinstreaks

blazinstreaks

Persocom Technician

Hi there! I think I know how u feel. Losing a good friend may be hard on u.
But don't u think people should move on? ;) Look forward to a new start and
not to dwell in the past.

Maintaining a friendship is difficult and it takes exprience. It's sorta like trial n error.
If the relationship doesn't work out right, try and see what went wrong. But
sometimes life's like that, so just let it go.

Try improving your other friendships; find and make good friends :)
Btw I'm still your friend too :D

Maija

Maija

Princess

OH rammie.... T_T

But ye it is silly and stupid to get expelled from here.... but the world is never rightfull....

a hug.....

You don't love what is beautifull but that is beautifull what you love...
I would give my life for the one's who I LOVE....

Maija

tareren

tareren

||Teh Panda Queen||

Uh.. kinda get your point there, but you cant really blame those who remove the 'frens' from the friend list.. cos they may have their own reason like
1. they already have too many friends and cant really cope with all submissions and threads and everything else
2. they think that those frens are not talking enough to them, and they do not really have time to approach them (see point number 1), so they feel it is better if they just remove 'em from the friendlist

I kinda agree with the giving reason part, but if you still wanna be friend with them, you can just ask them what is wrong, right ? Maybe it was an accident (they try to add u twice -_-) or they simply think that they are too busy and all, so maybe you should consider their point of view too ^^ well, this just what I think :)

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lthnadml

lthnadml

Chasing shadows . . .

If those people are truly your friends, they wouldn't have just removed you just like that.
PL don't worry! I think you have plenty of friends and i would like to believe i'm one of them. :)
Although i don't talk much either. :D

A nocturnal concerto,Candlelight whispers me where to go,Hymn of gathering stars as my guide,As I wander on this path of the night

TimothytheDarkMagician

TimothytheDarkMagician

The True Dark Magician

don't worry ramchong!!! I would never take you off my friends list!!! You are just too cool!! definatly one of my favorite people on my friends list!!

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Ying

Ying

I'll Be Back!

I just got removed by someone too but I know the reason and respect her desision.
I get friends because I like there work, have the same interest, they're nice, and want nice feedback on my submissions. I try to write something on all of my friends submissions but sometimes it feel like I'm the only one writing something which make me feel used.........-_-
I havn't removed anyone yet but I might do some day but then I'll of course tell that person why! And don't worry you're not one of them! ^_-

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Where there's Yin there's always Yang

... v_v ...
and now in the "real world":
I've just lost a friend. We knew us since I was 2 or 3. She don't talks to me since many many years. I don't understand it.. We aren't on the same school but that doens't matter! ! Even when I invited her to my birthday party...
What can I do??!! I can't forget her.
Love, Ceressssss
answer me ^-^

Meow Rammie t.t
im still HERE T.T
*hugs ramchong and kiss him*
meow
*hands pocky*
SMILE^.^

Kiako

Kiako

the shadow

well noone removed me from their friendlist^^
and i won't remove a good friend of mine from my friendlist. i don't see the point in adding someone and then after a time removing them.

ShiNN

ShiNN

O RLY?!

Uhm, I've only been removed once from someone, and that person is the one who posted above me (Celessa). That's how the world goes, you gain some, you lose some. Everything is still allright.

sjolley

sjolley

A vision of annoyance

I've been removed before, for no reason, but then I get put back on their list... :D

Why do you kill the joy of death?

ramchong

ramchong

Dirty Old Ninja Master

Quote by tarerenUh.. kinda get your point there, but you cant really blame those who remove the 'frens' from the friend list.. cos they may have their own reason

I kinda agree with the giving reason part, but if you still wanna be friend with them, you can just ask them what is wrong, right ? Maybe it was an accident (they try to add u twice -_-) or they simply think that they are too busy and all, so maybe you should consider their point of view too ^^ well, this just what I think :)

Hm.. i repeat this thread is not pointing or stabbing anyone... so i didn't blame them and i even emphacize already saying that they hav their reasons and pls respect them... may be my english is juz too worst... but i get your points tareran...

Quote by Celessa
If a person suddenly realizes that the "friend" in the word "friendlist" is missing, and he or she suddenly decides to refine the list simply in a systematic approach that they would ultimately consider necessary in the long run, it is apparently best to respect his or her decision along the way as well.

You see, I have thought very extremely long and hard on this decision here and this has been going on for more than two months now, where I pretty much removed a whole bunch of my friends, because apparently the word of "friend" has been so tweaked, and so untouched, that apparently it falls in the line between who knows what, and basically who cares?

**Taps her forehead** I won't talk about this onwards. I suppose now you have a good partial grasp as to why over here. And yes, I thought a very long and hard process over it, enough said. This isn't fun, you know. Good day now.

I really respect your decision Celessa, bcos i also know that you are not the kind of ppl who make decision without a deep ponder... (Since you are so famous around... i read your thread's posts before... and quite a lot...you are a rasional thinking person) But i think this thread you already explained it very well in why you make such a decision... but may be a small little PM will help into soothing members hard feelings... i know you are a considerable person... but after the person who get deleted already when feeling so down.. and they even have to check on your page to get the reasons why you removed them... that's kind of cruel i think... (except those ppl are the "utilize friendship" type you mentioned in your thread)

But i'm the type that i admire his/her artwork and juz want to get their latest subs for review and learn from them... and i admit some of them i want to be friends with them becos of this... later i also got a lot of very good friend who are considerable, caring each other and even some of them don't really know how to start off a topic but they try their greatest effort to post one or two words into threads or comments... And actually nobody asking me to fav them as for friendship conditions... i fav on their work base on my feelings towards the artwork... if the artwork can't really drag my attention... sure i'll not fav on them...

Anyway... this thread juz to express the hard feeling and i also trying to explain to member who get the some issue... and thanks for posting into this thread to let us know the reasons... (i'm too sleepy... too lazy to check the grammar and spelling... so sorry for the very worst english...)


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i dont put much thought into the friendslist.....i have a busy life, whatev....all i know is whoever's on my list is stayin there and if they wanna remove me then fine, on to bigger/better things....ramchong, yur cool! dont fret over sum1 who dont care about you! forget about the FL, what the HECK does it matter?! just have fun and look @ cool submissions an participate in threadz!
i ask people who freakin rock to be on the FL...and i dont think you should emphasize the FL so much...it'll just make you feel bad, and bad feelings make your whole life suck, ram-duude...focus on the friends you do have and let the ones who cut you bite the dust! XD

calisqo

calisqo

::RERAITO::

umm.... names get removed, it's a common things here in MT.

Being in someone else friendlist does not mean u're their friend, a friend = someone you know really well, what they do what they like, not someone just checking out your works.

Our friendlist sytem here in mt , works as a notifications system i think, it's more about notifying submissions, than keeping track with people.

To be honest I don't know why people add me to their list in the first place as well, except for those few that i can safely call friends, but so to say, i never removed them from my list , hopin ^_^" that one day i get to know them >.>
BUt that never happens <.< , not often ....

Getting removed doesn't mean that he/she hates you or anything, perhaps it's because his/her list getting too big, this can be a hassle sometimes.
If u don't want to get removed, try to contact that person regularly making a real friendship .
Therefore he/she might reconsider you as a friend.

Jyu-Jyu

Jyu-Jyu

*blush*

ram-ram-san !! hi hi!! i think that like most ppl said -- they have their reasons -- and yes a short reason why one is removed from a fl would be good and considerate. but if none is given i don't quite care for a reason. I just let it be. ^_^ it's not like that 1 person or 2 is gonna make your world crash to the ground. ^_^ And plus -- i'm sure you have more than 1 friend! ^_^ so i guess you get to appreciate those other friends more! ^_^
ram-ram-san!! you are really cool and well your english is understandable -- so don't worry bout it. ^_^ *nods*

Hm... well damn.
Everything I was going to say was taken out of my mouth with all of these other posts.
^_^'
Just hold close the people that really care about you and forget the ones who don't.
That's all you can really do.
And try not to beat yourself up too much about it,
it happens to everybody. (not just in MT, but in real life too)
so no worries, k?
:kisses cheek:

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XOXOXO

Celessa

Retired Moderator

Celessa

Okaerinasai - Welcome Home

Quote by ramchongI really respect your decision Celessa, bcos i also know that you are
not the kind of ppl who make decision without a deep ponder... (Since
you are so famous around... i read your thread's posts before... and
quite a lot...you are a rasional thinking person) But i think this
thread you already explained it very well in why you make such a
decision... but may be a small little PM will help into soothing
members hard feelings...

I have dispatched a couple of PMs along the way for those who requested a reason, though I could not consider PM'ing 140+ friends at one time. I tried to remove the spam and give them the point, but you know Ramchong - even sometimes they do tend to ignore the PM and still question my why, and sometimes they go even further by being frustrated at me. Hence - that is why I posted in absolute detail here. Some still don't get it, but as well, I can't be around, spending countless numbers of hours with whom I don't stay in touch with anymore, giving them a thorough breakdown every single time. Heck, I don't even know how some even landed up on my list, to tell you the truth. Thanks for the concern, anyways.

Quote by ramchongi know you are a considerable person... but
after the person who get deleted already when feeling so down.. and
they even have to check on your page to get the reasons why you removed
them... that's kind of cruel i think...

Ramchong, in my many years of forum experience, especially in the guestbook, this is generally the best way to go:

A. First and foremost - it just takes too much time. I'm really busy, and I can't be there for everyone, I know. I would love to, but it's not going to fit perfectly with the understandings that I always wanted.
B. It really can be quite spammy if I were to post my message and paste it everywhere else. I am one of those individuals would love to settle down and make long responses of "why" and "how" towards everyone I removed, but you see - they've been away for a long while now, so I don't really expect them to come back, show up all of a sudden and respond just like that, so I didn't even bother posting it up in the first place, even considering that they are missing in action. Besides, I've already addressed it to a few others through the PM - and that goes back to point A. It just takes too much time. Hence, I have to post a general message to everyone to remove such clutter, even if it may seem a little cruel. It always boils down to time - time I don't always have here.
C. I don't even consider some of them friends, but complete strangers. They don't care to be removed, and I don't expect anything kindly said in return. To lose touch and then to tell others why you removed them when they could be laughing at you for even trying to become sympathetic - believe me, the world is not always so friendly, and sometimes doing so makes it look like you are a mockery and a complete fool. **Sighs** That is why I posted in your thread in the first place, which was a coincidence - and funny enough, you drew the topic then and there. **Nods** I know a couple of people would even say - why would you even bother? Heck - I wouldn't want to post it in public because some people find this a silly game, and I agree. Just get it over and done with, really.

To me, I'd prefer to make the issue strict and confidential. I don't want to demand attention for being left out when I know its kind of futile. Addressing it in public wasn't my main intention, so I never even tried to make it a big deal.

When you move on then, you move on.

Quote by ramchongAnyway... this thread juz to express the hard
feeling and i also trying to explain to member who get the some
issue... and thanks for posting into this thread to let us know the
reasons... (i'm too sleepy... too lazy to check the grammar and
spelling... so sorry for the very worst english...)

No problem. Thanks for your response and taking some of your time to reading over my comment. **Tips her hat** Good day now.

"No matter where you go, no matter how tough life may be, just remember that always in your heart, you will still be loved."

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someone removed me just today...*sniff sniff*
oh well...its okies i guess!XD but it was kinda upsetting in some ways tho!=[
but i mean who wouldnt be depressed just getting the news that they have been removed from other's friends list rite?
well dont feel bad! mes with yu!=D

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One friend removed me from her list and to be honest I don't blame her for doing it. I'll be honest in the fact that I do not communicate regularly with my friends except when they put thread in forums or new walls and scan. I don't know about others but for me writing is not my strong suite. It takes time for me to compose and then put that down in writing. So, if I am removed from other member's friend's list then I accept their decision and move on with my life.

Tama-Neko

Tama-Neko

Invisible

Just to be entirely frank and as straight-to-the-point as utterly possible, I think you are taking the friends list way too seriously. The friendslist was originally designed as a watchlist - you get notified when people on your fl post something (other than a scan, of course.) Nothing more, nothing less. I know frozenwilderness, amongst others, have lobbied to get the name of the friendslist changed to something more reasonable like watchlist, although it never went through. But seriously, chill. It's not the end of the world if you're not on somebody's friendslist. It just means one person won't be notified of your new submissions. It's just a list.

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DA! Desktop Anime

kiri-chan

kiri-chan

Casual Waller

Hm, I just add people to my friendslist when I like their works, or if they have added me first. There's really nothing else to it. Some I consider friends, but most are just being "watched".

Cadi

Cadi

True

ramchong feel better^^ when I ask someone for their friendship I really respect that person... they are really cool and nice and a talented artist... I've never been removed from other people's fl... not yet.. nor have I removed anyone from my fl...I guess many people do it, not because they don't concern about you anymore, but because something had a change in their life and they no longer has much time for mt anymore... and the more friends you have the more notification you would get... I think they would still have respect for you and still would talk to you.

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awsome sig made by kuai^^

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