Abbot & Costello organize the MTV music video library

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A long, long time ago, long before Dharma met Greg, the comedy duo of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello performed the timeless "who's on first?" routine about some of the confusing nicknames that sone baseball players had. Nowadays, the confusing names involve the artists and songs we see every day on MTV! So, I figure that if Bud and Lou were still with us today, their classic comedy bit might sound a little like this.

Abbott & Costello organize the MTV music video library

Abbott: Look sharp, Costello. I had to pull some strings to get us this job organizing tapes in the music video library.

Costello: Some of these singers and songs today have pretty confusing names.

Abbott: That's alright, boy. I know the songs. You pull the videotapes, and I'll tell you which song each one is, and who does it.

Costello: And I'll write it down. Let's start with this Tracey Chapman video. Tell me the name of the song.

Abbott: Give me one reason.

Costello: I told you, so I can write it down. Now, tell me which Tracey Chapman song this is, please.

Abbott: Give me one reason.

Costello: We're 6 months behind on the rent. You need a better reason?

Abbott: I'm telling you man!

Costello: Hey, don't get mad at me. Forget this video, I'll save it for later. Here's a bunch of Alanis Morissette tapes, but they're all mixed up. Which song is this one?

Abbott: You oughta know.

Costello: I don't know the names of the songs. Which song is this!?

Abott: You oughta know!

Costello: But I DON'T know! What about this other Alanis Morissette video?

Abbott: It's Ironic.

Costello: It's ironic that I don't know the name of the video?

Abbott: You heard me, it's Ironic.

Costello: I don't think it's ironic!

Abbott: I'm telling you, it's Ironic!

Costello: Let's go back to the first Morissette tape.

Abbott: You oughta know, Costello.

Costello: Do you know the name of this Alanis Morissette song?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: Then plase tell me so I can write it down!

Abbott: You oughta know.

Costello: You say I ought to know, but I don't know. Now THAT'S ironic!

Abbott: No, that's the second Alanis video!

Costello: I got two videos, and I don't know either of 'em. Forget it. What's the name of this Mase video?

Abbott: What you want.

Costello: The name of this Mase song.

Abbott: What you want.

Costello: I want the name of the Mase song.

Abbott: What you want.

Costello: The name of the Mase song! You oughta know.

Abbott: Now you're talking about Alanis Morissette again.

Costello: Let me guess, it's ironic.

Abbott: Now, that's the first thing you've said right all day.

Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!! Can you hand me that tape next to you?

Abbott: Of course.

Costello: What song is on that tape, Abbott?

Abbott: I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Costello: That tape there in your hand.

Abbott: I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Costello: That tape there.

Abbott: I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Costello: Why don't you look in your HAND? Okay. Forget the song, was that video made by a group?

Abbott: Of course it was.

Costello: And that group gets royalty payments from the record company, right?

Abbott: Every dollar of it. And why not? They're entitled to it.

Costello: So, you know what group gets the royalty payments?

Abbott: Sure. U2.

Costello: Me too?

Abbott: U2, Costello.

Costello: I get the royalty payments?

Abbott: Of course not, you're not in the group.

Costello: I'm not in the group?

Abbott: No.

Costello: But you know what group gets the royalty payments?

Abbott: Certainly! U2.

Costello: I'm not in the group, but I get payments.

Abbott: You do not!

Costello: But you know who does.

Abbott: Of course. U2!

Costello: I'd really like to be writing some of this stuff down. Do you know the name of the group in this video here?

Abbott: No Doubt.

Costello: Oh, I don't doubt YOU know it, but I wonder whether I'LL ever know it. Can you tell me the name of the song?

Abbott: Don't Speak.

Costello: Don't speak?

Abbott: You heard me, Costello. Don't Speak. Ready for the next video? Costello? Costello!

Costello: You told me don't speak!

Abbott: That's right, Don't Speak. Ready for the next one? Costello? Why aren't you talking?

Costello: You oughta know.

Abbott & Costello: Alanis Morissette!

Abbott: Why are you getting so excited?

Costello: Music affects me that way sometimes. I have a video here by En Vogue. Can you tell me its title?

Abbott: Never gonna get it.

Costello: Why am I never gonna get it? Give me one reason.

Abbott: That's Tracey Chapman, we're not talking about her!

Costello: I'm not talking about Tracey Chapman either. You oughta know.

Abbot & Costello: Alanis Morissette!

Costello: Since we're naming so many female singers, can youtell me the title of this Sheryl Crow video?

Abbott: If it makes you happy.

CostelloL I would be ECSTATIC! Here's the last one. Which Spice Girls song is this?

Abbott: Stop.

Costello: I'm not sure we ever started!

Abbott: You mean you haven't written any of this down?

Costello: How could I write any of it down? I ask for a title, and you tell me it's what you want, and it's ironic I still haven't found what I'm looking for! Give me one reason! You too! Don't speak! Stop! No doubt I'm ever gonna get it if it makes you happy! Because you oughta know! -- ALANIS MORISSETTE!! -- Well, I've had it!I want you to quit playing games!

Abbott: What's that you just said?

Costello: QUIT PLAYING GAMES!

Abbott: Ohh, that's the Backstreet Boys!!

Costello: URK!!!

LIEK HAY DTM I COPIED THIZ FRUM MAD MAGAZINE OMG WTF LOLZXOR!!!

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  • Aug 15, 2005

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