Hey, I'm in a bit of a jam here. I need some advice on a problem I've got in my hands. I'm willing to accept any kind of advice, so feel free to say your thoughts and opinions. Here's the story. I have this very close friend of mine. We have been friends for only a year now, but we have really gotten close to the point that we can really trust each other with important stuff. Well one day, I find out that she smokes. That really scared me to be honest. It was a shocker. Now I know for all the older people out there that might not be such a big thing for you all, but I'm 14 years old and my friend is 13. Yes I know too that there are kids my age that do that and much worse, but to me I know its not something that's just okay to do. Even though she might just smoke, it could lead to other things. I don't know what to really do. I want to help her stop this habit of her's, but at the same time I'm afraid she won't listen to me or just get mad and we would never speak to each other. And I also don't want to get into any of her business because I can't really tell her what to do in her life, but I want to be a good friend to her and warn her about what she's doing, that its not right. I want to be there for her as she is for me. It really makes me sad knowing this and feeling helpless like not being able to do anything about it. So now I come out in the open to ask for some help on this problem I have. Maybe with just some advice, people can help me make the right decision on what to do about this. So should I go and try to tell her what she is doing is wrong and help her out of this habit of her's or should I just leave it alone and let her be?
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- Aug 19, 2005
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well.... if you're really that close. then she should listen to you. but, i dunno. She might, if other people have been telling her to stop themselves, so she might get a little bit irritated. You can try explaining in detail all of the really bad things that happen when you smoke. Or, you can use your friendship, and tell her that if you hang out with her, then since you're getting the secondhand smoke, it's worse for you, instead of her. I wish i could help you more... but i don't want to tell you the wrong thing and destroy your friendship...
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- Aug 19, 2005
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woah.. a 13yr-old smoking.. is she aware of the physical consequences of smoking? starting at such a young age too.. I feel like a lot of times people don't grasp how seriously smoking damages their body because they can't visually perceive the effects. I knew some kids back in middle school that started smoking mainly because it seemed 'cool', and it seemed like they weren't really addicted. But after we were shown some disgusting images of black shriveled up lungs, brown teeth, and cancer patients with punctured throats and whatnot, some of them quit. But the stubborn kids kept smoking..
As for your situation, I think it's for the best that you let her know that smoking is probably bad for her (and illegal, for that matter). It's probably not smart to lecture her or scare her into quitting (those tactics just seem to spur on the smoker), but if you disapprove of her smoking, I don't think it's right to look the other way either.
"Faith means believing in something that will only make sense in reverse."
"When men are the most sure and arrogant they are commonly the most mistaken..."- Aug 19, 2005
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Well, I'm not good at advice. I'm so sorry if my words hurt you. A true friend will tell the truth even it's gonna hurt them inside. So you should slow talk with your friend. Tell her that you dislike her attitude of smoking. Maybe she mad at you. But let her think, would she 'sacrifice' your relationship just because you talk to her about her smoking habit?
Whatever your decision, the choice is in your hand. Think it throughly. If she doesn't want to quit smoking, just accept her. Giving that she should respect you. After all, we only human. We have flaws. I hope you won't be influence by her. You are your own master.
- Aug 19, 2005
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You should confront her and tell her to stop and that you should probably show her videos about what happens to people when they smoke and It's not going to be a very good picture....In a way this should scare her and that she would immediately quit smoking since she saw this...Or you should go have a talk with her alone going about the smoking and hows it's bad for her and that you should tell her how you feel as in.."Please stop smoking I don't want to lose a good friend of mine..." so yeah. Tell your friend that you are worried about her and stuff like that...That's the advice I'll give you...Even though it does sound like gibberish.
- Aug 19, 2005
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Sorry but I'm not very good at giving advice.
You seem to have a strong relationship. If you're that close, she shouldn't be that mad if you tell them you're shocked with her new habit. Who wouldn't be shocked in front a a 13 years old girl smocking.
Actually, many people around me smoke. Someone even let an ashtray on the top of my computer x_x I don't smoke. Sometimes I complain and tell them how unhealthy it is but it doesn't stop them.
I think that, before telling her how unhealthy smoking is, you should tell her how you felt when you discovered that she smoke.
But, why does she smoke? You should ask her about that.
I don't think telling her how bad this habit is would be the right thing to do at first. Smoking is unhealthy, everybody knows that and there is still smokers.
As Hanazaki and FateDecides already said, showing her scaring videos or pictures could be a way to convince her.
But, in my opinion, you should try to understand why she is doing this and then help her. This could be some bad influence...
But, tell her that you like her and that you are worry. If you worry, it's because, she's important to you^^
Sorry, I don't think I really have help you but I don't see what else to do.- Aug 19, 2005
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i think the best thing to do would be to tell her how much you care about her and tell her you dont want her getting sick... i think if she knows how much its effecting you she will take that into consideration...
"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months" --Oscar Wilde.
- Aug 20, 2005
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I had that very same problem. Except I was older at the time. My best friend I knew since I was ten, and at a party I find out he smokes. You should tell your friend the truth, if you are close she should listen. Overall, try not to put your friendship at stake if its not completely necesary, you shouldnt try to play that card. Explain how you feel about, calmly and discuss it. Ask her things like, why does she smoke and tell "because" isnt a reason. She probably hasnt formed an addiction yet, so it should be pretty easy for her to stop. Well, good luck, hope everything goes the way you plan.
It is my duty to pass judgement... the will of the gods is absolute." -Ledah
- Aug 20, 2005
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Hm... does she know what it is doing to her? It seems to me, that she is keeping it a secret from many others.. so, something tells me she knows it's wrong. Maybe she wants to quit?? Anyway.. like many have said, you should tell her about the lethal effects smoking has on people.. She's kiling herself.. and being the close friends you are, you should try and tell her that .. If she's worth your time, she will understand that you aren't saying this to piss her off.. you're saying it because you care about her.
- Aug 20, 2005
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well, you are at a lose lose situation. Either way, it will turn out bad for you. If you tell her not to smoke, she will probably be mad at you and stay away from you. But if you don't tell her, it will kill her.
If it was me and she is a very close friend, I will tell her. Since I wouldn't want my friend to die of a bad habit. However, one will need to be acknowledged of the consequences. One might just lose a good friend like that. In the end, it all depend on how strong is the friendship between you two. If you think it is strong enough to survive this, then stop her from smoking. It will be good for you both. But if it isn't strong enough, don't even try, since she will keep smoking anyway, and you will lose a friend. This sounds like a very bad advice, but it's what I would do.
- Aug 20, 2005
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just try talking to her
- Aug 20, 2005
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It's nice of you to want to get to her, but mostly changing these people's minds are a bit of problem. It really depends on the type of person she is so I really have no advice at all. ;__;"
Perhaps you can find some way to let her understand the problem herself - perhaps that would be better than just telling her outright that she should stop.
Or some rewording of how you tell her. Good luck sweetee.
- This Free Life Crisis -
- Aug 20, 2005
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Ahh 13-yrold smoking? that's really bad, she's so young and because of this bad habit she's gonna ruin herself :( I think that if you're close friends you might talk to her about this and tell her why this is wrong and that you care.
I really hope that things will goes ok. :] Good luck to you and your friend~~Those were the days my friend We thought they'd never end...
- Aug 20, 2005
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well...
you should tell her, i know it's hard. A good friend will tell his/her friend whose behaviour is bad.
She should take it as a Constructive criticism. Don't be afraid, you do it for her own sake, not yours, and that's a good friend will do.- Aug 20, 2005
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I think that you have to discuss it with her. If it were me, I would feel awful if I said nothing about it to a good friend and then watched them very slowly destroy their health. The best way to help her change her mind (because she is the one who actually has to change it) would be to introduce her to people who are suffering the consequences of smoking now. Consequences are easier to understand when you actually see them in person. Since I don't know what kind of person she is, I'm going to recommend trying to scare her or anything like that. I just think you should mention that you are really disappointed that she has decided to indulge in such a bad habit. Just explain that you are worried about her and would like to help her if there is a reason she has decided to smoke....
If you would challenge me, then you must first stand before the Darkness. You must look into it and become it. You must fall before it and then reach out to encompass it. When it is joined to your heart, you must overcome its insidious temptation. You are ready to face me when you can betray even your own heart in service to your cause.
____________________________________________________________________________- Aug 20, 2005
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well....if i found out that one of my friends was smoking or doing something worse i would confront him/her....If she tries to say something to brush it of tell her that you saw her doing it and tell her to quit doing it......
Can't you feel my heart.Falling through the rain
- Aug 21, 2005
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Hmm that's a tough one.
I had a similar situation too with my friend. She has this one controlling boyfriend that always hurt her emotionally, and it really made me angry that she was letting him do that. I know that I should do something and I tell her everyday that she deserved better and to get out of that relationship. *sigh* But I know inside that it was her decision.
As for your friend, I say talk and let her know that you're there and that you care a lot about her. Maybe that might convince your friend to stop smoking at such a young age. I don't give out the best advice, but I know how you're feeling. Just talk, I know she might be mad at first, but she might come around and look at it from your perspective. I hope everything works out. After all you guys are friends and care about each other. Good luck!! ^^The important thing was to love rather than to be loved. // W. Somerset Maugham
- Aug 21, 2005
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