20 Things to say to Telemarketers...

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crsg

crsg

Artemis

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Highly amusing, and possibly highly embarassing for the person on the other line. Or at least you can ensure that they'll be the first one to hang up!

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes
are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work
if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could
know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that
telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your
dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

*cough* These things work, believe me. And this post does not mean to offend anyone if there happens to be any telemarketers reading it.

RainOfStars

RainOfStars

Elusive Dream

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Lol this is hilarious. I am going to send it to my friends. thanx for sharing

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kirchu

kirchu

Ryo

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awesome. ^^;

DanTheGreat

DanTheGreat

Ju-Ni Ban Tai Taichou

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i have already done #9 though i just said "would you be my girlfriend?" she hung up immediately llol i can't wait to try the rest

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This is great. I really loved reading your list. I think I will forward it to my sister. Thanks much for finding the list. :D

  • Sep 24, 2005

beethoven

beethoven

darkness

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I got one for you after talking to them for a minuet or so say


OH MY GOD MY house IS ON FIRE (hang up and drink a soda)

Only in the dark of your soul can you reveal the light of your heart" Stephen Penton
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cookie

  • Sep 24, 2005

somebodyelse

Retired Moderator

somebodyelse

Pacman's mouthpiece

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Here's a couple more:

1. "Sir/Ma'am, I'm not currently interested, but please feel free to talk to (insert singer/group here)" and stick the phone in front of a stereo speaker and turn it on. The louder the better.

2. (great if you have a cordless) Say something like "Sir/Ma'am, I gotta take the phone in the bathroom, hang on a second," go in the bathroom, talk to them until they go into their spiel. Then start pouring faucet water in the toilet, and use the toilet plunger to periodically make loud *plop* sounds. Keep doing this for at least 5 minutes. If they're still on the line, flush the toilet and sigh happily. "Aaaaahh....! Now what did you want again?" Repeat as necessary.

I've actually used these. #1 backfired on me though once when I had some guy listening to my Pantera CD for 15 minutes, seems he was a Pantera fan and he just kept pretending to sell me (whatever it was) to keep his boss happy while he enjoyed the music. I was actually sorry to hang up on that guy, that was pretty cool.

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"Searchin' for my lost shaker of salt..." -Jimmy Buffett

Aoi Nishimata goodies! Check my gallery out!

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mwa ha ha those are good!!!!
try this one too.
if they ask for someone in your family tell them that they are in the bathroom dealing with some "Personal Problems" works every time.

live your life as if the chipmunk of doom was riding on your shoulder
>__<
(o_o)
/......|
WWW

Mr Wiggles is my ghostly friend. The chipmunk of doom is also his friend. Be kind to him.

jasaiyajin

jasaiyajin

-repeat-

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I enjoyed your post, it is so funny. I will try this stuff on some if they call. ^_^

-repeat-

  • Sep 25, 2005
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Haha, i tried number 6 just this week - they didn't know what to do and just hung up!

  • Sep 25, 2005

kauriswings

kauriswings

skrzydla jej serce

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i laugh... hopefully in the next few min there will be a telemarketer calling so i can tell them all of these... after all the people who call you always need to hear what you are doing right?

I'll never forget the day you told me you loved me,
i will always try to forget the day that you said you didn't love me...

Rayzi

Rayzi

Is it anime? Then no.

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Quote by drlightxHaha, i tried number 6 just this week - they didn't know what to do and just hung up!

Lol! I would love to know how long it was that you did that! I actually can't wait for a telemarketer to call me now! :D

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this is what you should say to a telemarketer..if you have the balls to do it that is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dO-iXfF2qPE

They told me that the ends Won't justify the means
They told me at the end Don't justify the dreams
That I've had since a child Maybe I'll throw in the towel
Make my (make my) Departure from the world Signature Image

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excellent! i hope no telemarketers are reading this or else they'd be on to us. :D

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o_o we dont get many telemarketers here.. but I want to try these out!.!.!.!

XD

  • Nov 16, 2007

cerealjoe

cerealjoe

The day we caught the train...

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We only get telemarketers here that desperately want to tell you that you won some prize and that you need to come to some store to retrieve it... I usually tell them what I want for Christmas for about five minutes up until they realise that they're just losing their time.

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What do you call a girl with a rifle in a corn field? A cereal killer.
In TARTIFLETTE we trust!

  • Nov 18, 2007

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