[: POEM:] crumble

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jasaiyajin

jasaiyajin

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I wrote this monday, after learning some newz, but MT was down and it was just sittin around my PC afterwards... I don't usually write this, but at the time I had ample inspiration...

I wanted to modify this to make it more clever, but I think that it's fine the way it is - even though this is probably the fastest one I came up with, so here ya go:


as the tears run down my face,
nothing satisfies my taste,
everything is blant,
I feel disgraced.

mourning in the morning,
cannot help the yearning,
another fate fell through,
escape impossible to prove.

how can it be,
what made it so,
why does it make,
an everlasting blow.

a poem's impact,
does not compare,
to the feeling so grand
it does not dare

lemme know what it means to ya...

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  • Oct 07, 2005

leosama84

leosama84

::Peace Maker::

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'Sup homes!
that's a very nice poem homie...but it really is full of pain...i'm not really good in sayin a poem, but i think that sad poems are hurtful! even though they're nice....y don't you guys try ta make a happy poem...something about the world...well, the world is in chaos so....i dunno...
This poem reminds me of myself....i've sat down and cried to myself about lotsa things...but at the end, i'd smile, even though things don't turn out the way u want'em, u gotta keep a smile on ur face ;)....
thanx for sharin ur thoughts with us homie!
Leo

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-----My Latest Wallpaper: "Inner Power, Unleashed!!"-----
------------"Subtlety Is Not A Virtue!"------------

xange

xange

~white bunny~

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My very thinking is ....that it looks like you read the newspaper and only see death after death and how peoples faith vanishes from this world...............but then again is just my side of view...pm me whenever you can I want to know the true meaning of this :)

she'll **** you just for the taste


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  • Oct 07, 2005
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good job

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you have to move forward..and never look back, no matter how hurt your heart must be

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siliver16

siliver16

iwillbeurfriend...no!lol..

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it ok. i sort of get your poems, compare to xange's poems
-mxc

mxc-just someone's intal im using for this wedsite.lol. and im just another crazy peron in this world... so if u don't like me deal with it....jk

  • Oct 08, 2005

j0n0

j0n0

Increadibly Cute

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Dude, you should try to make it more clever, this poem is below your par. Or, you can practice writting bad poems, lol. Anyways, this poem reminds me of another dream or life goal (whether social, financial, or mental) fell through. And this is just another blow to your pride and motivation because your other dreams also fell through. And this is talking about how your in the climax of the pain, which is typically in the beginning.

An eye for an eye brings justice, but it is compassion that changes a man.

Another point of view doesn't necessarily make yours more or less right.

  • Oct 08, 2005

jasaiyajin

jasaiyajin

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thanx for your comments, i tried to capture a simple, fast state of mind without dwelling away from the main idea... j0n0 hit the ball on the target like always :)

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  • Oct 08, 2005

xange

xange

~white bunny~

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aaaaaaa I didn't *pulls hair*

she'll **** you just for the taste


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  • Oct 13, 2005

PassionateLust

PassionateLust

Goddess of Lust

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Quote by melonbrustyou have to move forward..and never look back, no matter how hurt your heart must be

i simply have to agree, you seem like a great poet, i would like to read more of your poems. :)

Give me your Mind, Body and Soul,only then i could be forever yours.

  • Oct 13, 2005

siliver16

siliver16

iwillbeurfriend...no!lol..

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Quote by xangeaaaaaaa I didn't *pulls hair*


lol . what is with the pulling hair. did u not get it?
-mxc

mxc-just someone's intal im using for this wedsite.lol. and im just another crazy peron in this world... so if u don't like me deal with it....jk

  • Oct 13, 2005

okayillgonow

okayillgonow

Never tolerate oppression...

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2 things to say:

1. I like this poem, but damn there's so many!!!

2. I'm not much of a poet myself

''From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need.'' (Karl Marx)

  • Oct 13, 2005

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