it's been three days he's been completely mean and nasty to me while i tried to contact him.
we argued over something outside and he just asked me not be with him. ever since he's been very mean.
i felt that the relationship has no hope anymore. it has been on and off for the past almost 5 years.
i thought i still wanna be with him. but he just get irritated and angry. i thought maybe things would be better if we could meet up and talk about it. but he kept refusing to meet up.
he said i have no bargaining powers now.
i felt horrid. had been vomiting though i hadn't been eating for the past three days. a bit of water and maybe some solid food but that's about all. i lost 3kg too.
i couldn't concentrate on doing anything. i just stayed in bed and kept playing solitaire so that i couldn't think about anything else.
the only thing stopping me from ending my life is my dog. she still needs me. and maybe secretly i was hoping that maybe he might change his mind.
i had thought that today might have a chance to meet him after all he promised to meet me today. but he went back on his words and said tomorrow. i was asking why he broke his promise and he just said "just take it that i'm a jerk".
my head's spinning from probably too much crying. he said tomorrow we'll meet. but in the end, he realised he'll be meeting someone. when i asked who he only said "you don't need to know".
i'm going crazy. i wished he won't be so cruel. but it seems the more i tried to talk to him, the more he get mean.
i couldn't take it anymore. i thought since he wants to break up with me, i might as well take it. it's quite pointless to keep fighting when he's not willing. all i ask now is just to meet up with him and say goodbye face to face. he's not even willing. now he offers tomorrow. i doubt if he'll keep his promise. he'll probably change his mind again and i'll be shattered again.
i'm scared and sad... i've been hurt again & again & again i really don't wish to live through this nightmare again...
