He likes my sister better!
Dont you think is too much for me?
I can't stand it any more!
Someone help me please!
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Thank you Farewell, My Master.
"It was nice for a while but it's time to say bye"
Administrator of: Ignore the others! -Nocturnal-MTs Moderator of: Ice-and-Snow Member of: Whatever - Hana Kimi love - BrokenWings-TrinityBlood - GetBackers - MAAC - Petzilla- Nov 02, 2005
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wow, thats something else,for a guy to treat you so bad,thats just wrong,he should a had at least the decency to tell you sorry,well maybe someguys arnt like me,at least if you were my gf id treat ya with respect :)
- Nov 02, 2005
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Polarie...*shakes head* Girls, girls, girls...Often, the case is that most likely the girl had something to do with the behavior of a guy, especially in a case like this where the relationship is 5 years in. I'm in a 2 and a half year relationship right now, so I sort of know the ropes about this.
Down the line, you slowly start noticing all the things you don't like about the person, regardless of how much you love them. Instead of pointing fingers and saying "He's been mean to me," "he's been doing this and that," try to think about what might've caused that kind of behavior and state it to him, WITHOUT using "YOU" in a sentence. I know the feeling of being that attached where you feel a hole inside of you if they're not paying you any mind or seem as if they want nothing to do with you anymore. Be with friends, family, anything that will keep your mind occupied. It helps big time and can fill up that void inside.
Everyone keeps saying to get rid of him but you obviously don't want him to go since you're taking it upon yourself to reach him in any way possible. If this relationship went on for 5 years, then you've obviously been doing something right, unless you've been hanging on to a very fragile relationship where the slightest problem is considered a huge one. Love always prevails, believe me. You gotta let him know the pain he's causing you and if you already have and he still pays you no mind, then this guy OBVIOUSLY NEVER LOVED YOU. Sorry to caps it, but I know that the only way to get to someone in deep love is to be absolutely blunt about things.
EDIT: Another thing I dislike about a majority of girls...they love telling stories with their side of the story absolutely buttered up. If you were nasty or rude to him at any point in time, a guy is gonna usually lash right back at you even worse. And about you changing...if he's expecting a change out of you through all this, FORGET IT. It's not gonna work. If you put on a facade when you first met him, then he's gonna hold it against you for the rest of your relationship. However, if you're pretty much the same person that he "fell in love with," then he shouldn't expect or ask for some kind of change from you. There's no such thing as conditional love.
- Nov 03, 2005
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As I see it, either he does not love you anymore or he does not see the pain your going through. I think by what you have posted that is the first one.
I know that a relationship is not one sided. I have learned that the hard way with pain and tough times, but since Mahkohime and I were willing to work together things got better. So if he thinks your the only one that has to change, he does not understand that a relationship takes two people. Also, a one sided relationship never works out. I can see that you love him a lot because your putting a lot of effort in trying to talk to him and by how much pain you say your going through, but with what you say about his actions and what he said it sounds like he does not want to work on trying to get the relationship back together besides trying to make you change so he will be happy.I would have to suggust talking to friends and family.
It never helps to keep things bottled up, but I think you know that.
I believe that is the reason you started this thread.
I will keep praying for you, my friend and checking on this thread.
I really hope you start feeling better soon.
"You should never get between people and their pudding!" - Milly Tompson
- Nov 03, 2005
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thank you friends... for all this! i really really appreciate it. i did kinda keep me going.. when i'm down i try to think of what you all had said..
but you guys must scold me.. because i disappoint all of you by going to meet him after all... but i couldn't speak. he drove me out for dinner because he said i hadn't been eating.
but i guess that was a mistake because i irritated him and he snapped at me a few times. i was stupid enough not to make use of the opportunity to convince him. i wasted the chance on crying.
he asked if i have things to say. or that how do i intend to mend the relationship. i said i have no idea how to put it in words. so he got kinda pissed.
i do admit i did commit mistakes while i was with him. i was insecure and kinda possessive. i knew that was unhealthy and i had been seeking ways to change that. i talked to him a lot about that too, but he got angry because he said he's given me all the assurance he could yet i don't feel it.
i won't say i'm the right one in this relationship. i admit i did commit mistakes because of my own inferiority. because i always think that he sees other girls as much better than me. just that everything else is rank above me. i don't require to be number one in his heart. but not near the bottom?
i'm really confused too. he asked for more time. but he'll be leaving my country in a few months time.
his actions are really confusing me because sometimes he ignores me sometiems he'll sound really concern. and he asked "you really think i don't love you?" i said yes... but he didn't say anything but shook his head and sigh.
it's like he gave me hope yet he dashed them. he gave me hope and dashed them again. i really do wish to know what he's thinking at least i won't be guessing. but he said i don't need to know that.
i did asked if he still love me but he won't answer.
sometimes i've been crying.. sometimes i've thought that i could survive this without him.. but sometimes i broke down again. sometimes i woke up in the middle of the night crying and that's when i wished he'll really just end this nightmare for me.
honestly, my heart longs for him. despite after so many people telling me to move on. i've been the one to tell my girlfriend to move on when she broke up with her guy and i got exasperated when she kept insisting on being stubborn. now i understand how she felt. so if you guys decided to give up on me it's ok. i'm blessed enough to know so many had cared.
thank you friends for all your advice and concerns... i wonder if i'm really just a bug which he can't wait to get rid off...
thank you all once again. i'm really grateful.
proud member of Nippon-Foods | JapaneseLover | Chibi-Fest
- Nov 04, 2005
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sean392
Life is a Road to Nowhere...
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well..... just how much do u love him? do you want him back that badly? do you need him by your side ?
if your answer towards all of my questions are yes, then just go
tell him how you feel, sometimes a simple sentence like "i love you" will get the message through.........
maybe he was just thinking that he is not worthy of you, cuz he gave you assurance and you still weren't confident.
but i warn you, things might not turn out the way you want them to, life is unexpectable. even if you both are back together, your relationship may not be the same again. Are you willing to take the risk? Will there be something to lose?
Again, answer this question yourself.....
i think, you will know whats the best thing to do now........ps, even if things doesn't go as planned/wanted, there are many other ppl.... im sure there will be that special someone for you..... just for you.....
and girl, i shall say this again, never ever think of ending your life because its hard to be human...... the suffering will only get more n more for everyone..... just live life as it comes to the fullest.............Life have taught me, being nice will get you killed
being helpful will get people to take advantage of you
Call me evil, i will do whatever it takes, to bring everyone down to their knees.- Nov 04, 2005
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I hope you make the right chose, that this will resolve its self in to a happy path for you, If you need to talk just post and I will be here to help you as much as possable.
Everything happens for a reason, the key to life is to learn what matters most, is that your Answer?
- Nov 04, 2005
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hiya.. for those who still check back here now & then... & for friends who are still worried about me...
here's a little update...
it was on saturday... he's got something on so he couldn't finish up some writing work.. so he got me to do for him... and through the day he was kinda nice to me..but he said he's nice only because he doesn't wanna be mean to me... that night we even went for dinner peacefully.
but things return back to as they were the next day.. i was happy for a while... then... he's back to ignoring me... i just felt that maybe he was nice only because i was doing him a favour...
and i waited another day... he ignored me again... he said he's just speechless...
for a while i really did think there's hope... but... seems like not...
now i'm still lost as to what to do next... every morning i still woke up in tears from dreaming of us spending some happy time together...
that's about all.. for now.. thank you for listening too..
proud member of Nippon-Foods | JapaneseLover | Chibi-Fest
- Nov 07, 2005
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You can't forget him, Because of that I think he knows that you won't leave him because you love him so much, but I don't know it is just an idea, what ever you think, and I hope you get better.
Everything happens for a reason, the key to life is to learn what matters most, is that your Answer?
- Nov 07, 2005
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.... well your going to do what you want to do no matter what we say. I'm not trying to be mean to you or to bully you into agreeing with me I'm just letting you know that I know. I may stop trying to persuade you, but I wont stop listening to you so keep posting as long as you need some one to talk to or bounce ideas off of. With that out of the way, I think he's useing and abusing you. He obviusly knows you very well and knows how much to give you to get you to follow him for that little bit longer. I dont think this is healthy for either of you. So again I strongly urge you to dump him. You gave him several chances, you told him your side and listened to his, and you went out of your way to attempt to win him back. All you got for it was a dinner you cried through and his homework. From out here I can't say I see any point to the relationship. If you need to spend some time being sad and being comforted by your friends and family after you break up do it, every one needs healing sometime. But get out now before it gets worse and harder to leave.
- Nov 07, 2005
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Quote by Ghost357You can't forget him, Because of that I think he knows that you won't leave him because you love him so much, but I don't know it is just an idea, what ever you think, and I hope you get better.
ur right.. i also agree with you.. & i think that way too..
merged: 11-07-2005 ~ 01:37pm
Quote by DarkFireTim.... well your going to do what you want to do no matter what we say. I'm not trying to be mean to you or to bully you into agreeing with me I'm just letting you know that I know. I may stop trying to persuade you, but I wont stop listening to you so keep posting as long as you need some one to talk to or bounce ideas off of. With that out of the way, I think he's useing and abusing you. He obviusly knows you very well and knows how much to give you to get you to follow him for that little bit longer. I dont think this is healthy for either of you. So again I strongly urge you to dump him. You gave him several chances, you told him your side and listened to his, and you went out of your way to attempt to win him back. All you got for it was a dinner you cried through and his homework. From out here I can't say I see any point to the relationship. If you need to spend some time being sad and being comforted by your friends and family after you break up do it, every one needs healing sometime. But get out now before it gets worse and harder to leave.
ur right too!.... he did told me sorry that he's making use of me to do his work..
so actually u all are right... i've been fighting & fighting with myself... to follow my heart.. or be logical... every single time my heart wins... which is why i kept doing stupid things! that's why i guess things are so difficult for me...
proud member of Nippon-Foods | JapaneseLover | Chibi-Fest
- Nov 07, 2005
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Yeah it will be hard for you i'd be hard for anyone to make a chose like this, just try to get better.
Everything happens for a reason, the key to life is to learn what matters most, is that your Answer?
- Nov 07, 2005
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Personally,i think he's manipulating you..........dump his sorry ass and find a guy who would never say such bull**** to you. (Is a guy btw)
If he cared about you,would he make you feel like crap so many times?Even if you get together again,how long do you think it will last?As you said,you've known him for 5 years,and he still behaves like that,are you sure he's gonna make a good bf?Just my 2 cents.........
- Nov 08, 2005
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if this guy has treated you so bad thus far, why would he change now? he's not going to change, because he knows he can get away with treating you badly. I'm the kind of person that believes that people can change under the right circumstances, but not this guy apparently.
if you stay in a relationship only because you're afraid of being alone, you'll end up more miserable than you would be if you were alone.
besides that, judging by the replies you have gotten in this thread, i'd say you're never really alone because someone will always be there to listen to you and give advice.
however, if you really do love him and you believe he'll change, then stick with it. my personal opinion: the situation is not going to change because it hasn't changed so far...
- Nov 08, 2005
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Here is one thing to remeber...
There are a lot of fishes in the pond. ;)
I hope you know what I was trying to say. :D
- Nov 08, 2005
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mina san... arigatou!
he has no intention to change. in fact he wants me to change. i admit i have probs like insecurity issues, jealousy issues, dependent issues and he wants me to change these before he would accept me.
i had a talk with him last night. i was furious because he started a lot of what if questions to judge my behaviour & whether am i worthy or not. i said i don't think the what if scenarios are unfair to me because firstly he's changing me on something i have no idea how i'll react only when the thing happens.. secondly in my current state of mind now, i'll be more biased in giving my answers...
so he changed his questions to... "can i do anything i like if i be with u" i got a shock! what does he mean by anything he likes? does he mean to sleep around with other girls? not to stay committed? but he finally explained if he can go out with his friends and for me not to feel anything.
the history to the friends issue is that when we first got together he tried to intro me to them. one particular girl was extra b*tchy to me. so i was upset and when i told him, he said he knows her better than he knows me and he says she won't do anything like that!
then subsequent times... we had big quarrels, his friends came along and verbally abuse me. my issue was not about them, but him allowing them to do that to me and him feeling that it's alright!
so i simply hated his friends, which also happen to be mostly girls! that big group of them.
then back to the conversation last night, he said he needed to think. he needed a while to think, which i asked how long is a while. he said in view of us having a life time together, it is a while... which is riduculous.. because i still have no idea how long is that awhile.
i said im not interested to know his answer anymore. because i can guess it'll most likely be a negative answer anyway based on how he's been treating me lately.
he said it's not easy for him too. i was like yeah right! but anyway... he said i shld wait to assure him of my commitment in this.. and show that i'm willing. i was just simply unwilling to wait. he said to show that i really love him i should wait, just like a child who is told to wait for his candy. but i said the child will confirm get his candy, while for me there's no guarantee that i'll get the candy.
then he got frustrated and said he shldn't even be persuading me to wait... he said he could very well said fine then forget it if i said i didn't want to wait.
so in the end, he just want to hear that i'm willing to wait. so i just told him i'll wait.
but i've given up hope. i'll try my bestest to stop contacting him.. though he has some of my anime.. i was thinking to get them back from him and totally get him outta my life.
i'm sick of this. all your advice had been fruitful. i don't wish to follow my heart. it's too tedious. it's better to follow my mind. it's more logical. though i do wish to be with him still, having him said what he said last night i was angry and disappointed.
i only hope now i'll stick to my resolve..
thank u mina san for listening... thank u!
proud member of Nippon-Foods | JapaneseLover | Chibi-Fest
- Nov 09, 2005
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Quote by tiki223Here is one thing to remeber...
There are a lot of fishes in the pond. ;)
I hope you know what I was trying to say. :D
True all true. Move on. A relationship is comprimise and wanting the greatest good for the other person, but if the feeling is not shared there can be no relationship.
- Nov 11, 2005
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It sounds like you know what your going to do, your welcome to update us on how things are going and whats going on but I think you'll be allright at this point.
- Nov 14, 2005
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i'm still not alright. he wanted to meet me so i agreed. it was only yesterday. because we used to go church together. he asked if i wanted to go together. so i just thought i'll go.
in the end, after church, we went window shopping at the nearby mall after lunch. he paid for lunch too. and he brought me to some places knowing i like to shop. but between us, there wasn't any kind of physical contact of any sort. i tried to act like nothing happen and see him as a distant friend. nothing more.
but he seemed to be quite nice and sweet to me. i have no idea what he's trying to do.
some time ago, i think i was pretty upset and i told him i'm throwing away all the stuff that he ever gave me. his answer was, why do i wanna do that when he haven't even gave me an answer. but i told him it's been so long and he hasn't even given me an answer! he told me honestly speaking he do love me a little. which i retorted that that little is not enough for him to even give this relationship a try. and he was speechless once again.
i notice he's pretty much speechless most of the time for our relationship esp when it comes to dealing with probs. he'll just try to escape.
i haven't been sleeping well lately which resulted in dark eye rings.. but i've been eating. in fact, kinda gorging myself to death with food theraphy!
i really dunno what he's up to. this morning he said he can fetch me to work since it's along the way. we didn't talk much on the way. but we happened to be wearing the same colored top & bottom.. which happen a lot of times when we were together.. and we used to joke that we can read each other's mind. and today, he mentioned that we wore matching colors. i couldn't say anything more but kept crying.
& guess what, he actually hugged me and kissed my head. i dunno what that means. is it just simple comforting me or does he felt for me that makes him wanna do that.
he's really difficult to figure out since he admitted that even he doesn't understand himself. i dunno what to do now but to take things as it is. if it happens, it happens. if it doesn't it doesn't.
but of course i'm not feeling any better. i still get the emotional swing a lot. sometimes i felt like dying and hating him for putting me through all this and thinking that i'll make him regret by dying.. sometimes i just felt strong and that i can carry on life without a jerk like him.
i think i'm still not much different as when i made my first post here.. except maybe i'm not as extreme as before.. everything's kinda tone down a bit more i guess...
but everything i thought of him, which is very often because everywhere i go, i see things that'll remind me of him.. and lots of the stuff i'm using are gifts from him.. , then i'll felt that i've lost something very important to me, that it's gonna make a difference to how my life will be... and i felt sad.. then i cried and cried. i think my dog's kinda affected too...
coz she adores him. she only listen to him. and she misses him very badly. she's quite a difficult kid to handle but he manages her very well. but he hasn't been to see her very much since we broke up.. and she's quite sad too. she's also taken to eating weird stuff and vomitting them out all over the place.
and then she sees me cry... i just felt gloomy all over..
i tried so hard to be optimistic.. and my kinda optimisim actually came from the tiniest hope that he might decide to give us a chance after all... which is dumb. logically i can see that it's obvious he won't give me a chance.
i did ask him what's with the false hopes he's giving. he's making me confused. and he said he dunno.
i just absolutely hate it.
sometimes i think he's just getting the best of both worlds, by not being committed to me, yet he still can see me as and when... i feel so cheap!
proud member of Nippon-Foods | JapaneseLover | Chibi-Fest
- Nov 14, 2005
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oh...poor thing. i feel for you, honestly i do, i could cry. i've never had a boyfriend let alone been dumped but one but i feel your pain coz i've felt like that before, so hang in there, we're here for you! ^_^
- Nov 14, 2005
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Wow this guy sounds like a real pain. If he is so unsure of himself or you or w/e he gets upset about, and you are so confused about him, then just drop him. There is nothing worse than spending time on something you know will never work out. If it's been 5 years and he still doesn't know if you and him are going to work, chances are that it really isn't going to work at all. I mean come on 5 years and the dude can't even give you a straight answer as to how he feels. That's sad... on his part.
But maybe he expects you to know that he loves you, and if you are always questioning him if he does... maybe that's what makes him mad, but damn listening to your side of the story and how he acts 1 way then acts another, makes him sound like a friggin twit. Sorry don't mean to offend in any way, but let's face the facts here. It's been 5 years, he's been nothing but confusing the whole time, and he can't give you a straight answer as to how he feels. He sounds just like he's in grade school trying to work up the courage to tell his first crush he likes her only to piss his pants in the process.
You have one of two choices here:
1. Just call it quits because obviously it's not getting anywhere with w/e you or him are trying to do.
2. Or if you are really that into the guy, straight up ask him what is troubling him and tell him you're concerned about him because you care about him alot. If he gives you the same "idunno" answer then walk!Anything else you do will just result in the same responses you've told us already. And please... contemplating suicide is absolutely stupid, dont' think so low of yourself. There is more to live for in life than just one guy who you feel so absolutely obsessed with. If it doesn't work out.. so what! Move on and look ahead, just be thankful you even shared happy times with him. Sorry if I come off a bit harsh, but I dont' like it when I hear of stories where someone is getting used/abused/mistreated and doesnt' do anything about it. I guess I'm just that kind of caring guy hahahha XD
- Nov 14, 2005
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does a guy like that really deserve you? from the way you spoke of him he sounds like he doesnt care for you, love only works if the two people feel the same way about each other. There are plenty of guys/girls in this world and i believe everybody has that one special person for them you just have to be patient and in time you'll find that perfect person for you. Ending your life isnt the answer you still hav plenty to live for think about everything you could still do with your life ..
[ J a g W a s H e r e ]
- Nov 17, 2005
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""""no offence intended but this is my 2 cents""""
id say that half the reason u dun leave this guy is because of your insecurity.
in the last 3 years how many times did he hug you meaningfully...sadly this is very similar to what happened to ma mum and pa....pops didnt hug, kiss or show effection for ages and kept igonring ma mum. finaly she left for a few months...this is how you test if he loves you. id say you know the answer anyways.
reading your story almost made me cry...a guy crying ova a story its unheard of :):):)(hope that helped or at least cheered u up)
be pessimistic so that youll never be disapointed and will live a happy life.
- Nov 17, 2005
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I hope things get better for you.
I been praying for you and your situration.
Take care. I hope you keep us updated, too.
"You should never get between people and their pudding!" - Milly Tompson
- Nov 22, 2005
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