hi friends...
i slashed my wrist last night... probably due to extreme depression... & he called my parents to check on me..
now he's ignoring me. & i'm so stuck.
sorry...
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proud member of Nippon-Foods | JapaneseLover | Chibi-Fest
- Dec 02, 2005
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*cries*
(really, i did)cheer up for pepeo XD
*cries again*
best wishes and have you tried Hug therapy?be pessimistic so that youll never be disapointed and will live a happy life.
- Dec 02, 2005
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ah.. thanks for being so sweet...
my depression seemed to be fluctuating very frequently... he's ignored me for about two days... with no news from him at all.. and i thought he blamed me for slashing my wrist..
but now.. he says he doesnt blame me.. & we can still be together...
despite him saying that... his actions seemed to say otherwise...
sigh.
proud member of Nippon-Foods | JapaneseLover | Chibi-Fest
- Dec 05, 2005
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I'm sorry if this sounds cold and blunt, but give up on it. If this has been an off-and-on thing for 5 years (as you say), it's hopeless.
Suicide is not an option; life is. Only cowards turn to suicide, because they're too scared to work through a problem. Think about the people you will hurt if you commit suicide, and if your ex is the bastard you've made him out to be, you'll prove to him that you are weak and pathetic. I say this because I've had problems with suicide and depression in the past, and I think very little of people who talk of suicide like it's nothing. Oh yes, it's an escape, but a permanent solution to something that you can work through if you just gear up to guts to do so. Also, I don't know if you're religious at all -- if I offend you, I'm sorry -- but God does not like people who commit suicide. These people are cast into Purgatory or Hell, whichever of the two, and their eternal fate is decided on Judgment Day.
Find something -- your dog, art, sports, whatever -- that makes you happy. Stay single for a while -- trust me, it's not the end of the world if you stay single for a year or so -- because it gives you the chance to get to know yourself and your family better. It also gives you the chance to make new friends and to not worry about keeping another person happy. That way, if you meet someone worth giving your heart to -- and don't be so quick to fall in love -- you'll have people to help you and be there for you if things turn bad.
My apologies for sounding cruel, but I've been in your place before, and you can get through this if you stop thinking the way you are.
Labels are for cans. I'm not a f*cking can.
- Currently watching: Fullmetal Alchemist, Trigun, Hellsing
- Dec 05, 2005
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what is this? good thing i check on you out of coincidence. You slashed yourself? what is such stupidity? haven't you already got by and how you told yourself it is gone? and now this?
I hope you are healing well, these things cannot be played with.Click signature for my blog
The wind of destiny blows, and the descendant shall walk the earth once more...- Currently watching: Otoko no ko wa Maid Fuku ga Osuki
- Dec 05, 2005
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well sorry.. it seems the weekends had been a drag for me. that i had been feeling very weak & sad and kept crying. i woke up crying and i tried to sleep again. and fell ill with fever. it was as though my life depended on my phone. i just kept hugging it.. hoping it'll ring.. and that it was him who contacted me..
yeah i know it's pathetic. i hate myself for being such a loser! i have totally no idea what's wrong with me. i tried reading up on depression, but there's really nothing i can do actually.
i was crying and i wasn't rational when i slashed myself. i was angry with him for ignoring me and i wanted to make him regret it. that's about all i can remember.
eXDream2K5 is right too. i know God doesn't like it. i had been skipping church too. locking up myself at home. i just didn't have the energy to go anywhere. just stayed in bed all the way.
for now, i'm trying to keep smiling and be cheerful. it's really difficult because there's like nothing that make me smile or laugh anymore. everything seem so dead.
sorry.. having a bad headache...
proud member of Nippon-Foods | JapaneseLover | Chibi-Fest
- Dec 05, 2005
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I think you should just go to His house and smash His room door....if he angry at you coz' you just come is like that ignored him...and ask him the reason why he is being mean.....if he refuse to talk.....just apologise about the thing that you are fighting.....even though you are not guilty......then run away crying and the we will see if he really care about you....if he care he will chace you if not then you should just break up......
+I can't REWRITE my past......+
+But I can REWRITE my future....... +- Dec 05, 2005
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Life will never ends...
Go seek for new LIFE as if there is someone waiting for you on the end of the Line...
You can crying out loud but yet there is nothing you can do about losing...
You can just smile to that person and said :
"you have letting go the one that suit you the best...
the one that loving you honestly, deep from your heart...""the one that will crush you if you ever do something that hurts my feeling..."
you can just say something like that... ^__^
- Dec 05, 2005
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Snow-Hime >> thanks for replying.. i doubt he'll bother... even if i appear right before him... sigh..
ryuki4020 >> a bit surreal for my understanding..
proud member of Nippon-Foods | JapaneseLover | Chibi-Fest
- Dec 05, 2005
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you see, i have my words of comfort to give but they are cheap, and i am sure you won't value cheap comfort.
for starters, to do what you do out of depression is wrong, it is a mean to take away the love of God for you. He wants you to live so do it.
This is not something to be played with, no feeling of pain, depression must have you go that far and and just slash yourself.
It is time you rethink, and think again what and how much have you miss out so far in life, have you become a woman? have you done what you came here to do, have you enjoyed real pleasure whatever it is? have you made true friends, if yes, have you returned their care? have you choose a path for the bright future? have you reconsidered that you also have a family and they love you too damn much to watch you just destroy yourself like that? have you consider that it is wrong that you have not returned the favor to your parents simply out of the depression?i won't say anymore, think deep and rethink, what are you going to do. Suicide is not an option, and when you are done suicide you will regret it, that when you realize you are so young, a blooming flower barely yet opened, with internal and external beauty. Don't give up, not yet.
There are better people out there, and there are far better persons who really love you. Also, never forget your obligations as a child of the family, they love you, don't waste their love.
Click signature for my blog
The wind of destiny blows, and the descendant shall walk the earth once more...- Currently watching: Otoko no ko wa Maid Fuku ga Osuki
- Dec 05, 2005
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Quote by polarieSnow-Hime >> thanks for replying.. i doubt he'll bother... even if i appear right before him... sigh..
why do you bother with him. what is the point of staying with a guy who doesnt love you back.
and dont say sorry. in life you should have one master, yourself. no one will live your life for you, no one will die for you(jesus dont could XD) and no one will shape your destiny for you. if you are happy with the desision you make, then its all that counts.
so now the question comes. what are you going to do? how are you going to make your life better? is he traeting you like this because he knows that you "hugging the phone"?
just like devildude said think and think deeply
be pessimistic so that youll never be disapointed and will live a happy life.
- Dec 06, 2005
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[sobs for 10hrs (not exactly true but tears coming out(this is true))]
First of all, suicide isn't the smartest thing. Yes, I thought about it too once even though I'm only 13 years old but we only live about 80 years if we live long. I'm still not so sure about the meaning of life but if we only have that long to live which I don't think is that long, why not just live it? I know it's very hard but we have to go through the hard things too. Nobody always live in pleasure and happiness. Even those rich people who seems happy really isn't because everybody goes through a hard period. Also that guy you were talking about, I don't have your brain so I'm not sure why your doing this but I think you shouldn't see him anymore. I do have someone I like too but if that person doesn't desire me, I'll just leave them alone and let them be happy without me. It is harder to let go if you've had relationship with him/her already. If that person doesn't want you anymore because of someone else or other reason, that means that person doesn't really care about you. If I really admired someone, I'd try to put them on my 1st priority even though that is hard. I've lost a lot of friends because my parent's job requires travelling around the world. I felt miserable without my friends so I decided to not make anymore friends but it seems that humans can't exist without someone caring/loving you. If he already made his decision to not see you anymore, he probably wouldn't so it's probably no use waiting for his call. Haaa............ now I'm depressed reading this story. I always get depressed so don't worried (which you probably wouldn't) Anyways, I hope you'll find someone else who admires and cares more about you than the guy you are talking about. O yeah, you should try to eat because you really need your strength going through a period of depression. TTTT___TTTT so sad......? ???? ?? ??? ???? ???? ?? ??? ??? ?? ? ????? ?? ?????
- Dec 07, 2005
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i must be stupid. he got extremely pissed at me and say i'm irritating. i kept calling to try explain myself. but he just shouted into the phone and hung up. so i called again. i was desperate.
he said he hate to talk to a weak me. then finally he called me by my name and surname and called me a b*tch. then asked me to f*ck off.
he said i have one month to please him. he just want a girl to please him. and he said i can't please him. i only irritate him. i'm the only f*cker in the world who made him so angry.
im crying my eyes out. i don't feel like going to work or doing anything. i just want to stay at home and sleep. but that's hardly possible. what should i do now?
i've tried dumping my phone so i won't have the urge to call him. i only managed for one night. i don't understand why is it that he's so important to me.
i felt super loser-ish for behaving like that now. i hate myself now. i hate myself so much. i don't know how to please him. how should i please him? can anyone tell me how to please a guy? it seems that i've totally forgotten how to please a guy and had become a selfish girl who only cared about her own feelings.
i know i'm pathetic. but i really dunno what to do. i tried to keep myself occupied but always things will remind me of him. i hate it. i hate myself i hate this life i hate everything!
he was so shouting into the phone that i'm pretty sure anyone within the radius of 1km could hear him.
i'm such a pathetic loser. how to be strong? how to please a guy? why can't i let go? what should i do? it's pretty obvious it's no point telling me to give up on him coz that won't work.
sorry i'm such a loser.
proud member of Nippon-Foods | JapaneseLover | Chibi-Fest
- Dec 18, 2005
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gembu-the-whitetiger
martial arts PSYCHO
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listen, i am not an expert on these things, so any one can correct me if im wrong, but try to make him THINK that you have moved on. not even i could stay mad at somone for 5 years over a argument. you ether done somthin real bad, or he is trying to own you. i think he knows you want him so his giving the inpression that he dont want you but is trying to keep you after him to make himself feel supirior over you.
also, stop been so negitive, focus on the good things in life, like youre dog.
P.S sorry if these things have all ready been said
I Swear that I am going to Live Forever, or I'll Die Trying
- Dec 18, 2005
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Seems to me he likes playing this game.......more like emotional punching bag to me. He checks up on you, but turns around and mistreat you when you approach him. You don't need anyone like that. Once he sees that you have moved on with your life, he'll try to be involved with you to tear it down again. There is nothing anyone can do about it though, it is all up to you. The most anyone can do for you is support you; which these guys have been doing...you guys get a thumbs up from me. :)
What you need is a new boyfriend, or someone to take your mind of that clown.
I volunteer! ^_^'
"In the absence of orders, find something and kill it" - Erwin Rommel
- Dec 18, 2005
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gembu-the-whitetiger
martial arts PSYCHO
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yeah he's right ( apart from being your new boyfriend!)
I Swear that I am going to Live Forever, or I'll Die Trying
- Dec 18, 2005
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polarie can u explain something to me, well two things.
why are you always blaming your self? you always say stuff like "im so pathetic" and "im stupid".newsbreak
ur not, stuff like this happens to allot of people. ur depressed, but take hearth because ur at a cross road.as i see it you have 3 options.
1. stay there, with him...lets call it next 3 decades. how is it going to get better?2. leave him, and most likely try to kill ur self(dont do it) due to depression. and because u still love him.
3. my fav option XD
get some of your girlfriends to go out and go 'good guy' hunting.why do YOU need to please HIM? If this had any semblence of a propoer relationship he would be comforting YOU and cheering you up!
go read/watch bleach walk your dog and meet some better people. get the phone disconnected/taken away.
be pessimistic so that youll never be disapointed and will live a happy life.
- Dec 18, 2005
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Omgosh! You lost weight and everything over this? O_O First of all, ending your life is never the way out! It only makes the people who love you sad! Think of everyone who loves you, your mother, father, friends....think of how devistated they'd be if you killed yourself! Second, if this guy isn't even willing to meet up with you, then he must really be a jerk! No matter how much you love and care for him, if he acts like this, you're better off without him! Like I used to like this guy, and I swear....it was more than just a crush, and sometimes I thought of the stupidest things to win him over. Then I looked at all his bad qualities, and over time I got over him! There are millions of men out there girl, there can't just be one guy for you! And it certainly isn't this one! You'ver got your whole life ahead of you, and that's plenty of time to find someone else...besides, you can do more when you're by yourself! Travel the world, etc....and if this guy were to win you back ever, who's to say he won't take your money or something like that? My uncle got robbed by his girlfriend, and my grandfather too...and they both loved these girls. I say, leave him, girl! You don't have to get so upset over this! *hugs*
merged: 12-21-2005 ~ 08:12am
Quote by polariei felt super loser-ish for behaving like that now. i hate myself now. i hate myself so much. i don't know how to please him. how should i please him? can anyone tell me how to please a guy? it seems that i've totally forgotten how to please a guy and had become a selfish girl who only cared about her own feelings.
He's tricking you, too! A while ago I was being bullied, and she told me every day that I was worthless, fat, ugly....and I began believing it! I told my self every day, "you're ugly and everyone hates you, why do I even go to school?" but somehow I managed to go! I used to be kicked around by her, then she'd peer pressure my friends into hating me as well. Sometimes for nothing! I crawled back to her feet, even after all they did to me. So I stopped crawling! Maybe I felt that I couldn't be alone, or something....but she stopped picking on me and starting picking on my friends because I was no longer in their "group" so my friends began to realize that she was a b*tch, and left her for me! It sounds like he's playing the same game with you. He says to please him, well, there probably isn't a way to please this guy, he probably gets satisfaction from all the calling you do. But whatever happens, don't you dare hate yourself! You've done nothing to deserve the treatment from this a*shole, and the last thing you've become is selfish! Look at how much you care for this piece of s*it who calls himself a man! That's not selfish, I tell you. I can't make the decisions for you, but I pray you make the right ones! I hope the advice you recieve from everyone helps you :)
- Dec 21, 2005
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Don't let these sad feelings take over your life. They will hurt you, and please get better.
Everything happens for a reason, the key to life is to learn what matters most, is that your Answer?
- Dec 21, 2005
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funny. i made a thread similar to this a little while ago. but this has been up for 7 weeks. i do hope you are feeling better, and doing the best without him. as i have done, it is best just to forget, and if or ever you remember him. dance. that is what i do. i dance and eat fruity pebbles of miniwheats. and i forget my sadness and why i was ever sad anyhow. honestly. i bid you the best wishes i can give. cheers.
merged: 12-21-2005 ~ 11:42am
oh, and never kill yourself. never. not over somebody or something. the only reason you should think of such things is that you have never done it before. watch charolette's web. great movie.
- Dec 21, 2005
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I dont know all the details of your relationship so it would be hard to understand what's going on. i do know that you waited for 5 whole years for him to love you or at least like, but he hasnt.
you need to forget about him and go on with your life. this kind of guy isnt worth waiting for at all, you need to forget about all this and turn over a new leaf. dump everything that has a connetion towards this guy such as gifts and things he gave u in the past. if i were u, i probably move away from this guy so i wont be able to see him.
life is full of memories, sometimes there's bad and sometimes there's good and sometimes there's just nothing to be happy or sad about. this is definitely a very sad memory, try to forget it and live on your life. everytime you remember something sad and feel like crying, try to think of 3 things happy about yur life immediately. this will help you get through this, just think he doesnt deserve you at all.
killing yourself will make it even worse, your friends and family needs you! think of what will happen if u were gone, think of what will YOU do if your dog is gone. WHAT WILL YOU DO?!?! it's just like you gone from your family. if you killed yourself it will start a chain reaction of sadness. right now, you should concentrate of recovering from this tragety and nothing else. have a great and happy life girl, you have the power to change everything but not if it happened already, but you could fix it.
- Dec 21, 2005
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hi my name is pilgrim and i really feel ur pain i jst broke up wit my girlfriend she... it is hard to say this but she started to date my brother if i have learnt anything though its that you have to rise above these things and if u love them truly then no matter what they do you cant begruge them peace out!
- Dec 21, 2005
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Raidemon666
lord of the lazy
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U have many chances outside. u should live life to ur fullest even during the bad moments of ur life. IT REALLY HELPS A HELL LOT. but seriously, taking ur own life shouldn't be an option to solve ur relationship with a dude u obviously still have feelings for. relationship is a hard thing to maintain, but death is something that no1 would ever want to see in their whole life.
but try not to think about ur current situation. it will just slow u down and delay ur course of action. If u already know wut to do, then just do it. but if not, then bare through this moment a little longer. u will find an answer.
u only get one chance in life to fix the problems of ur relationship. if ur relationship fails, then just walk away and start a whole new life soooooo..........
DOO THE RITE FING
- Dec 21, 2005
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hi friends!
i've been keeping myself busy with reading books and all. i spent a lonely christmas though and i was feeling so much self pity that day that i even despise myself. but whatever i do everything seems to be telling me to give up on him.
yet lately, he seemed to be a bit nicer, saying that he shouldn't be so cold and mean. that i deserve him being nice to me. yet he said he's got his own problems. he can't speak to me abt them coz i'm suicidal.
i'm starting to think suicide is nothing after so many times of attempted ones. of course i felt stupid for trying. but i've stopped taking care of me. and he knew that and he was angry that i've stopped taking care of myself. sometimes i gorge myself sometimes i don't eat at all.
everyday i go back and cry. i dunno what's up with me. it's kinda different frm my 1st post here where i felt so desperate. now i felt a different kinda desperate. not willing the memories to slipped. it's like he's no longer there anymore and the guy there is a different guy. i dunno what i'm saying really.
but i thank u guys here for taking time to give ur advice. taking time to keep me occupied here at MT. i thank u guys 4 standing by me still though i haven't been exactly been a gd friend & listen 2 all ur advices.
sometimes i know it's silly but just sometimes i wished i'll get knocked down by a car and remain in a coma and see if he'll get worried. maybe he'll change his mind and then i can wake up to a happy ending. of course i know that's quite.. erm.. fairy tale?
now i just feel hoplessness. like emptiness. on off i'll cry very badly and cry non stop. then suddenly i'll stop and carry on life as normal. i wanted so badly 4 him 2 come back. yet i wish i'll meet a new guy and let the guy sweep me off my feet and make him regret letting me suffer so much.
i dunno. i might not be talking sense. but here's the only place i confess these kinda feelings. when i told my best girl pal that we broke up... all she's concerned was so what's your status with him now. and she still had the cheek to say she's just concern!
i was quite pissed for having told her. because i suspect she likes him. she used to say she dun mind hanging out with the both of us. and she kept asking 4 his mobile number. and when we went over his place for a game of tennis, she seeked so hard to impress his mother! i was also quite pissed at myself for havin told her. coz apparently all she cared abt was our status. not anything else.
so there, i'm takin a chance to rant. coz i've been puttin up with her since she's supposedly my best girl pal. but all my previous bf and even him dislike her because they said she's making use of me. which i'm very much aware. still... i dunno...
back to the topic... i'll still update my situation here once in a while.. i guess as i started to adapt... i might not update as much anymore since i can stand alone.. otherwise, it'll be that i've managed to get him back.. which i know is super highly unlikely.
so there.. i think i'm super naive... but i can't help it. sigh.
thanks for listening!
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- Dec 29, 2005
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