It was rainy today. After work i met my friend seth. i decided to walk with him for awhile since i had not seen him for sometime. as we walked along, we had a nice conversation over this and that, the details i do not wish to recall. i glanced over at him as he smoked his cigarette, and i felt that i really loved him and i was grateful to have a friend like him. he always knows how to cheer me up, or take my mind of something. he never attacks me when we talk about touchy subjects of philosophy, and listens to what i have to say. but that is the problem, i love him, and he cares for me as well, some how too much. today brought back memories, of another time i was walking with seth in the rain. once again i was cold, for i did not have a coat on, and i wore sandals of the flippy flop kind. he again was covered up, and was worried for my sake. as we walked we finished each others sentences again, we spoke in unison, and we understood each other perfectly. once again i was so very happy to have met him. it worries me, as i do not know if he is real. it worries me that again, i must be visited by the doubt that i thought i had overcome years ago. i want him to be real, but i do not know how i will ever know. the endless string of questions that comes with every option that i find. to have confidence and faith. is it blind faith, do i believe only because i desire a friend such as he so very much? faith? what is it? don't doubt myself, but am i doing so only to keep myself from the truth? is the truth all that bad? bad? what do i mean by bad? why must i again doubt my convitions? am i to question everything, every thought? how am i to be sure? i want things to be real so much, are they only real because of that desire? please let it be coincidence that nobody else can provide answers. my conviction, even if i am dreaming i am still here. that alone calms my mind. that alone.
a question to you, anyone who might be. why is it that the following struck a cord in me?
scene:smilebit struggles to open a door when finally someone else opens it for him.
smilebit: i didn't know how to get out.
acquaintance: nobody ever does.
nobody ever does eh?
come dream a dream with me DREAM
