{POEM} ANGER.UNWANTED

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I feel like everything rots in this world,
life feels like poison to my soul,
Felt my devil calling out in hunger,
screaming and howling in ANGER....

I can't watch this ugliness anymore,
I look into life and my eyes feel sore,
The agony of wasted life,
Holding out my bloody knife,

Slashes and curses of HATRED,
my heart no longer feels alive,
Even my soul feels numb,
I turned further and further away from the light,

Succumbing to the darkness of death,
looking back at the rest,
I feel no remorse or regrets,
as I say goodbye to this living dead.....

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Rikkablurhound

Rikkablurhound

*Kero~! O_o

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I have no comment coz I not good at poem... But dont be so angry lar... T_T
meh... very sad one ar....

DarkSavior

DarkSavior

~Death's Adversary~

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Different... ^^ pretty scary too ^_^' it's pretty good. My advice would try to keep everything consistent. And don't worry about making it rhymes, just go with the flow...

I'd rather be hated for who I am rather than loved for who I pretend to be...

  • Nov 09, 2005
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Hey,thats good...but i think the rhymes are important..for me..ok,ok i don't know so much about poems^-^'...gomen,gomen..But that poem is good so keep it up!

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Quote by nobanaHey,thats good...but i think the rhymes are important..for me..ok,ok i don't know so much about poems^-^'...gomen,gomen..But that poem is good so keep it up!

hehe...thanks, actually the rhymes just came out with the flow, I didn't force them in.. XP
yeah..the poem's kinda scary XD

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griffin

griffin

Super Natty

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It's a beautifully made poem. I have one little problem with it though (and please don't be offended because I think it's a very worthwile poem). The rhyme scheme is a little jumbled perhaps but mostly where you have rhymed "anymore" and "sore". I think that the poem loses it's edge here and avoiding the ryhme would give it more strength. How about

I look into life till my eyes are aching

or

I look into life and my eyes feel afflicted

Just a thought. I think a poem can have rhyme but it certainly doesn't have to have it and some times you can keep things stronger by avoiding the ryhme. It's less predictable for a start.

Having said all that, I'm very impressed, do more.

  • Nov 10, 2005

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