page 1 of 1 6 total items

sadbird

A soul has many deep secrets

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hey girls and boys. this poem i did it a year ago and now i have 40 poems ^_^ i love writing so much so here ya go, its part one of a story...as a poem XD

Help Part one

dark feeling crossing my mind
trying to look where it could hide
this darkness carries with it some feelings
of course with negative meanings
like lonely, depressed, and sad
and all their colors were really black
darkness found a place to hide,
it decided to stay by my side
this place with my poor heart
darkness decided..and we have never been apart
then i became different and sad
leaving everything i once had
this feeling ordered me to hate
and darkness...managed to prevail once again

so what do you think? can you rate it for me out of 5? ^_^ plllllllz next time i'll do part 2 and remember, i did this about a year ago so everytime i make a new one, it will become better XD i know that i may have some grammar and spelling mistakes, i am not that good on them ^^

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luckymouse

luckymouse

Always getting the last laugh

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5 nah i give ya a 10 lol,always pleasure to here ya writings my freind,great job and keep em coming :)

I THOUGHT WHAT ID DO WAS PRETEND TO BE ONE OF THOSE DEAF-MUTES ^_^

  • Nov 13, 2005
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There's no controlling metaphor, the meter doesn't conform to English verse which is made doubly worse because the rhyming is simple and isn't consistant, and the accents don't fit with the double rhyme format.

  • Nov 14, 2005

griffin

griffin

Super Natty

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There are a couple of little grammatical errors but I think the content is very beautiful and full (if not a little bleak). Ultimately your poem is very lovely. Keep working on the language part as the qaulity of your work tells me it will be worth it......4

  • Nov 14, 2005
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I liked the poem. It is not the best their is out their but oh well. It is still good.

  • Nov 14, 2005

angelus001

angelus001

gravity of love

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Hi! :)

Your poem is lovelly... is nice...

:)

  • Nov 14, 2005

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