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[Poem] - Broken Tryst - Not sure where this poem belongs

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Broken Tryst


Secluded together on the bridge
Binds our towns and becomes one
The night is calm and warm
The moon's reflection ripples light and immensity
Your warmth welcomes me as I love you
Remembering the song you sang on this bridge,
The melody of hope that will one day be long forgotten
The new generation shall sing a new song
A song we shall never hear
We live in fire as we try to carry on
The metal birds bombard us with blinding flash and pain
I shall have to return to fight for you
Broken away from the ashes
I share my burning heart, my soul
Battle hardened, you soften me like a silk robe
I feel your warmth, soft as blankets
Those delicate lips, wet,
I taste with tears washing down me, and you
My soul may be taken tomorrow
Even so, I shall always be one with you
I will always remember you, my delicate butterfly
When I am taken from you,
Please, forget me, but never forget my love to you.


What do you think of my poem? I think it sucked! I haven't wrote poems for quite a while.

jasaiyajin

jasaiyajin

-repeat-

ya agreed is sucked, you said it like i thought it ;)

its too broken into pieces, fragments of ideas not adjusted by your arm of time.

-repeat-

2 things
poems need eighter rhythm or rhyme this doesnt have eighter
umm stanzas is the second. there are none.

but good luck with future poems

be pessimistic so that youll never be disapointed and will live a happy life.

Don't worry, ladies!

I have wrote way better poems than these.

If you check out some of the threads I made in the past, you'll find you may get turned on.

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