(POEM) Destiny

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LonelyFriend

Hi Ha said Hey

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This poem is my first poem.Maybe I made some mistake.So try to give your comment.


I now just can watching you only,
because destiny already change it,
I cant help anything anyone,
even you in danger now.

Just bacause of destiny,
my family and friends were died in war?
Or the reason I meet you ?
become your hopeful bodyguard ?

Now we are in different world,
my feeling cant tell you by words.
Just hope you understand with our memory,
too late to tell my beloved and felt sorry.

Sorry made a wound in your heart,
Deeper and deeper.
Your spirit become weak,
slower and lost.

Now I just your illusion only,
pray you can find me in your dream.
Maybe because of destiny,
Perhaps we will meet again next life.

So,how ? Hope you like this poem and thank you to read.
;) XP ;)

CosmoStar

CosmoStar

Let's be Nakayoshi*

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It's saaaaaad! *Sniff* You've got inspire in GS? At leat I felt like you were :D!
Please, pay attetion to your grammar and orthography!
Anyway, I like dthe styles you used, the statements are pretty! I'm not a great poem writer so I know how hard it is to write poems! I think this is a great start (Since you mentione dit is your first)! Keep practicing!

~Life is happening somewhere else from here
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~Mod from:~[KS4Ever]~
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anima241

anima241

Holdin onto the past!

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nicely done for a first poem, i see potental, just fix your grammar and you can call yourself a poet :)

fading away isn't an option.

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yeah..u have some potential but your grammar is in need of a great fix.. btw..try not to put so much irrelevant questions in the poem

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LonelyFriend

Hi Ha said Hey

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Thank your comment.I will do better than this.

merged: 12-16-2005 ~ 10:07am

Quote by CosmoStarIt's saaaaaad! *Sniff* You've got inspire in GS? At leat I felt like you were :D!
Please, pay attetion to your grammar and orthography!
Anyway, I like dthe styles you used, the statements are pretty! I'm not a great poem writer so I know how hard it is to write poems! I think this is a great start (Since you mentione dit is your first)! Keep practicing!

Hei ! Thank your comment in my poem.I will pay attention in my grammar and orthography.

Besides that,actually I want to ask you what is GS ? Actually I got inspire in some PS 1 game,that is Valkyie Profile .I also add some my feeling in this poem.

kusco

kusco

Nice ? Me ? What a joke

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Not bad. But still need works on it.

Bye everyone. I left Minitokyo.
Hope to see you soon.

  • Dec 16, 2005

starsaturn

starsaturn

The Becon of Light.

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Really beautiful and moving. Is this your hidden talent? If it is, then keep at it!

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Ganjamus

Ganjamus

Insanity's Asylum

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it's a good poem but i have to agree with your grammar. can u maybe find a way to write it in your language?

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  • Dec 19, 2005

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