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LonelyFriend

Hi Ha said Hey

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This is my other poem.This poem is connect with my first poem.Hope you like too.


Already passed four years ,
four years never saw you again,
after you promised me,
you will came back from war
to give a surprise for me .

How could destiny change everything,
to separate us to other world.
So your surprise is your death....
Why....you just go away and died.

I just can missing you hopefully,
remember you stay with me together,
face our problems and play when child.
Now all just become a story......

I miss you repeat and repeat,
like the desert miss the rain.
Wish to tell you my feeling,
But ....but why you just leaving.

I cant hear your sound ,
Like you left a wound.
If I only can see you in dream,
I wish I dont want wake up forever.

Any comment ? Thank you to read this.


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the poem has a nice theme but u still need to work on your grammar..it sort of dampens the mood here..other than that..I like the words u used like desert needs rain n.n

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CosmoStar

CosmoStar

Let's be Nakayoshi*

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This is truly beautiful! I liked this! The two last stanzas are very pretty and touching! The rhythm is kinda good too! Congrats!

~Life is happening somewhere else from here
~[D-A]~[A-F]~[W-L]~[M-F]~[G00D]~[GSA]~[KxL]~[Red-Knight]~[Princess of Orb]
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BlkLotus

BlkLotus

bara tsukiyo

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nicely done. thank you for sharing. like Milkiyo says work a bit on your grammer other than that it is good

keep it up

anima241

anima241

Holdin onto the past!

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yes...this is very sad... :(...

fading away isn't an option.

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Ganjamus

Ganjamus

Insanity's Asylum

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wow this is a really great poem. you did better on your grammar but i still think it needs work. keep it up!

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  • Dec 19, 2005

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