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Help! My close friend is going through tough times

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One of my closest female friends is going through an abusive relationship. This jackass hits her and my friend is finding it hard to break up with him because:

1. He is always at her doorstep whenever she tries to break up with him.

2. His parents is always on his side.

3. He is a cry baby.

4. He is much bigger.

5. My dear friend is losing her self-esteem.


I suggested she should tell her parents. They know already, but even they don't know what they can do. I think it would also be a wise idea to tell the teachers at college since she is trying to run away from that jackass.

I've always been told not to get involved in other people's problems, but that is the main problem. We are taught not to get involved whenever the situation clearly calls for an involvement. I've decided to get involved because only talks to me about it. I'm really not sure how I can help her. The jackass may be big, if he is stupid enough to hurt her within any area I will know, he is going to have to hurt me (if he's lucky, he can't even hurt people shorter than himself) and I know how to cause terrible pain.

I was thinking of telling all my friends about Joe's abusive behaviour, so everyone would treat him as an outcast. But doing this could have unpredictable actions.

Depression is hard to get over.

leosama84

leosama84

::Peace Maker::

well....considering doin that, u should be careful of an avenger's action!
if i was in ur place, or rather hers, i'd definetely leave him! if he's a cry baby...and she immediately forgives him b/c of that....excuse my language, but she's stupid! she keeps on fallin in the same trap whenever she tries to break up....
i'd suggest that she breaks up...if u lite the fire, it starts small, but then it gets bigger, and the bigger it gets, the harder it is to turn it off...so turnin it off while we can...is the best choice ;)

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FloralFallal

FloralFallal

Lover of shirtless anime men

My little sister went through that same thing unfortunately the choice to leave him has to be hers. It is good that she feels safe enough to talk to you about it, that's what is going to help her get away from him, abusers want to isolate their victims, that's what my little sister's boyfriend tried to do with her. The more people who know about the abuse the better she's going to need all the support she can get. I would suggest getting in touch with the alternatives to violence department in your area they could probably give you suggestions for what she can do once she decides to leave him. Right now she's probably feeling scared and guilty about even thinking about leaving but don't really press her to leave him just be a good listener. I know it's hard to watch someone you care about go through this but hopefully with a good support system she'll be able to get over this. Oh and I would suggest getting her to go to counseling because as much as we like to blame the abuser the women in their lives tend to have problems of their own. If you need to talk to someone you can always PM me.

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FloralFallal, you just made me realise something even more.

That jackass always tries to isolate her from me. Everytime I'm having a good conversation with her, this jackass takes her away from me.

She is closer to me than she is to that jackass.

She only has talked to me because I questioned her sudden behaviour.

That jackass has been giving her the illusion that she loves him. I'm not into her, but she is like a little sister to me. I love her more.

I'm glad she's talking now. I will confront this jackass. I doubt his revenge could be terrible. He doesn't realise how aggressive I can be if he forces me to a fight. He has never been hit nor has he been a fight. I have, and I take pain well.

Depression is hard to get over.

FloralFallal

FloralFallal

Lover of shirtless anime men

Well honey your friend is lucky to have someone like you in her life, unfortunately we weren't able to go that direction we just have to wait for karma to do its work. Just don't go too overboard and wind up in jail that won't help anybody.

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Don't worry, FloralFallal. I won't attack unless he attacks first whether it's me, my friend or anyone. If he does attack, I'm going to dislocate his arm. That should put him out of action for while.

Depression is hard to get over.

This is why it is important to learn what the warning signs are that lead to an abusive relationship. Before dating its best to learn these, so you dont get caught too deep into the mess. Many women enter abusive relationships, and dont realise it. They usually make up excuses to cover their partners actions that are wrong. And sometimes, when they finally realise that they are caught in the mess, its too late to leave. There was an abusive relationship video i watched in my highschool its called "a love that kills". There was a girl who loved this guy a whole lot. She was a really nice and friendly girl. Later, she moved in with him at his grandparents house, but the grandparents actually werent there. So they both lived alone. She worked at a shelter where they treat animals for illness and put them for adoptions...etc. What she hid behind her smiles at work were abuse that happened in her home with her boyfriend. He asked her to do EVERYTHING and he took advantage of her a lot. All she did was make excuses for him. He even insulted her intelligence because she didnt know how to spell orange juice. Instead she would right Organ juice. Later she left, but she was already caught tooo deep into the mess. She moved into her own apartment, got a dog, and started a new life. Her boyfriend found where she lived, and kidnapped her dog. Later a few months, he was in her house one night when she came home, and he brutally murdered her.

Please try and help your friend before she gets dug in too deep of this relationship. She has the power to call the police and report the abuse. A restraining order can also be placed on him if he is the stalker type and since he has been abusive towards her and there might be a possible chance he will go after her with anger for leaving him. She should get many people involved for they have much knowledge on these issues as well. Its best if she also contacts perhaps a councellor at the college.

Good luck

Thanks for the advice, toxic.

Don't worry. I'm like a big brother to her. I won't let him harm her.

I should tell everyone so he'll be girlfriendless for the rest of the college years.

Depression is hard to get over.

Guys who act like players, and have one night stands, gain a bad reputation. Sure some people wanna date for fun when their younger and play around...but thats not cool. Because by the time they are older and looking for a permenant relationship, i'll have a cheap *bleep* ugly reputation. No self-respecting woman would want a guy who is known as a player.

i'll make sure that reputation is known

Depression is hard to get over.

Cammie

Cammie

Yurikitten

If i were you i would go beat the living crap out of him. anyone who hits a girl deserves that...

sukumei

sukumei

Running A Critiquing Service

yes thats true. id do it but i usually settle matter diplomatically.

I would like to run a friendly critiquing service for Minitokyo artists. I will try to make my opinions professional and defiantly unbiased although i will speak ideas for the general public. Critiquing service MT thread

Cammie

Cammie

Yurikitten

Quote by sukumeiyes thats true. id do it but i usually settle matter diplomatically.

diplomatically, whats that? *evil grin*. Nah..personally im not very strong so its not like i could do anything...but i would send my brothers there haha -.-

Bluearth

Bluearth

A Panda lover??

Probably you could ask her to be with her other friends or you :) more often to prevent the guy from following her. And you can also encourage her slowly to break up with him. Ask your friend to drop some hints so that the guy gradually knows. Someone could go meet him with her to break the news when she's ready for it. And also, let more people know about this, the more people, the better ^^ You may also want to start telling some of your friends about it and see the guy's reaction and then proceed to telling all....

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I've spoken to her today. She is finding it difficult to forget him.

I plan on taking her on a night out to help her forget. I'm not in love with, but she is closer to me than she is to that jackass.

I didn't have any lessons today, but came in anyway to protect her.

Depression is hard to get over.

diana86

diana86

|||TwinSoul|||

you know what? the solution to your friend's problem is simple.....

SHE SHOULD JUST BE STRONG AND BRAVE AND LEAVE HIM AND THEIR "CRAZY" RELATIONSHIP BEHIND.....SHE SHOULD LOVE HERSELF, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE....SHE HAS TO GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE....

IM SURE SHE WOULD BE ABLE FIND TRUE LOVE (it's obviously not in her abusive guy)

"IF LOVE BECOMES SO PAINFUL, IT'S TIME TO LET THAT LOVE GO AND SAVE YOURSELF...
YOU HAVE GOT TO KEEP THIS IN MIND:
YOU'LL BE ABLE TO FIND ANOTHER LOVE, BUT NOT ANOTHER SELF....."

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In that special place between the earth and sky...

Being a good, mature friend also means gettign all the help one can get. Tell your parents (and her parents as well) to CONFRONT the bastard's parents and INFORM them of what the hell's going on. If they deny everything and say their son won't do such a thing, and your friend has a bunch of bruises on her, then you have the proof.

I judging from the info you gave us, by the way, made me think of a few things...

1.) always at her doorstep? I think he should grow up. A girl knows when she's had enough, and that means she should put her foot down and say NO. ENOUGH OF THE RELATIOSHIP, IT'S OVER, and she should do it no matter how much the parents side with their son. Your friend didn't deserve that guy.

2.) He is a cry-baby and his parents are always on his side: FORGET THE PARENTS, YOURFRIEND'S IN DANGER! Also, these to facts clearly state the bastatrd's too pampered ... like he can do whatever he wants with anyone, even his gf.

3.) she's loosing her self esteem: Show her that you really care, and that you'll comfort her all the time. Be there for her, and if you get hurt as well, so be it. Get as much mature help as you can.

4.) WHADDAYA MEAN, YOU CAN'T GET ANYONE INVOLVED?! Someone is being ABUSED, here! You have to tell all the teachers and your other friends' parents.

I hope I helped, and the best of wishes to all of you. Hope she'll get better and break up with him.

Quote by "diana86"you know what? the solution to your friend's problem is simple.....

SHE SHOULD JUST BE STRONG AND BRAVE AND LEAVE HIM AND THEIR "CRAZY" RELATIONSHIP BEHIND.....SHE SHOULD LOVE HERSELF, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE....SHE HAS TO GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE....

IM SURE SHE WOULD BE ABLE FIND TRUE LOVE (it's obviously not in her abusive guy)

"IF LOVE BECOMES SO PAINFUL, IT'S TIME TO LET THAT LOVE GO AND SAVE YOURSELF...
YOU HAVE GOT TO KEEP THIS IN MIND:
YOU'LL BE ABLE TO FIND ANOTHER LOVE, BUT NOT ANOTHER SELF....."

The problem is she feels worthless without him, and I'm finding it very difficult to convince her otherwise.


Quote by "ChinaRose"Being a good, mature friend also means gettign all the help one can get. Tell your parents (and her parents as well) to CONFRONT the bastard's parents and INFORM them of what the hell's going on. If they deny everything and say their son won't do such a thing, and your friend has a bunch of bruises on her, then you have the proof.

I judging from the info you gave us, by the way, made me think of a few things...

1.) always at her doorstep? I think he should grow up. A girl knows when she's had enough, and that means she should put her foot down and say NO. ENOUGH OF THE RELATIOSHIP, IT'S OVER, and she should do it no matter how much the parents side with their son. Your friend didn't deserve that guy.

2.) He is a cry-baby and his parents are always on his side: FORGET THE PARENTS, YOURFRIEND'S IN DANGER! Also, these to facts clearly state the bastatrd's too pampered ... like he can do whatever he wants with anyone, even his gf.

3.) she's loosing her self esteem: Show her that you really care, and that you'll comfort her all the time. Be there for her, and if you get hurt as well, so be it. Get as much mature help as you can.

4.) WHADDAYA MEAN, YOU CAN'T GET ANYONE INVOLVED?! Someone is being ABUSED, here! You have to tell all the teachers and your other friends' parents.

I hope I helped, and the best of wishes to all of you. Hope she'll get better and break up with him.

1. The guy is a stalker and loves isolate her. I have been trying to tell her that are those who are willing to help.

2. Can't believe I used to hug this cry baby.

3. Losing her self-esteem is easier than gaining it back.

4. Because she doesn't want anyone involved. She really feel few will believe her. She's only told me. I asked a friend she doesn't know to give me advice, very similar to everyone's.

Lately, I haven't even seen these 2 less than 30 meters apart.

Depression is hard to get over.

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