The Matter With Gender

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gel-chan

gel-chan

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If you're a girl have you ever been told to act your gender? Or a guy perhaps. Me.... Lots of times. Well... I'm not boyish let me tell you that, but there are some cases where people (like me) act like the opposite gender.

Scenario:
My mom says "Act like a girl! You're so lazy! Are you a boy?!" -_- . Well... Guys, I sometimes act like a boy. No problem with that. But the problem is this: the treatment. I mean when a girl fools around and acts silly she's considered to be "wierd" (I suppose) but then when guys do that they say its totally "natural". Why is that? :hmpf: . Guys (this is the truth) my IQ level is way above average, but for a girl like me I'm certainly am lazy, I get lower grades than anyone alse in my class. Then the treatment comes in. Me, wierdo, lazy, irresponsible; equals bad. Guys; equals natural.

I am not a tomboy! I just act like a boy but my emotions aren't. I am very girly sometimes and I am fashion conscious. HAHA. And others say I'm very pretty, ask my friend Kawaiimille!

It's just unfair. The treatment and all. OX

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I'll take a guess and say that this belongs in another forum section ^_^'

I think it's more a problem for girls in some situations, for example it's less surprising to see a male chef than to see a woman soldier or something. Then again on the other hand there's also a lot of "gender bending" with men who are very feminine these days.

It can differ from family to family, some parents expect different from their children to others, depending on how they themselves were raised.

  • Feb 20, 2006

Windir

Black Metal Warrior

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Intelligence quotients mean nothing. I just thought I'd throw that out there.

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-Knjaz Varggoth

gel-chan

gel-chan

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Quote by ShujaaI'll take a guess and say that this belongs in another forum section ^_^'

Haha. You're right! I forgot silly me. ^_^' How can you edit it?! :\

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Quote by WindirIntelligence quotients mean nothing. I just thought I'd throw that out there.

I disagree, an IQ is not a set in stone way of measuring or comparing peoples' intelligence levels, but it does demonstrate a difference in someone's ability from someone else.

As for moving the thread, I don't think you can, just wait for a moderator to see it and they will probably do it for you.

  • Feb 20, 2006

kasumi01

kasumi01

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Yeah. I know what u mean. I'm a girl and I'm still kinda tomboy-ish. ^_^' My mom, grandmother, and some of my friends tell me that I need to dress more like a girl. I've gone to school in a skirt sometimes. It is just a want to dress comfotable sometimes, u know? :( Is that so bad?

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My guess is this all stems from the stereotypical definition of how a boy and girl should act. :shrugs: Even in modern times we still haven't gotten over some of these stereotypes. I mean look at the work place there is still descrimintaion against female workers since they aren't thought of as being able to handle the work of a man. Utter nonsense in my opinion.

Oh and :moves to Love, friends, and family:

Fools You Can't Escape from The Grim Reaper. Your Only Chance for Escape Is Death. Bye Bye Now
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Your Ignorance Will Be Your Own Downfall.

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I guess one must be original, nowadays it's not about being what you are supposed to, but to be yourself, of course, you must be respectful with the persons around you. :)

OH, and don't feel strange or bad, that has happened to all of us.

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unicorn2006

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I actually placed this under the Body, Mind, and Fashion subforum [was originally under General Anime] because this topic mainly deals with self-conceptions with relation to gender. The Love, Friends, and Family is more for topics related to emotional aspects of life and relationship issues, whereas the Body/Mind/Fashion more often deal with self-societal connections, self conceptions, health-related issues, etc.

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"When men are the most sure and arrogant they are commonly the most mistaken..."

  • Feb 20, 2006

Northy

Northy

Guys are human as well.

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Would you actually PREFER if your gender was being thought of as a natural lazy no-good slouch? I can understand that girls can be frustrated about not being able to be themselves and express themselves in any way they want -- which, by the way, has nothing to do with laziness or whatever. But I -- as a male -- doesn't exactly see it as a positive thing that guys can get away with everything because they're expected to be lazy, stupid and irresponsible. That's a very sexist thought.

  • Feb 20, 2006
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I'm lazy too, but my mom doesn't ask me if I'm a boy and wants me to act more like a girl. I didn't even know that being lazy is considered boyish. Oo But it's a fact that many have higher expectations of girls, especially in manners and intelligence.
And I think Shujaa is right, it differs from family to family. ^^

  • Feb 20, 2006

Ephix

Ephix

Chibi Dark Elf

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That's weird, in my family it always seems to be the opposite, though most of the house work/chores/etc were split evenly between me and my sister I was always the one required to do the heavy lifting/strenuous work. Even if my sister offered to help my dad wouldn't let her.

Your mom's comments do sound pretty sexist though, I would have had no idea being lazy or being allowed to be lazy required a penis. I would consider that stereotype to be as offensive as saying a guy is girly because he can cook.

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"Sleep is for the weak. *yawn* DAMNIT!"

  • Feb 21, 2006

happygreendragonfly

happygreendragonfly

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I get that a lot! Lesser now that I'm older. They tried to control me, but I rebel! ^__^

My parents said that because I'm a girl, I should cook, clean, dust, and mop the house! I'm like, why me?! You have 3 boys! Tell them to do something! They have the gall to tell me it's because they're boys they don't know how to do these things.

I'm like... When they live on their own, who's going to clean up after them? I'm not their mother! I'm their sister! Your boys are dirty! They need to clean themselves up!

When I was younger, I would get in a lot of arguments with my parents. We argued who would do the dishes. Okay, I was doing my homework and my dad came downstairs and told to wash the dishes. I'm like, I'm doing homework, none of your boys are doing SHIT, tell them to clean it up. I will not give up! I rather be in trouble than back down!

My sister and I have experienced all the beatings just because we weren't boys. We were whipped with a metal stick till our behinds were tender and bruised. That doesn't scare me, that only makes me want to defy them more.

They had the "decency" to tell my sister and I that they loved all their children the same! BULL!

It is so unfair! It is only because they have a penis! And no, I don't suffer from a penis envy! If I did, I'll go hang myself!

Anyways... Two of my brothers have learning disabilities, but I still love them. The youngest is just being pain in the ass! Typical brothers.

I just want equally, you know.

  • Feb 21, 2006
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hm, yeah i think i can remember a moment in my life where my father told me once to behave like a normal boy, not like a baby. that was around that time when you still talk like ... i dont know something between shy, stupid and "i'm talking lika baby because i need some attention", i was about 5 or 6 at that time.

but to be honest, the gender-thingy has never happened to me yet and i think that it is a little bit too late for my parents to tell me how i am supposed to behave. the only thing i can say to that gender-topic is that i'm treated a little bit different than my sister. she's one year younger than me but still hasn't got the same privileges i have. my mother always says the girls have it harder because their parents a more afraid that anything "bad" could happen to them. she says that boys can defend themselves more easily than girls.

well ... in our times it is, at least in my opinion, not that way. on the other hand ... my sister's behavior deosn't fit her age, she's way too childish-kinda-dumb ... well whatever.

to sum it up: if god wants me to behave like i girl ... i sure will, but i'm lucky that he deosn't even care.

  • Feb 21, 2006

nekogirl333

nekogirl333

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dont worry gel chan, i used to get the same issues. Friends think I'm weird too just cos i act silly but its ok for the guys to do it? When I was younger, my mum used to say,'you are a girl so stop being so lazy' well actually, she still says it but i dont care...

But then again, i guess i am not so girly anyway. I dislike shopping, im not fashion conscious but that doesn't mean i dress boyish either lol. I js dont follow the trend. Hmm but i do like to dress up to go out...but then again who doesn't lol

shoujoboy

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I think there is another thing that can easily be considered unfair about the "acting your gender" thing. When a female has more male tendancies she is seen as a tomboy but when a male has more female tendancies, he's gay. Yea yea I speak from experience. I'm not some dude with flowers all over the place or makeup or anything like that (why the hell I'm defending myself I'll never know) but when it comes to matters of moral belief, how I react to certain things and viewpoints I take on things, it favors the atypical female. If you aren't one of the guys out there trying to get some on the weekend, then you are obviously wanting one of the guys I suppose.

Under construction. Who doesn't like plain text anyway?

  • Feb 21, 2006

julian1

julian1

Pursuer Of Darkness

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oh god. is it really natural for guys to be lazy and not smart? *sits in corner and cries*

well, you shouldn't really mind what people say about you. it's your life! just act like yourself, no matter how boyish or girlish it may be, cos you won't like it when you're pretending too much as your own gender.

ps: are you really pretty?

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  • Feb 22, 2006

Nubes

Nubes

Blah blah blah!!!

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gender gender:S

My mom always tells me to cook or to wake up early to do the house chores, but i was born to be rich :D (giggles) and i'm poor :( -shame on me- but whatever, that's no the subject.

I have always announced that all the alive beings must live under the same circumstance, doesn't matter if you are a plant or a wild animal, or if you are gay or lesbian, man or woman, white or black, Eastern or western but the life go like that and he must prevail of that form. I only know that I'm fed up with they catalogue me like insignificant being woman, is satiated but that will change someday.

ciao

gel-chan

gel-chan

Pastaaaa <3

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Quote by kasumi01Yeah. I know what u mean. I'm a girl and I'm still kinda tomboy-ish. My mom, grandmother, and some of my friends tell me that I need to dress more like a girl. I've gone to school in a skirt sometimes. It is just a want to dress comfotable sometimes, u know? Is that so bad?

No, not bad at all. Wear whatever you are comfortable with. I like to dress in jeans and cool printed shirts. :D HAHA. XD

Quote by happygreendragonfly
I get that a lot! Lesser now that I'm older. They tried to control me, but I rebel! ^__^

My parents said that because I'm a girl, I should cook, clean, dust, and mop the house! I'm like, why me?! You have 3 boys! Tell them to do something! They have the gall to tell me it's because they're boys they don't know how to do these things.

I'm like... When they live on their own, who's going to clean up after them? I'm not their mother! I'm their sister! Your boys are dirty! They need to clean themselves up!

When I was younger, I would get in a lot of arguments with my parents. We argued who would do the dishes. Okay, I was doing my homework and my dad came downstairs and told to wash the dishes. I'm like, I'm doing homework, none of your boys are doing SHIT, tell them to clean it up. I will not give up! I rather be in trouble than back down!

My sister and I have experienced all the beatings just because we weren't boys. We were whipped with a metal stick till our behinds were tender and bruised. That doesn't scare me, that only makes me want to defy them more.

They had the "decency" to tell my sister and I that they loved all their children the same! BULL!

It is so unfair! It is only because they have a penis! And no, I don't suffer from a penis envy! If I did, I'll go hang myself!

Anyways... Two of my brothers have learning disabilities, but I still love them. The youngest is just being pain in the ass! Typical brothers.

I just want equally, you know.


Yeah, I have a brother too. He doesn't any crap I do. :hmpf: I know what you mean. So I am right about unfair treatment

Quote by julian1 oh god. is it really natural for guys to be lazy and not smart? *sits in corner and cries*

well, you shouldn't really mind what people say about you. it's your life! just act like yourself, no matter how boyish or girlish it may be, cos you won't like it when you're pretending too much as your own gender.

ps: are you really pretty?


Hehe. I repeat I am NOT a tomboy, I act like one. ^_^' Ha? Pretty? I guess so, lots of people say that. I got myself a suitor (not BF yet). But I don't like him that much. I mean he's my friend's crush! Or ex-crush now. -_- Ask my friend Kawaiimille , she knows me personally(we go to the same school).

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I just want to state some things I've observed about both genders. Some of these may be wrong but... well... Just read it and reply if you have any reaction..

For the girls:

Pros:
We can cry all we want and people will think of it as normal. We could be emotionally unstable and it's just ok. We can have mood swings and we can pass it off as PMS. We can hug and even kiss each other without worrying about what other people might think.

Cons:
People thinks of girls as weaklings. They think that we should just stay home and do house chores. They expect us to obey other people without any reaction. We are expected to show good etiquette all the time. But views about women have changed overtime. So...

For the guys:

Pros:
Well, I'm not a guy so I don't really know what are the good things about being a guy. I'm just gonna state the cons.

Cons:
Men can't show signs of emotion. There is some unspoken rule that "Men don't cry". People think that crying is a sign of weakness. Men can't show any weakness. They will be labelled as weakling or worse even gay.

Speaking of gay, men that are so close with each other are sometimes passed off as gay. Hugging another man can draw suspicious looks from other people.

So there... I know I don't know so many things about both genders. I'm kinda in between... So... ^_^'

  • Feb 22, 2006

happygreendragonfly

happygreendragonfly

The Cheerful Person

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Quote by irisintherain23So there... I know I don't know so many things about both genders. I'm kinda in between... So... ^_^'

LMAO!
I'm sorry! I didn't mean to laugh at you, girl!
It's just the way you word it that screams... hermaphrodite/ intersexual.

  • Feb 23, 2006
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I guess it depends on how you see the situation. I mean, I would be offended if I got accused of being a boy just because I was lazy. Even more so if I was actually a guy ^^;; That's like the stupidest thing I've heard... Guys and girls are like equally lazy imo. Just depends on the individual. I sure get accused of being lazy a lot by my mom, but she -never ever- asked if I was a guy just because of that. I don't think gender and laziness have anything to do with each other. Laziness has more to do with following through with your responsibilities, regardless of gender.

But being weird or whatever... I get that a lot cuz I act silly. But I don't think of it as offensive. And being silly, some people see it as cute XD I haven't gotten unfair treatment in that regards at home since I only have one sister. Can't exactly treat one of us like a guy... Lolz.

But with the rest of it, like dressing "your gender". There are things that guys can pull off, but doesn't really mean much? Well, it's all a sense of style. And guys can be just as fussy about their looks as girls. But if you dress more "guy-ish" when you're a girl, you tend to get that label of tom-boy. But at the same time, I think also is reflective of age... Like younger girls can pull it off, but it's harder for older females to do so. For example, my sister's like 24 and at that age where she should be looking for jobs and stuff like that. So my mom always complains that she has all these boy clothes (big fleecy pants/shirts - they're actually guy clothes... ^^;;) when she should be dressing more girly/professionally.

But I dunno. I don't think you should take the label of "weirdo" as offensive, unless it's actually said like a derogatory term... It's totally fine to just be yourself. And if people don't approve... Well, there's always people who don't approve of one thing or another XD

gel-chan

gel-chan

Pastaaaa <3

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Quote by mikareI guess it depends on how you see the situation. I mean, I would be offended if I got accused of being a boy just because I was lazy. Even more so if I was actually a guy ^^;; That's like the stupidest thing I've heard... Guys and girls are like equally lazy imo. Just depends on the individual. I sure get accused of being lazy a lot by my mom, but she -never ever- asked if I was a guy just because of that. I don't think gender and laziness have anything to do with each other. Laziness has more to do with following through with your responsibilities, regardless of gender.

But being weird or whatever... I get that a lot cuz I act silly. But I don't think of it as offensive. And being silly, some people see it as cute I haven't gotten unfair treatment in that regards at home since I only have one sister. Can't exactly treat one of us like a guy... Lolz.

But with the rest of it, like dressing "your gender". There are things that guys can pull off, but doesn't really mean much? Well, it's all a sense of style. And guys can be just as fussy about their looks as girls. But if you dress more "guy-ish" when you're a girl, you tend to get that label of tom-boy. But at the same time, I think also is reflective of age... Like younger girls can pull it off, but it's harder for older females to do so. For example, my sister's like 24 and at that age where she should be looking for jobs and stuff like that. So my mom always complains that she has all these boy clothes (big fleecy pants/shirts - they're actually guy clothes... ^^;;) when she should be dressing more girly/professionally.

But I dunno. I don't think you should take the label of "weirdo" as offensive, unless it's actually said like a derogatory term... It's totally fine to just be yourself. And if people don't approve... Well, there's always people who don't approve of one thing or another

Equally lazy? Hmm... Being silly is being cute? Yeah, sure in anime, but in real life? Nah. The girls have more of this "expectation" thing going on. They'll always have to be so proper. *Bleh* XP

I dress whats in the trend, more likely I dress sooo lame. Haha ^_^'. Whatever is comfortable. I dont dress too much of this "skirts and paldas" kind of thing but others say its suitable for me. ^_^' Being pretty is so hard. :hmpf: Joke! Peace! :)

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The only problem I have with the gnder stuff is that I was mistaken for a girl far too often. Don't know why though and it bothers me a bit. I mean ok, my hair is about shoulder lenght but does that make me so girlish or what? I'm also not a JRock idol or anything and I wear normal clothes - mostly black and dark tones - not skirts or any weird stuff so WHY? There are dozens of other guys walking around with longer hair than me so that can't be the problem imho. Most of the times I just laugh when I find out that someone mistook me for a girl but sometimes it really pisses me off.

  • Feb 26, 2006

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