I had a phone call today from my uncle telling me that my grandmother who had been suffering from the debilitating effects of a stroke for the past seven years has passed away today. I was shocked at the loss of someone who had been so kind to me since my birth and also perhaps because I never had the experience of losing a loved one. In a way though, I am happy to see her go because she is finally free from all those years of agony (pure suffering - the details of which I will not divulge).
However, as much as my heart grieves and I find myself priodically praying for her from deep within myself, I do not feel I am doing enough. I feel like I want to cry out but cannot for many egoistic reasons. I want to fly back to attend her funeral but cannot due to my work schedules. I want to comfort my dad for the loss of his mother but could not say anything beyond, "how are you doing, dad?". I feel guilty for being unable to do anything more than grieving on the inside and praying.
How many of you have had this experience? And how did you cope with it? This is quite the first time I am experiencing this and I am at a loss on what to do for myself and for the others similarly affected.