Loss of a loved one (how to deal with?)

page 1 of 1 9 total items

Cancel

I had a phone call today from my uncle telling me that my grandmother who had been suffering from the debilitating effects of a stroke for the past seven years has passed away today. I was shocked at the loss of someone who had been so kind to me since my birth and also perhaps because I never had the experience of losing a loved one. In a way though, I am happy to see her go because she is finally free from all those years of agony (pure suffering - the details of which I will not divulge).

However, as much as my heart grieves and I find myself priodically praying for her from deep within myself, I do not feel I am doing enough. I feel like I want to cry out but cannot for many egoistic reasons. I want to fly back to attend her funeral but cannot due to my work schedules. I want to comfort my dad for the loss of his mother but could not say anything beyond, "how are you doing, dad?". I feel guilty for being unable to do anything more than grieving on the inside and praying.

How many of you have had this experience? And how did you cope with it? This is quite the first time I am experiencing this and I am at a loss on what to do for myself and for the others similarly affected.

  • Mar 11, 2006

julian1

julian1

Pursuer Of Darkness

Cancel

call me heartless if you want. i was 11 when my granpa died, i didn't go to his funeral. my gramma died shortly after that, but i didn't attend her funeral too. and also, i didn't cry for them, even though they've been so kind to me... i just took the news as though as i expected it to happen. but now 17, i felt guilty of that. deep down i still grieve for my gramps.

Signature
	Image

  • Mar 11, 2006
Cancel

I'm so sorry. All four of my grandparents died before I had a chance to meet them, so I never had that joy to say hello or that sorrow to say goodbye. I don't know how to cope with that. But reading so many Chicken Soup books ( -_- ) gave me some idea...

I suggest that you feel happy for her. If you are sad, you are sad for yourself, because you are no longer able to see her anymore. But I am not in your shoes, so I have no right to say anything...

Mnemeth

Mnemeth

Rider of the Currents

Cancel

As a Christian I say look up, thank her, wish her well, and then look forward but never forget her.

Do not interfere in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

  • Mar 11, 2006

Nubes

Nubes

Blah blah blah!!!

Cancel

well, u deal with it and period.

U cannot cry for the lost of a loved one each day, it hurts, a looooot, but the thing u could only do is keep goin with ur life that isnt over.

we should be able to understand that nothing in life last forever and is up to us to make life better and best for others, so we could die in peace.

and about forget not that love one, that's a lie, i dont want to be rude but u cannot remember forever, u forget all, including the good times... that doesnt mean that u didnt love her or him, but its life, is it cycles...

ciao

Cancel

Thank you all for your words.

Indeed what I am feeling now is mostly being happy for her. She is finally released from the practically dead body she had been forced to remain in for seven long years and now she can at last be reborn into a new, happier life (I believe in rebirth). In time I will only remember her as fragments of those happy memories when she was still with us. I will not dwell over what could have been if she remained with us as it is unfair to her. I am sure she will be happy to see my grandpa again (her grief at his death almost 20 years ago was piercingly palpable even to my then child's eyes).

It's just that I feel I am not doing enough by just feeling grief on the inside, praying for her and not doing much action. I thought I should just fly back for a few days and attend the funeral but I'm not so sure that is a cost-effective idea (since I am planning to go back for a holiday in a few months time anyway). I am also inexperienced with consoling griefing people, not to mention my own parent, and so have been unable to take the appropriate action. I just feel there is something else I can do and yet I have no idea what that is.

  • Mar 11, 2006
Cancel

I jus now one sentence " everyone will eventually died one day", no matter how much we cried or regret yet they cannt be alive once again... i will let myself cried all i want jus like a spoil kid and eventually let the sadness fade as i knw the memories will alway be in my heart as long as i`m alive :)

  • Mar 14, 2006
Cancel

awwwww:( personally I don't like my granddad at all lol!:P
angela says : EAT;)

This signature violates the signature guidelines, thus it has been removed.

  • Aug 15, 2006
Cancel

I'm not entirely sure how to answer this question, because each person deals in a different way. Some people, as mouriran said, eat, or do something that comforts them. Some people pretend like nothing's wrong, and eventually, they pretend until they've made themselves believe that nothing's wrong. Some people withdraw from everyone else and become really quiet until they've come to terms with the loss in their own way. Some people turn to others and cry their hearts out, rinse and repeat. I've lost two important people in my life. The first death I dealt with by withdrawaing myself. The second death I went to my best friend and cried my heart out.

  • Aug 15, 2006

page 1 of 1 9 total items

Back to Love, Friends & Family | Active Threads | Forum Index

Only members can post replies, please register.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Read more.