Help: General Dating Questions

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I'm a guy and I just recently (5 days ago) asked out this girl. She is absolutly gorgeous and seems like a great person and i was just wondering if certain things are wierd or stupid or cute or whatever.

Number One: We went out on this past saturday and it was a great time. She even told me that she was impressed at how mature i acted (opening doors for her and listening really intently). So anyways, the next day im just sitting around and i decided to make her a card and send it in the mail just to say how much fun i had and say that i think shes a beautiful person [both inside and out] blah blah. Do you think this is ok? Im wondering whether i should send it or not because i dont want to seem really corny or over doing it or something.

Number Two: Do girls like it when a guy seems really devoted to the relationship this early on? I was recently cheated on (twice, mayb 3 times, i didnt inquire because i was so fed up) and i feel really insecure about this relationship. I get nervous and anxious and keep thinking im going to lose her and i dont want to because she seems like a really good match for me. well what im getting to is that, i want to talk to her all the time and want to do little things like the card and flowers and planning future dates and stuff. do you think she'll feel like im moving too fast or nething? So far since ive talked to her it seems ok, she seems to really like me back and stuff, so i guess i shouldnt be so down about it, but i guess this last girl i dated really made me insecure and what not.

So plz input if you have nething to say. thx alot.

  • Mar 14, 2006

Kelena

Kelena

Pulchritudinous Solitudinarian

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Here are my opinions to your questions.

1. I wouldn't send the letter just yet... Yes, it is a very sweet guesture, but depending on how this girl is, she may take it as sweet... or overbearing. I'd say to wait a while and get to know her better first. Once you guys have hung out a few times and become more involoved, then give it to her. At least then you know it will be well recieved. You can even tell her then that you wrote it a long time ago, but were hesitant to give it to her.

2. Well, personally, it's nice to know that a guy is interested, but at the same time I wouldn't want him to seem too into me that I'd feel suffocated. I say, be there for her when she wants to hang out, but at the same time make it clear that you have a life outside of being with her. (Which I'm sure you do.:)) It's nice for a girl to be the center of attention, but everyone needs alone time too. When a guy wants a serious commitment too early on, it's scary because it's still the "getting to know you" stage.

Well, that's my long opinon. I hope it helped. Good luck!

  • Mar 14, 2006

fireflywishes

Retired Moderator, Linguistics

fireflywishes

Calgon, take me away~!

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#1: Sounds like Lloyd from the 80's movie Say Anything. XD Personally, I would LOVE it if a guy sent me a letter (that he had actually put thought into writing).

#2: It really depends on the girl... some girls may see it as being clingy, others would take it all in... All I can really say is don't smother her with affection. Flowers, cards, phone calls are all fine and dandy... just not all at once. ;)

To clarify, by "asking out" the girl, does this connote that you are now boyfriend and girlfriend, or you just asked her out on a date? If you just asked her out on a date, then for now I'd try and hold back on all the romanticky boyfriendy stuff until you two are officially a couple.

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FloralFallal

FloralFallal

Lover of shirtless anime men

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Go ahead and send her the card but I'd hold off on sending her any more gifts at least until you've gone out with her a few more times. It seems like you're very passionate and devoted and that's a good thing but you must make sure that the people in your life are worthy of that and you've obviously met a few that weren't. And don't make this girl pay for the sins of those that have come before her, that isn't fair and if you keep on thinking what your thinking you will create the same result in this relationship. I would say take it easy and just get to know her better, maybe you do move to quickly and are blind to some of the warning signs that someone might not be the one for you.

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  • Mar 14, 2006
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thx everyone for your opinions, they were very helpful.

  • Mar 14, 2006

crsg

crsg

Artemis

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I wouldn't even send her the card. Or if you do, make that a one-time thing for going on that first date. Not because she would get freaked out or because the card isn't nice, but because its a bit like being clingy. I am friends with a guy who has a huge crush on me - however, I will never go on a date with him. He's an absolute sweetie and I wish the best for him and he deserves someone great - but by being so clingy (txting often, ringing often, etc.) he puts me off.

For your second point, I don't think girls mind it when guys get devoted even that early on. But I do think that if you make it so obvious by sending her stuff and planning dates ahead etc. then that's vaguely stalker-like. Its not like you're a stalker or that she'll think of you as one, but its something that reminds me of a guy being a little obsessive.

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little things are nice, but i think it's important to make sure that you don't come off as overbearing. you've talked to her and listened to her so it's important that you gauge how much is too much. most importantly, don't let forget the past but don't let the past become your future. it's okay to feel insecure, but remember that was a different person. not this person. good luck.

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  • Mar 14, 2006

jasaiyajin

jasaiyajin

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Just be yourself is all that you can do......

-repeat-

  • Mar 15, 2006

PAche

PAche

hoarder

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1.sending her a card is a brilliant idea.its not common, and i think girls like guys hwo put more effort into the relationship.i think the word used'll be "sweet".as a female, i think it's pretty nice of you to do that.but please, dont tell her shes beautiful inside and outside or that kind or corny stuff.its a little too strong for a first date, you just might scare her away.just say you had a great time and maybe add a "see you" somewhere at the end to hint that you're still interested in continuing the relationship.

2.don't worry about past relationships, they wasn't your fault.move on, try and make this new one work, and don't be the party that does the cheating.like my good friend jasaiyajin said, be yourself,that's important.don't create a relationship out of a platonic character.it won't be nice when she finds out.

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