Changeing {poem}

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BlkLotus

BlkLotus

bara tsukiyo

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A change is happening in me
I am unsure if it is good or bad
to many lost feelings
to many sleepless nights

A feeling of loseing myself
not knowing who i am anymore
my eyes no longer shine
my heart no longer beats its happy rythem

Waiting for something I dont know
for someone I cant see or hear
a sense of dread and loneliness

Pretty sure I wont survive this change
sure that this is final
that this is the end

critique if you want :)

chisaikame

chisaikame

happy camper o^^o

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pretty nice, are they derived from personal experiences..- or just inspired by the common depressed nature of people.. (did that make sense ^_^')

ego vici mundum

  • Aug 18, 2006
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nice indeed... at simple sight it can be interpreted as if the narrator is going to die... but it can be interpreted into various things, like puberty for a teenager, end of one stage to get to another one, or other stuff... (am I right? heh) ^_^'

I really like your poetry Ms. Lotus! I hope I can see some more of it!

  • Aug 18, 2006

WolfMaster

WolfMaster

The Hunter

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not bad

  • Aug 18, 2006

gilesaquil

gilesaquil

honora medicum

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Expressive...a little depressing. It's nice that your poem is able to move emotions (mine at least...haha).
The "change" implies a change for the worse (something like death, it seems), or a change that the person doesn't want to happen.
There are, however, some spelling errors (I know about "poetic license", but I think the rules of correct spelling at least still apply). These don't change the beauty of the poem in any way, though...I'm just very meticulous about grammar and all. ^^
Nice work! Keep writing! ^^

  • Aug 19, 2006
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It was full of feeling, so I think this is a good one. I can tell that you expressing some emotions that burn or the sensation of losing a loved one (or the like), so it's a topic that I can understand. (perhaps help, but you can decide whether you want that or not. As I recall you talked earlier about some relationship problems.) From my experience it helps to let it out, and poetry is a fine way to do that.

So, in short, if you need any advice, just ask, okay?

And, btw, keep writing.

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