A sad bride...

Do you think that she should get married?

Yes.
0 votes
No.
12 votes
Honestly... I don't know.
0 votes

Only members can vote.

page 1 of 1 16 total items

Elyvania

Elyvania

The hope of a dreamer

Cancel

Hello everyone, I'm writing to you people because my best friend it's getting married next month (October 14 to be more specific) and she's the saddest bride I had ever seen -_-.

My best friend, Denisse, has a difficult relationship with her parents, they don't trust her so they tend to be very oppresive with their permissions to her, when she was annoyed she lied to them and -in return- they scolded her a lot and so the circle goes on and on. My friend started to get a little difficult, she arrived late at home, sometimes she didn't arrived at all and never called, sometimes she said that she went to a place and instead went to another place, etc. So her parents didn't beleive in her or trust her when she started to grow up and started to say the truth. She is a good girl with a tender nature, she is a great friend who is always there when you need a hand or an advice... but lately she looks so sad and I don't know what to do to help her...

My friend is 24 years old and studies to become a teacher, she's in her last year and her parents paid her studies so -from time to time- she works part-time and earn a little bit of money, she cannot leave her house and she struggles to remain in a good relationship with her parents (especially her dad who is... a jerk, I dislike him a lot), she has a bunch of special friends (actors, producers, musicians, etc.) a bohemian factory of people ;) and started to date one of them, a 34 years old ambiguous music producer, musician and photographer, her fiancee is a very strange guy, he's very selfish and stingy, he asked her to marry him after dating for one month and he never gave her an engagement ring because he -->didn't believe in those things<-- *snort* anyway, he also never pays when they go out, sometimes he borrow money from my friend and then never return it. I feel that he has bisexual manners (I hate bisexuals the most)... I don't know how to say this but he speaks softly and he's almost delicate, he works at night and is a friend of musicians like Marilyn Mason and 8mm, he lived in San Francisco for 2 years, he had lived with at least 4 women and dated a lot more, and all of a sudden he decided that my friend was the love of his life and asked her to marry him...

NOW... my friend it's not a saint but she doesn't have HIS experience in life, HE knows what he wants and my friend doesn't, she doesn't want to get married but she has great sex with him so... I think that she has a a sex infatuation more than a love commitment with him, she has a terrible relationship with her parents, feels lonely, scared and trapped and she sees marriage as some sort of escape... I know this because I'm her only and best friend and I don't know what to do, she started to make the arrangements for her wedding and she was discouraged, stressed, annoyed and sad (she didn't even want to buy her wedding dress... or anything for that matter). She called yesterday crying saying that she will come and spend the night at my house because she didn't want to go home (she has broken up with her fiance), and she asked me to call to her parents which I did and then called two hours later saying that she was staying at her fiance (still crying) because it was late and he didn't want her to leave his house because it was dangerous x_x, in the end I told her that she should call her parents but knowing her I decided to call them myself just in case, not only she didn't call them... she lied to them again and never told them where she was so in the end I was the messenger between my friend and her parents.

Right know I don't even know what to do or what to say to her and that's why I'm here asking for your advice...

If you had a friend in this situation... what would you tell to her?

Thanks for your answers and advices.

"... It's clear to me now that I have been moving toward you and you toward me for a long time. Though neither of us was aware of the other before we met, there was a kind of mindless certainty humming blithely along beneath our ignorance that ensured we could come together. Like two solitary birds flying the great prairies by celestial reckoning, all of these years and lifetimes we have been moving toward one another..."

Robert James Waller (The bridges of Madison county).

Cancel

i think her parent not too very oppresive with their permissions because i'm sure its for the sake of her doughter. you know parents is very give more attetion to their doughter. so from me just listen to ur parents coz about this parents never wrong

  • Sep 14, 2006

Hiraku-San

Hiraku-San

::. Back in Singapore .::

Cancel

Well first of all i would have personally done anything possible to break off such an inpromptu and uncorporate marriage... Your friend so much in a tight situation... Well right now i feel that you are the only one who could help your friend... Her parents seem to be quite the one-sided mind people....

My suggestion is that first of all your friend must cancel the wedding... Wed with a guy that you know only for one month and like him cause he give you great sex? That 's not something you should marry for... And i think its about time your friend's family go for counselling.. If what you say about them not trusting her and all that... i feel they haven't been acting like real parents.. No matter how hard parents try kids will always make mistake and parents should guide and not shun them away like a black sheep.. Well her parents still pay for her studies so there is lots of hope in tightening their relationship..

P.S: Marilyn Mason and 8mm, lol i went for an exclusive dinner with Jennifer love-Hewitt after winning a contest ;)

a big THANK YOU to my lovely and humorous friend,the irresistable Devilet X-P
Signature
	Image
No time to make a userpage....
Junkii member no. 16

Cancel

If i were you i will firstly go and talk to her parent, change their attitude,change the image of your frens in their mind, tell them why your friends lie to them, make them understand then you can change their relationship...
I think what i will tell your friend is that do whatever you like but most importantly you are happy, running away isn`t the right way to face problems, why not solve them, you are still young, there are lot of time for you resolve them, i dun want you to regret but i will stay with you by your side helping you!
If you think you can`t then i think maybe you can ask her to see a doctor...
She want to marry that guy becuz of sex is too ridiculous! Does she really love him? The future will be more messy if she make a wrong step now!

  • Sep 14, 2006

Elyvania

Elyvania

The hope of a dreamer

Cancel

Baaa my friend solved her problems with her fiancee and is engaged again :( , she's coming tomorrow to stay for the night... I'm going to talk to her but I feel that she is like a deaf person but worse... she doesn't want to hear what people says, so she is a deaf closed minded person x_x.

I'm getting pissed with her constants quarrelings with her supposed loved one... if she gets married it's going to be a nightmare.

By the way one of the bridesmaids it's going to be the singer of 8mm and the bestman it's going to be Sean (the other member of 8mm), it's quite strange... a wedding full of famous people that knows that that marriage is going to be a great failure...

Damn! I'm sooo annoyed with my friend, that I want to open her eyes with a future insight of what is going to happen with her... I just hope that she would NEVER get pregnant in that useless marriage, my god... tghe fiancee looks like a brunette Michael Jackson :\ (ewww).

"... It's clear to me now that I have been moving toward you and you toward me for a long time. Though neither of us was aware of the other before we met, there was a kind of mindless certainty humming blithely along beneath our ignorance that ensured we could come together. Like two solitary birds flying the great prairies by celestial reckoning, all of these years and lifetimes we have been moving toward one another..."

Robert James Waller (The bridges of Madison county).

Hiraku-San

Hiraku-San

::. Back in Singapore .::

Cancel

Wel if you said she is a deaf close minded friend... she really listens to her fiancee... Geez i think her fiancee is some great sweet talker for him to really make a girl like her be so much infactuated with him...

Well i feel now the only way is to approach her fiancee .... tell him that marriage at such an early stage is unwise and try as much as you can to make him think otherwise... YOur friend is really a confused person... and i wish not her to ruin her life... God Bless Her.

a big THANK YOU to my lovely and humorous friend,the irresistable Devilet X-P
Signature
	Image
No time to make a userpage....
Junkii member no. 16

Cancel

Wow...just reading about the guy would make anyone's stomach turn. The parents I think, usually act like that anyways (some more protective then other parents). But I think, she should decide if she'll be happy with the guy. Seriously, in my opinion, I don't think he'll make her very happy. He probably do something stupid and cheat on her or something like that. I don't have much experience in this area, but this is just my two cents (ok, maybe a cent and half) x_x

\"The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of wonder.\"
-+Ralph W. Sockman
\"Noone dies a virgin because everyone gets screwed by life.\"

  • Sep 15, 2006

eXDream2K5

eXDream2K5

the crazy band geek

Cancel

I don't think she should get married. I think what she should do is focus on her studies and trying to fix her relationship with her parents. This guy she's with...no. He doesn't sound like the kind of guy even a crackhead would want to know.

Your friend also sounds like a follower. The best you can do is try to help her get some confidence in herself and help her grow a backbone, because it sounds like she needs one around her fiance. No offense to your friend, but that's what it sounds like.

Labels are for cans. I'm not a f*cking can.

sukumei

sukumei

Running A Critiquing Service

Cancel

well i is up to her to choose but i strngly advise her no to marry the guy. Taking into consideration her hard life that she had, a guy like this will only increase her pain.

I would like to run a friendly critiquing service for Minitokyo artists. I will try to make my opinions professional and defiantly unbiased although i will speak ideas for the general public. Critiquing service MT thread

  • Sep 16, 2006

joycev

joycev

the PS3 with boobs & personality

Cancel

I doubt you would be able to convince your friend otherwise that getting married isnt the best thing for her, because women when they are in love are very stubborn when it comes to their men, but I would try to advise her against marrying the guy. If she is marrying only for sex she is only going to get hurt in the end, especially if she is already unhappy with him and they arent even married yet. Marriage should be abould love and trust and not how good in bed he is. All guys have the same thing, so she can get sex from any of them. The person she is with now is just taking advantage of her for money and cant possibly love her as much as he says he does if they have only been together for one month. It takes time to get to know the person before you know if its really the one you want to be spending the rest of your life with.
Plus, you should never marry anyone that looks like micheal jackson anyways... x_X''

Signature Image

  • Sep 16, 2006

embershadow

embershadow

Quincy Archer Hates You

Cancel

Well, I agree with everyone who's said that you should do (almost) anything in your power to show your friend that her marriage is a bad idea, and tha tshe is rushing into it for the completely wrong reasons. But be kind, gentle, and understanding; it seems like you're the only one she trusts right now. If words can convince her, then that will be great... but there's also a chance that they won't, and in the end the ultimate decision is up to only her, and there's nothing you can do.

If they do get married, I would console her through the difficult times that she's obviously going to have, and be there for her during the inevitable divorce. Sometimes people just make stupid decisions, and sometimes the only thing you can do is be there for them.

One thing, though; you can't judge your friend's fiance on the basis that he is bisexual; saying things like "I hate bisexuals the most" has nothing to do with how good a person he is, and is a judgmental, unfair bias you have that you should try to rid yourself of. Bisexuals never did anything to you.

Signature
	Image
Bleach-Central | Anime Story Club
My Latest Submission: Nino

Kyuoto

Kyuoto

Ghostly Stalker

Cancel

Wow. Thats screwed. Looks like she is someone who helps others but can't help themself. Thats understandable, well, the thing is, i think she is trying to escape from her parents who are being very strict with her. This would cause some bad effects. On top of that, your friend looks for a person who doesn't seem that great. Well, she is on a weird side.

If she was my friend, i'd tell her to do whatever. Just that i'd be educating her on what she is falling into. I'd lean towards the no but i'd tell her what is going on and how to deal with her parents.

  • Sep 16, 2006

rabchil

rabchil

nejibana

Cancel

One read at the description of the guy just tells me she should not get married. What a jerk! Never pays for meals, leeches a woman's money, no engagement ring and all? A woman's most important moment in life is when she gets married, a ring is the only most important thing she would cherish until she dies and the guy says he doesn't believe in it? Seriously just dump him and move on! This type of relationship will not end up in a good way at all. The guy should be warded off completely. Women are better off without him. SHOULD NOT GET MARRIED TO THIS GUY.

Elyvania

Elyvania

The hope of a dreamer

Cancel

Hello again everyone, I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for your answers and advices to my post. I came to say that my friends fiancee finally gave her an engagement ring, the guy earns a good deal of money and works a lot... but he's very stingy, he has a tight hand when it comes to money. My friends mother it's a nice person, but she's stuck between my friends attitude and her husband commands, she's worried about my friend and so far she's the only one who has put my friends fiancee in his place lol.

And talking about my friend, she has a nice character, she's very clever, she has a lot of kindness and respect for others (not her parents but to other people she's very respectful), she's always there when you need her (at good and bad times), she has a great sense of humor and a quiet voice and good manners, so as you can see... she can be manipulated very easily when she's in love.

I don't understand love (I had never been in love) but I can see clearly that "this" guy doesn't love my friend at all. The only times that they go out it's because he has free tickets or entry to some concert or event (since he works in that field he knows a lot of people and get a lots of priviledges), so far they had been going out for 6 months (he proposed in April) and only once had paid for my friends dinner, he also doesn't try to win the affection of his future in laws, he goes to their house and read the newspaper and ignore Denisse's parents lol.

So this far... the picture looks naughty and quite hopeless, I don't wish to see my friend unhappy but I think that in the end I will, but I will be at her side just the way I had been in this 10 years of friendship we had shared.

Thanks a lot for your concern and advices, they had helped me to see things in a different light.

"... It's clear to me now that I have been moving toward you and you toward me for a long time. Though neither of us was aware of the other before we met, there was a kind of mindless certainty humming blithely along beneath our ignorance that ensured we could come together. Like two solitary birds flying the great prairies by celestial reckoning, all of these years and lifetimes we have been moving toward one another..."

Robert James Waller (The bridges of Madison county).

Cancel

If your friend feels depressed because of the guy, she shouldn't marry him in the first place. With the guy's display of despicable attitude and hasty decision, he doesn't deserve your friend at all. A mentor told me that before getting married, one has to know the person in-depth for 1 to 2 years. But who am I to say such things... I'm just 19; that's adult stuff...

  • Sep 24, 2006
Cancel

Her life, her body, her decission... you only have to say, i dont agree you, but if you are sure is what you want go ahead..but ill predict a sort relationship, maybe end up violently, with alcohol or drugs... sad thing is that when you try actualy to open their eyes...they jump faster, just to let you know you are wrong...knowing that is not true.

  • Sep 25, 2006

page 1 of 1 16 total items

Back to Love, Friends & Family | Active Threads | Forum Index

Only members can post replies, please register.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Read more.