Poetry: Fragmented Illusion

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Fragmented Illusion

As we live, we see the lies, the illusion.
Now is the time to reveal the truth.

We hear what we hear,
But all we've been hearing is a fragment.
Shall we be forced and locked away,
Locked away from the truth.

As all tell their tales and lies,
We've been sitting in a fragment.
Locked away and never seen.
Some say revealing the truth is too dangerous,
Others say we need to know.

All we're doing is walking around in circles.
Asking, questioning, and dieing...
We are only wasting time.

Our lives, our worlds, all we've seen.
All of it was and is an illusion.
Till we've leave this fragment,
We'll all dissipate one by one.


Heck seen so many poems so I guess I'll put up one of mine.
(This is not one I got published or tried to)

Critique this please

Edit: Fixed the copy and paste problems.

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  • Oct 23, 2006

jasaiyajin

jasaiyajin

-repeat-

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dont cut paste from word, it's screwy... XD

hummm.... it's more of a statement than a poem... then again, poems are statements... so im circular... ^___^

this life is the illusion, the reality is afterwards... death... o_O eerie...

i disagree w/ your wasting time part, nothing is really wasting time as long as lesson is learned...

i get a sense of mass confusion from this... have you recently been awakened that the media is here to control the populous and that questioning only leads you down a path of ambiguity!?!?

truth is love... <3

lolz, where am i tonight!?!?

-repeat-

  • Oct 23, 2006

tobiast88

tobiast88

No patience for fools.

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Mmmh, I like it. It needs tightening up, but the rhythm and the words are well placed. The idea is well expressed, but again, you can make a bigger impact if you cut out some bits and set others off by rewriting them for maximal imagery.
And would like to join the poetry club? http://poetry-corner.minitokyo.net/ you'll like it there, even though reviews are rare (the admins are busy ^^;)

"When fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross." Sinclair Lewis, Litterature Nobel Prize winner.
Join the groups!
http://mt-atheists.minitokyo.net/ ---> for science vs religion discussion
http://mt-gay-straight-club.minitokyo.net/ ---> for tolerant people

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Hehe thanks for the tips

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  • Oct 24, 2006

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