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I have a friend who has a dilemma, and she needs help. Here's the situation.

My friend has a cousin in the US. Now, that cousin is still in university, living with her parents. My friend's cousin's father (thus my friend's uncle) is a muslim and very religious, and even has a degree in a religious course. However, my friend's cousin is far from being religious; sure she wears the hijab (the veil muslim women wear), but once she's outside and with her friends, she takes it off. She goes to parties, hangs out with boys in their apartment, sometimes wears sexy stuff (short dress, etc...), but her parents don't know anything about it. She hides it very well.

The problem is, that cousin even told my friend that once she finishes university (which is next summer, since this year is her final year), she's going to pack up and leave with her friends to another state without telling her parents, only leaving them a note.

My friend doesn't know what to do. Her cousin is her best friend, and she wants to best for her. If her cousin leaves home, her father would be devastated (it might end up in a heart attack, who knows), and she won't be able to come home again. My friend would also feel guilty because she'd have known about it all along and she wouldn't have said anything. However, if she did what she thinks is right (which is telling her uncle), that would avoid a family disaster, but she'll lose something precious: her friendship with her cousin.

So, what should she do? Stay quiet and let her cousin do what she wants to do, even though it's against the religion and, putting religion aside, she would hurt her parents? Or sacrifice the friendship for the sake of keeping the family alive?

Please take into account the islamic religion; her father isn't an extremist, but he abides by the muslim laws (and no, they're not terrorists' laws), and so do I and my friend; so please, do take religion into account before answering, I don't want the "let her do whatever she wants to do" answers, I'd like people with religious beliefs to answer, please and thank you.

Going back on the subject, I think my friend should sacrifice the friendship for her cousin's sake, but... that's a big price. It's a hard decision to make, and both decisions have large consequences. Which is why I thought speaking up is better; at least she spoke the truth, and did what is right.

  • Nov 20, 2006
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I do have some religious views even if I'm not Muslim. I think that your cousin should stay out of it, it will be a duel of free will and religion/family inside her friend, getting involved wouldn't be a good idea, at all. It may be your cousin's decision, but if she values your opinion that much then think about it by your own morals and decide for yourself, we are random people, what should our opinions matter? Just be at peice and allow your morals/beliefs to lead you.
-death

(""\O.O/"")-"meow"

  • Nov 20, 2006
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I think she should say anything. It's not of her bussiness, you know ? I believe that, if she speaks , things will turn worse. It's her decision and maybe she's just tired on living a lie. And the friend trusts her, right ? It's better if she stayis away from this story.

  • Nov 20, 2006

jasaiyajin

jasaiyajin

-repeat-

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Like any relationship, you can only voice your opinion, but don't get into it. Once you step into the relationship, it's a whole different experience. A 3rd party in any relationship always sways the balance in some way for or against either side. Let the father and daughter handle things on their own, or the consequences might be worse than losing a friend.

-repeat-

  • Nov 20, 2006

fawna-chan

fawna-chan

butterfly ghost

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I firmly believe that your parents are about the most important people in your life and should try your best not to cut them out of your life. If I were your friend, I would move away and keep in touch with them. I wouldn't want them to know, seeing as the dad might get a heart attack and I wouldn't want my dad dead! Her parents' wouldn't want to let her go...but maybe she can convince her otherwise, talk about learning to be independent or something like that.

I'm sorry if I sound too nosy. It's none of my business and I don't know any of the Muslim religons and rules, so I have no idea what I said would be good or not. Sorry if I wasn't any help. But no matter what, your friend should decide what's good for both her and her parents. Good luck to your friend's cousin...

  • Nov 21, 2006

hofodomo01

hofodomo01

lol wut

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Would you happen to know an adult friend, who is moderate, understanding, and also knowlegable in Islam (like a mosque leader)? Because you could try and talk to someone like that. Then again, they might also have the same opinions that the father you mentioned would...

Likewise, find somebody that is an adult, but very open minded...maybe they have experienced something similar in the past, no?

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Grand Thoft Auto

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@ hofodomo01: My mother is knowledgeable of the muslim rules, but she's also understanding and open-minded... I should ask for her opinion, too.

So, the majority says that my friend should stay out of it because things might turn worse if she got into it? I haven't really thought of it this way. Thanks. I'll tell her all the views I have and the ones you gave me, let her decide. After all, it's her decision whether to do something for her cousin or no, not mine.

  • Nov 21, 2006
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Well, I happen to live in a country where Christians are minority, so I don't think Muslim laws are bad (though they may be more... strict).

I think that she should talk to her cousin. What motivates her to leave in the first place? And does she already have a plan what she would do and how she would live without her parents?

But then again, it isn't your problem in the first place, right. Things like this happens time from time everywhere.

  • Nov 27, 2006
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I guess... but it would be sad to see this happen.

  • Nov 28, 2006

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