Do you think he has no hope? I think..YES!

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ladestiny92

ladestiny92

We can protect each other

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Okay, you see...I have four siblings; two little sisters and two little brothers...
I won't be naming names so I'll just use ABCD... ^_^'

A - First brother, younger two years (14)
B - First sister, younger seven years (9)
c - second brother, younger nine years (7)
D - second sister. younger 15 years (1)

Okay, brother A is kind', no, scratch that. He IS a black sheep in the family...
He's rude, he's a snob, he's hot-tempered, and he's obnoxious...
Worst, he dares to talk rude to our parents!
That ungrateful child...My dad had gave him a laptop, he should be thankful...my mom had bring us on trips...he SHOULD be thankful! But no... Hmph!

So, okay. This brother A is so hot-tempered...Brother A and Brother C always quarrels...Brother A is supposed to be the older one so he should back down! But instead, Brother A acts as if everyone is going against him and scolding him..etc.

But what I hate most is when sister B and brother C quarrels, brother Aa would talk about the wrongs of 'quarrelling' and about sins for fighting with someone older...
That hypocrite... He didn't 'REALIZE' he was doing the same thing... He would always look for any subject, any topic possible so that he could quarrel with me...but I always kept my mouth shut...which probably is the reason he became angrier... o_0 Psychological attack is always the best...

Anyway, back to the point...even my parents think there's nothing more they could do...
They send him to tuitions, he'd always find a way to escape...he's school grades are dropping as well...and also, he couldn't be trusted...
He has a cell phone...then, he told my parents someone told me...but later on, he told my uncle's sister-in-law (17 years old), my best friend, that he gave the cell phone to his girl friend...and even, my sister B and brother C's cell phone went missing too not long after that...and he was the last one to use it...
The same thing happens with his own and brother C's game boy....

Oh yeah, he doesn't have respect for his elders...
He DARES to raise his voice to our parents...even in front of my grandfather, and even quarrels in front of my grandfather...He ALSO would disobey my grandfather...
Doesn't he know that our grandfather has heart problems?!
What if, god forbids, that one day something happened to my grandfather due to my brother's ignorance on listening to my grandfather's advice..which is do not quarrel with brother C anymore...
Aargh! He's such a hypocrite cuz he always told our siblings to always listen to their elders.... Grrr!

Thank goodness he is staying at my grandparent's and not with us...
No noisy quarrels, peace befalls us...and finally I could concentrate on my studies...
One day, when my parents, me, sister B and D and brother C went out...
My parents told we're asleep at the back so they talked...
He said that he was thinking of sending him to a boarding school...somewhere...far.
Maybe that could fix the attitude that he has...!

I personally think there is no hope...and please, don't judge me for this...
No one could know how it feels unless they had experience it themselves... x_x

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  • Jun 18, 2008

jasmint285

jasmint285

Merlin's Apprentice

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have only one word to describe the situation...OUCH!
well...as the chinese saying goes if someone mixes with the wrong company he/she will learn the wrong things and end up being bad and vice versa...
so maybe his behaviour is caused by making "bad" friends?
and boarding school maybe the last solution because if he continues to stay with your grandparents (especially with your grandfather's heart problems) it will just create more trouble...so there is still a chance that boarding school might help...

Another thing might be to try reasoning with him (try not to raise your voice while you do that)
tell him your grandparents won't have much time left and they would like to see their future generation living happy lives and being the best they can...
same goes to your parents...(you can try suggesting you've heard your mom crying over him or something...its a lie but then again maybe it might soften his heart? ;) )
and his stealing habits...
hmmm...no suggestions for that...but its definitely not cause he's doing it for money right?
has he been showing any signs that he might be taking drugs or start smoking? (just to be cautious ^_^')

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Being emotionally hurt is like having internal injury where the agonising pain kills you slowly without anyone knowing...and you can put on a brave front and smile at everyone around you to hide the fact that you're suffering...
Oh why did you have to do this to me?

  • Jun 18, 2008

ladestiny92

ladestiny92

We can protect each other

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Drugs...hmmm, nope...but smoking, I'm not so sure...
And about my mom crying over him...I don't think that'll work...tried that one already...
And about talking to him...tried it too...not working...*sigh*

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  • Jun 18, 2008

jasmint285

jasmint285

Merlin's Apprentice

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awww...hmmm...
actually didn't expect it to... >_<...
so boarding school is the LAST resort eh?
seems that scolding and talking doesn't help...
he needs discipline...the force kind...
and not from family either...so maybe it'll have to be from school?
I'm just blabbering... ^_^'
doubt it'll be of much help...

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Being emotionally hurt is like having internal injury where the agonising pain kills you slowly without anyone knowing...and you can put on a brave front and smile at everyone around you to hide the fact that you're suffering...
Oh why did you have to do this to me?

  • Jun 18, 2008

ladestiny92

ladestiny92

We can protect each other

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My father was thinking about a school in...I don't remember where...but it really focus on my religion...hopefully, that'll help him...

lol...I don't know what to do either...
I'm just glad that now I'm 16, meaning I'm a 10th grader, so I'm in the morning session, while my brother is in the afternoon session...for school..
That means, after next year when I got my final results, and hopefully I got A1 for all my 11 subjects so I could get a scholarship and go overseas...lol^^
At least I get to escape...

Please join various~ANME~fanfics group...^^,

  • Jun 18, 2008
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Considering his age..... of adolescence and all... I'd think it'd be hard
I think it's easier to discipline a child before the rebellious puberty

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melymay

melymay

Abomidable Snow-Woman

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Gah, that's like my bro, except mine actually cares when my mother cries.

I have to say that dealing with a brother like that is probably pretty hard. But pushing him away won't change anything. As a family, you and your parents should be there for him. Not cover him up, and pretend he isn't there. I think sending your brother away is a bad idea. There should have been more father son quality time in your family.

One question: would you say that your family is spoiled? Would you say that your brother looks up to you parents, or did he ever?

jasmint285

jasmint285

Merlin's Apprentice

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hmmm...or does he look up to ANYONE at all?
someone he treats as a friend or at the very least an ally...
someone you know is NOT "bad company"...
get the person to reason with him...he might listen...

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Being emotionally hurt is like having internal injury where the agonising pain kills you slowly without anyone knowing...and you can put on a brave front and smile at everyone around you to hide the fact that you're suffering...
Oh why did you have to do this to me?

  • Jun 19, 2008

wings

wings

~~Silent Killer~~

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i'm glad i dont have a family prob like that :P
well think about it like this:
between the age of 10 - 18, 70% trades in their brain and gets a pride from here till the other side of the world. they then think the own the whole world and can do whatever they want to. basicly they go from "cool" to "evil". fortunately 60% realise that the world is quite tough and trade their "cool/evil" pride back in for their brain.

what im trying to say is that brother A is going through a "punk fase" for the next 4 years.
if he somewhere in those 4years realise that and change it then he still has a change to become a reasonal man. if not then he will be trash for the rest of his life.

anyway good luck and smack that brother of your when hes growing towards the trash side :)
(some people just need a beating to realise you know :))

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  • Jun 24, 2008

toumarie

toumarie

.:.:Princess:.:.

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Hello there,
I wanna to help and I do hope I can help with my bad english but I pray to God that you'll understand what I wrote...

I think I kinda understand...First of all, A was and maybe is a black sheep in your family...What would you do if you were A back then? Can you understand what I mean?
When he quarrels with other member, is he the only one who was always to be blame? Did you know the real reason why they're fighting?I think you didn't know the real reason of it. You guys in the family always talk about that the elder should back down! You jugde him without knowing why. You guys only know how to blame him. So when B or C or D have a quarrel, he just copied what you all said, he just copied what you guys did to him!

Think, what are you gonna do if YOU'RE HIM?

What religion you have?

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ttwen

ttwen

somebody

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whether he has hope or not depends on him himself.
i kind of agree with what wings said, he is at a difficult age after all. i myself lacks respect for my parents few years back. but after some time, i find how important parents are, and after that i respected them.

one good approach to deal with your brother is through DISCUSSION instead of shouting at each other. this applies to your parents too. in my opinion, sending him to a boarding school won't help, and might even make the situation worse. and probably making him feel that the whole family is trying to isolate him, which might or might not be true.

back to "discussion" approach. you can suggest to your parents to use this method of settling down quarrels. for this method, it is best to have the whole family to gather around and discuss, every member should participate in giving opinions and suggestions whether it is a quarrel between B and C, or A against your parents. this of course the best way to make him blurt out his true feelings so that everyone can understand him better and in turn helps him to understand his family better. and of course this helps a lot in maturing you and your siblings' mindset too, so that you and them can think more rationally, and make mature decisions. and maybe if your parents participate well, you might understand what problems they are facing too, like your family's financial status, or other family problems.

it is hard at first of course, but try to make it become a tradition. my family don't do this, but even though i'm the youngest in the family, i do discuss family problems from time to time with my parents and give suggestions. who knows, upon understanding your parents more, A might just change his behavior.

edit: i forgot to mention that this method is prone to failure especially for short tempered people, but in the long run, it helps the participants to understand each other better and this is the original intention of this method after all. so do not be discouraged if it always fails. i hope you find this useful :)

ivankira

ivankira

SEED

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seems like a family problem that i encounter myself. :\
it may have been your brother's girlfriend that influenced him to do such things.
before you put all the blame on him, i'd suggest you go find out more about his girlfriend.
people can change drastically over a short period of time, i suppose he wasn't like this when he was 10?
and i agree with ttwen, he is in a rebellious age, so try to calm him down and talk more sense into him, it would probably help. and its better if the whole family could gather and discuss this issue on the condition that no one is to raise their voices or get emotional. (this method worked for my family, i hope it does for you)

  • Sep 07, 2008
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I feel your pain.
brothers can be such a pain in the ass.
I'm the younger sibling, and I'm close to your brother's age.
I don't think talking to him work as you've already tried, and if you think about it in a younger sibling's point of view, when the older sibling starts to give you lectures and stuff, they'll usually think, 'you're not the boss of me' and won't really listen. I hated it when my brother gave me lectures on life. and he's only 17! it's not like he's a total braniac when it comes to life.

anyway, you're brother is pretty far in the deep end, and boarding school is probably the best thing your parents can do. I personally think they should sent him to boot camp, but I guess there's really no difference.

The think about siblings, is that the closer your age difference is, the more you tend to yell/fight each other.

  • Oct 05, 2008

Lacuslover81

Lacuslover81

One big and true lover of Lacus

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I guess there is hop you always have to hav ehope to change things.

A true lover of Lacus Member of Kira-and-Lacus-in-Love

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