Breaking off contact, was it good or bad?

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a friend i made in a game about 3-4 years ago, and his girlfriend both of whom i finally had a flip on that made me wish not to being their msn buddy any more.

this i think is gonna be a long story and made end up as a wall of text, so if youre not into that, you might aswell hit the back button now.

okay story goes that i made friends with him purely by coincidence arround 4 years ago.
it started back in the game conquer online, when this was a fairly new game.
back when you could not use real life cash on getting your levels.
we decided to share msn, as we had a common interest in anime, girls, gaming and music.
we discussed many such topics on msn and often advised each other on new anime's to watch, music to try and tips for the game.
later on we both got tired of the game and went to try new stuff together, which went fine.
now about the same time as we changed games, he also introduced me to his girlfriend, a sweet girl about the same age as he (he is 5 years younger than me and im 23)
his girlfriend liked chatting to me mostly about private stuff, and not as much about game or anime, even though these were common interests among us aswell.
now while they were a nice couple she has always had a tendency to nick on me, if i would come visit her in her country. my answer was always that i cannot afford it, since im a student and in no way rich.
through conversation with her i also later found out that they are both kids of rich couples in their countries, and are therefore spoiled senseless.
she then proposes that she can come see me, by flying up here to visit.
personally i wouldn't mind her visiting, but if i were her i would be a little more careful than simply wanting to jump on the next plane, to meet someone you have only met online.
now she never came to visit me though she said over and over that she would (maybe she got cold feet or maybe someone knocked a bit of sense into her head, either way i dont care)
now about a year ago, i suddenly became more of the person they went to when they had something on their heart (real life problems). i would try as much as possible to help them through asking questions and coming up with possible solutions to the problems.
i really didnt mind helping them mostly, later on though it became almost too often, and they would drag friends of their own with them into a chat with me to have me help them with social problems aswell.
now being in my early 20's but having a lot more experience than them, as said. i didnt mind helping the 2. but i'm not a counselor i dont get paid to help them with social problems and i tried to help them as best as i can, but i really really do not wish to counsel someone i have no clue about who is. so in the end if they dragged friends along, i would give them a few lines of advice, but refuse to give them my full evening to hear their stories aswell.
worst is when some of them tried to add me to their msn so i could help them again, i refused that, and that at times made the 2 angry, that i would help them but refuse helping friends of theirs, some of whom were no more than 13 years old...
i told them that i did not want to counsel their friends or their younger siblings.
when i then started having real life trouble myself and trying to ask them advice, i would often get either a "lol" or "dont know how to help you"
this kind of annoyed me, as i would think that in a friendship the help should be able to go both ways, and that even though they may not be skilled at advising people, they might be able to look better through my trouble than myself.
now about a week or two ago we start playing the first game again, that we had once went away from, but while the game had changed the ways of the community in the game had not. he wished to gain social status in the game by showing off to everyone that he could afford using paypal as often as he wanted.
a way which i disagreed very strongly about, as these friends will turn their back the minute you arent flashing your cash anymore, the minute they find out that you arent sharing it with them.
this and having to listen to drunken stories from him, and having his girlfriend over and over sweettalking me while, while praising her dimwit drunken boyfriend.
i was laying on my bed an evening and decided that "well ive given alot to them, but they have given very little back", and generally i almost felt used.
all this brings me up to deleting them as contacts, isimply found that i did not want to give advice to them anymore, and i did not want to hear sweettalk from the girl anymore. (in general i really hate being sweettalked to by anyone as i find it totally pointless to have someone call you sweet and sent kisses either by sms or IM, as anyone can do it in a message while they would never dare it in real life)
if you have actually read through aaaaallll this damn rant of mine, i give you a little respect, and now wish to hear your opinion if you think i did the right thing in stopping contact with them, if i should have done so alot earlier or think i should re-add them, and please do argument for what you say.

  • Jul 13, 2008

melymay

melymay

Abomidable Snow-Woman

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Wow. Well I have to say, they do sound completely spoiled. These two need a smack for their lack of independency. They seem very spoiled, and don't have much respect. I don't blame you for you choice. Their personal lives shouldn't be shoved into your life.

Since you've repeatedly told them not to have their friends come to you, and they pretty much told you off. I think you made the right decision. You tried to handle it, hoping that it was just a one time thing, but these people ended up having 'EXTREME DRAMA' branded into their lives and you got fed up with it. Although, you could have stopped contact with them them moment you got more of their friend's problems loaded onto you after you told them to stop.

As for the dude, your first friend. Are you completely cutting him off (not even talking to him during the online games)? I wouldn't completely do that. I recommend just avoiding contact.

Just a bit off topic. Your friend's girlfriend seems kinda whore-ish.

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i deleted him off msn, and he stopped playing the game after recieving ingame threats from people he had scammed, that wanted payback, that didn't give a damn about his real life economy.

as for his girl friend i personally wouldn't use the term whore, but might use the word cheap.
thanks for your response melymay

  • Jul 13, 2008
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I think you did the right thing. It was wrong of them to use you the way they did. Friendships are meant to go both ways as you said and you are supposed to be there for each other when times get hard regardless if you know how to solve the problems. They seem far too immature to really grasp the concept that money actually has value and probably wont unless they loss it all.

  • Jul 19, 2008

Krissby

Krissby

~})i({~

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Well, while I commend you for standing up for yourself, I probably wouldn't have completely cut off contact. After all, you have known them for years now, as well involved yourself in their lives, whether you meant to or not.

I simply would've returned what they've given you... next to nothing. As soon as the drama started and they started reaching for help, return the "lols", "sorry, I don't know how to help you," etc. Eventually, if they have half a brain, they would pick up on your disinterest and learn that you're not going to answer all their problems. They have people they can pay for that. :P

As for his girlfriend.... seriously? Have 'that' talk with her, if you haven't already. Say, "Hey, kisses are cute and all, but I don't appreciate them, and your boyfriend probably doesn't either."

I mean, they must have some good qualities for you to keep talking with them for so long, so why completely block out the good with the bad? They need to grow up, but with encouragement. Not with coddling, not with hand holding, but with ironic as it is... neglect. Babies can't learn to walk with someone holding them up all the time.

Good luck, you. :)

  • Jul 20, 2008
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you make a good point krissby, they probably both have some good qualities about them that i cared for, though the thought of the moments when i decided to cut them off was that they weren't good for much, and that they had proved no maturity whatsoever.

on the part you say of his girlfriend with the kisses, i can tell you that i actually have said something in the lines of the one you stated to her at a time. the answer i get is just that she doesn't care what he thinks of her blowing kisses to other guys and flirting with them while being in a relationship.

if i am to let them somewhat back, i would have to find the reason again why i liked them, and need something that surpasses their failures, in other words they would have to prove themselves.


Gina
you got my exact thoughts, that they gotta learn the value of money. and that friendship can't just be onesided and you have to back each other up.

the problem as i see it though is that theyre both so much in to their parents pockets and parents not caring. and while their parents are telling them to get an education and they are both (or so they have told me) getting one. him studying programming and she wishes to study archeology.
i have told them more than once that if their parents suddenly stopped reinforcing them with cash, they would really have to find out how to value money. both of them just have the thought that this is never gonna happen.

  • Jul 23, 2008
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Personally I don't blame you at all. I think I'd have broke off all contact with them a long time ago. I had a friend once that kept telling me her problems but never seemed to care for my suggestions. Then was often saying she was drunk and had no problem taking medication at the same time. Then I don't hear from her for close to 2 years and first words out of her mouth was 'I'm drunk' and I'd known her for several years and blocked her.

I applaud you for having the patience to put up with them for so long. Even if you'd had the time and money to visit them I'd have been weary about. No telling what kind of people they are in reality. I doubt that she got cold feet she was probably hoping you would encourage her to visit and that the two of you would have some fun together or hoping you'd change your mind and visit. I thought for a while you were going to say they offered to pay to have you visit. I'm surprised they didn't and offer you to pay them back when possible.

I don't think I could have dealt with so many people and deal with their problems. I'm impressed you put up with it for so long. Then you ask for help and they insult you with to bad so sad. Forget them! It is sad that you have to lose someone you've known for so long but I say forget them and move on.

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Heh.. well. You should have actually removed them after the < dont know how to help you > part.
They seemed to be nice people to start with.. but when you have to give them so many advices without getting anything in return.. You should only do this to your friends in real life, or the one you really care about, not the ones you feel being used from. Well, I believed you did the right thing..

Just quit wasting your time with them only because you guys had a lot in common... How I read your story, it seemed you didn''t have any time left for you.. This ain't good. There are a lot of people like this, on the internet 8-) Heh, so.... Nevermind them, you seem like a good enough person.

  • Jul 23, 2008
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thanks for all your responses, even those with points of view that differed a bit from my own.
for the guy i have talked to him inside the game, and made it clear to him that i have taken him and his girlfriend off my msn, and i dont bump into him much in the game, and tend to try avoiding it, as i dont wish to talk with him.
and for the part i wrote about him having quit, well i thought he had quit for good, but seems he came back.

  • Aug 18, 2008

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