One of my really good friends likes me, but I don't like him back. He's like a big brother to me and it would feel so weird to go out with him >_< I've dropped MAJOR hints, like I would tell him about guys that I like and how he's just like a brother to me, and he still doesn't get it. I would tell him bluntly, but I know that he won't listen to me. What should I do? I fear that him pursuing me would ruin our friendship :(
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- Jul 27, 2008
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What r u worried the most, about ur friendship or about him? U have to know that first.
Anyway, u have to tell him bluntly, and dont u think he will take that ok, u will hurt him alot, and dont u say to him: "I dont wanna loose ur friendship", that will hurt him even more. After u blunt him, dont force him into still beeing ur friend, thats up to him.thats all i can say.
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- Jul 27, 2008
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I've always found it strange that girls that I have come across tend to, when looking at relationships, assume the worst when confronted with the idea of dating a realllly good friend. Don't you have to know the person and like them as a friend first before you date them? If not, it seems like you run the risk of having an unsuccessful relationship because you wouldn't know this stranger's likes/dislikes, true personality, and idiosyncracies.
I do also understand that it IS very hard to consider someone who you've always looked at as a 'big brother/sister' figure as a boyfriend/girlfriend. I mean, you must've known each other like, forever, you each know each other's secrets, you've probably been embarressed by the other more than once in your life, and perhaps you've looked to each other for guidance. Hmm....wait a sec. Aren't all of those qualities signs of someone you can trust, someone who you enjoy being around?
Just because your current relationship doesn't feel that it can allow for the change to a dating relationship, doesn't necessarily mean that it CANT allow for that change. Perhaps a dating relationship is the next step for you two, and maybe perhaps it isn't; I don't pretend to know either of you at all, and I don't claim to be an expert on this. However, there is nothing wrong with giving it a chance; a chance to grow into something that maybe you've never dreamed could ever happen. And if it isn't the right thing, now both of you are absolutely SURE that you're meant to just be friends, and he isn't put out because you rejected him.
- Jul 27, 2008
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Yeah elvish, Thats true. But that wont happen becuz, she doesnt find him ATTRACTIVE. Or, the lesser possible option, shes afraid of when their relationship it will remain no friendship.
But i really think she finds him Bad looking or something.
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- Jul 27, 2008
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To be honest you'd better not want him because he's ugly or something. Nothing makes a guy feel more like crap when they realize they are in the "friend zone". It's like hearing "I want to date someone EXACTLY like you... just not you."
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- Jul 27, 2008
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Yes, shoujo. Exactly.....
that just happened to me recently. A bit different thought. Im not going to enter in details.
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- Jul 27, 2008
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I always give out the same advice each time, but I must stress that if he's gonna not be your friend just cuz you reject him, he's NOT a good friend in the first place. I mean, gee! Imagine if you DID date him... D:!
Seriously, tell it to him in plain words. Be direct. Seriously. You be nice and sugar coat things and they might think you like 'em ;) [Disclaimer: in the scenario that a guy is chasing after a girl, he will think he's in with a chance <-- really bad things can happen depending on who he is, speaking from personal experience]Y'gotta be mean (ish) for once. Just once XD
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You should tell it to him nicely since you are both close. Im sure he'll understand.
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- Jul 27, 2008
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I suppose these other arguments have some logic to them, but still, if the reason truly is that she doesnt find him attractive, Carlozzzbr's idea, that also is not absolute. Ill tell this quickly cause no one wants to hear personal anecdotes.
My previous girlfriend certainly was not the most beautiful girl in my school. In fact, there were several other girls that I felt more physically attracted to than her, yet I asked this girl out instead of them. I suppose in some way, at the time I asked her out, I was attracted to her, or else I never would have bothered to ask. But as time went on, I felt she was becoming more beautiful by the day. I don't know how it happened exactly, we only dated for maybe a year, she didn't change her clothing style or makeup or hairstyle. Heck, her personality didn't drastically change either. I just felt closer to her, felt she was more beautiful, as time passed. Yea, it was tough when we broke up, but it was her choice, and I respected that...however unreasonable it seemed to me. She's still my friend, but yea, it is pretty hard to readjust to a normal friendship after you've dated someone in the true sense of the word.
Just know that it is possible to become more attracted to someone as time passes.
- Jul 28, 2008
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Quote by shoujoboyNothing makes a guy feel more like crap when they realize they are in the "friend zone". It's like hearing "I want to date someone EXACTLY like you... just not you."
Is that so? Well I dont know about other guys but I dont really understand what's so bad about being rejected with the excuse of friendship
I mean it would be hard to get too romantic with someone who've been a close friend for a while
but then again..... love is not just romance and all that.....Love has become so shallow..... or maybe it was always shallow
the so called "love" these days just seem like lust for the opposite gender.....Anyway I'd say reject him straight forward and treat him like you usually do and if he has a problem with that, I'd say he only cared about his desires which i'd say he never really had much feelings for you but just prurience given off from dumb teenage hormone
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- Jul 28, 2008
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Thanks for the imput guys
well right now, my friend and I are in a major fight. He's upset with me because I told him that someone else is gonna be driving me home from school (and that someone else happens to be someone that I really really really like)Well, for one, I'm not physcially attracted to him (I must sound really shallow :() but I think in order for a relationship to work, you have to have SOME, even just a little, physical attraction. It's human nature.
And personally, I don't think I'd consider dating a guy that I'm just friends with. When I meet a guy and make a predetermination that I'm just going to be friends with him, I tend to stick with it.
Anyway, when we both cool down and think we can start acting civlly to each other, I'll try to break it to him. But knowing him, he would probably just be like, "Oh you like me, you just don't know it yet." wtf? Am I not capable of deciding who I like?
merged: 07-28-2008 ~ 09:56pm
Quote by vatican92
Is that so? Well I dont know about other guys but I dont really understand what's so bad about being rejected with the excuse of friendship
I know right? He and I get along great as friends. If we were to go out, I would just be like, "Ewww, this is like incest o.0"
- Jul 28, 2008
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Quote by kuroimisaI always give out the same advice each time, but I must stress that if he's gonna not be your friend just cuz you reject him, he's NOT a good friend in the first place. I mean, gee! Imagine if you DID date him... D:!
Y'gotta be mean (ish) for once. Just once XD
Hes not a good friend? Lol. Ur not thinking on his side. If hes still infatuated with her, he will get himself hurt every time he sees her with an other guy, every time she comes and say hes only a friend, and sometimes even when they see each other.
(about pinaylily)
If the guy really will say: "Oh you like me, you just don't know it yet." Then the guy is really dumb, im sorry to say.And see, i was right about the fact u arent physcially attracted to him, or in oder words, u find him bad looking.
I guess that this fact is 95% the reason not u to date him, am I wrong?- Currently watching: Neon Genesis Evangelion, K-On!
- Jul 28, 2008
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ahaha you have the exact same problem as me! (well, almost)>.<
i can't really give you any good advice though cos i've seemingly run away from my problem too... cos now the guy is being all kid-like and pushing everything aside and ignoring me and the problem so i've run away from it too.
but maybe you should leave him alone for awhile, maybe things will work out just fine? if it helps, you could avoid him or something or get your friends who know him to talk to him. zzz that's what i tried to do but sadly, failed.
haha i totally understand your feeling of incest too.. >.<
- Jul 28, 2008
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I have been in this position before and there is no simple way to put it. You have to tell him straight that you are not interested in him as anything more than a friend. And good luck with that because even then some guys wont take the hint to back off until you back off and limit your connection for a bit.
- Aug 07, 2008
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well i am a guy and i fell in love with my best and closet friend. She told be that she dosent like me and just think of me as a best friend kind of thing. As of now i still like her but since i told her that she just ignored me kinda hard to stand hurts everytime and wen i see her around boys i get jealous... Naturally i started avioding her but wen i see or hear her voice i cant turn away. So when my friend tell me that she is near i just hurry the way out... now
- Aug 08, 2008
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I had that problem a lot whenever I was in my school years. What I do is that I pretend that I don't know that he likes me and give him big BOLD hints to tell him that I don't like him, only as a friend. Because the more you're friends, he'll get used to you not wanting him to be his girl and then he'll give up and move on. (Its funny though, cuz after they move on, they always seems to move after my best friend. Maybe its cuz we look alike.) Haha.
- Sep 24, 2008
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Quote by pinaylilyThanks for the imput guys
well right now, my friend and I are in a major fight. He's upset with me because I told him that someone else is gonna be driving me home from school (and that someone else happens to be someone that I really really really like)Well, for one, I'm not physcially attracted to him (I must sound really shallow :() but I think in order for a relationship to work, you have to have SOME, even just a little, physical attraction. It's human nature.
And personally, I don't think I'd consider dating a guy that I'm just friends with. When I meet a guy and make a predetermination that I'm just going to be friends with him, I tend to stick with it.
Anyway, when we both cool down and think we can start acting civlly to each other, I'll try to break it to him. But knowing him, he would probably just be like, "Oh you like me, you just don't know it yet." wtf? Am I not capable of deciding who I like?
Well, if your friend says that he is an idiot. That's like, complete denial of the situation he would be in, lol. (no offence though) Anyway, when everything cools down, I would say being blunt with him is alot better then letting him persue you. Just be blunt, but don't sound like a jerk. "Sorry, but I don't like you anything more then a friend and we will not go beyond the point of friendship." Or whatever you feel you need to say. But if he does say that you like him, and you just don't know it yet. I would say, be harsher with him, but still don't say anything that will really hurt him, and break your friendship with him. :\
That's what I would do anyway, but who knows. I may be wrong. >_>
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- Sep 26, 2008
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Pinay take my words to heart. A relationship has one goal that a lot of people seem to have forgotten over time. To find someone who will love you for who you are not what you are on the outside, but what you are on the inside. They will in the end be your best friend and the person who should know you better then anyone. I've dated friends before and sometimes it has ended with our friendship being over, but in those cases it was for the best and then there are those that have become some of my greatest friendships. Pinay if you want to find someone wno will trully be there for you then look for someone who will be a best friend and someone who you can grow with because on the inside we are all the same and beauty doesn't last.
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- Oct 11, 2008
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ZeinzuKun
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Something like that happened to me... I have a very close friend of mine. I almost spend time most with her and as time goes by, I didn't know that she has a crush on me. After finding out what's going on, I avoid her everytime I see her. And the result? Our friendship got destroyed... Don't imitate me... Don't run, face it. Better tell him one on one what you think of him. That's my advice.
No really~! I'm innocent~!
- Oct 16, 2008
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You should jsut tell the person the truth and explain it to him your reasons why etc. it is the only way to me to do it.
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- Nov 03, 2008
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may be he is a good man ,try to close him
- Nov 23, 2008
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There's 2 choices. 1. U can try to get to know him and overlook the big brother persona. 2. U can sit him down and explain how u feel about him and make him understand, but just take it easy on him for he might be the sensitive type.
- Dec 04, 2008
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Just tell him the truth and talk to him and say it won't hurt your friendship.
- Dec 04, 2008
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Tell him straight to his face. "i see you like my brother." then he'll definitely get the hint
- Dec 05, 2008
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