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Which comes first: your career or starting a family?

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melymay

melymay

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What matters most to you? Getting your career going or having a family?

I'm 15, yet it's been a question that's been popping into my thoughts constantly. What should really matter?

First there's the job; getting the occupation you want. That usually means going through several years of university/college and possibly training. I want to be a surgeon. That's taking Medicine, and apparently college or some kind of training. The whole school-after-high-school thing has got me confused and kind of frustrated. I don't really know what exactly I'm going to to after I graduate o_O

Second, the family. Of course, I'd like to have my own. I want to settle down and have a bunch of kids. I want to be fairly young when I have children. I want to be able to run around with them as they get older. But to support a family I need a job.

The family and the career thing clash. All because there are so many things to do in such a short amount of time. I don't think I can go through all those years of studying and still expect to be kind of fertile after.

It's depressing. Right now, I think I'm bending towards career and adopting children.

~~~

Thank you to everyone that replied to this thread.

But there's one thing that I've tried to say, but the likeliness of my later comment to be read doesn't seem to be very high.

Many of you are saying that I should choose career. I know career comes first. All I'm really worried about is - when I finally have the job - will I even be able to have kids? 30-ish seems kind of old.

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XRW175P6MQ4

XRW175P6MQ4

Destroyer of threads.

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Well forget medical school thats eight years of your life down the drain. I hear you basically have to eat, breath and live med school so...yeah not fun.

Thanks to a little thing called degree inflation you are going to need a college education just to get a decent job. Even workers for the electric company have to have a degree to go up those stupid wooden poles.

I recommend getting a degree in math, science, maybe engineering to. Pharmacy school is good to. Do not get a degree in anything artsy, like theater, english, history etc. Those are worthless unless you want to teach. Also psychology is dumb unless you want to go 4 more years and get PhD to be a psychologist.

Always remember Murphy's Law. It is the one truth in the universe. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. If you skip school and have a family the father can just leave you with nothing but 10 kids and a second mortgage.

Oh just read the last sentence....there's plenty of kids people don't want so adoption is a good idea (crud even the ones that were on purpose can become unwanted overtime). You can even hang around local highschools and you will have plenty of adoption opportunities.

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I think getting a career comes first, because I wouldn't want my kids growing up in a bad enviroment.

Akaiken

Akaiken

Ike, Fin Funnel!

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Getting a career comes first (if you really want to settle down on your own). Of course, being stable is better than having a family without some savings. ;)

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Im 24, and i am in the middle of taking an engineering degree, and i can easily tell you that if you wish to be able to support your family, and live a decent life, getting a degree first is not a bad idea.
I will also have to disagree with XRW175P6MQ4, if you wish to get a medical degree, or become a surgeon, it is not a bad goal, but it is very hard work. to get there you need to really want it, and at the same time have really good grades. if you think you can live and breathe for a medical degree go for it.
Humanitarian (language, history, etc. ) college degrees and becoming a teacher thereafter is not a waste, there is going to be needed a lot of teachers in the future, and if you wish to have an influence on the young minds of the future, there is no better way to go.
as for the part of children, i will personally try to get my degree first, even though i am going to be nearing the 30's before i'm done.
however if i find the right one to have kids with, while i am studying for my degree, i wouldn't be scared of doing it. i would still try to finish my degree though, so that i can more than just support a family, but actually live a decent life as such.
kids are a hard work, and are going to take a lot of your time, and letting them grow up in the right neighbourhood, are what i would want for my own children.

norine07

norine07

사랑해? 복라요...

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well i'm 16, and people often ask if i would rather get a career or start a family. I would always answer career. why start a family so early when you don't even know how to look after yourself well. i mean like if you yourself dun get a career and start a family what would you do after? you don't even have the means of helping them. Like in financial and education wise.

Financial because if you start a family you definitely need money to look after them right? without the money to do so how can you provide for the family right? as for education, how can you help you kids learn and experience things that you yourself have yet to experience. Right? In my opinion, that is what i think.

yes it may be a long while to finish your entire course of education. but it's better to be stable than unstable. having a family is never easy. You have to manage your time really well, look after your family, look after the house. You needs and wants. Sometimes you have to even sacrifice things that you really one in order for family.

but if you chose to start a family, you have to be really hardworking be eager to learn and do it well. making a mistake is alright but hopefully the children will not follow like bad habits. Keep away all bad habits! and that is very important. if your rude to them they will be rude to you. you are their role models. if your parents are bad, they will follow. it's never easy, as i see it.

also if you start a family, your freedom will be gone, you have to settle down. you cannot have fun and everything. it's really very restricting. you might want to travel the world before settling down, of course you can go with your family and everything. but somethings when your with other people you see things, and many even learn more things.

so it's either you sacrifice or not. being a surgeon is not easy there are many stages to the whole process. you have to complete many many courses of training to be a surgeon. let say if you take another course many it only take 5 more years. but if you want to be a surgeon it would take like 9 more years. yes it's never easy! but your hardworking so go for it~

as for me i have no idea what i wanna do yet, maybe a banker, a business lady? a dancer? a singer? i have yet to decide. but whatever it is dun worry too much about it. of course you have to have ambitions in life but let the decisions come when needed. fore thinking is good but sometimes it makes you think so much. let your own future be told. dun think so much about the future but the present~ ^-^

hope that helps. but it's up to you to decide in all! good luck! ^-^

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melymay

melymay

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The only thing that's really stressing me out about starting a family is that woman only have so long to even be able to have children. I mean were pretty fertile up to about our mid 30's. After that we just bleed every month, and get really b.tchy until after menopause.

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angelxxuan

angelxxuan

anmoku no shounin

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hmm I'm nearly 30, never dated, never been with anyone in that way ^_^ and I don't have any kids, for me it was career all the way, now that I have one I'm starting to "have a life" ^_^ but that's what I did you can take some of that and run with it, I mean not even dating could be a bit extreme for some but I felt it would get in my way ^_^

ada wa on de bouzyo

carlozzzzbr

carlozzzzbr

struggling to a warm future

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career comes first. But u can have a career while u have ONE girlfriend.

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Career first because you wouldn't want to start a family that's not financially secured and not having time to achieve your dreams.

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now here's a question for those having a relationship while studying: if you made your girlfriend pregnant during the time both of you are still studying, would you then get the child if she was willing to have it, or would you prefer she had an abortion?
same question to the girls: would you have the child if your boyfriend made you pregnant ------ would you then have the child, if he was willing to be father to it?

RewYnd

RewYnd

Still Waiting...

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For me it would be career... Because I've seen families struggle with money and being stable (especially with the economy)

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Career First. It is better to start your family off with a stable and secure environment rather than running everywhere looking for a job while raising your children.

melymay

melymay

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Here's something to keep in mind though. Isn't having a family mean facing and getting through hard times together? It's what builds that bond, no? A family struggles and gets through things together, isn't that the beauty of it?

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A snow ball will hit you today in the form of ingenuity and peace crumpled in hard ice.

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money is not everything but you need money establish a semblance of happiness.
As for me i'm going to med school cause i like anatomy.
most of the time girls are shallow and want a guy to support them.
those who are younger think everything works out with pure love.
thats not reality, grow up.

Tenin

Tenin

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hmmm i understand ur problem. i was actually thinking about that too. i didn't want to be that old creeper with a thirteen year old kid. but still i came to the conclusion of getting the perfect job first. im pretty young to be a sophmore( i just turned fifteen two weeks ago) so if i do four years of college i'll be around 21 or 22. if my wife has a kid the year i graduate, i would all ready have the job i want and by the time my kid is 15, i'll be at least 37 and thats not that bad.

Why is it always the uncle...

selemental

selemental

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CAREER!

*yells while flipping tables*

Having a family is easy! People can get pregnant in less than a minute. :p

But starting a career takes time! Of course it's more important and comes first!

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I have to agree with Sel Career really should come first. My dream Career is to be an author so for my part it is easy, but those that want to be doctors and such have a long time in college and training.

yothsothgoth

yothsothgoth

You came along and cut me loose

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Its up to you. Humm.. I'm getting married in less than a month now. Life seems to be flashing before my eyes. I think things depend on what's going on in your life now. If you have someone you love and you're going to get married, you may want to try to keep with your career before kids come along. If you're alone and you want to try to have a career before getting married and having kids, go for it.

Just know that you and your spouse come before anything else. You both have to make decisions on these things together. Say, like me.... he and I don't want to have kids for maybe 5 more years if we can help it. I'm 25... and I didn't want to have kids before I met him... since I did, I've warmed up to the idea. I personally don't want kids now, but might later and I won't dismiss the possibility of having them. He wants kids (about 2), but he wants more time with me before we have to share our time with kids.

BTW: A family is something that demands A LOT of your time. You may have to sacrifice things in order to have a good home life. Careers can become a focal point in your life and if you have both... one will win... the career - destroying your relationship with your husband possibly and not having time with your children... or the family - relinquishing your hope for a career right now, possibly postponing it until later or until the kids are grown.

You have plenty of time to decide things. Really. ^^
I, on the other hand have to discuss this now... otherwise my marriage will be rocky... and I DON'T WANT THAT! U_U I love him and want him to be happy and he wants the same for me... so, we're compromising. ^^ So, things have to be spoken about if you're involving someone else in your life. If its just you... do what you want to do.

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:
What is important to you?
Who is important to you?
What sacrifices might need to be made to be happy in your decision?

merged: 10-10-2008 ~ 11:49pm
Whatever your choice, I hope you have a wonderful life. :D

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you do not have to think deeply i am second year in dentidtry and i think when i begin the fifth year i have to be engaged that is all in my society if you want to Marriage you most have a house and work it is a little hard to live

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Well, I'm 14, and I've pretty much decided I don't want to have kids, nor get married. I would just hate having those chains around me, you know? I mean, I'm not thinking of joining a motorcycle gang or anything, but I wanna have the freedom to fly across the country and go to San Francisco for one day, then fly back the next day, which I doubt will go over well with a wife/kids. Also, when you think about it, if one guy's job can support a family of 6 comfortably, think of what it can do for a family of 1?!?! But if you want to have kids, I can understand that. But you definitely wanna grab a parachute before you jump off the plane. If your kids get the wrong upbringing, that money would go to waste if they go and kill themselves, get killed, or kill somebody else and go to jail. Nobody wants to be the mother of a serial killer (I wonder what mothers of serial killers did...?).

Final note, try to avoid medicine. My dad is a radiologist, meaning he looks at x-rays and figures out what's wrong with people. Hospitals are so pressed to make a profit that he has to look at 1 person in 4 different lights on 4 different monitors every 30 seconds. Now you wonder why so many people die of cancer? My dad stays after, because he cares about letting people live and die. His colleagues go home early. My dad has spotted 3 tumors they have missed, so far. The thing is, the radiologist doesn't see the patient...ever. All they see is a specific part of their body for 30 seconds, and then they're done with it. Anyways, try not to go into medicine until (assuming ur in the US) we get universal health insurance. If you live in any other country, go for it. Just know what ur getting urself into.

davidh01

davidh01

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There's some interesting discussion coming up in this thread. In my case I'm in my mid-30's, single, not married, no kids. I've been focusing solely on my very successful career and life's experiences since leaving university. Do I regret it? Absolutely not - I'm enjoying my career and the challenges that come with it. Do I want to settle down with a wife and kids? Not in the foreseeable future.

My advice? Follow what you want to do but be certain enough to choose a direction that you won't regret. Wavering and flip-flopping isn't helpful. Your future can be changed if things don't work out perfectly, but you have to stick to what you believe in. If you're aiming high, go for it and give it your best shot if that's what you think you'll be happy doing. I've seen too many people aim for mediocrity and achieve that without too much effort, and then regret their lost potential. Good luck in your future, whatever way you choose to make it.

kyubichan

kyubichan

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Career first, family later. Especially for women, since some guys tend to be total -insert bad word here- and just get a girl pregnant, then go on their way; you yourself have to be secure, financially, physically and emotionally, before you have kids... don't just depend on a guy that can provide for you and your future kids. I don't have a problem with my relationship now because my fiance and I both do not want kids, and would rather settle down together while focusing on our careers. Perhaps our minds will change in the future and we'll decide to have kids, but that's not happening any time soon.

When choosing a career, ask yourself two things:

1. What course/job would I like?
2. Is it practical?

For the course that you want, I'd suggest checking any family connections first (i.e. if anyone can help you get a job after you graduate, since it'll be much easier that way) and if it's actually a good-paying job in your country.

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Definitely career. I believe that without a career, and no stable income, starting a family is just an uneccessary strain and everyone suffers.

Having a career is a prerequisite to starting a successful family for me.

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