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I'm being Torn In Two...

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I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. It's going great but our friend (who is a girl) is tearing us apart. She acts like I'm taking her away from him and when i confront her about she acts like it's my fault. And when me in my boyfriend get in a fight he runs to her instead of working it out with me. And she runs to him instead of making it work out with me when we get in fights. Should i leave my boyfriend and my friendship? I've tried to work it out alot of times but nothings working. We don't fight all the time but lately the fights have been getting worse and i don't think any three of us will ever be able trust each other if things don't change.

Fight for the love you dream of
Fight for the love you want
Fight for all you believe in
Fight til your strength is gone

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You don't need selfish people who obviously don't consider your feelings in your life. You're still young, so find some new friends who'll actually treat you like one. Who knows? They might both come around if you show them that you won't take any of their angsty crap. Move on, girl!

Faffy09

Faffy09

Flyin with tha fishes!

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Becky, I think wat you need to do is get the two of them to sit down and talk with you togeather. And hopefully it will work out. And if u need me to, i will help as best i can. by either just being ur backup when yall are talkin, or sendin me behind tha scenes to work this out without u havin to do anything. but i see it too. and i understand

Today we'll break all the rules and be COLORFUL!

Rue-chan

Rue-chan

The Black Witch

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First off Beca chan, long time no see! I am glad to see you even if its in a forum.
That said, I am sad that you are going through all this trouble.

I kinda had the same problem with some girl blaming me for having taken away her guy, unfortunately however, the similarities end there. Not to make u feel worse but i had the guy's support ( i mean my bf ). But trust me, that's the only reason why he still there with me, else id have left him.

I dont want to be someone's second choice and am sure you dont eiher..? So then, ask him straight, can he or can he not kick her out. That includes, not entertaining her when she comes to him nor going to her when he fights with you.

Now one thing is for sure you cant have both, ur friendship has to end if you want love. its always mostly like that between close people.. and trust its worth giving up ur friend, after all, someone who tries to break you two up isnt worth being called a friend anyway. Besides, friends may come and go except in rare cases but he might stay forever. So this choice should be easy enough...

However... Is he worth staying for? If he isnt gonna make u Top priority then why should you? Get that straight with him, so talk to him. If he thinks he can ..then forget the friend. He's urs and no one else matters anyway. ul see.

and the fights will be there, its nothing to do with u guys feelings ... its just the tension.. I was lucky my BF is a calm sorta guy, but I Explode so.. it was bad but not too bad... even when there is the shadow of a doubt things wont be fine. So to be happy you gotta sort it out... you might even have to be unhappy first.... but..

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Gamefreak91

Gamefreak91

Challenger of Games

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It seems they're comfortable with each other, possibly starting a relationship with each other. If they won't tell u about their feelings, u can try to trick them by telling each of them to meet u somewhere at the the exact same time so u can gather them together to talk about what's going on wit u n the 2 of them. By the sound of other people, u seem like a nice person n deserve to what's going on.

mechanical-angel

mechanical-angel

Liki (from HCI debate) fangirl.

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i agree with everyone that's posted, go talk to the both of them. you need to sort it out. but ultimately it may come to the point where it's one or the other, or you lose both. but anyway, good luck and all the best!

"Stand back, you're useless on rainy days." - Riza [Full metal alchemist]

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good that you are trying to sort things out first before doing anything rash

yup i totally agree with those that have answered that you, your boyfriend and your friend should sit down and talk things out

but before that i think u should ask your boyfriend what he wants
that's better than dragging things
worsening your friendship and wasting your time [or everyone's]
then after a long time u guys start regretting the actions you have all taken

relationship comes and goes what
you can always find another one though before that you will feel a bit of pain

good luck

Faffy09

Faffy09

Flyin with tha fishes!

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oh becky, im so glad everything workd out for tha best! n look! So many people care so much! and they give such great advice too!

Today we'll break all the rules and be COLORFUL!

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Yeah. They do care. Thank you so much everyone for your help and support.

Fight for the love you dream of
Fight for the love you want
Fight for all you believe in
Fight til your strength is gone

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i am sorry to hear about your situation :(. it is a pretty difficult position though unfortunately the only solution i know is for you to make yet another sacrifice, though i believe it may help. it is time for you to tell them how you feel, directly, don't be judgmental and accusing. just tell your friend that even though she may feel like you are taking him away or wte she was saying, tell her that that was not your intention and that you didnt mean to hurt her. talk to your bf about the reasons youve been fighting, tell him how you've been feeling and also apologize for what you may have done that wasnt very rational or sympathetic. keep these talks short and direct but communicate the things you need to. dont let your emotions go out of control even though its an emotional topic. also be patient with them, cuz they may be angry or upset that they may not be quickly willing to listen. now the sacrifice. after making your feelings and thoughts heard tell that they are both important people to you and that it was not in your intention to hurt either of them and that this is all you have left to say, tell them that how things will work out from now on will be up to them because you have done what you can and will continue to try your best to do what you need to.
reason i am suggesting this is cuz, from what i see in fights one side has to first give up control of the situation, give up pride or wte before they can be heard properly, and to do that you should do the apologizing first which then makes it a good position for you to also interject how you have been feeling. then after than, give them the control of the situation, tell them that they mean alot to you but you cant force them to believe or feel what you want them to so you will leave it up to them.
what makes this hard is that after youve said this, you have to take the passive stance for awhile, you just go with the flow, go with their pace and not be aggressive. keep taking the crap if the crap keeps coming to show them that you are making an effort, but if it reaches a point where they are still going, you should have realised by then that it is pointless and that you should leave the relationship with both of tthem cuz, youve tried what you can and taken hits more than you should and you deserve better.
I am really hoping that i am of some help to your situation :) feel free to contact me again if ever you feel the need to.

FatalB

FatalB

Tech support

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i will not give advice in love, mostly cause every situation is unique and there is no advice that's standard really.

the best i can say is if you really love the person, you have to trust them, that's what love is.

if you love someone but don't trust them, then it becomes more of a obssesive/possesive type of thing, this has happened to me once.

if it's the same as my situation i can speak from his point of veiw somewhat.

about 4 years ago i started dating someone, naturally this meant we would be spending more time together. some of my friends (one in particular... who happens to be a girl) felt i was spending to much time with her, claiming i was being sucubus'd (this is in reference to a southpark episode).

this one girl i knew did the same thing your friend is doing, she tried to come between us and force us apart. i did'nt really notice at first, but exactly the same way as you the fighting started.

it always seemed when we fought, no matter what the subject, it always ended up with her accusing me of being unfaithful. not trusting someone is the worst thing you could do. and yes sometimes i would go to my friends house and she would talk with me.

it was to late for me and her, i finally had enough and left.

but if it's not to late for you, take both your friends, sit down and talk with them. tell them how you feel, cause for a guy especially, we don't understand why we can't hang around other women..seriously we cant.

please be easy on him, cause if he's anything like me, he is just really confused and wish's he could understand you better. for some guys (like me) you have to be very direct and explain everything very slowly.

sorry for the long reply, this topic just really hits home.

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I want my world painted black...
....in a good way.

starfixxxer

starfixxxer

Vengeance

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let him go... he doesn't deserve you ...nor you him

and here's something to make you feel... better ^_^'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-Jrdefn4L0

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free."

xANNAxBANANAX3

we like cookies too!

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If you think you will regret breaking up, talk to him tell him how you feel. If the stress is too much I say break up. If he does not care about your feelings you know the correct answer. Tell your friend (girl) that you’re his girlfriend and that she comes second. But along as she has other friends this should not be a problem. Does she like him too? Tell your boyfriend to get organized, make time for friends and girlfriends. Everyone does it, so can he can do it too.

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maybe you friend has feelings for the dude you are going out with, but you know what i'm a bit confused so i am going to go now

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well should leave him, take it this way.. u can stay with him, but can u handle it? u will get real insecure of this relationship+ur friendship..
u deserve better person than this...

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He wasn't your boyfriend in the first place.... Just act normally when you see them, and find another boyfriend.

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