I don't know what to do anymore, please help...

page 1 of 1 19 total items

Devildude

Devildude

- Alstroemeria Records -

Cancel

Ok, after some after thought, to ask for some decent opinions, this is what happened.

It began about 5 years ago, when mom suddenly riled up something claimed she saw a phone number being dialed through the telephone bill monthly repeatedly belonging (supposedly) to a female person.

This female person is a friend, back then, she was okay with it, having female friends and what's not. After brief inquiry, mom seemed to have been satisfied with the explanation and left it as such. Approx a month after what happened, she came down with a sickness which can only be so well be explained as 'neurotic disorder and schizophrenic paranoia' which doctors have prescribed some relaxants as the cure-all for her condition thanks to malpractice.

Now whether or not that cured her remained to be questioned. During this time we visited her every single day, at multiple times, needless to say being away from dad seemed to have only fueled her paranoia and it was at this stage she first began to confide to the eldest of my sisters that she heard things. Dismissing her as being paranoid, my sister was eager to help her go through this, and helped her indeed she has by doing what a good daughter would and confront dad on a potential affair.

Dad of course, never had any, I mean, would you have any if you spend all the time you can and stay by her side when she gets sick? No, you can't, you can only be in 1 place at 1 time. However, such an explanation did not work and it only bolstered her accusations by giving her 'he is denying things, please investigate' and sis did, trailing my dad whenever he goes out, and acts as a chaperon of sorts, needless to say nothing was ever found.

Fast forward a year or two, and now we are where I got involved, I was slowly re-attached to my family after my violent streak, it was circa my high school years in 2002 or so, so it wasn't easy, remember I had a juvie record and I was in jail before.

After jail I took all sorts of routes, and I was very removed from my parents until about 3 years ago, or 5 since I am aware of the situation now. I was confided upon and during these two years a new person came in play. My dad met a female companion with a female child of 15 or 16 or so at his usual breakfast place, which is Coffee Beans. He goes there every morning, with or without mom, needless to say this condition of hers only began to truly deteriorate at this stage and she began to hear her schizophrenic insider informing her of various things they DID NOT do. (she doesn't know at this point that I was aware)

At first, knowing her condition, dad did what he did, and for the last 2 years, he has bended over backwards to answer to all these requests, starting with 'you should go there less often', to 'you shouldn't go there', to 'please don't see them anymore' to 'DON'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THEM, HATE THEM FOR ALL YOU GOT IF YOU LOVE ME, IF YOU TRULY LOVE ME, HATE THEM!' when in fact, this mother and child who has been frequent visitors to the Coffee Beans only go there because they are fairly well to do and can afford gourmet breakfast at an international chain of coffee stores and because they like dad, like the place and the atmosphere.

Knowing this, I quickly consoled her, but whatever it was these two years I did, and we did as a family with the aid of my sisters whom are both older than I am, I have seen no result, and it has gotten worse with her neurotic disease now consuming her every fiber of being of any logic, any common sense.

It was since about last year when she first threatened to commit suicide, and it was a shock, but it was glad we managed to grab her home before extending a curfew on her (enforced by myself despite my unwilling involvement) to stop her from attempting any dangerous acts. She was asked to see a shrink, but it was as before, only the aesthetics of a treatment was given, drugs were all placebos and relaxants. You can't cure depression, paranoia and schizophrenia, you have to heal them from the heart and trust me I and my sisters have done all that we can to aid her in whatever fashion we could.

Many people have thus far, by friendship of rather deeply involved levels, such as (surprise surprise) Cassie, my sisters, my cousin (whom I am now with in Thailand) and even the auntie and uncle who raised me since I was a child of 2 months old born, have aided her. We listened, we tried to ask her to provide evidence, we have sought all sorts of help and I swear to God, even God has evaded all means of help.

We have went to mediums, shamans, doctors and wise men, we have seen books, identified with doctors and psychs, but whatever it was, it was no use. At this stage, only recently, she has almost cracked her head open with slamming herself to the wooden cabinet, and it was scary as hell.

Know that she isn't crazy, she is able to be in logical thought, she could cook, as she can enjoy a good movie now. However, when this personality flares up inside her she has become a demon capable of destroying her own being and she will live to regret it.

As of most recent, she has been speaking of moving out, but we all know that is not possible. She has never worked before and all her money is directly by all banking common sense, belongs to dad.
Dad has tried all that he can to help her, he has been a patient man, taking every single insult a man's dignity can endure.

Dad is near the breaking point and now the boiling point is near.

Now I know this is nothing that MT can sought out to help on, I probably am just being an actual attention whore so forgive me, it is just that this is so hard on me I am beginning to break. I have never shed a tear since I reached puberty, not even when I was about to die on an operation table with a screwdriver stabbed into me. I don't know how strong I can remain, I don't know if I am doing the right thing.

At current, me and my sisters are heavily convinced that having her locked up in an asylum is the last resort.

I know how it feels to be hated, but never have I seen her eyes hate me this much and this happens a month ago while I was at home. She hates her flesh and blood... she hates me and today as I spoke to her (via Skype), or at her, I swear I am trembling within. She thinks she is alone, she thinks everyone is her enemy and I am the biggest betrayer of all time...

I don't know how much more can I take.

I am logical, and that is my biggest sin, because to me the most logical step to take now, which is an effective court order to immediately restraint in front of us and behind her back, is my biggest step.

Please... all that I ask is that someone please, help agree with me, even with whatever strength you can give me in the form of forum postings, I need it.

I feel pathetic...

If it wasn't because I have avoided from asking any help until now, I just don't feel comfortable talking about it, but now that you know...

I am sorry, guys. I know I should not be posting all of this in this cheerful place, but I feel you should somehow be able to give whatever courage I somehow could gather. My relatives have abandoned us as well, nobody wants the trouble, I guess...

Click signature for my blog
Signature Image
The wind of destiny blows, and the descendant shall walk the earth once more...

maverickmechanic

maverickmechanic

Absurd Insanity

Cancel

Damn dude, that's quite a situation you're in. I know over here they prescribe anti-depressants and anti-psychotics for that kind of thing. Unfortunately, she could be genetically predisposed for this disorder in which case drugs are about the only avenue. If she's a danger to herself or other people, you may have no choice but to admit her into a mental hospital for treatment. I wish I could offer more help.

Signature ImageThere was glitter everywhere! It looked like somebody stabbed a pixie.
Roadie of .::DarK LeaF::.

  • Nov 11, 2009
Cancel

Hm - I never thought of it that way...if you hate yourself, you hate everyone who's connected to you.
You have a very...interesting situation. i'm sorry, but you're gonna have to keep this up for at least a little longer. Your mother has problems she has to sort out in her life, and you just have to encourage her to do that. Since you've probably already done this, I think this is the only thing you can still keep on doing. Sorry for not having any better advice, but live your life, mate. Go on a family holiday or something, to the mountains, with all your family.

  • Nov 11, 2009

Jason9811

Jason9811

Graphics Designer

Cancel

Hey man, I read all that. I can't really be in your situation because I've never had it happen to me before. Actually the only thing I can relate to is the near suicide I had when I was 12. I couldn't take people who were against me, having Hemophilia and doctors using me as a pincushion didn't help either. A human mind is...interesting. There are people who are very smart and those who are demented. Same case as people who are always optimistic and also depressed. You get both sides of the plate really and it can suck either way. Listen to me on this one, you need to consider yourself. You can't always look after your mom and dad mate, one day they won't be there for you and having a criminal record. My father had one for D.U.I and yet he doesn't take his time to get a pardon. He's a bipolar, he doesn't know when he's happy or depressed or even pissed off. That's the closest resemblance to what you're going through. It's hard having someone you want to keep but sometimes you can't do everything and you need to let it go. It's like a domino effect, they go crazy then you (and/or your family) will end up going crazy and cause problems for themselves. This is all I can tell you right now my friend. We've been buddies for actually I think over 3 or so years now. Way back, so heed my words and know, you need to think about yourself and your future. You tried your best and the only way to solve what you're going through, is to move on. I don't mean to be rude and I hope this doesn't make you feel angry at me, this is the only way I can do what I've done for my father and just let him do his own thing and consider more about me. It's sad, but it's my decision and it's yours too, no one can tell you more than yourself. Do what you think is right, think about it.

I hope all goes well, you can contact me on Skype I also have it. Just put my hotmail in there and you should find me, cheers.
~Jason

Signature
	Image

fireflywishes

Retired Moderator, Linguistics

fireflywishes

Calgon, take me away~!

Cancel

*hugs*

Wow, you've really gone through a lot haven't you? It's a situation that most of us will never truly understand, but you've done the best that you can. From that I've read, I think that having her spend some time in a facility where she can receive professional help would be the best thing for her (and your family) at this point in time. Even if she acts like she "hates" you, I don't think she really does. However, sometimes you've just got to do what you think is best for her (which may be something she doesn't want). From what I know of you around the site, I know you have the strength to do what is right and I wish you the best of luck Devildude. I can't do much (unfortunately), but if you ever need an open ear, my Inbox is always open (and I'm usually on MSN...)

Signature Image

Devildude

Devildude

- Alstroemeria Records -

Cancel

I dunno man, it was easier said than done.

My sisters listened for years and they now are shut off from her because they got tired.

I suppose it is my turn to do the things, but damn 3 years down the road and I feel I am hitting my limit. All these verbal accuses, all of them hurt me badly.

But thanks, whatever you have given me as advice, as encouragement, will help.
I guess I just need to be a bigger man and accept that not everyone can get happy families, it is sad however, they are married for 36 years now, it should be easy for her to understand that Dad has no extra-marital affairs, and if he did he would not have cared for her at all.

Yet, as it is, it seems my advice, my care for her has fallen on deaf ears and are rebuted with much misguided anger. *sigh...

Click signature for my blog
Signature Image
The wind of destiny blows, and the descendant shall walk the earth once more...

Jason9811

Jason9811

Graphics Designer

Cancel

Yes it's easier said than done but you have to realize it doesn't take a few days to just move. It takes some time, even with your mom giving all the bullcrap she gives out on you, remember what she's saying is really not her anymore. Your mom you once knew has been completely taken over by this problem. My families really broken apart though, so I can relate. My mom doesn't even love my dad anymore lol, it's all just needing a person so we can stabilize the house and live. It's gotten to that point where it's sad now. My dad loses it every so often but it's still the rare occasion. Though his seeming degrading intelligence is starting to dwindle he didn't even recognize the Christmas decorations in plain sight outside. You're right though, you need to be the bigger man about all this. Because you're really pulling yourself to a point where depression will literally kill you. So snap yourself out of it and work things out for yourself. Remember, one day you'll be on your own and you'll need to fend for your own. Watch yourself out there, world can be quite the challenge (if you make it that way).

Signature
	Image

Devildude

Devildude

- Alstroemeria Records -

Cancel

I have done what I have said I would do thus far.

We have contacted lawyers since yesterday despite being in another country to consort of the matter. It appears in Section 10 1(a) and (b) of the laws regarding seeking treatment through court order there is such a link as saying that when someone is posing danger to himself/herself through mental depressive states, one can order them to seek help at mental institutes.

I know my mom won't go willingly, and since yesterday, 4 faxes have confirmed there are lawyers willing to assist in the family matter, the most I can do now is just wait, and when the documents are done, I will give both of them one last chance to rekindle, or by the case, our family to mend.

I don't think it will however, my sisters as said, have stopped listening or cared.
As it is, I am alone and the only one taking all these insults that seem to get harsher and harsher.

Click signature for my blog
Signature Image
The wind of destiny blows, and the descendant shall walk the earth once more...

Jason9811

Jason9811

Graphics Designer

Cancel

Dude, I understand the words hurt but you got to stop getting depressed over it. She's not your mom anymore, if she has no control over her actions she's pretty much a different person. Harsh words or whatever words just makes you stronger and they shouldn't hurt you no matter who it is. So cheer up, if things continue at least there's the lawyers that will work something out.

Signature
	Image

samu02

Back to Basics

Cancel

I really don't know what to say when it comes to matters like this. So I'll just say what's on my mind. I think that, given the circumstances, you are going to do the right thing, and that letting her have professional help and care is for the best. It would be good for your mom, and it would be good for your family. It can heal you both. What your mom is doing isn't personal. Her anger and frustration isn't brought about by what you're doing but by what her mind is telling her, which of course, as you've said, isn't true and has no basis. This is not your fault. This not her fault. But this problem, based on what my brother has told me about mental disorders, is not going anywhere anytime soon. You'll have to deal with it, with her, and support her, all of you, through this. It's not easy, but it is the only thing that can help her and keep her connected to her family.

"If faced with a life or death situation, an average person would choose life; a hero also chooses life, just not for himself"
"Knowledge is Power. But Power unused accomplishes nothing"
[CENTER][IMG]http://www.nodiatis.com/pub/11.jpg[/IMG][/CENTER]

  • Nov 19, 2009
Cancel

Omigod... I'm so sorry, I don't know how I can help at all, but, I wish you and your family the best of luck. :(

Become one with Mother Russia, Y/Y? <3

  • Nov 24, 2009
Cancel

??????????????

Cancel

Here's one sentence of hope: " What did your heart say?"..
I know I might sound like a bitch, but then it's quite true..
Just follow what you think is right..
Hopefully this would help..

  • Nov 26, 2009

Devildude

Devildude

- Alstroemeria Records -

Cancel

However, with the recent state of developments she has calmed down significantly.
We have threatened to consort a lawyer in effect for a restraining order which will see her be taken to a mental hospital.
This may be sad, but there is no choice now.
As of now as we speak, my mother will be under a tough decision, if she still refuses to see the psychiatrist, and acts up violent being dangerous to her kin and herself, I have no choice but to contact the staff at the mental institute.

Know that this decision is not easy, that without all the encouraging messages to tell me I am right, (and some IRL especially thanking to His Eminence A. (name concealed)) the head monk of my Buddhist school of thought) who guided me with truthfulness. Though he does not agree with the method, he knows that the human mind can only so easily break.

In time, we will see.
If she refuses to help herself, then I can do nothing more. My mind cannot simply block out insults I am sorry, things like 'you are not my son' is not the sort of thing I can take repeatedly.

Click signature for my blog
Signature Image
The wind of destiny blows, and the descendant shall walk the earth once more...

Cancel

Our situations are so similar. Only thing is, my mother has been this way my entire life. And sometimes it's quite horrible. I can't offer much advice. When I was younger, it was very bad, even compared to now, when it's still pretty bad. Being told that I wasn't her daughter, hearing her say untrue and cruel, nasty things, over and over...She is so far gone, she has made a mess of my entire family. More than hurting herself, she hurts other people, and at times I have been and on occasion am still afraid of her. I won't go into specifics though...

I will tell you that she started showing more obvious signs of this "illness" when my older sister & brother were around 12. Maybe earlier. They are in their high-twenties now. She's been through it all -- Doctors, Medications, Religion, unconditional love. None of it works. All you can do is either stick with her through it all, or try to put her behind you. My mother has done horrible things, so my choice is already decided. It is impossible for you to be indifferent.

There will be times where she seems normal, especially in public, and even more so around doctors.
I don't even want to tell you what I think of this, but just be careful. Don't get your hopes up.

I wish you and your mother all the best. It sucks that other people have to experience what I have, because I would never wish it on anyone.

-beep beep-

Cornetvee

Cornetvee

~| LosT WiNgs |~

Cancel

i''m sorry you're going through this.. but you need to be strong aitez! and don't take what your mom says personally as i'm sure they're not intended.. yes, i do understand the pain you have to go through but don't give up! pray to God and ask for His guidance! it does help!

be strong!

Signature
	Image
~ If what letters tell are called stories, are unspoken words a dream? ~
Many tnx Milkysan for the wonderful siggy! ;)

  • Dec 16, 2009

mitchell

mitchell

Dragonfly789

Cancel

Jesus....and i thought i had problems. Mate, you have to be strong and get through this. Theres always a light at the end of the tunnel dont ever forget that!

Signature
	Image

Anime Currently Watching:- Haruhi Suzumiya - Dragonball Z - Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood
Games Currently Playing:- Final Fantasy IX/XIII - Star Ocean The Last Hope - Oblivion GOTY

xANNAxBANANAX3

we like cookies too!

Cancel

When you feel sad hug your family for support so you know you’re not alone. Love can be a powerful thing.

  • Dec 29, 2009

page 1 of 1 19 total items

Back to Love, Friends & Family | Active Threads | Forum Index

Only members can post replies, please register.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Read more.