immaturity and relationships

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eXDream2K5

eXDream2K5

the crazy band geek

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Normally, I don't post about stuff like this, but I need to vent and I'm also curious about others' opinions on the matter.

This morning, I found out that a really good friend from high school had been avoiding her fiance for days (possibly even weeks), and then, out of the blue, she left him a note this morning, telling him she didn't think it was going to work out between them and that they were over. She also told several people that they were over, except for her fiance, who obviously found out this morning. I'm appalled that she would even do that to her fiance, especially in such a manner. Understandably, her ex-fiance is very upset.

I haven't seen to my friend since Ohayocon in January due to being busy with work and school. However, we talk on the phone and over AIM a lot. Lately, though, she hasn't been talking to me, which is bothersome because I've always been the person she comes to when something's bothering her. The last time I spoke to her was two weeks ago, and we were talking about the preparations for the wedding. As such, I only have her ex-fiance's side of the story, and I have no idea this was going on.

To give some background on these two, the ex-fiance is 23, like I am, and my friend isn't yet 20. Obviously, my friend is really young, and most relationships at this age don't last very long. People who get married in their 20s rarely stay married. Also, they'd been friends for years, and then the ex-fiance decided to move from Tennessee to Ohio last spring to be with her because they'd gotten really close. They wound up moving in with another friend, who is a slob and an altogether TERRIBLE influence on my friend and has the type of personality that most people can only handle in small doses. My friend is also a hetero-romantic asexual (look it up, it does occur) and the ex-fiance is very much a heterosexual male. That would put a strain on any relationship.

It's been a year, and while I saw this coming, due to them living with a slob and them being so young and their respective sexual orientations, it caught me by complete surprise. Would you say their breakup was inevitable due to the aforementioned reasons, or do you have another theory? What would you do if you were in this sort of situation? I just ask that you keep your responses mature. This is a very sensitive subject and I would appreciate it if everyone would show some class.

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Cyren

The trapped Siren

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To be completely honest it continues to shock me that people do this to one another. Where I may not be in her situation I still cannot believe she would do this to that poor man. Influence or not she should not have done it in such a manner. She could have had the decency to speak to him. but a note? Was that all his love meant to her was a note? But then again I may not know the situation fully. I wish him luck in his recovery. As for me I would not have done it in such a way. This type of thing may have been very hard but I would have spoken to him in person. At least have given him a chance to say anything in retaliation or any sort of thing.

The Siren's Song is always Sad.

  • May 28, 2010
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I think it seems pretty inevitable, but that your friend should have known better than to start such a serious relationship if she didn't think it was going to work out.

"There are so many fragile things, after all. People break so easily, and so do dreams and hearts." -- Neil Gaiman.

  • Jun 20, 2010

assiah

assiah

first makes them mad

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It is appalling to think that a person is capable of doing such things to another -- and to someone considered not just a fiance but a friend. I don't mean to offend her or anything, but if she believed that it wasn't going to work out, she should have been honest with her fiance point-blank. Leaving a note is not only cowardly, but it is cruel. You said they were friends for a long time even before that, and I'd like to think that there was some empathy made with that much of a dear person.

As for the person they were living with, influence or not, she shouldn't have let herself be derailed so. Company doesn't excuse a person's actions. I pity the fiance, but I suppose she must have had some good reason. If it's because she's too young and she didn't want to marry or if she thought he wasn't good for her, then I agree with the first commenter. She should have told him face to face, and that way, it would have been probable to part ways with good relations.

"Though destinies may be thwarted, Fate is absolute."

  • Jun 21, 2010

MissBMoon

MissBMoon

Mangaholic

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First I would kick out that slob of the house! And I'm talking serious! Or I would have moved out.

It was immature of her part not telling him straight on the face that they were over, that leeks respect for each other -_-'

Everyone has differences, maybe it was to soon for them to move in together, because that can make the other one really stressfull by not having time alone or trying to not show flaws to your future husband/wife, or maybe you can't have your time like you had before you moved together to go out with friends because the other person will be woried that you arive reeeeeally late home and start to made up stories in their heads, not trusting one another, being too protective, jelousy... there are sooo many possible causes for the break up :S

I don't think that the age is at cause in the problem of why they broke up (even if the girl is older that him doesn't matter in love, I know what I'm talking because I'm two years older than my bf)

Try to know her version and tell us please.

Come to me vampire... I'm prepared

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yeah, why all the secrecy and hiding? it would just be easier if she just confront him and talk about it
it might take a better turn or it would not
at least it wouldn't leave two parties feeling hurt
thing you do you can't just abandon halfway, although its gone but it remains in our mind, and unsettling

  • Jul 05, 2010
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Quote by LauKongyeah, why all the secrecy and hiding? it would just be easier if she just confront him and talk about it
it might take a better turn or it would not
at least it wouldn't leave two parties feeling hurt
thing you do you can't just abandon halfway, although its gone but it remains in our mind, and unsettling

I guess she didn't have the courage to talk to him, otherwise she wouln't leave a note there and run off.

That was low, just leaving a note.. I'll leave more of my commentary out of this.

I guess it's a good idea to have a few days to yourself just to think things over, everything what happened and put it in order. It indeed might have been because they were living with another person instead of just with the two of them. But I guess it's all in the personality and possible problems in a relationship or events that lay in the past.

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You see, it's always easy to talk when we are in the third party's shoes. No matter how good we can understand the situation, there is no way we could interpret what is going on in her head that part of time.

  • Jul 30, 2010

eXDream2K5

eXDream2K5

the crazy band geek

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Quote by LauKongyeah, why all the secrecy and hiding? it would just be easier if she just confront him and talk about it
it might take a better turn or it would not
at least it wouldn't leave two parties feeling hurt
thing you do you can't just abandon halfway, although its gone but it remains in our mind, and unsettling

I don't know why she was so secretive and hid everything from everyone. It could be the influence of the roommate or her mother, neither of which are models of good human behavior.

The problem with your logic is that one party would be hurt. It's inevitable. And, sadly, it would always be the fiance being hurt, because he dropped his life in his hometown to move up here to be with here, and she just ended it.

Labels are for cans. I'm not a f*cking can.

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meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerf

  • Sep 16, 2010
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Your friends seriously needs to grow a backbone and had told her ex-fianc

  • Sep 26, 2010
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I agree that 20 can be a young age to marry, but even a 20 year old should have the kindness and decency to tell him herself that things aren't working out. The fact that she is acting weird like this means something is going on, and it is definitely not good if she isn't saying anything to you, her good friend. Sadly, in this sort of a situation, the best you can do is to be there for her, and to comfort her ex-fiance.

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