Grudges: Are they worth it?

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fireflywishes

Retired Moderator, Linguistics

fireflywishes

Calgon, take me away~!

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I'm sure we've all had those altercations with friends, or even strangers that result in this bad feeling in the pit of your stomach every time you see them, hear them, etc.

Hence, holding a grudge.

My question to you all-- Is it worth it? What is the purpose of a grudge? Does it help the situation or prolong it? Are there times when grudges are appropriate or warranted? Are they harmful?

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CyanideBlizzard

Retired Moderator

CyanideBlizzard

Margarita Time!

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Grudges are never worth it.

However, with even that in mind, I can't help but to feel in some cases while they may not be worth it they most certainly can be justified or warranted. Betrayal from a close friend, infidelity from a lover, things like this strike deep and strike a very personal part of us.

Using a more realistic example it's like dating a close friend, and then trying to go back to being friends. I've tried this three times and in all three cases I'm not longer close friends or really that good of friends, with either of the three individuals and in all sincerity it breaks my heart. Some of it was my own doing because of the circumstances, some of it just simply happened with no words shared or reason why, but it happened. Grudges, even if we don't mean to hold them, still end up looming around regardless and ultimately affect things from there after. Communication always breaks down, and eventually a rift forms further driving people apart until you don't talk to them again or once in a blue moon in a formal manner. Where things are just awkward and uncomfortable.

It's really a sad situation, and I also do believe that in some cases (provided there's communication) grudges can be healthy and important for growth, be it personal or between other individuals. I'm just using relationships as a personal example, since love is a very common source of most grudges.

In my living experience, none of the grudges I've ever had, or others had on me, that were ignored or glazed over ever resulted in me staying friends or in contact with the other individual.

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  • Apr 19, 2015

angelxxuan

angelxxuan

ぬいぐるみ !

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as many times as I've seen the grudge, yes they are most harmful

they are a complete waste of time, life's too short to hold grudges. if you do then grow up and move on, trust me, those people you hold a grudge against could care less about you and actually get a satisfaction they are annoying you. above all else if someone is bothering and/or annoying you, then don't go around them, unless you're working on advancing your soul to a higher plain, otherwise, therapists will back this, those who put you down, treat you like dirt, troll/bully you, you don't have to go around them, so don't force yourself if you can't stomach them, move on and show them you're doing just fine without them. let them turn to bitter grudge, anger and rage when they start to watch you and you aren't paying a bit of attention to them.

if it's online, block them, if not, then stop looking at them, if they message you, don't bother replying just simply delete it if the option to block is not available. they create more accounts, then report as harassment. not all sites have all the features, so find the higher power/s you feel comfortable around and take it to them, don't let it sit there and fester, and, yes, ignoring someone does work, but you have to be the "adult" you can't keep on fueling the fire as they say. as they say in the movie Frozen, let it go !

Undertaker:Kuroshitsuji: How sad it would be, should laughter disappear.


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UsagixKitsune

UsagixKitsune

nsɐƃıxʞıʇsnuǝ

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“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

Honestly, I think it is possible to turn anger into motivation to improve yourself or find some other way of benefiting from it.

I think grudges are only a problem when people do it for their own amusement or for no conscious reason at all.

A few months ago I got an email from a senior engineer in another department telling me an internal tool was broken and I was the last person to change it and it was my fault and I have to go an fix it now. It turns out the guy didn't set up his environment properly. A few times since then I have followed him up or down the stairs and at the end he would stop and look back at me and then pull the door shut behind him instead of leaving it open for me. I guess I'm lucky because in my case it's just plain funny to watch someone 10 years older than me act like that.

For more serious grudges with people you interact with on a frequent bases one thing I've found that helps is to act like nothing is wrong. Once they realise you've "let it go", even if it was only them with the problem all along, they will usually forget about it. The exception might be people who hold grudges for fun, for example school bullies. They generally don't want it to stop as long as they are having fun.

Valuna

Moderator

Valuna

Naughty Artist

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Grudges aren't worth keeping. People tend to hold a grudge when they are unable to let go of it or forgive the other and tends to originate from hate. It is a good reminder to the one holding the grudge for whatever the person did the other's disliking. Another purpose might be that one expresses their grudge on the other to force negative feelings, such as responsibility (person might not actually have been responsible), guilt, depression, hate, etc. Many things are possible depending on the grudge and how the other reacts to it.

In general, they kind of expect something from the other, so if you're someone that has a grudge held upon, then perhaps staying natural with a sense of ignoring the other might help.

Personally, I don't hold grudges and when I do, I am pretty airy about it as there are enough things in life to put my mind on..such as chocolates and a certain bunny to put on the bbq.

@Usagi-kun: Bullies don't hold grudges on their targets, the targets are simply easy targets to boost confidence, unless they're jelly of course. Well, as a kid you can easily fall to parents and teachers unlike when you're an adult.

FF's questions:
- They are definitely not worth keeping, having them every now and then is completely human though.
- Grudges are one of those things that either does nothing or harm
- Grudges usually prolong the situation. When something is over, it is remembered by a grudge.
- Grudges are fine to have if the other is a terrible person (in a general way of "bad" example: can't help but hold a grudge for whoever is responsible for getting your pet killed), it's just you might bother yourself with it.
- They tend to be harmful, one way or the other. The one holding the grudge might disable him or herself to do certain things, while if they express their grudge on someone, the other might get hurt in some way.

These beautiful, fragile days are reborn, unfaded
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UsagixKitsune

UsagixKitsune

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Quote by Valuna@Usagi-kun: Bullies don't hold grudges on their targets, the targets are simply easy targets to boost confidence, unless they're jelly of course. Well, as a kid you can easily fall to parents and teachers unlike when you're an adult.

Now that I think about it I guess you're right.

Quote by Valunabunny to put on the bbq.

Hidoi (¬_¬)"

Tsasu

Tsasu

sweet nothings

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Grudges just a waist of your time , plus most of them hurt you and are pretty unhealthy.

Whatever insult or injure you don't take it as a threat but as a lesson and rise above it.

Wait does holding a grudge makes us ignorant?

whats the point of language, if you dont say what you feel
...so with that being saidSignature Image

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There's a difference between hating someone for wronging you and obsessing over something that you can't undo. The former helps you never trust someone again because you learned your lesson. The latter is unhealthy.

  • Apr 27, 2015

UsagixKitsune

UsagixKitsune

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Quote by TsasuWait does holding a grudge makes us ignorant?

Somewhat related is one of my favourite quotes from Think and Grow Rich.

Quote: The person with a “closed” mind on any subject seldom gets
ahead. Intolerance means that one has stopped acquiring knowledge. The most
damaging forms of intolerance are those connected with religious, racial, and po-
litical differences of opinion.

If a grudge develops from some kind of disagreement then I suppose it very well might have a damaging impact on your intellectual development. "I don't like X there for I will not listen to any of X's ideas." That kind of thing.

ShanaFlare

ShanaFlare

Mystical Crystallisation

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It is tempting to submit to grudges and take revenge but it not going to benefit you in the long run. Sure for a brief time it might feel good but that feeling won't last.

Courage within the Purest Child.
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UsagixKitsune

UsagixKitsune

nsɐƃıxʞıʇsnuǝ

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Quote by ShanaFlareIt is tempting to submit to grudges and take revenge but it not going to benefit you in the long run. Sure for a brief time it might feel good but that feeling won't last.

Are you speaking from personal experience, I wonder?

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I have them too and I tend to be stubborn :p

  • Jul 20, 2015

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