Hello, All. Heh, I have a dilemma and out of three of us we can't seem to come to a solution. *blinks* Anyways, here is problem:

I host a weekly anime night at my house. On that night some of my friends come over, one of them happens to be this kid I met at SCA. So, the kid is like 17, I'm 21 and it is bloody obvious to all that he has a thing for me. Well, I am married and not only that I have a best friend that I am really close to. Now, I flirt a lot with my friends and I do lots of stuff (they all know I am just having fun) and play fight. Well, this kid seems to have developed a not okay attachment to me. He has been glaring at my husband and acting out at certain people around me. That and . . I dare say trying to hold me and kiss me in ways that are hard not freak out on him. An trust when I say that I am not the freak out type. You know, he comes over to help me ( I have two toddlers) when my husband is at work and ends up following me around the house try to wrap his arms around me. Quite weird. It’s hard to explain, anyways in the middle of all of this the three of us – my best friend, husband, and myself have come to a conclusion as to why this kid has a fixation on me. His home life is none to good and I genuinely care what happens to him and he sees that. So, we think the idea of a female who cares was enough to get his interest. The fact that my husband is only home every so often and that he and I have been having a lot of problems has sparked that ‘knight in shining armor’ desire in him. For example, when I wrestle with my friends, he always tries to come and rescue me. I though it was cute at first . . . . Anywho, I need to tell him that what he is doing and everything isn’t okay. I mean I do not want to go to jail if he begins to think that something is going on between us when it isn’t – or something like that (big horror flick fan). An he is a really good kid, so I don’t want to scare him off because my house is one of the few places he can get away from his dad to.

So, any and all advice as to how to approach this and him would be a great welcome! Thanks All!!

I would just be up front with him. Just reiterate the fact that you are married and that you are just friends. He can't keep coming over and touching you and things, just can't. Apologize if he got the wrong idea and tell him you enjoy his help with everything, but he needs to back off sometimes.

Let him know that you are fine with him coming over for anime night and things, but that he can't keep doing what he is doing. So he can continue to come he wants, but needs to tone things down.

Also, I would say that you have to do it alone. If you have your husband with you it might seem that your husband is kinda strongarming you into saying these things. Just put your foot down, be strong and make it perfectly clear that things can't continue like they are.

Well thats my 2 cents, good luck with things. Let us know how it goes ...

I agree with Jinpun. You have to tell him face-to-face that you like having him as a friend but nothing else could come from that friendship. Tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable with some of his touching and that he has to respect your marriage regardless of the current situation. I would probably do this alone too, but with someone close by just in case he does flip out.

Hope that helps a little. Good luck!!!

You won't go to jail for that. Hey, if he hits on you, then it's his problem. You didn't do anything. You were just lead into the wrong areas. Next time, take a stand.

Quote by Kumiko-HI agree with Jinpun. You have to tell him face-to-face that you like
having him as a friend but nothing else could come from that
friendship. Tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable with some of
his touching and that he has to respect your marriage regardless of the
current situation. I would probably do this alone too, but with someone
close by just in case he does flip out. Hope that helps a little. Good
luck!!!

well friend wouldnt cut it i think .......just tell him you take him as your little brother and love him but not in that way and u gotta press on the fact that you already found your MAN .....he's 17 im sure he'll understand.......hope this helps

THank you guys so much for theadvice, I was headed down that way. They kid is just so . . . .emotionally delicate, I really do not want to hurt him. I'll try your guys suggestion and let you know how things go. *smiles* Thank you all again.

sorry my mistake.

Alrighty, well Jinpun had asked me about this on another thread I stated. Aren’t I the busy one – so really quick before I have to run out the door! I did my best to talk with the kid last night, I wasn’t very good at it. He denied that there were any other types of feelings beside friendship . . . . . the whole thing was really bloody awkward! So, after that he stated acting all weird. Aggressive towards some of my other friends last night at anime night. *sighs* They are willing to let it go this time but are grumpily saying that if he’s like that next time that they’ll have it out with him. *cringes* If that happened it isn’t going to be pretty. But! I am going to try again this afternoon to talk to him and see if I can try to get him to come out of his shell and talk to me about it. *sighs* Wish me good luck all! Later!! *runs*

Well, it seems pretty clear that he is just hiding his feelings now. You need to make it clear that he needs to change his attitude and actions if he wants to continue partaking in anime night. Because like you said, if he doesn't things won't be pretty, so for his own sake he needs to change.

Good luck with things...you've already taken the first step, now you just need to see things trhough. I'm sure everything will be fine .

I was unable to get a hold of him today *sighs* perhaps sometime this week. An yeah the ball is most definitely in my court. An yeah, being rude and agressive with others - in a not playfuly way isn't alright. *grumbles* Thank you for your support!

Honestly, It sounds like this kid has a few problems. The home life could be the problem, low self-esteem, or a number of other things. Have you tried to explain to him that there is nothing between you, never will be, and that he's wasting his time? Though it could be that he's deluded, but obsession irritates me.

Yeah, I tired to explain it as nicely and as to the point that I could. My best friend thinks he has either a mild obsession or an infatuation issue. I think it is just misplaced feelings and attentions. *shrugs* I guess we'll see *sighs*

Wow does he have issues.......he denies it but he cant control his emotions.....its really tough on you now huh ??...well all i can say after hearing what you said is that he's probably pressuring himself because he's keeping all his feelings inside of him....its really a torture to him as well actually..well he has to let it go or he might make stuff worse not just between you but among others who has a relation with him.... well ignoring him is out of the question also because u do care for him and he needs that most.....but he is really pushing himself isnt it....well all i can say is try to keep the situation calm and let him get himself together good luck

well all I can say is that you need to be direct and brutal, hurting his feelings now will save both of you a lot of heartache later on. You need to settle this fast, or he would think you lead him on. He isn't thinking straight because his feelings for you isn't very reasonable right now consider the circumstance of his family life and his realtionship with you. In a way, he sees you as his support as well as idol, because you have become someone that he needs, but you need to make it clear that he must respect your decision as well as to look for his own happiness. Right now he is stuck in thinking you are his happiness when he doesn't know what happiness is, so you need to hurt him now, or you are doing him a very disservice. He needs to find his own way, and baby his feelings wouldn't help him grow as a person.

Oh yeah, if he keeps deny it, you need to be aggressive to draw him out, because it is critical time for a young man at 17 to develop himself as a man. best of luck with your situation.

Quote by Mordinwell all I can say is that you need to be direct and brutal, hurting
his feelings now will save both of you a lot of heartache later on. You
need to settle this fast, or he would think you lead him on. He isn't
thinking straight because his feelings for you isn't very reasonable
right now consider the circumstance of his family life and his
realtionship with you. In a way, he sees you as his support as well as
idol, because you have become someone that he needs, but you need to
make it clear that he must respect your decision as well as to look for
his own happiness. Right now he is stuck in thinking you are his
happiness when he doesn't know what happiness is, so you need to hurt
him now, or you are doing him a very disservice. He needs to find his
own way, and baby his feelings wouldn't help him grow as a person.
Oh yeah, if he keeps deny it, you need to be aggressive to draw him
out, because it is critical time for a young man at 17 to develop
himself as a man. best of luck with your situation.

well uncle mord has a point here ....u need to push it on him abit but well try not to go too far heheh im sure he will mature after this situation....he really needs TO GROW UP lol good luck again

I agree with everybody else, you need to question him thoroughly and just be frank and upfront to him... Maybe he'll deny it at first but sooner or later he'll have to admit it... But maybe you shouldn't try to push things too far if for quite some time he never show anything towards you anymore, remember, he still have some problems in his home it will be tough on him if you show signs that you turn against him if he had been depending on you for some time

If his feeling ar missplaced why not find some1 thats could be a new point for him to focus upon. Like a girl. I bet you know some girls his age. Maybe that would take his attention away from you. Just my 2 pence.

Quote by DakXIf his feeling ar missplaced why not find some1 thats could be a new
point for him to focus upon. Like a girl. I bet you know some girls his
age. Maybe that would take his attention away from you. Just my 2 pence.

I wish I did, I am not from here so the only people I really know aren't his age. Besides I really don't know that make femme's around here to being with. *sighs* I am going to try and take some space from him for the time being. I'm not ready to deal with him again at this point. That might sound . . . . whimpy but to be brutally honest *winks* I wasn't too certain if he was going to kiss me or hit me the last time I saw him. So, I think I'll bid my time before I attempt to talk to him again. An I guess in many ways I am babying his feelings . . . sad to say I feel totally responsiable. Don't get me wrong I did not lead him on or anything like that - I treated him like one of the guys . . . all of whom I consider to be my closest friends (well as close as I can come). *shrugs* This entire thing is completly new to me. Thank you all so much for the support *grins* I really wish he would get himself a gf that way I can forget about all of this *snickers* Heh, too good to be true. Again, thank everyone soo much!!!

Ok i am back (again). If I where you (but i am not) i would let him think about it for a week or so. Give him the time to think it al over. And if he doens't want to talk i would sugest to send him a letter (or email it just depends). That way you can say what you want to say and he can read it over and over again. And you don't have worry if he is gonna hit you because your not around. You can't let him do this to you like that. If nothing works you should take some time of from it, not having him around will make you feel better and it give's U time to think about it. et again just my 2 pence worth opinion. *waves*

I hate to say this since I don't know you as a person but you sort of put this problem on yourself. I understand that you have fun flirting and all but you have to realize that you are married and an adult so you should show some maturity now. As for your current problem I agree with everyone else but after you deal with the kid I would take a good look at myself and improve myself as a human being.

*smiles* Okay just for the record, I do not flirt with underage guys. I figure since other people my current age were there for me, why not return the favor to the energies that be and do the same for some other young person. I honestly do not think me listening to him, letting him come to my house to watch anime, asking him to baby sit and other things of that nature is bad. An I do try my best to improve myself as a person. Otherwise it makes life utterly pointless. To learn and to improve is just a simple fact of life. An yes, you do not know me as a person. Getting a snotty attitude for someone who was asking people that have nothing to gain for giving their opinion is the most honest way to ask for help. Sorry that I do not appeases your views of how a married woman should act. An FYI, I honestly could not care less about what you think of me or my actions. MY suggestion to you is to go and do something nice for yourself and cheer the hell up!!!! Thank you. *bows and leaves the room*

Most mistakes, problems, and issues in relationships stem from a misinterpretation of intentions. Declair intentions clearly, firmly and live by them. Any infraction of them should be dealt with quickly and, in most cases, strictly.

My intentions as a friend have been made clear, many times over. An strictly on many things does not work. Compassion and understanding are key qualities in life. If you misplace those then you yourself become lost and can easily disassociate yourself from others. Personally, I have a personal goal to be open to those around me, and sometime people who need help are unable to see the clear lines a person has set simply because they do not want to. The desire to have another person’s affections isn’t a bad thing, just misplaced. *sighs*

yeah everyone is right, you need to tell him that it is making u very uncomfortable, and your in a situation that, him gettign like this will make it bad, and tareren is right also telling him wud hurt him alot, but thats the price u ahve to pay for him to learn and if he doesint take it well then... i dunno, his problem