another poem that i made a long time ago and i just wanted to share with you
all! heh heh!
to you it might sound religious . . . to others it might just sound like . . .
well a poem. hee!
THE DRIFTER
a young person, a drifter
a boy of some sort
he falls and he falls
then drifts
slowly, very slowly
falling into a deep sleep
this sleep turns to his dream
his dream becomes his nightmare
his nightmare forms into his
reality
the boy cannot prevent it
nor could he stop it
he runs and he runs
to eternity of confusion
he doesn't know what to do
quickly he runs into fear
then into anger, hate
then he could no longer breath
he's suffering
he starts drifting off again
into nothingness
he tries calling for help
but he is not able to speak
for his mind cannot function in that way
no longer existing
suddenly a light clears up the darkness
the darkness that led him to his fate
he becomes a child again
to open arms that welcome him
he is awaken to the sound of a gentle voice
saying: "Welcome home...my drifter..."
I like this. You have one mispelling though: "breath" should be
"breathe"
I really like the way you structured it and control the thoughts/flow. You
leave a lot of room for the reader to really think about what you've written.
Umm, your previous poem was better. This one is more like a narative story than
a poem. This one lacks a rhythm that lies in every line. Plus, this poem
doesn't have any symbolism (exept one), methaphores, and sensory language which
are typically the bread and butter of poems. I think you can do a lot better.
Quote by j0n0Umm, your previous poem was
better. This one is more like a narative story than a poem. This one lacks a
rhythm that lies in every line. Plus, this poem doesn't have any symbolism
(exept one), methaphores, and sensory language which are typically the bread and
butter of poems. I think you can do a lot better.
i know! but this poem i made back when i was um . . . well . . . all i know is
that poem is old! heh heh!
another poem that i made a long time ago and i just wanted to share with you all! heh heh!
to you it might sound religious . . . to others it might just sound like . . . well a poem. hee!
THE DRIFTER
a young person, a drifter
a boy of some sort
he falls and he falls
then drifts
slowly, very slowly
falling into a deep sleep
this sleep turns to his dream
his dream becomes his nightmare
his nightmare forms into his
reality
the boy cannot prevent it
nor could he stop it
he runs and he runs
to eternity of confusion
he doesn't know what to do
quickly he runs into fear
then into anger, hate
then he could no longer breath
he's suffering
he starts drifting off again
into nothingness
he tries calling for help
but he is not able to speak
for his mind cannot function in that way
no longer existing
suddenly a light clears up the darkness
the darkness that led him to his fate
he becomes a child again
to open arms that welcome him
he is awaken to the sound of a gentle voice
saying: "Welcome home...my drifter..."
hope you like it!!
Oh may god that is so so preety and a little sad.
agree with ^
i first thought it was sumtin about a boy
driftin cars lols
its a twisted poem, but very well put into
more poems pls ! ^ -
Nice Poem.
I like the Drifters
Ish377
(Initial D)
It was same with me, i tought abou Takumi
I like this. You have one mispelling though: "breath" should be "breathe"
I really like the way you structured it and control the thoughts/flow. You leave a lot of room for the reader to really think about what you've written.
i thank you for all your comments . . . i really appreciate it! *bows down* =)
Umm, your previous poem was better. This one is more like a narative story than a poem. This one lacks a rhythm that lies in every line. Plus, this poem doesn't have any symbolism (exept one), methaphores, and sensory language which are typically the bread and butter of poems. I think you can do a lot better.
i know! but this poem i made back when i was um . . . well . . . all i know is that poem is old! heh heh!
It's more like a story, but in poem form
Somehow
it gives me a sense of hope... I love it! 
O_o i dun reli understand when i read the first time but i do understadn the second time i read it
it is
nice alright
but wat sad story lol
awwww such a cute last line
thanks for sharing ^^